Daunte Culpepper has kind of proved that the weakest link in a would-be cause célèbre is usually the célèbre.
There should be some outrage that the NFL season is starting tonight without a quarterback who could be starting for a few teams and helping out a few more as a backup. Instead, there's this:
"I would rather shut the door to such 'opportunity' than continue to wait for one of my fellow quarterbacks to suffer a serious injury. Since I was not given a fair chance to come in and compete for a job, I would rather move on and win in other arenas of life."
The most that's going to get is some self-righteous snickers and a string quartet of very small violins.
So be it. Culpepper and Randy Moss, and not just to someone who drank the Purple Kool-Aid, coulda-shoulda been this generation's Montana-to-Rice. Laugh all you want, but they were that good.
Instead, we're supposed to believe that no NFL team could use a 31-year-old quarterback who's one of the top-10 rated passers in league history, and had the fifth-best single-season rating in 2004, a year when Moss was limited by an injury.
The Kansas City Chiefs are starting the BFC, as Brodie Frickin' Croyle. The Chicago Bears have Kyle Orton and Rex Grossman. The 49ers are seriously going to start J.T. O'Sullivan, who probably thought he'd be out of work when NFL Europa folded. What a joke.
Who knows, maybe it's possible that Culpepper will have a change of heart and try a comeback. The Vikings quarterback before him, Randall Cunningham (OK, there was Jeff George in between, but that memory's been mostly suppressed, thank you, Electroshock Therapy), had a year out of football. He returned and ended up being the NFL MVP.
Not to veer straight in to Bill Simmons-style gushing fanboyism, but it's almost like the 2000 Vikings were cursed. There was 41-donut in the 2000 NFC title game, Robert Smith walking away from football, Korey Stringer dropping dead and the break-up of Culpepper and Moss.
They should have been a combination for the ages. Instead, it's as if they paid the price because for good and ill, Culpepper and Moss, where they came from, how they carried themselves, represented what America is really like, maybe a little too much. By some stroke of luck, they each landed on the Vikings -- after other teams with higher draft picks, like the Chicago Bears, viewed Curtis Enis and Cade McNown as superior offensive talents.
Granted, it's not for nothing that 41-donut happened right around the profoundly depressing 2000 Florida recount. It's taken eight years, but with Adrian Peterson and Jared AllenVikings fans are finally saying Yes We Can, albeit in typical understated fashion. (And with the full awareness that another 8-8 record is just as likely as playing deep into January.)
Now the quarterback is out of football at 31 years old and Moss is catching passes from darling-of-corporate-America, supermodel-schtupping Tom Brady with the New England Patriots. It would be infuriating, if it wasn't helping Moss win over Pro Football Hall of Fame voters and the Patriots passing game wasn't so gosh-darn entertaining to watch every week.
They always said Satan would look attractive.
(No doubt everyone has seen the Vikings/Obama video by now, but what the hell. It's too funny that Sen. Barack Obama is actually a Bears fan.)
Unless you've been living in a hut in Kenya, much like Barack Obama's brother, you know that Usain Bolt obliterated the world records in the 100 and 200 m dashes, with times of 9.69 and 19.32 respectively. I was no math major at UNH, but let's put these numbers in perspective:
Doing a little metric conversion, we find that 1 mile is equal to 1609 meters. That means if Bolt kept the same pace over a full mile, he would finish it in just under 2 minutes and 36 seconds. Since that mean's it takes him 156 seconds to run one mile, we just figured out how many miles he could do in an hour at the same rate. For his 100m time of 9.69, this averages out to 23.07 MPH. Seriously, this is absolutely insane that a human being can average 23.07 MPH for 100 meters. As he was crossing the finish line, Bolt decided to look for his competitors which were left in the dust.
Just for your knowledge Bolt ran the 200 meter race at a faster clip then the 100 meter race. He ended up averaging a MPH of 23.15 MPH in the 200 meter race according to my calculations. Not too shabby.
Do you see these numbers Scott Pioli? I think Tom Brady needs a new Wide Receiver to play the other flanker position and Mr. Bolt is a great option. He even has a great wingspan which was seen as he was crossing the finish line. The next project for me will be to measure Bolt's wingspan.
That's what they're telling me. And here's what the people who want to run our country have in store... Hillary invites you to call her Hill-rod. Obama asks if you smell what Barack is cooking (and almost loses it on the delivery). And McCain wants to know what you're gonna do when the McCainiacs run wild on you?
For months, I have been trying to decide who to vote for in the upcoming presidential election. Sure, I could go along strictly political lines, but I have absolutely no interest in their political games. Unless one of the candidates is working to put together unions for the people that clean out the cages at the zoo (read: me), none of them are really out to help me. I was thinking about voting on whether candidate was black or white. For instance, LeBron James is black and he is unbelievably good at what he does, so I figured maybe this Obama character would be an equally good president. Then I thought about the great white American basketball players in the NBA, like...ummm...Mike Dunleavy, and it became impossible to decide between the greatness of LeBron and Dunleavy. I knew I would have to find a different way to choose.
Finally I figured it out. I would pick a team to win the NCAA tournament and then I would see if any of the candidates shared my view. That is as good a way as any to decide the leader of the free world. Then, I found this article. Both of front runners picked the same team I did. Even if Hilary Clinton wins the nomination, I couldn't vote for her, and not just because she has boobs. When she was asked who she thought would win, she ducked the question and said that she would have to confer with Bill. Listen Hil, if you can't put the time and effort into making a decision on something this important to America, I can't trust you with all our nuclear missiles and other important issues like zookeeper rights. I have absolutely no way to decide.
I might be forced to go back to the black or white thing and Troy Murphy just might put the whites over the top. Thanks Troy.
Daunte Culpepper has kind of proved that the weakest link in a would-be cause célèbre is usually the célèbre.
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