As much as it pains me, I have to give it to Heidi Montag. While I can't stand hearing her speak or watching her do anything on TV, I do actually enjoy looking at her. Even more so now that she is 50% plastic. Call me shallow, but it's true. So I am going to award her the title of today's Epic Carnival Princess in hopes that it spurs her on to even greater heights, like an actual Playboy spread that's worth looking at. Yes, lofty goals indeed.