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I realize that you're a creature with phenomenally limited imagination, and basically think that everyone watching dreams of being you in the past, but since I'm dreadfully ill-equipped of being an NFL quarterback, I think I'd rather just, you know, watch the freaking game. Or, perhaps, dream of "},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/6857898284283491630/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d6857898284283491630\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"2 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/6857898284283491630"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/6857898284283491630"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/12/top-10-nfl-announcer-verbal-tics.html","title":"Top 10 NFL announcer verbal tics"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"2"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-702078149980439542"},"published":{"$t":"2008-12-08T18:02:00.002-06:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-12-08T19:48:21.481-06:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"NFL"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"sports"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"DMtShooter"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"lists"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Top 12 signs that your NFL color analyst is a loose cannon"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool12. Fails to acknowledge how wonderful Late Season or Playoff Football is, compared to all of that pissbucket Early or Midseason swill11. Does not note the ferocity of Home Team's Fans, the insanity of Shirtless Idiot Fans, or the wonderful Regional Food Choices10. Thinks that there may be a case in the history of the NFL where playing prevent defense prevents you "},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/702078149980439542/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d702078149980439542\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/702078149980439542"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/702078149980439542"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/12/top-12-signs-that-your-nfl-color.html","title":"Top 12 signs that your NFL color analyst is a loose cannon"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-4194433638806421757"},"published":{"$t":"2008-11-30T18:10:00.003-06:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-12-01T08:33:00.130-06:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"NFL"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"sports"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"television"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"DMtShooter"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"lists"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Top 11 continuing NFL telecast mysteries"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool11. Is there ever a case where a quarterback throws a ball away that can be criticized?10. When did the word \"athletic\" develop a fourth vowel and syllable?9. Is there some reason why we have to see fans in costume?8. Does anyone who is watching a football game want to pay to see Tom Cruise in an eyepatch fail to kill Hitler?7. Is there any living creature that thinks"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/4194433638806421757/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d4194433638806421757\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"2 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/4194433638806421757"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/4194433638806421757"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/11/top-11-continuing-nfl-telecast.html","title":"Top 11 continuing NFL telecast mysteries"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"2"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-3107658616469929596"},"published":{"$t":"2008-09-21T21:29:00.004-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-09-29T13:45:40.388-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"NFL"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"sports"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Frank Caliendo"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"DMtShooter"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"lists"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"TOP 10 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM THE NFL ON SUNDAY"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool10. According to a very helpful caption, Frank Caliendo's occupation is \"comedian\", and not \"societal experiment to determine how long a man can be annoying and unfunny in public before being killed\"9. According to Phil Simms, Eagles punter Sav Rocca was the most valuable player on the team yesterday, rather than someone from the defense that had 9 sacks, two fumble "},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/3107658616469929596/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d3107658616469929596\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"4 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/3107658616469929596"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/3107658616469929596"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/09/top-10-things-we-learned-from-nfl.html","title":"TOP 10 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM THE NFL ON SUNDAY"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"4"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-3517528145890504116"},"published":{"$t":"2008-08-03T20:58:00.003-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-09-29T13:45:45.867-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"NFL"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Brett Favre"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"sports"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"favre hags"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"urge to kill rising"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"packers fans"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Packers"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"ESPN"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"TOP 10 REASONS WHY BRETT FAVRE WAS REINSTATED"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool10. As a gift from God to sports bloggers everywhere9. To save the lives of the 100 Favre Hags who had promised to go on a suicide binge until he was brought back8. Prevents him from gagging away playoff games for division rivals7. Gives the World Wide Lemur the chance to show the world that they do have the flexibility to suck themselves off6. Starts the clock on the"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/3517528145890504116/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d3517528145890504116\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/3517528145890504116"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/3517528145890504116"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/08/top-10-reasons-why-brett-favre-was.html","title":"TOP 10 REASONS WHY BRETT FAVRE WAS REINSTATED"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-2577083334258902507"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-14T21:57:00.012-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-15T08:17:50.598-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Brett Favre"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"favre hags"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"urge to kill rising"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"hate"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"DMtShooter"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"FOX"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"lists"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"TOP 12 FORCES OR EVENTS THAT COULD SAVE US FROM FAVRARO"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool ToolHello, my name is DMtShooter, and I'm a Favraholic.I am powerless before my addiction to fill my sports blog with Brett Favre's latest comings, goings, itches and decisions.So are you.It's the perfect storm of Sports Dead Time Plus Irresistible Jock Itch.And I... am... powerless to stop it.But there are forces that can.12. Child trapped. Maybe this is too old-school "},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/2577083334258902507/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d2577083334258902507\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"4 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/2577083334258902507"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/2577083334258902507"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/07/top-12-forces-or-events-that-could-save.html","title":"TOP 12 FORCES OR EVENTS THAT COULD SAVE US FROM FAVRARO"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"4"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-5347392412628991931"},"published":{"$t":"2008-06-27T03:57:00.006-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-09-29T14:37:19.175-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Video"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Charity"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"sports"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"urge to kill rising"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Mike Greenberg"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"DMtShooter"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Mike Golic"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"lists"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"ESPN"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"TOP 11 PLANS FOR WHEN I WIN THE \"MIKE \u0026 MIKE\" AUCTION"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool ToolMediaweekAn episode of ESPN Radio show \"Mike \u0026 Mike in the Morning\" is being auctioned off to listeners. Money from the auction will go to the V Foundation for Cancer Research. People bid online in early July and the winning bidder will have the show, hosted by Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic, broadcast live from their home or property.11. Take one for the team of "},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/5347392412628991931/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d5347392412628991931\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/5347392412628991931"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/5347392412628991931"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/06/top-11-plans-for-when-i-win-mike-mike.html","title":"TOP 11 PLANS FOR WHEN I WIN THE \"MIKE \u0026 MIKE\" AUCTION"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-4529663227687744336"},"published":{"$t":"2008-05-21T21:36:00.002-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-09-29T13:45:48.218-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"NFL"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"prostitution"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"sports"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"jason taylor"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Dolphins"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"DMtShooter"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Bill Parcells"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"lists"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"TOP 10 VIEWS YOU WON'T HEAR EXPRESSED ABOUT THE DOLPHINS AND JASON TAYLOR"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool10. Dancing on television does not alter your sexual orientation, and your orientation is very likely to be irrelevant to your ability to play football9. A veteran star defensive end does not need training camp for team success (see Strahan, Michael)8. Bill Parcells was a .500 coach in Dallas and a shameless media whore everywhere7. \"Voluntary\" off-season workouts are"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/4529663227687744336/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d4529663227687744336\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"1 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/4529663227687744336"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/4529663227687744336"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/05/top-10-views-you-wont-hear-expressed.html","title":"TOP 10 VIEWS YOU WON'T HEAR EXPRESSED ABOUT THE DOLPHINS AND JASON TAYLOR"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"1"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-7041179758085184883"},"published":{"$t":"2008-05-11T21:43:00.003-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-09-29T13:40:40.156-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"stockholm syndrome"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"sports"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"NBA"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"NBA Playoffs"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"milf"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"DMtShooter"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"must put salt in eye"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"lists"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"TOP 11 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH OF THE NBA PLAYOFFS"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool11. You've started to see those weird 2-faces-1-speech everywhere10. You can tell the difference between a Flagrant 1 and a Flagrant 2 before the post-whistle pantomime9. You know which non-stars are going to show up on the road (answer: not many)8. When Hubie Brown speaks in the second person, you no longer notice how peculiar this is7. You'd happily contribute to a "},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/7041179758085184883/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d7041179758085184883\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"1 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/7041179758085184883"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/7041179758085184883"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/05/top-11-signs-youve-been-watching-too.html","title":"TOP 11 SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH OF THE NBA PLAYOFFS"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"1"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1549089718489651445.post-5883367425360455970"},"published":{"$t":"2008-04-30T22:39:00.004-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-04-30T22:45:53.952-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Bob Costas"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Blogs"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"hate"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"buzz bissinger"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"mediawank"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"DMtShooter"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Blogging tirades"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"TOP 11 TAKEAWAYS FROM BUZZ BISSINGER'S ANTI-SPORTS BLOG TIRADE"},"summary":{"type":"text","$t":"by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool11. You must know about, and have read, old sportswriters to have the right to have and publish an opinion10. You should stop reading things that you enjoy, and start reading things Buzz Bissinger thinks you should enjoy9. If his child doesn't have a wonderful world to live in with ample supplies of newspapers, it's all our fault8. The non-existent status quo where "},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/feeds/5883367425360455970/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d1549089718489651445\u0026postID\u003d5883367425360455970\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/5883367425360455970"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/1549089718489651445/posts/default/5883367425360455970"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://www.epiccarnival.com/2008/04/top-11-takeaways-from-buzz-bissingers.html","title":"TOP 11 TAKEAWAYS FROM BUZZ BISSINGER'S ANTI-SPORTS BLOG TIRADE"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"DMtShooter"},"email":{"$t":"shootout@mailcity.com"}}],"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}}]}});