No, you will not check out Beyonce's ass

by Mr. E, Staff Writer

You know how when you are driving down a street and you see a woman exercising? More often than not, the woman may be middle-aged, or rapidly approaching. There is also a solid chance that she just decided to take up exercising within minutes before this encounter. A few years too late, she has a life-changing idea that she should start actually taking care of herself.

The woman in question just got home from the local Dick's Sporting Goods with her brand new set of wind pants, Reebok running shoes (because the Nike's just weren't worth the money) and a new t-shirt. But then she decided to go the extra mile (figuratively speaking). Wrapped around that now all-to-large ass is a 12-year old hooded sweatshirt to help camouflage the mass of flesh and cellulite that lies beneath.

Well, now take out the suburbial sidewalk and middle-aged woman, and add in Beyonce and a beach.

With bodyguards in tow, Ms. Knowls (or is it Ms. "Z" yet?) took to the sand this weekend in a bikini. But you wouldn't know that it was a bikini because she kept that damn flag wrapped around her ass like she forgot to shave the top half of her legs. Ignore the fact that she's in a bikini and her bodyguards are in wool suits. What the hell is with that wrap? If you don't like the size of what lies beneath, hit the suburbial sidewalk for Christ's sake.