Most beautiful bottom contest?

by Mr. E, Staff Writer

I know that Americans tend to shun off the nation of France as snobby, smelly quitters. But until further notice, I'm considering them the second greatest nation in the world. Where else do they hold "Beautiful Bottom Contests?"

Two days ago, 45 finalists from 26 different countries got together to determine the best male and female ass in the world. Does this not sound like the greatest contest in the history of man? If anything, I'm just bitter that I was not invited to be a judge. I mean, I'm about as credentialed as anyone when it comes to checking out asses.

I'm usually not one for discrimination, but this is a contest that I can stand behind. Literally.