Top 10 ways that Shaq will make the Spurs pay

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Shaquille O'Neal says he'll get back at the San Antonio Spurs for using the "Hack-a-Shaq" strategy in games where they led handily in last season's playoffs.

"The only thing I call cowardly is when you're up by 10 and do it," O'Neal told Phoenix radio station KTAR. "That's a coward move and [Spurs coach Gregg Popovich] knows that and I'll make them pay for it."

10. By writing them all traffic tickets in his off-season guise as Cop Wannabe

9. His poor form in shooting free throws will scar their eyes forever

8. By causing their arena's floor to cave in beneath his ever-increasing weight

7. Will "go upper tank" the next time he's in their locker room

6. By using his unmatched media connections to get people to think that Bruce Bowen is a dirty player and that Manu Ginobili flops

5. Buy the Spurs' charter plane, install nonstop showings of "Kazaam"

4. Somehow, he'll get traded to them, and make them even more slow, lumbering, and unwatchable

3. Lactose intolerance, cheese and milk pre-game, and no sense of personal shame

2. Will start freestyling

1. Simple, breathtaking, life-ending assault