Top 11 signs that you are a heartless fantasy football bastard

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

11. The stock market collapse today just made you wonder which of your fellow owners got wiped out, and would be more likely to make a drunken trade

10. You are proud of your occasionally profitable ownership of Chris Henry

9. The first thought that you hd after the Sean Taylor fatality was to check to see if there were good pickups to be had the next week

8. Your first reaction to Anquan Boldin nearly getting killed was, "Dammit, why couldn't he just hold on to the pass?"

7. You own multiple stars from your favorite team's most hated rival

6. Plaxico Burress' probable spousal abuse exists only as a modification to his relative trade value

5. You can't watch games with actual human beings, for fear that they will attack you with torches and pitchforks

4. You applaud Mike Shanahan's constant screwing of fantasy football owners, because you have the good sense to never draft a Denver running back

3. You actively root against heartwarming comeback stories if they imperil the playing time of one of your players (Die, Warrick Dunn, die!)

2. You feel personally affected by Hurricane Ike, since it completely messed up your bye week plans for your Texans and Ravens

1. You picked up Matt Bryant from the Bucs as your kicker for the week, because you were betting on the team getting him into position to score big points out of sympathy