Epic Carnival | Where Sports and Pop Culture Collide: You disgust me, Terrell Owens

You disgust me, Terrell Owens

by Tracer Bullet, Staff Writer

The Cowboys suffered a nutpunch to their playoff chances last night, falling at home to the Ravens in the final game at Texas Stadium. Adding insult to injury, the Cowboys rallied in the fourth quarter to pull within three points twice, only to allow consecutive touchdown runs of 77 and 81 yards. I think I speak for all right-thinking Americans this morning when I say, Hurraaay!

Now, one would think this is the perfect opportunity for one Mr. Terrell Eldorado Owens to make a perfect jackass of himself. His arch-nemesis Jason Whitten had as many catches (5) and touchdowns (1), but more yards (87 vs. 63) and Romo missed Owens on a deep pass after the Lost Receiver of Gold ran right past Corey Ivy on a go route. It didn't help that Derrick Mason stole his injured-WR-as-hero schtick.

So what does Captain Popcorn do in his post-game press conference? Nothing. Nothing? Nothing?! He doesn't not-so-subtlely pin the blame on Jason Garret for underusing God's Own Receiver, or passive-aggressively shank Romo for not throwing him the ball (and Romo, late game heroics aside, was just awful), or accuse Whitten of stealing his hoagie out of the locker room refrigerator. He didn't cry or rend his garments or gnash his teeth. He didn't even blast the White Man for 437 years of oppression. No, looking like the largest, blackest freshman in Eton's history (I dig that argyle sweater vest, T.O.) he was calm, reasonable, even dull.

Dammit, that's not why I steal the NFL Network from my neighbors.

Now, it's possible Jerruh Jones implanted a bomb at the base of Owens' skull and threatened to blow up his brain (who could tell?) if he went off the reservation. I put nothing past Jerruh and I'm sure he doesn't care for Owens stealing his crazy-man thunder. But Ol' Shovelface loves controversy and I can't imagine he'd pass up on a week of ESPN running clips of Owens raging against the cruel fate and capricious god who'd denied him his rightful stardom.

No, we may be getting reacquainted with a T.O. we've not seen since he left San Francisco: Indifferent T.O. He's been dropping hints. His unfinished route lead to an interception at Pittsburgh and he short-armed a few potential catches last night. This is great for my Philadelphia Eagles, who need to beat the Cowboys at home next week to sneak into the playoffs, and I can only hope that loss leads to a full-on Norma Desmond meltdown but in the meantime, this calm and sober T.O. is simply a slap in the face at those of us who love laughing at the Cowboys' pain.

1 comment(s):

Jeff K said...

Nothing in sports makes me happier than seeing the Cowboys lose. As long as this team keeps giving every selfish loser a new place to play with no regard from their past actions, I will continue to hate them.

T.O. - Loser
Tank Johnson - Loser.
Pac Man - Mega Loser
Plaxico Burress (Future Cowboy) Loser


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