Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: Top 12 most hated U.S. sports franchises

Top 12 most hated U.S. sports franchises

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Your list may vary, but that would mean that your list is wrong. But feel free to add and/or modify in the comments, especially if your team is on the list, and you want to tell me how people love you so. That's always fun.

12. Washington Redskins. Obnoxious owner, hated city, frequently bad and boring team, and the special ingredient of a team name that shames present and future generations. Why doesn't someone tell Daniel Snyder he can name his playtoy after his Scientology friends and offend fewer people?

11. Chicago Cubs. Lovable only to themselves, this self-obsessed MLB+ franchise has bought itself to the playoffs but no further, and with each succeeding year of better play on the field, their fans become even more insufferable about the length of their pain. Honestly, the rest of us have never given a damn, have no sympathy for your plight, and are routinely embarrassed by your amateur hour drunk and disorderlies. Find a second act, Second City.

10. Philadelphia Flyers. It's hard to overstate just how much Canadians of a certain age were offended by the very existence of the '70s Flyers Cup teams, whose physical play / rank thuggery helped them to consecutive Stanley Cups and an international incident against the Red Army team. Modern hockey fans hate them for their ugly play, garish colors and big budget roster, with the only saving grace being that they haven't won in 30+ years. Don't fool yourselves, Flyer Fans; the rest of the league's fans still quite hate you, even more than any of the Original 6 franchises. And you wouldn't have it any other way.

9. New York Mets. Half of the New York populace can't stand them, and the rest of the National League isn't far behind. There's still some lingering animosity over the '80s Cocaine Achievers, and even their own fans aren't too fond of them after two straight September swan dives. Add in the ability to buy their way out of problems in a down economy, and the fact that the US taxpayer is paying for 10% of the roster through the government buyout of Citbank / Citi Field, and you've got a team that's going places. Hopefully, very bad places.

8. Oakland Raiders. Between the Denver fans hating on them for their coach, the Los Angeles and San Diego markets hating them for their thug fans, the other old-school AFL teams that have no love for them... and the NFL fans who couldn't stand them for the Al Davis Lawsuits, or the general NFL fans that dread seeing them appear on MNF games... Well, let's just say that the only thing saving them from real hatred is their utter incompetence. I also personally blame them for the rise of the Patriots for failing to put them away in the Tuck Game. Bastards.

7. Philadelphia Eagles. Kind of the East Coast version of the Raiders, in that their fans are loathed, the franchise has long-time major media market rivals, and the only thing keeping them from widespread distaste is their inability to add to the trophy locker. You also get to add in the strong number of people who are just wildly sick of the decade-long Reid-McNabb routine. At least now that the Phillies have won, maybe some of your rampant negativity is gone. Well, OK, no.

6. Boston Red Sox. Boy, 85 years of fighting the good fight against the Evil Empire didn't do good things to these people, did it? Unique among all of the teams on this list is Sox Fan's seeming need to have fans of other teams be *happy* for them when they win, like some form of Stockholm Syndrome should be enforced. They are also really wonderful at failing to see how, despite having a top 5 payroll for the millenium and the MLB+ ability to use Japan as a de facto semi-private farm system, they are nothing like #4...

5. Los Angeles Lakers. A strong contender just for the Oh So Beautiful People at courtside, this franchise has had any number of truly unlikable superstars (Chamberlain, Jabbar, Shaq, Kobe) that the media was in the tank for, and a damn near relentless history of success. Seriously, the worst that has happened to Laker Fan in my lifetime was a brief period of time where their best player was Nick van Exel. Oh, how you've suffered, and clearly earned your overwhelmingly lopsided Pau Gasol trade...

4. New York Yankees. The historic choice of any number of other team's fans, with decades of degradation and big wallet inequities. Combine this with any number of deeply hated star players and the always lovable Yankee Fan's love of rubbing your nose in his success, and their complete domination of the Hall of Fame, and you've got an unbeatable combination for ire... at least in baseball.

3. Boston Celtics. Maybe it's just the current hot streak to start the season talking here, but Lord, is this franchise an all-day toothache. The fan base had to suffer an actual period of neglect, giving them a large number of new bandwagon fans, along with the feel of hideous collusion in the acquisition of lynchpin Kevin Garnett from Hall of Fame forward Kevin McHale. Spend time near their fans, and you'll also get an earful of ipecacic blathering about those oh so lovable '80s. We will be watching these people fellate Larry Legend until we're all dead in the ground, folks.

2. New England Patriots. So regrettable, they actually made people root out loud and with complete conviction in their hearts for Tom Coughlin, Plaxico Burress, Eli Manning, Michael Strahan and the rest of the New York Football Giants. Creators of the first public-wide bounty for the death and dismemberment of their quarterback, and a proof that a loving God hears and replies to prayer, even if that prayer might sound like the bloodlust of millions. And as a final coup de grace, thanks to their dreadful handling and/or actual malfeasance in Spygate, a constant question in the back of the mind of their vanquished foes as to whether their loss was on the level. Just no end of joy here, really.

1. Dallas Cowboys. The only team on the list to actually dub themselves as the team for all America. The people that employ Pac Man Jones, Tank Johnson *and* Terrible Owens. An owner that freely admits that he lives for publicity, whether good or ill. No actual post-season success in over a decade, and yet a constant magnet for an absurb amoung of attention. A past history of Highly Obnoxious Personnel, and before that, an infuriating Holier Than Thou baseline that means both the pious and perverted can hate on them. An annual holiday presence game / tradition that does much to taint an otherwise great day. And, just to top it all off, an inordinate amount of ex-personnel polluting the airwaves as color analysts and braying studio jackasses, just to make sure that you can never, ever, spend an NFL weekend without being reminded of their existence. If you don't have strong feelings about them, you probably don't have a pulse.

15 comment(s):

Duane Rollins said...

I disagree on the Red Sox. They are now far worse than the Yankees. Far, far worse.

DMtShooter said...

Personally, I agree. But having three Boston franchises in the top 5 just seemed over the top, and decades of Yankee Hate should count for something.

Tracer Bullet said...

I'd include the Giants, but I'm biased as an Eagles fan. That said, it's damned easy to hate this team and its stone-faced coach (buy some moisturizer, dammit), sub-moronic QB and the legion of sweaty, hairy-backed mooks who follow it. Most of all, though, I hate them because of "the New York Football Giants." The baseball team left damn near 60 years ago and they've been in California far longer than they were in New York. This cliche needs to die a slow, gurgling, wet death.

King Ding Aling said...

Worst list ever compiled. You sound like a typical hater. Grow up man get over yourself.

We Are Fanatics said...

I think most Americans would put the Yankees #1

Cowboy Hater said...

agreed on the cowboys. strangely when they play in dallas the calls always seem to go in their favor. add to that every cowboy fan won't shut their yap about how every year is the cowboys year.

It's not called the Tom Landry trophy is it?

Daniel said...

College brands should count in this, and Notre Dame and Duke should be 2 & 3 behind the Cowboys.

DMtShooter said...

What I know about college could fit inside a Ding Aling. Someone else, feel free to write up that list.

JFein said...

Yay, I am fans of two teams on this list.

As much as I hate the Dallas Cowboys, I don't think I'd have them at the top of the list. I'd probably have the Yankees at #1 and the Pats at #2 and the Cowboys at #3.

DrJimmy said...

Ipecacic. Wow.

You Thesaurus'd Real Good to find that`un, dintcha?

God help you if you ever interview for a Real writing job.

Of course, writing about Sports is the working in the Toy Department anyway, so who cares?

Anonymous said...

First time here, but I would probably not be best pals with the author. 12, 9 and 3 are some of my favorites. Shucks, we might be buds with a discussion.

Anonymous said...

What? No way anyone tops the Yankees. Boston hates them, parts of NYC don't like them, any fan of fairness hates them. I hate them because I watched them steal the World Series not once, but twice from my beloved Braves within the past 13 years. Then they just go and sign whomever they feel has put up big stats with no regard for ability to contribute to the team or personal decency. They're by far the most hated team in the nation, with the Pats and Sox slowly catching up.

Anonymous said...

I think The NBA should be number 2 on this list behind the Cowboys. The NBA is unwatchable. Who pays to watch that?

Anonymous said...

The Indians and the Braves. Although, now that they stink, maybe no cares anymore. You got number 1 totally correct.

TheOnlyGonzo said...

There IS only one Team for America and it is my beloved COWBOYS!!
Now bow before me!!


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