Top 10 adjustments for the Cubs in the wake of the Tribune Bankruptcy

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

The Tribune Company, which owns the Cubs among many other losing plays, became the first major newspaper chain in decades to declare Chapter 11. With newspapers looking increasingly doomed from a changing market and recession-based advertising shortfall, the new harsh times are also going to hit Wrigley.

10. Big League Chew replaced with broken bat shavings

9. Substituing air conditioning for simply giving Kosuke Fukudome consistent at bats

8, Ever since Felix Pie's problem, the health deductibles have gone through the roof

7. Will let Ryan Dempster go back to his more economical Suck Mode

6. Cutbacks for the Wrigley Field sanitation department means that fans will have to relieve themselves in the blea... oh, um, never mind



5. Until they are out of financial jeopardy, will be referred to in all MLB correspondence as the Chicago Expos

4. Local media coverage to change from total obsession over how they will lose games to total obsession over how they will lose money

3. Seventh inning singalong becomes pay to play

2. Bill Murray, Lou Piniella and Jim Hendry have to buy their own liquor now

1. Since they wouldn't be able to afford a parade, just won't win the World Series next year after all