Top ten sports atoners

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

In honor of the Jewish holiday of atonement, here's a list for people who aren't at work today and aren't allowed to do the work of reading this anyway... oh, what the hell, read the list. It's so affordable!

10. Omar Minaya. Two straight years of gut-busting season ending losses, and this year's for the simple lack of any reliable reliever. Someone get this guy a hair shirt with matching jockstrap.

9. Kosuke Fukudome. Has there ever been more made out of a .258 hitter with no real power or meaningful speed? Well, probably, but his perfect mirroring of the Cubs year (good early, helpless late) just makes him the perfect embodiment. Oh, and he'll be a fine trivia question one day, in that no one will ever remember that he was an All-Star Game starter.

8. Kevin McHale. He's only on this list if you think he's employed by the Timberwolves, rather than still drawing a Celtics paycheck. The fact that there are people who think the Wolves got a good deal because Al Jefferson got numbers last year and is younger... well, let's just say you can fool a lot of people with statistics. But not so much the won-loss column.

7. Phil Hughes. From being the piece of the puzzle that was so valued, they couldn't possibly put him in a deal for Johan Santana, to a 2008 that staggered the imagination of suck: 34 innings, 58 baserunners, and 0-4 record with a 6.62 ERA. Expectations were somewhat higher than Kei Igawa II, Electric Boogaloo.

6. Jason Kidd. A disappointment in Dallas last year, an abomination on the US Olympic team (seriously, Chris Paul and Deron Williams must have been wondering if they could just poison him), and now playing for a contract. We won't even get into the divorce, prior domestic abuse issues, coach killing...

5. Charlie Weis. Hey, remember when Notre Dame had a football team that people not only cared about, but was actually good? Well, no, me neither, but I don't know squat about college football. I can tell you, however, that part of his problem is that his warps gravity on the sideline. Might want to mix in a salad, Chuckles.

4. Matt Millen. Oh, where to begin? Let's just say that Lions Fan might never have a happier day in the rest of his cursed existence than the day that Millen finally, finally, finally got canned. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of rooting for them to go winless this year, just to protect his legacy.

3. Al Davis. Al serves as a fine example for theoretical seminary students in religious colleges -- is there a soul so corrupt, so venal, so utterly devoid of human decency as to be beyond salvation? The Bible would say no no no, but one look into the eyes of The Lich In A Track Suit would put you in a different way...

2. Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens. Can you tell the difference between them anymore? I can't, other than to say that one freaks out and loses in the regular season, and the other freaks out and loses in the first playoff game. Both of these guys just need to get a room already.

1. Ed Hochuli. Now he's got two franchises -- San Diego and New Orleans -- convinced that he's ruined their season. Shame that the holiday happens on an off day, really... he could get a more even split for next year.