Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: The ultimate vomit inducer

The ultimate vomit inducer

by GMoney, The Money Shot

Once you get older and stop caring about GI Joe's and whatnot, the whole gift-giving part of Christmas is less and less important. You start think about what the holiday actually represents. Whether it be religion or just spending time with your loved ones, Christmas takes on a much deeper and more meaningful existence in your life the older that you get. But if you're kind of a lard-o like me, the love of opening presents gets replaced by the love of gorging yourself on a kick-ass smorgasboard every December. Your mom/wife/grandma spends 8 hours making it and it only takes you 15 minutes to eat 3 plates and are already in mid-shit on the toilet.

But think about this. The dumbass people at the Chia Company are selling this piece of crap this holiday season:

What if the meal that you had just eaten was seasoned with this stuff? How many lives would you take on your murderous rampage. It would be worse than when Chris Farley found out that they switched his coffee with Colombian frozen coffee crystals! I don't know what Chia is or how it's made or what it may possibly taste like. But I know one thing, I would rather be a Raiders fan than ingest this stuff. What kind of a moron wants to grow their own herbs anyway? Especially out of a glorified Chia Pet? It's not like basil costs $100/leaf.

The ironic thing is that they wouldn't sell this stuff if there wasn't a least some small amount of market for it. And that's what pains me the most...some people think that this is a good idea. Some people enjoy eating out of there Chia Pet.

May God have mercy on those poor souls in the emergency room due to a severe case of Chia Herb Garden-induced food poisoning this holiday. As for me, don't fuck with my ham, mom.

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