Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: Top 11 ways to celebrate Cowboy Elimination Day

Top 11 ways to celebrate Cowboy Elimination Day

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Some Eagle Fans might want to focus on the team's chances in their miracle appearance as the 6th seed next week in Minnesota. I'd prefer to savor the fact that we are now in Year Ten of the Cowboys Don't Win A Single Goddamn Playoff Game, Bitches. So let us count the ways in which you and every other right-thinking American can celebrate...

11. Treat yourself to a nice leadership-inspiring face lift

10. With a nice long, satisfying shower that, unlike Tony Romo, you will be able to complete without a collapse

9. Over a high-priced but ultimately unsatisfying bottle of Terrible, Terrible W(h)ine

8. By taking a nice long ride in a car made in Detroit, because their fans felt better about the end of their season than Cowboy Fan does

7. With a nice new premium electric razor to shave off your godawful playoff beard (Andy Reid should resign for that)

6. Buy yourself some edible paints, a towel and an artist's canvas to determine if you, too, can be a great choke artist

5. With 41 unanswered, um, acts of divine service from a woman wearing a cowboy hat and more than a fair amount of shame (and yes, this could take some time and commitment)

4. By getting down on your knees and thanking the deity of your choice that Jerruh Jones is talking about keeping Wade Phillips for another year of wonderful, wonderful Continuity

3. With a very satisfying, and surprisingly aerobic, weeping fit (a la Tony Romo)

2. By high-fiving your wife in the face (h/t, Deadspin)

1. By, to quote Romo, just waking up tomorrow and keeping on living... safe in the knowledge that each and every year in this millenium has had a special and wonderful Cowboy Elimination Day. As a bonus, this year's also happened on Patriot Elimination Day!

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