Top 10 silver sports linings from economic hell

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Had a good look at your 401K recently? Save yourself the blood pressure and don't. Better yet, just keep watching sports and titty. Woo hoo, sports and titty!

But if you're still having that nagging feeling that your savings have just been violated without lube, look on the bright side with the following list. (Besides, if the market did that to you, they must at least think you're pretty, right? We just need to be more understanding.)

10. Ticket prices may go down, especially if you live near Cincinnati

9. Perhaps some truly spectacular 'tard who owns a sports team will go tits-up, giving us all a bracing month or so of shadenfraude

8. Autographs will lose their value, which would help elevate us all as a species

7. If and when advertising sales drop through the floorboards, the Super Bowl might not last five hours with such breathtaking "brand marketing" waste

6. Once all of the major financial companies are under water, maybe our sports stadiums can go back to having names that last for more than a year

5. Eventually, someone will come up with the brilliant idea of downsizing pre- and post-game NFL telecast booths

4. Salary drive years will become even more pronounced and cutthroat, which is always fun

3. Fewer sports movies (and sports movie sequels)

2. Sports merchandise that's priced in a way that will make you just feel stupid for the purchase, rather than really, unbelievably stupid

1. Blessed, blessed parity for fans and athletes at the strip club