Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: Top 10 fantasy football championship week goats

Top 10 fantasy football championship week goats

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

10. Brett Favre. What could be better than the gunslinger facing his old coach, needing the win, against a secondary that's been generous even by NFC West standards this year? Well, let's just say that 18 for 31 for 187 with 2 picks wasn't on the menu. Those Favre 4 jerseys are going to come cheap this off-season. He'd rank higher, but the fact is that if he was on your roster, you probably weren't playing for much this week anyway.

9. Steve Breaston. The Arizona #3 WR moved up to #2 this week with the injury to Anquan Boldin. Against the Patriots secondary -- note: normally horrible -- this was a sneaky great play, and one that you had to feel good about. He wound up with 6 more yards than Boldin, thanks to our #1 retard. Heckuva job, Cardinals.

8. Donovan McNabb. On fire for the past three weeks, with a must win game in DC against a Redskins team that he's dominated in the past. So what happens? A big steaming pile of nothing, to the tune of 230 yards passing, 8 yards running, and no touchdowns (or picks). It's not all his fault, as his execrable wideouts dropped something like 8 balls, including a last-minute touchdown that would have forced overtime, but if you did something wacky like start him over some obvious second-tier option like Philip Rivers, you are camping angrily.

7. Matt Schaub.
More or less a must start against the usually comical Raiders, especially after the recent Texans surge. I'm thinking you weren't expecting the Raiders to more or less dominate the game, even if you were thinking that Nmandi Asomugha was going to make Andre Johnson disappear. Schaub's 255 yards, no touchdowns, 1 pick and 10 yards rushing day probably didn't make you lose, but it sure as hell wasn't what you were hoping for, either.

6. DeShaun Foster. Sure, you knew you would be happier with Frank Gore, but after last week, it's not like Foster was a complete crapshoot. Against those tissue-soft Rams, he was a savvy start over more hurt options. He gave you a pedestrian 53 yards, and a firm reminder of why he's DeShaun Foster, folks.

5. Nearly the Entire Godforsaken State of Ohio. Unless you had the Bengal defense or (barf) Cedric Benson, you took it without Michael Strahan's lube here. When Jamal Lewis and his 76 yards is the high spot, this is not conducive to money. Unless you like losing it.

4. Theoretically Fast Willie Parker. No Albert Haynesworth. No Kyle Vanden Bosch. You were liking this, weren't you, WP Owner? Not so much the reality, which was 18 carries for a minuscule 29 yards. Mewelde Moore had 1 less yard in 15 less carries, and 18 more yards catching passes. In fantasy or reality, you are better off with Parker as a change of pace back.

3. Adrian Peterson. At home against Atlanta, the best back in the NFL was expected to carry the load and take the Vikings to the promised land of the NFC North crown. Instead, he got outran by his quarterback and put the ball on the ground twice. He still gave you 72 yards, but I'm thinking you needed more. A lot more.

2. Marion Barber. Your probable first round pick and early season reason for late season happiness is so clearly spent, it's almost as if he's wearing Shaun Alexander's body. You probably weren't starting him against the Ravens anyway, but 3 touches for 7 yards, while waiver wire mook Tashard Choice racks up 115 yards and a touchdown... well, anger is one of the stages of grief, right?

1. Kurt Warner. Licking your chops for that Patriot secondary, were you? That must have been before you saw the snow, and the entire Cardinals team look like they were melting from the exposure to it. Your season savior had 30 yards today, got pulled due to the utter lack of competitiveness, and more or less reminded you why the Cardinals are the worst playoff team in the history of the world.

Thanks, Kurt. Just thanks for everything.

2 comment(s):

Dirty Davey said...

re: #1:

"the Cardinals are the worst playoff team in the history of the world"

I think the word "playoff" may be superfluous.

Tracer Bullet said...

Not so long as the Lions exist.

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