Top 12 things you learn from the NY Times' mouth job of the OK City Thunder

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

As a public service to Epic Carnival's time-stressed readers, we proudly present what you need to know from today's, um, comprehensive piece in the NY Times on the NBA's newest locale.

12. Lead thief Clay Bennett gets a bad rap because, among other things, he's very polite, at least to NYT reporters

11. Hornets' owner George Shinn might be an even bigger scumbag than Bennett

10. Bennett had his feelings hurt by all the mean, mean things that people have said about him being an unrepentant waste of sperm and dignity

9. Even people in Oklahoma look down on OKC, because it's not as nice as Tulsa

8. Because Seattle would not pony up ridiculous jack to carpetbagger owners, they just didn't want the NBA enough

7. Bennett has now been described in print as a "mastermind", which is one more sign of the Apocalypse

6. The locals in OKC have absolutely no idea just how badly Bennett is going to screw them over

5. The 6'-5" 300-pound Bennett believes that other NBA owners like him, rather than live in fear of being drawn into his gravitational well

4. Being in the NBA will show that OKC is a world-class metro area to be taken seriously, just like Buffalo, Kansas City, Sacramento, Charlotte and Vancouver

3. Bennett isn't a loathsome liar and hick because his mom is Jewish, and he doesn't own a pair of cowboy boots

2. Having an NBA team will make everyone in town forget about that pesky Tim McVeigh moment

1. The NY Times really does enjoy servicing people with money