Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: Top 13 things that Drew Rosenhaus will not comment on

Top 13 things that Drew Rosenhaus will not comment on

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

Anyone else catch the spectacular Drew Rosenhaus on MNF last night? Yes, I know, this means you have to admit to watching the halftime with the sound up, rather than switching over to something smarter, like wrestling or a Bollywood channel, but it was wortwhile. Agent Drew, the mouthpiece of record for the Vickian Plaxico Burress, was on to be interviewed about... well, God knows what, but it's safe to say that he spent more time talking about what he wasn't going to talk about than what he was. That man's got a future in politics! Or fellating tourists for smokes in a Thai bathhouse. Same thing, really.

Anyhoo... our spies were able to crack the Rosenhaus Compound (the PIN at the security gate is MEMEMEMEME) and get the full prep sheet of Non-Mentionables. How did we do it? Next question!

13. How the other agents feel about his near total monopoly on the Irredeemable Jerkweed Client Base (Plax, Chad Johnson, Willis McGahee, Terrible Owens, Kellen "Soljah" Winslow, Jeremy Shockey...)

12. Whether the Sean Taylor memorial was, for him, emotional, very emotional, painfully emotional or pants-weepingly lucrative

11. His progress in corrupting Domenik Hixson and Steve Smith

10. Whether or not he received one of the two testicles that Terrible Owens took from Donovan McNabb when Terrible left Philly

9. What kind of fungus Tony Kornheiser smells most like

8. If Plax shot himself on purpose in order to get away from Mean Old Mister Coughlin

7. What year of grease he uses on his hair

6. Scooter Libby ("it's complicated")

5. If he cries at the end of "Jerry Maguire", since Cuba Gooding Jr's character doesn't sign with a bigger money franchise than Arizona

4. Whether he prefers the blood of young boys or something with more of a history

3. When he sold his soul, how much it brought back in trade, and if he would, in fact, stab an infant for five bucks

2. The security that he's got in place for when Plax gets out of jail and finds out that he's been taken for every penny he's got

1. Whether Burress or Owens has better "hands", if you know what I mean, and I think you do

1 comment(s):

Barbie said...

LOL!!!!! I've been making comments about this all day and apparently no one I know watched it so it was losing its effect. Too funny! Drew Rosenhaus is really such an idiot. If you're not going to answer anything, don't do an interview like that!!

Although, as much as I was laughing at him, the PR student inside of me was cringing.

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