TOP 10 QUESTIONS FOR TONY KORNHEISER

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10 - How much money would it take for you to not be on MNF, keeping in mind the competitive rates of professional killers?

I also have a follow-up: would you be willing to appear in a telethon on your behalf?

9 - During commercial breaks, does Ron Jaworski say anything to you, or is it more of an icy silence as he watches you test-read your prepared material?

8 - Do you and Dennis Miller ever hang out in sports bars together, just to see who gets more heat?

7 - What difference, if any, do you see between your daily pundit show where nothing is happening and the MNF telecast?

6 - Does anyone help you write the stuff you say during MNF, and if so, can you provide us with their name and street address?

5 - At the moment of your death, do you expect to be paying attention to the experience, or jabbering at length about something entirely unrelated?

4 - When you watched episodes of "Cheers", did you wonder why the show wasn't called "Cliff Claven"?

3 - How much of the relentlessly eroding stature of ESPN and MNF do you feel personally responsible for?

2 - When waiters spit in your food, do you tell yourself that this happens to all celebrities, or is it more of a private pity party?

1 - Do you tell yourself that the level of hatred, disdain and disregard that you receive for your, um, "contribution" to the MNF telecast is just the same thing that happened to Howard Cosell, or do you realize that Cosell was infinitely superior, mostly because he PAID ATTENTION TO THE FREAKING GAME?