SEAN MAY: ALMOST READY TO GET HURT AGAIN

by Scott Sargent, Waiting For Next Year

The Charlotte Bobcats surprised a handful of people on draft night when they selected point guard D.J. Augustin over Brook "Gosh, this is so BORING" Lopez with the ninth overall selection. While they have a still-young Ray Felton to run the point, they obviously felt that replacing Jeff McInnis was entirely more important than filling in a continual void in the paint.

But fear not, Bobcats fans! The three of you have something to look forward to this season: The return of Sean May.

Per the Charlotte Observer:

Sean May has been cleared to start on-court basketball activity and says he'll be ready when Charlotte Bobcats training camp begins in October.

In his first extended comments this summer, following micro-fracture surgery on his right knee in October, May said he's experiencing some pain but no swelling in the joint that has troubled him since before he was drafted by the Bobcats in 2005.

Only some pain. No swelling, but that's nothing that a few laps up and down a hardwood court can't take care of. Alas, May has only logged 58 total games since draft day - missing all of last season. Hoping to actually get something out of a lottery selection (looking at you, Adam Morrison...unfortunately), the Bobcats will evidently have to be patient with May, who is in absolutely no hurry to get back to earning his money.

“I'm full-go now,” May said Wednesday after working out with North Carolina strength and conditioning coach Jonas Sahratian. “But again, after eight months,
I'm not going to just jump out here, get it all back in one day.”

Of course not, Sean. Take your time, buddy. The trainers table will be nice and warm for you when you return.

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MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED

by Scott Sargent, Waiting For Next Year

Last night, I called it an evening shortly after the Cavaliers selected J.J. Hickson with the 19th pick. After all, it was really the only reason I was watching the draft in the first place - especially considering my hopes of "Mayo in Memphis" seemed to be in the rear view.

But in a move that surpasses that of the tooth fairy during my childhood, ESPN's Chad Ford leaves this note under my pillow:

Two league sources told ESPN.com that the Wolves have reached an agreement in principle with the Memphis Grizzlies that will send the draft rights to Mayo, Marko Jaric, Antoine Walker and Greg Buckner to the Grizzlies in return for the draft rights to Kevin Love, Mike Miller, Brian Cardinal and Jason Collins.

Forget the bigger names like Mike Miller, and totally ignore the fact that the Grizzlies have been looking to dump Brian Cardinal's salary for the last three seasons. The biggest news of the night (going into the morning) is that O.J. Mayo will be playing basketball in Memphis.

Memphis. A team that he would not even try out for. A city that is currently advertising their tax freeze program for eligible senior citizens on Google's front page. You could tell that Mayo wasn't thrilled to be a part of the whole Minnesota scenario, but you know damn well that he's going to need a new cell phone this morning after spiking the one that took "the call."

If you take a quick step back and realize that Mike Conley, Mayo and Rudy Gay could be one of the younger/better 1-2-3 in basketball. But for a guy that only tried out for nice cities, to now have to play in Memphis for the next three seasons? Epic. Simply Epic.

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DON'T BELIEVE THE HYPE, THE NBA IS NOT FIXING GAMES

by T, The Angry T

I had a friend ask me yesterday if I was at all surprised about embattled former official Tim Donaghy's allegations that the NBA is using the referees to fix games. When I said I wasn't surprised, he nearly jumped out of his chair in telling me that it didn't surprise him at all. He used Dywane Wade's 475 free throw attempts in the 2005 Finals as a perfect example of the NBA's fixing practices. He could have used one of 100 questionable games and series that fans pick apart in an attempt to find a conspiracy amongst NBA higher ups.



I started to think I was just blind to the potential fixes, especially after reading this story. I was perplexed, because I thought I was a pretty astute study of the game. I thought I had an idea of what was going on and more importantly, I thought that there was no way the NBA would go the way of the WWE. The game creates fantastic drama without having to set up matchups or hit people with chairs, take this years' finals for instance.

Thankfully, my "knowledge" of basketball has been confirmed by none other than some of best friends, dirty, stinky degenerate gamblers. There are some great points made in this article, including the fact that the San Antonio Spurs, the New Jersey Nets, the Indiana Pacers and the Detroit Pistons have been allowed to make the NBA finals in the last 10 years. The authors point, which I tend to agree with, is that if the NBA is fixing games, they are doing a pretty terrible job. Also, even with all these sub-par match-ups, the NBA still brings in 25 percent more TV revenue than baseball, the other potential #2 sport in America.

Chuck Klosterman wrote a great article on ESPN.com about how fans and non-fans alike love to point out that the NBA is in trouble. Not enough white stars to relate to white fans, the hip-hop / thug culture, the lack of stars, the lack of a Michael Jordan like personality, and now the fixing of games are issues that are consistently brought up as problems with the NBA. However, the NBA keeps chugging along as basketball becomes the world's second most popular sport.

So don't believe the hype, don't believe the phantoms calls are part of some nefarious cloak and dagger plot to put Kobe Bryant in the finals. David Stern doesn't care because David Stern's league brought in around one billion dollars this year in TV revenue alone. Just like Stern, I don't take Donaghy's allegations as gospel truth, or even truth at all. Shockingly, I think the felon might be lying, like he did his entire career.

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DEAR MR. STERN

by Simon, SimonOnSports

Dear Mr. Stern,

Hi Mr. Stern my name is Jimmy O'Hurley, but you can call me typical shit bag little Boston fan, I've got older f'n brothers so ya I fackin swear, deal with it my parents encourage me. Like yesterday I told my teacher she must be related to Rusty Kuntz cause I can here her gears grindin every time she fackin walks to the chalk board. Any way back to the fackin point.

I'm an 8 year old from Framingham, MA and I am so super fackin pumped that the Celtics who have sucked dick my whole life are in the finals against those cock smoking lakers and that douche bag Kobe (what a filthy rapist bitch). I only like winners winners winners. So I've hated the Celtics for the past few years but I'm happy that you told Kevin he had to trade KG to the Celtics to make them good. But I've got an issue with you.

See despite my parents encouraging me to tell my teachers to go to hell and to name myself little shit bag Boston fan they're fackin tools and give me a f'n bed time. I know it's bullshit I'm fackin 8. I can't buy porn but I fackin look at it on the internet all the time. Why the bed time? Who knows maybe they think I'll be rowdy if I don't get sleep. I think its bull shit and thats why I punched my moms in the face last night. But ya they shackled me down so I missed the end of the game.

So, Mr. Stern how about we start the game a little fackin earlier. My mom can only take so many punches before I knock out a tooth. Who the fack cares about the west coast? Fack them. East Coast Bias all the way. Boston is the center of the Universe. We know this. How about we start the game at 8? We got a deal?

We better have a deal. I'm gonna kick your fackin ass if we don't.

Stop Bein a Douche,
Jimmy from Framingham

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PLEASE LET O.J. MAYO FALL TO MEMPHIS

by Scott Sargent, Waiting For Next Year

By now, you all know the story of how O.J. Mayo recruited himself to play at the University of Southern California. He wouldn't give out his number - he made the calls. Mayo plays, team goes to the NCAA Tournament, gets bounced. Rumors circulate of the thousands of dollars that were sent Mayo's way. No one is surprised.

Along the same lines of being unsurprised, a recent post over at DraftExpress lays out the latest in terms of Mayo's tryouts. Or, lack of tryouts, would be more like it.

Mayo has reportedly yet to schedule even a single workout, and will probably do so after he officially hires his new agent. We’ve been told by several sources that Mayo may try to pull a Yi Jianlian and only work out for Chicago, Miami, New York and Los Angeles, while shunning the smaller market teams such as Minnesota, Seattle and Memphis.

How convenient. The nerve of the NBA! How dare they place franchises within cities that are not among the largest, most-poplated in the world!

Obviously, the Clippers would be the team out of Los Angeles that has a chance at selecting Mayo. Unless the Bulls or Heat trade down, O.J. looks to be this year's version of Al Horford. You know, the guy who isn't quite in the "Top 2," but is among the "Best of the rest." One way or the other, Derrick Rose and Michael Beasley will be going to one of the black and red teams.

Mayo may be in luck in regard to Minnesota. Kevin McHale is obviously in no hurry to rebuild this team, and is looking to move the third pick. If not, he'll likely be adding another big man to the roster (you know, since Al Jefferson's 20 and 12 isn't good enough) in the form of either Kevin Love or Brooke Lopez.

Seattle/Oklahoma City appears to have a thing for Jerryd Bayless or even Eric Gordon. Of course, they could always go with Mayo, but the team is leaning on Kevin Durant to be the face of the franchise for years to come. Drafting Mayo would only lead to conflict of the PR nature.

Which leaves us with Memphis. A team that just traded away its best player for next to nothing. A team that has had trouble even getting players to come and try out for the possible draft selection; a team that is more known for the college that plays right down the street from their home court. Some of these guys would rather pass up the money of the fifth player overall than play for Memphis - which would make it that much better if they were to draft Mayo; a player who thinks he'll have the league by the balls from day one.

I mean, can they not sell the allure of playing along side Brian Cardinal!? This thing should sell itself.

Even better would be the look on O.J.'s face when New York is one pick away, while he's handed a powder blue and yellow jersey with the #1 on it.

At this point, the only thing better than Memphis drafting Mayo would be Memphis drafting Mayo, and then moving the franchise back to Vancouver. Hey, at least it's a big city.

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NBA: WHERE POOR OFFICIATING HAPPENS

by SSReporters, Stupid Sideline Reporters

Hey everybody, it's my first post here, glad to join the Carnival.

A reallllly slow sports day however abruptly ended when the Spurs used their inept shooting and poor rebounding play to never lead in the game yet lose just 93-91 at home to the Lakers. The defending champs are down 3-1 in the series and are pretty much done, so no Spurs/Pistons to send the ABC execs to suicide watch.

It was an enjoyable game to watch (that's right, a Spurs game was enjoyable to watch because the other team is exciting), but it will be marred by the once again crap officiating that the NBA brings to the table. After the jump here are some bullet points where I saw some really poor decisions by Joey Crawford, Mark Wunderlich, and Joe Forte (mostly on the Lakers).

* Towards the end of the first quarter, Tim Duncan stormed his way for a powerful dunk. Somehow the refs figured that 3 Duncan steps = 2 human steps and no travel was called.
* The 2nd and 3rd quarter saw the Spurs get blocking fouls outside of the restricted zone even if a Lakers player is standing his ground for 5 seconds. The Lakers got nothing.
* Jordan Farmar got grabbed at least 2 times by Tony Parker at the end of the 3rd, no call.
* Before I get accusations of bias, the Lakers got away with some things. When Kobe Bryant stupidly shot with :18 on the shot clock leading to a Spurs fastbreak, Parker was clearly fouled by Fisher (which would've been his 5th IIRC). Instead, Joey Crawford (remember him Duncan?) gave no foul and counted Tony's basket, a goaltend by Lamar Odom.
* I've looked at that several times now, that is not even close to being a goaltend. Odom trapped it along the backboard and Parker should've gotten two shots.
* Now the final play of the game, 2.1 to go, season on the line. The slam dunk champion himself pump faked, D-Fish bit (ba-dum-cha), and there was clear contact. Barry puts up a prayer three after the contact that went wide right and that is the ball game.

The problem I have with that last play, is that should've been two shots, not three. No stupid continuation garbage at all, the Lakers were in the penalty, and it was clear Barry was trying to get a foul called and Popovich was trying to bait the Lakers D into thinking they were going for the win. Fisher had his elbow on Barry's back, and even though Barry made a terrible decision not to just force up a shot and go for 3 free throws, one of the refs should've blown the whistle, and call Fisher for his 6th foul (see above point).

The NBA has become bush league as far as officiating, they won't let them play anymore and when they do let them play it should be a foul. Who knows? Maybe Donaghy is right. Maybe other refs are into fixing these games as well because last night gave me a wild suspicion they tried to make this as long a series as possible.

Alright, onto the game.

What can I say, the Spurs put themselves in a position they shouldn't have been in. They tied the game 5 times yet every time they went for the lead, they shot a three. They went 7-24 from downtown and Barry took half of them. It's obvious San Antonio lives by the three pointer and that's what costing them the series.

LA completely shut down Tony Parker's usual drive to the basket and made him a jump shooter, Manu Ginobili went 1-7, Robert Horry is afraid to shoot now, it's basically Duncan and Barry picking up the slack of the rest of their teammates.

Even with all of that domination by the Lakers, the Spurs were gifted a chance to win because they went to the line 500 times. But they couldn't knock down a three when it mattered, they couldn't make the big shots, and their imminent doom comes on Thursday night.

Thoughts on last night? Because clearly the Spurs had the chance because the Lakers wilted under pressure (AGAIN!! Remember the Utah game 6?), couldn't close the game out, and should've won.

But, should've is the key word, bye bye boring San Antonio, and Pau Gasol, meet your first ever NBA Finals.

(Photo from Getty Images and Stephen Dunn)

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CALLING YOU OUT! - THE SAN ANTONIO SPURS & PHOENIX SUNS

by WCT, The Ship of Fools

“Calling You Out!” is a periodic segment where WCT takes people to task for irresponsible journalism, foolhardy activities, or just general douchebaggery. Nothing is sacred, no one is spared, watch your ass mister! You could be next!

This time, a good sentiment becomes a bad idea executed poorly

Yesterday, The Phoenix Suns and San Antonio Spurs decided to take their nationally televised game and use it to celebrate the heritage of the Latino communities in both cities. Seems like a good idea, right? Sure.

How, you may ask, did they honor Latino heritage? Both teams wore jerseys like this:



There are so many things wrong with this, I don't even know where to start. Lets hit the two major ones:

1- "Los Spurs" and "Los Suns" are presumably supposed to mean "The Spurs" and "The Suns" (more on that in a minute), but the jerseys normally just say "Spurs" and "Suns" not "The Spurs" and "The Suns." No jersey in major professional sports has a definite article on it, because it is understood and not needed.

2- "Los Spurs" in Spanish is totally non-sensical. "Spurs" in an English word. Slapping "Los" in front of it does not make it Spanish. Its like saying that "El Nino" is Spanish for "The Nino." When the San Fransisco Giants celebrated cinco de Mayo they wore these jerseys, not something that actually amounts to the Spanish equivalent to gibberish. To put it another way, there is a Dominican League baseball team called Las Aguilas Cibaenas. If they were to honor the United States one day by calling the team The Aguilas Cibaenas, would that make you proud to be an American?

It is a great sentiment, to honor the Latino community, but why do a half-assed job of it?

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FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: "LeBron? It's Danny Ferry..."

by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks

LeBron: What up Dan?
Ferry: Well, I made a couple moves today and I wanted to let you know.
LeBron: Is that right?
Ferry: Yeah. I got you...
LeBron: Oh, I know what you got me. I got ESPN.
Ferry: What'dya think?
LeBron: S'okay I guess.
Ferry: Okay? You said you wanted some talent around you. I got you some talent.
LeBron: You traded three of our five starters. I know Ira don't really count, but shit Dan. All that's left is me and Z.
Ferry: I know but...
LeBron: C'mon Danny. Do we have to do this?
Ferry: Do what LeBron? I just wanted to know what you thought of...

LeBron: (Holding phone away from face and talking to someone in the background) This fool wanna know what I think of his trades! A'ight Dan. Here's what I think of your trades.

You couldn't have got me Wally Szczerbiak at the start of the year? He was one of those "available for a limited time" kinda guys? Just became available so you had to swoop in and get him. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have a guy who can knock down the open 3 that the crowd don't hate, but if a guy who can knock down the open 3 was the missing piece, couldn't you have gotten me Kyle Korver earlier in the year?
Ferry: Bron, it's just...
LeBron: Oh, I done yet Dan. You wanted my thoughts. You got my thoughts. On all them moves. How am I supposed to be excited about Ben Wallace? I mean, yeah, he's a better defended than Drew and I won't be throwing any "The Fuck Did You Do That?" stares at him, but what's he average, 6 points? At least Drew could drop ten-plus. And it's not like I get away from dudes with messed up hair either.

Ferry: Yeah, but think...
LeBron: What did I tell you? Have I covered everybody yet?
Ferry: No.
LeBron: That's right. So why don't you just let me finish then Dan.

What does Joe Smith give me, huh? Energy off the bench? I got that with Andy. Although you almost fucked that up too, didn't you Dan?
Ferry: We knew Charlotte wasn't...
LeBron: Yeah, right. Anyway. Why'd you have to get rid of Donyell?
Ferry: Well he wasn't really con...
LeBron: Yeah but he was good for a laugh every once in a while. 'Member when he couldn't find his jersey?
And Delonte West. Delonte West? This guy couldn't get minutes over Earl Watson and you want me to be excited? Earl Watson can't hit a 15-foot jumper and you want me to be excited about the guy who couldn't steal minutes away from him?

Ferry: You said you wanted help and...
LeBron: How the fuck did Atlanta get Mike Bibby? Whens the last time they made the playoffs? Bringing me Ben Wallace and Wally Szczerbiak expecting me to be excited. All these other teams adding All-Stars and you're giving me Delonte West.
Ferry: Well last year...
LeBron: Last year? Last year? My back is still tight from carrying this team to the Finals by my self last year. I been asking for help for two years. You bring in Delonte West and I'm supposed to be excited?

Ferry: Bron it's...
LeBron: Listen Dan. I got some things I need to do. Ira's been texting me since he heard the deal, wondering who the hell plays for Seattle that can make him look like an NBA player the way I have the last couple years. I need to go say goodbye.
Ferry: Okay. Are we...
LeBron: You know how bad I want this championship right?
Ferry: Yeah.
LeBron: So then you know I'm gonna carry this team just like last year right?
Ferry: Yeah.
LeBron: So then what's the problem?
Ferry: Could you just tell the media that you liked the trades?
LeBron: I'll see what I can do.
Ferry: Delonte West is actually a...
LeBron: Goodbye Dan.
Ferry: Oh. Uh, see ya LeBron.

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PROMOTING BAD BASKETBALL TEAMS

by wwtb?, Pacifist Viking

Archibald Sweetwater Jones is a fictitious 3'11" streetsmart basketballer that, according to his website, is "bringing some old-school basketball wisdom to the fresh, young Timberwolves team!" He's also the Timberwolves' best idea to try and promote the team and sell tickets.

That's it. That's what they've got. After trading away THE FRANCHISE, Kevin Garnett, the Timberwolves marketing squad can't market the actual team to the apathetic, disillusioned basketball fans of Minnesota. So they're selling us on a fictional character.

If you read his bio at sweetwaterjones.com, it's actually pretty amusing. There are some funny pictures and some funny details. Check out a video of one of Sweetwater Jones' commercials (via Timberwolves Today) after the jump:

The problem is, if you go to the Target Center this season, you don't get to watch Sweetwater Jones' amusing advice on life and basketball. You get to watch a 2-15 team lose basketball games.

Thanks, though, T-Wolves. It's been nice being more amused by your marketing schemes than we are by your basketball team. Maybe in your next commercial, wise sage Sweetwater Jones can fire Kevin McHale. And that one doesn't have to be fictional.

(Let me add that that I was looking for an image relating to advertising/marketing/propaganda, and I found that poster at wikipedia. It is barely relevant to the post, but that poster is just too important and MUST be shared with the world).

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MARK MADSEN IS A BAD, BAD BASKETBALL PLAYER

by wwtb?, Pacifist Viking

I don't want to alarm any of you, but there is something you should know.

Mark Madsen is starting in NBA basketball games.

I know. This is a scary thought to us all. But this season, he has started four games for the Timberwolves.

So far this season, he's played in five games and started four. He's 1-7 from the field and 0-4 from the free throw line. He's averaging 0.4 points, 2.8 rebounds, and 1.8 personal fouls.

Some deluded souls praise Madsen for his effort. What they don't get is, Mark Madsen is such a horrible basketball player, everything he does out there requires incredible amounts of effort. For him to run up and down the floor and occasionally catch the ball without falling down in a heaping wreck requires hustle and concentration.

Just try to comprehend how bad a basketball team has to be to start Mark Madsen. No, let's go one better: try comprehend how stupid a coach has to be to start Mark Madsen.

Mark Madsen sucks. He has always sucked, and he will always suck. He doesn't bring anything positive to a basketball team, and anything good that happens to the Timberwolves in the future won't come from Madsen. Randy Wittman insists on putting this travesty of a basketball player out on the court, taking minutes away from some of the young talented players that could someday be important to the franchise.

So now I plead with you, Timberwolves (that's me in the picture at the top of the post, on bended knee begging for mercy): please, please, please stop inflicting Mark Madsen upon us. Haven't we been through enough? You took Kevin Garnett away from us, but you keep providing us with Mark Madsen? This is inhumane!

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TOP 13 NBA THIEVES

by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool

No, not the players who lead the league in steals. I'm going more for the players who have shown us how to deliver less for more. May we all find opportunities in life to be this abundant -- and just remember, a year of any of these guys is more money than you will probably ever make in your whole life. Much, much, much more money.

13. Ben Wallace. $15.5 million a year for an energy player who has no energy, and who you can't play late in the game because he might be the worst free throw shooter in the history of the league. And this is a league that had Chris Dudley. Unlike the bigger thieves on this list, Ben at least gives you effort for the ransom.

12. Mike Bibby. $13.5 million a year buys you a dreadful defensive shoot first, shoot often and shoot badly point guard who hasn't averaged more than 7 assists a year since they played basketball in Vancouver. (Yes, they once played basketball in Vancouver.) Those hot playoff series for the Kings against the Lakers were a long, long time ago. Plus, he's hurt! What's not to love here?

11. Shaquille O'Neal. 16 points and 7 boards a game is actually not so bad, but $20 million a year for a guy that rarely plays much more than half of the games isn't exactly smart shopping. There is also this: he is about as ownable, from a fantasy standpoint, as Eddy Curry. (Shudder.)

10. Jason Collins. $6.1 million a year for this guy? No wonder the Nets won't give Sean Williams the floor time he deserves. They are still trying to get their money's worth out of this oaf. Has anyone thought about organ harvesting?

9. Malik Rose. $7.1 million a year to never play, but on the Knicks, that still means you feel better about yourself than Jerome James ($5.8 million). Just to put this into perspective, Rose and James combined make just a little less than Vince Carter, Chris Bosh and LeBron James. But they do deliver 5 points and 4 boards. Combined. Per game.

8. Erick Dampier. The less useful half of a platoon that has DeSagna Diop makes $8.5 million this year, but that's OK. His contract only goes for three more years and $33 million after this one. You were maybe expecting more for 3 points and 5 boards a night?

7. Kenyon Martin. The Angry Yellow Man has $60 million to go on his deal, and about 60 minutes left in his knees. Even healthy -- and when you look at his career record, he almost never was -- there was no way that a guy who was never better than 17 and 9 deserved this kind of jack.

6. Darius Miles. Is he even still coming by to pick up the paychecks, or is this all done by direct deposit now? The good times roll for another three years and $26 million dollars. On the plus side, you have to think that money is being spread through the community, a dime bag at a time... and it's Paul Allen's money, and Paul Allen makes Miles look like a Mensa member. We're sure that the year-long knee rehab has been epic in its devotion. And that it smells like Funyuns. Lots and lots of Funyuns.

5. Adonal Foyle. Three more years and $30 million more dollars for the undersized and undertalented Foyle, who has parlayed good interview skills and the worst BO in the league to one of the most improbably 11-year careers ever. Career highs: 6 points and 7 boards a game. In 2000.

4. Boris Diaw. The Fat Frenchie turned one good year into five more very lucrative ones, with $9 million a year filling his piehole with, well, pies. His inclusion on this list has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I reached for him in my roto league last year. Or the fact that "Le Diaw" is French for how shall you say, Bag Of the Douche.

3. Stephon Marbury. Yes, yes, yes, we know, he's shooting the ball wonderfully now! The Knicks beat the Jazz the other day, so everything is forgiven! He's trying and everything on defense! And all for the low, low price of over $20 million a year? Only in New York. It's like winning the lottery, only with less hard work.

2. Michael Finley. Over $21 million a year because Mark Cuban loved him SO MUCH back in the day. That buys you a 35% shooter whose main purpose on the court is to keep Manu Ginobili from playing too many minutes. But on the plus side for the Spurs, it's still Cube's money.

1. Steve Francis. Starchild's one-time running mate can't even get Rafer Alston and Mike James off the floor in Houston. But when your wallet is holding over $16 million a year in checks, with another $17 million coming next year, you can see how the bench is tough to leave. But give this up for him: with a line of 7-2-2, he delivers many categories of suck.

Add your own thieves in the comments, and then renegotiate your contract...

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THE FREAK SHOW: BEST PRO COACHES IN THE GAME TODAY

by DCScrap, Editor

freak definition
n.
1. A thing or occurrence that is markedly unusual or irregular: A freak of nature produced the midsummer snow.

So why is this called "The Freak Show" you may be asking yourself? The reason is that every so often the authors of Epic Carnival will be asked to pick five people or things that are or were so awesome, strange, or cool, that those people or things were just plain freaks. (Plus this is a Carnival themed site, so deal with it.)

This week the question that was posed was, "Who are the top five coaches in any professional sport today?"

Rank) Coach, Points (1st Place Votes)

1) Bill Belichick, 32 (5)
111-81 Reg. Season; 13-3 Post-season; 3 Super Bowl wins

-- A foul, cold, mean son of a bitch. He's the Mr. Grinch of coaches:
"You're a mean one, Mr. Belichick. You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus, You're as charming as an eel. Mr. Belichick." He's also a hell of a coach. (Kyle Smith)

-- The guy might be the biggest tool in all of sports but he gets it done with anything you give him. (Dr. C)

-- Best in the NFL, but not by as much as people claim. (Thermocaster)

-- Arguably the best coach in all of athletics. (BD)

-- A totally focused coach who's prepared to do whatever it takes to get the win. Irregardless of the rules that may or may not be broken in the process. I don't like him, but there's no denying his effectiveness. (Don)

2) Gregg Popovich, 23 (2)
583-278 Reg. Season, 92-51 Post-Season, 4 NBA Championships

-- Far, far ahead of anyone else in his league, particularly on defense. (Thermocaster)

-- The best in his sport by far. Maybe the best in all of sports. (BD)

-- How can you argue with the success Pop's had? Has the respect of not only anyone who is involved in his franchise, but his peers, NBA players, and fans the world round. (Don)

-- Lots of teams can win with less talent; but the Spurs go one better: they dominate with less talent. Manages to take career scrubs like Jacques Vaughn, Bruce Bowen and Francisco Oberto and turn them into useful players, and has also gotten more out of the last moments in Bob Horry's days than any coach could have. Sure, you can just chalk this up to his luck at having the best power forward /
teammate ever in Duncan, but the supporting cast has changed a ton, and yet the Spurs are always the same. I don't just think he's the best NBA coach right now, I think he might be the best ever. (DMtShooter)

3) Phil Jackson, 12
923-396 Reg. Season; 179-77 Post-season; 9 NBA Championships

-- Only by status of his rings, which was a product of Jordan, Kobe and Shaq. (Dr. C)

-- Squeezes about as much as possible out of a roster that features one great player and bunch of mediocre ones. (BD)

4) Jeff Fisher, 9 (1)
105-93 Reg. Season; 5-4 Post-season; 1 AFC Championship

-- Squeezing seven wins out of last year's team was Herculean. Squeezing a winning record out of this year's team would be miraculous. (Thermocaster)

-- His team lost 2,500 yards of offense this year by losing it's top two wide receivers and #1 back and replaced them with Eric Moulds and LenDale White. The man is a stinkin' genius. (DCScrap)

5) Tony Dungy, 7
121-63 Reg. Season; 9-8 Post-season; 1 Super Bowl win

-- I've never heard anyone of his players say anything negative about him. (Dr. C)

-- His style is the antithesis of "traditional NFL coach". He may be the only one who can pull it off. (Thermocaster)

T6) Bobby Cox, 6
4,022-2,255 Reg. Season; 5 NL Championships, 1 World Series win

-- He'll go out and fight for you even if you're completely wrong. (Dr. C)

-- Consistently competitive, no matter what happens to his roster. (BD)

T6) Terry Francona, 6
648-375 Reg. Season; 2 World Series wins

-- Has worn Joe Torre like a cheap coat for years now, and is perfectly suited for the Boston circus. A lesser coach would have strangled Manny Ramirez with his bare hands by now, with no jury convicting him -- and that lesser coach wouldn't have two World Series championships on his resume. Also, his skills at fellating Curt Schilling should not be dismissed. (DMtShooter)

T8) Tony LaRussa, 4
4,448-2,375 Reg. Season; 5 League Championships; 2 World Series wins

-- The architect of the modern bullpen, he is a polarizing figure, but there is no denying his success. (Kyle Smith)

T8) Jerry Sloan, 4
1,042-691 Reg. Season; 87-88 Post-season; 2 Western Conference Championships

-- The most amazing thing about his ridiculously long tenure as the head coach of the Jazz is that players tend to tune out coaches after a few years. He's been there for 20 years, yet his players play harder than any other team's. He's also made the playoffs 15 of his previous 19 seasons. (Adam Best)

-- An utter throwback hard-ass that somehow gets people playing hard in Utah, and someone who is never outprepared or outcoached, despite advancing years. Has done more with less than any great coach in NFL history, and that includes Larry Brown. (DMtShooter)

T10) Robbie Deans, 3 (rugby)

-- Sought after by not only the All Blacks (New Zealand), but the Wallabies (Australia) too. Has really established a winning culture at the Canterbury Crusaders club in the Super 14 competition (rugby competition involving 14 teams from New Zealand, Australia & South Africa), and will make a fantastic national team coach. For my money, he ends up at the All Blacks camp. (Don)

T10) Mike Scioscia, 3
1,296-703 Reg. Season; 1 World Series win

-- As an A's fan, I hate him, which means he must be doing something right. Manages to mix in players from a productive but overrated farm system with the best that the Los Angeles Angels of The Greater Rivertucky Basin has to offer from free agency, and always has his team in the mix. Ate the overrated Dusty Baker's lunch in the World Series, too. (DMtShooter)

T12) Jim Leyland, 2
2,526-1,252 Reg. Season; 2 League Championships; 1 World Series win

-- Come on, he got the Tigers to a World Series. Plus, he smokes, which I respect in a baseball guy. (Thermocaster)

T12) Hiromitsu Ochiai, 2 (manager of the Chunichi Dragons)
3 Japan Series appearances, 1 win

-- Despite losing the best player in his team (Kosuke Fukudome), Ochiai kept his team winning, actually doing BETTER without Fukudome - this year finally winning the Japan Series (first time in 53 years).

T12) Andy Reid, 2
80-48 Reg. Season; 8-6 Post-season; 1 NFC Championship

-- Obvious flaws are all over the place, but he never loses his team even in the hopelessly negative Philly fishbowl, even though the team is relentless in its tendencies to cut older players. (DMtShooter)

T15) Mike Martz, 1
56-36 Reg. Season; 3-4 Post-season; 1 Super Bowl win

-- Just because he brought the most exciting football I've ever seen to my hometown, and his attitude was, "Fuck you, I'm doing it my way." He was loathed here, until we all got to watch Scott Linehan at work. Now people want him back. (Kyle Smith)

T15) Pat Riley, 1
1,196-634 Reg. Season; 171-111 Post-season; 7 NBA Championships

-- Kinda like Bobby Cox, but his is more bitching then arguing... if that makes sense. (Dr. C)

-- Maybe the best coach in NBA history, behind Phil-up. (DCScrap)

T15) Bobby Valentine, 1
2,189-1,117 MLB Reg. Season; 1 NL Championship; 1 Japan Series win

-- Has had a major role in changing the way Japanese baseball is played. Hugely successful & popular in Japan, 'bobby-ball' has meant that players actually 'play' the game with a joy not seen in 'puro-yakyu' for many years.

So how would you rank 'em? Are we missing anyone? Let us know in the comments.

Read More...

Summary only...

THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY IN THE NBA...

by Don, With Malice...

The NBA. My favourite of all the US sports. But as with everything done on a grand scale, there's the good along with the bad, and then there's the downright ugly. Funnily enough, the bad/ugly is more often than not more enticing than the good... but let's cover some of it all.

GOOD

Boston's revival. The re-invention of Boston was a good thing for the NBA. The Celtics are one of the premier franchises in the league, and the fact that it got to a point where players were stating that they never, ever want to play there would have to weigh heavily on the NBA's collective soul. I bet that if you asked Shawn Marion now if he'd like to go to Boston, his bags'd be packed before you finished the sentence. The acquisition of Kevin Garnett & Ray Allen has not only rejuvenated a Boston team that was up to and including the 2007 draft a complete joke, but also added legitimacy to the Eastern Conference. Granted, several other teams within the East have made in-roads on the West as well...

Balance. It would seem that several of last season's powerhouses have come back down to the pack this year. Yes, the Spurs are still the Spurs... and the Suns still run... but neither seem absolutely invulnerable, yet. Even in victory against the Lakers, I didn't get the sense that San Antonio were a markedly better team than Los Angeles...

The reaction that the Knicks players have had towards Stephon Marbury. The general rank & file at New York state that they're unhappy with Starbury and his behavior? Must say, I'm a little surprised: 'moral fibre' is not a phrase I usually associate with the New York Knicks.

BAD
Stephon Marbury proves he is selfish beyond all expectations. And that's saying something. Before this latest tantrum, we all knew that Steph was an incredibly selfish person. This took the cake. Still, if you described the incidents leading up to and including this, I'd probably have guessed Marbury (now that Steve Francis is in limbo). Even with the reports of his philanthropy, I have always had the feeling that it's done as something that he can point to and tell us what a good human being he is.

Still, that said and done, it makes you realise that whatever we learnt about the leadership of the Knicks in the recent court case - there is more we don't know about Isiah, and it's all bad. The very fact that Starbury could basically blackmail the coach, and get away with it tells me that Mr Thomas isn't someone any of us would actually like. Up until the vote of no confidence in Stephon Marbury by his team-mates, I was hoping for a major implosion. Now, I'm not so keen.

How upset everyone got over Phil Jackson's 'Brokeback Mountain' comment. PUH-lease folks, get a grip. Talk about gone politically correct WAY over the top. Big deal. Penetration? So what... Something worth thinking about: when has Phabulous Phil ever done something that he hasn't considered carefully? Pretty sure that Phil's intentions were to have the media focus on the comment, rather than on other things. Looks like it worked too.

UGLY
The Bulls. Damn, but the way they've gone about from being the anointed team to being god-awful has been nothing short of astounding. The loss against the Suns takes them to new lows. The trade they knocked back to get Kobe sure has to be looking good now, but the funny thing is, come December if Paxson decides to revisit it, the Lakers might not. Let's wait and see how bad an injury Gordon has. If it's severe, the situation in Chicago is going to get worse before it gets better.

Bulls fans. I'm not sure what is worse: earlier when they were all claiming that "hey, we always start slow", or now that they're all defea