Top 10 reasons for everyone to be happy the Phillies won

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10 - Since African-Americans Jimmy Rollins and Ryan Howard were so key to the win, effectively ends racism in Philadelphia (Congratulations, Donovan McNabb!)

9 - Jamie Moyer's story to be made into an "Invincible"-like biopic, only with much hotter MILFs

8 - The "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" celebratory riot episode practically writes itself

7 - Gives Philadelphia an infinite percentage lead over both New York teams in number of baseball championships in this millennium

6 - Keeps the last functioning part of the US economy afloat, since a Rays win would have bankrupted the Vegas sportsbooks

5 - Will cut the blinding Philly Fan rage at 100 combined championship-free seasons down to a much more palatable defeatist seethe

4 - Gives legendary Phillies announcer Harry Kalas the continued right to ritualistically abuse his son Todd, the Rays' announcer

3 - By crushing the hopes and dreams of the Rays, MLB is able to keep those uppity small market teams in their place, and prepare the 46-person fan base for the 2010 free agent gang rape

2 - Gives the very local Philly Fans who vote a certain audacious hope that this time, they are not backing a heartbreaking loser

1 - Allows every fan of the Phillies, Eagles, Sixers and Flyers the opportunity to just be from an ordinary sports town, rather than a loathsome yokel from Cursedville McRageburg