Top 10 Eagles that have to go

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Two days and a racking amount of nausea and diarrhea (caused by the viewing? perhaps) after the Eagles' dispiriting tie in Cincinnati, this Eagle Fan is still looking for heads to roll. So here's my Enemies List. You'll discover a certain pattern to it.

10. David Akers. Hasn't been good for years, does them no favors with the depth or hang time of his kickoffs, more cap money than should ever be spent on a kicker (i.e., more than the minimum), and has cost them games with his lack of performance. I'd like to feel good about the kicker lining up from outside of 40 yards again. (Oh, and it would have also been nice if he had hit the long one against the Giants last year. You know, the one that could have led to the Giants being out of the playoffs, and the Eagles getting in. Now, where are those jumper cables that I use to make bad memories go away again?)

9. Sean Considine. Acceptable in small doses on special teams. Unfortunately, as the higher moments in this list show, they need him to do more than that. When you find yourself wondering if you could get Michael Lewis back from the Niners, that's not a good sign.

8. LJ Smith. Perhaps the worst player ever designated as a franchise talent. Seriously, guys, WTF? He can't block, can't hold on for meaningful catches, is prone to deadly fumbles *and* can't stay healthy. The franchise designation is ready to sue for defamation of character over this. Cut him, and see what kind of gig he gets. (Hint: Takeo-Dhani-esque.)

7. A.J. Feeley. Let's see, we've got an experienced first-string QB, a promising young second-stringer, and... um, what exactly is AJ again, other than a guy that knows the playbook?

Here's a wild guess about why this team doesn't quite show the urgency it needs. Feeley still has a job after his unspeakable tank job last year at home against Seattle -- a loss that, oh by the way, might have kept the Eagles out of the playoffs (and the NY Giants in).

If you cut him, no one would employ him. That means you should cut him.

6. Dan Klecko. Is it a fullback? No, not really. Is it a nose tackle? Only in Andy Reid's fever dreams and depth chart, where defensive linemen have to be at least 50 to 100 pounds smaller than their opponent, so that they come into every game knowing that if the offense doesn't score first, they'll be pancaked by the third quarter. Besides, it's *fun* to lose the same away every year!

But getting back to the target, rather than the entire disease... Klecko is what happens when you emulate the Patriots, only without the top-line talent evaluation. (And his back-up at fullback? 2007 Belichick Victory Cigar Kyle Eckel. Yes, he's also undersized. I swear, the man has a sickness.)

5. Greg Lewis. Look, the Super Bowl was a long time ago, and it might also have been the last time that Lewis had a very good game. Like Feeley before him, he should have been terminated with extreme prejudice after his crushing screw up caused the team a loss (that, sigh, wound up keeping them out of the playoffs and the Giants in...).

For Lewis, that was in Week One of 2007, on the road in Green Bay, where the Eagles would have beaten a team that wound up finishing 13-3 if they had only not attempted to field a punt all day.

No, seriously, he's been continuously employed to play football ever since that. And you wonder why Philly Fan still has anger management issues, even after the Phillies' win...

4. Winston Justice. I know, it's amazing, isn't it? Still listed on the active roster after nearly getting his quarterback killed as a human turnstile against the Giants on SNF in 2007, and who the hell knows, maybe they'll go to him next, since they are getting no push in the running game now as is.

Just do me a favor and don't make it for the Giants game. I still have flashbacks. (Oh, and the fact that he was on an island for that whole game? Yes, it contributed to another selection on the list. Strongly.)

3. Brian Dawkins. Several years ago, when Jeremy Shockey outfought Dawk at the goal line for one of the worst moments of all of our lives, we all knew this day was coming... and now, it's just about every tight end with a pulse. He's the best to ever play the position for the franchise, but this isn't about winning in 2001, or even 2006, when he should have walked away, after the Saints loss. But on a team that values loyalty over performance, I fully expect him to be moved back to corner. In 2012.

2. Lorenzo Booker. Has this man done anything in this year to justify a roster spot -- a single good play? One actual block? Seriously, I'm out of ideas as to how he has a gig. He hasn't even cost them a game yet, unlike most of the rest of this list.

Would this position be infinitely better suited with an entirely disposable big-butt back like TJ Duckett, just so we could see someone else fail in short yardage? Of course. Is it fair to note that his Wunderlic score is only slightly higher than a floor lamp? Probably. Is Bill Parcells giggling like a schoolgirl over the fourth round pick that he got for this miserable excuse for a football player? Hey presto, we have a triple. Beer me.

1. Andy Reid. I'm sorry, Andy, really I am. I've defended you longer than just about anyone else in Blogfrica; I've even held out hope that you were just being blindsided by your odious offspring, and that you were really ready to bring a good team back into town.

But when your quarterback doesn't know the rules of overtime, you can't be trusted with a challenge flag to save your life, you are 0-7 in your lat 7 night games, and the rest of the division has put you in the rear-view window... it's time to blow this mess up. You are too old / fat / loyal / stupid / unlucky to have this gig anymore.

I don't really care what the reason is; you just make me sad.

Go away now.

See you in a decade at your awards ceremony. Maybe we'll cheer then, after your Kotite-esque successor shows us what Real Pain means.

(And as for the dramatic omission from this list that many of my fellow Eagle Fans are also ready to place in a prone and bound position under a bus? I'm not there yet. Besides, he's due to get hurt any minute now, which will make everything easier, right?)