TOP 10 UPCOMING SPORTS MOVIES YOU SHOULD PROBABLY MISS

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Inspired by the early Oscar buzz for Mickey Rourke in "The Wrestler." Yes, you just read a sentence that included Mickey Rourke, wrestling, and winning the Oscar. And people have pooh-poohed that End Times talk...

10. "The Algonquin Round Ball," the startlingly true story of how the leading lights of the Manhatten literary scene of the '20s became crazed croquet competitors. Starring Robert Downey Jr. as Harpo Marx in a speaking role that will surprise you, Mary Louise Parker as Dorothy Parker, and Keith Olbermann as Walter Winchell.

Tag line: Put Your Balls Through These Hoops

9. "Putt-Putt 2100." IN A WORLD (I've always wanted to say that) where all of the gasoline has been used up and men burn up the scant amounts of Astroturf and felt carpet that are left for fuel, one man (Kevin Costner) defends his miniature golf course and the Old Ways. Also starring Will Smith as a spectacularly lazy caddy ("I think I'd use... hmmm.... ummm.... yes.... the putter") and Christina Ricci as a clubhouse attendant with a deep, dark secret.

Tag line: Walk Tall. Carry A Short Stick.

8. "Hedwig and the Furious Cock," a sequel to the 2001 cult favorite, starring a cross-dressing rock and roll musician (Justin Timberlake) who takes up competitive badminton with high-larious consequences. An all-male (or are they?) cast is backed by a driving glam rock soundtrack in a movie that will leave you polishing your racquet.

Tag line: Shuttling the cock at over 200 MPH!

7. "Jitneys Of Warming." In this spiritual follow-up to "Chariots of Fire," a determined British homemaker (Madonna) bucks the odds, the system, and any normal human amount of shame and embarrassment to become an Olympic race walker at the age of 51. Watch for Joan Collins in a gripping supporting role as her coach. ("Walk, damn you, walk! For the love of God, WALK!!!")

Tag line: She Can't Run. And She Won't Hide.

6. "The World Series of Uno." An edgy documentary of the 2006 event from a Tuesday afternoon in Reno, NV, where seven men competed to win over $40 and a plastic bracelet. Which unrepentant loser will win -- the anti-social guy, or the even more anti-social guy?

Tag line: You get one, you got no life!

5. "RPS, The Musical." The uneasy duo of Walt Disney Entertainment and Joss "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer" Whedon team up to bring this all-singing, all-dancing tribute to the cutthroat world of Rock-Paper-Scissors. With Nathan Fillion as Stone, the cunning jock who never plays rock unless he has to, Miley Cyrus as Paige, the paper-loving up and comer, and Seth Green as Blade, the sharp-tongued scissor-loving competitor who could turn their romance to ribbons. Someone might fall in love -- and it just might be you!

Tag line: One, two, three, sing!

4. "Lords of Fantasy." Directed and produced by PBS wunderkind Ken Burns, this 9-hour-plus epic takes you through the director's season-long struggle to win his celebrity fantasy football league. The season is depicted in a series of full sepia tone illustrations, with voiceovers by George Will, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Billy Crystal and Morgan Freeman.

Tag line: A Film by Ken Burns

3. "Good Morning and Good Wood," directed by the Coen Brothers and starring Don Cheadle, George Clooney, Tilda Swinton and John Turturro. An edgy film with independent sensibilities, the film stars Cheadle as an aspiring caber tosser, managed by a leftist manager (Clooney), who fights against racism to show that blacks can play idiotic sports as well as whites. Turturro's turn as a tragic "caber catcher" is especially poignant.

Tag line: Wood He... or Wouldn't He?

2. "The Skiing and the Shooting", a French art movie that will change the way you look at biathlons, perhaps forever. Dozens of athletes are interviewed for their views on both skiing and shooting, and the incredible strategy involved in both skiing and... shooting.

Tag line: Collaborate with the Russo-Finnish War

1. "Sports Blogging: Full Throttle." The original adaptation was a twisted character study of Epic Carnival's own Editor Scrap, but after consultation with marketing and Scrap himself, it turned into two hours of plot-free soft-core porn and catfights. Which means it's still, actually, a character study of Scrap...

Tag line: Look! Titty! TITTY! TITTY!!!