by Sterling Gould, More Credible
Greetings from the Big 10 Conference,
Most of you are very aware of who I am, if you're not, I'll introduce myself properly. I'm Jim Delaney, commissioner of America's favorite college conference, the Big 10. Why do you know my name already if you already do? It could be one of two reasons. The casual sports fan would never know someone that's in my position unless I was really good at my job, or extremely awful. I'll let my resume' do the talking. Oh, not to mention I'm one of the biggest douchebags to walk the face of the Earth and I've got a fucking powertrip that would make any Axis Leader blush. Throughout my tenure, I've had many "successes" as pointed out by Epic Carnival writer "Isaac(?)", who is obviously a terrorist to our conference. Let me be frank and say I do not condone any of the writers for Epic Carnival, and their battering of my bab-.... er... "business", the Big 10 Conference.
Some of you will recall my open letter to you after last years disappointing performance in the BCS games by our conference's best two team's, Ohio State and Michigan. Everyone can recall the rape in Arizona and some have forgotten the stomping the Trojans of Southern Cal gave Michigan in the Rose Bowl. All that to follow another beatdown in Atlanta to those pesky Southerners, a game that I'm still reviewing as fraud. And then what happened on Monday... *sigh*. I'm going to try to reiterate the things that make us a better conference morally, academically, and socially in the Big 10.
We're now adopting a new motto here in the office. We as the Big 10 should think of ourselves as "the lovable loser". It's not about winning or losing my minions, it's about how you compete. And did you ever feel that our teams never tried their hardest against those stronger, faster, and ultimately dumber teams from the rest of the Great U. S. and A? No, you say, because we played hard, and can clearly outsmart all of those dumb jocks. I heard they're still trying to fit square pegs in circular holes at Mississippi State. I laugh at that because our laboratory Big 10 Athletes are given 10 page examinations on calculus right out of the womb, and if they do not pass, they are thrown in the dumpster behind my house. Just because we can't compete with you physically, doesn't mean we can't hone our focus academically (which we kinda fail at as well anyways... shit!). I've also devised the Big 10 network, a television station dedicated to the glorious nation of Big Tenstonia so that we can homer ourselves to death. Also under way is www.BrentMusburgersucksoffSweatervest.com, for our "adult" readers.
I'm also the block that keeps you from seeing a playoff in college football. Those assholes from the South are trying to rehash the idea. That is pure lunacy. What would happen to the Big 10 / Pac 10 matchup everyone... nay, the nation looks forward to in the Rose Bowl. Did you see how competitive Illinois was against USC? The Illini almost scored 20 points. I should send all of those boys some nice whores from Oakland to congratulate them. A playoff just cannot, and will not happen, as long as I'm calling the shots. You've got a better shot of me filling this barren land I call my "scalp" with hair follicles. And let me tell you fuckers, I haven't seen hair up there since Ohio State's last win over an SEC team in a bowl game... which is never.
Keep your chin up Big 10 fan. Women's basketball is underway, and I heard the Penn State Lady Lions had a stellar squad full of intelligent, charming ladies that can shoot the rock. Perhaps this April, we'll get what's finally ours, a trophy.
I'm Jim Delaney. You know me because I blow. Also because I like to write letters like this, just to say "fuck you" SEC. I hope you, whatever the fuck your commissioners name is, and all of your athletes rot in Keith Jackson's armpit. Now if you'll excuse me, there are some cookies and milk waiting for me in the Study. Don't forget to tune into the Big 10 Network tonight for tonight's exciting matchup between Purdue and Iowa in women's field hockey. Those ladies should set the field on fire, and burn with the ashes.
Sincerly,
Jim Delaney
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
TO THE FANS OF THE BIG 10 AND COLLEGE FOOTBALL (CONTINUED)
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
THE STATE OF THE BIG TEN CONFERENCE
by Isaac, The World of Isaac
After yet another disastrous loss in a BCS game, I sat down with Jim Delany to get his feel for the sorry State of the Big Ten.
Delany: Ohio State represented the Big Ten well. We still feel as a conference we can compete with anybody including the SEC.
Me: But Ohio State just lost two consecutive times to SEC teams.
Delany: We are a strong conference with our depth.
Me: The Big Ten had a bowl record of 3-5.
Delany: Those were three big wins. And even so, as much as we are a football conference, we have strong basketball teams. We win titles in the Big Ten.
Me: But MSU was the last team to win in a national championship in basketball and that was eight years ago. Since then the SEC has won twice including back to back titles with Florida.
Delany: That might be true, but the SEC cheats and has a number of compliance problems with the NCAA.
Me: Isnt it true sir that your conference was involved with one of the biggest scandals with the Fab Five and a Michigan booster named Ed Martin.
Delany: That was a long time ago and those records have been vacated.
Me: What about the recent problems with Maurice Clarett?
Delany: Maurice was a troubled youth. I stand by our conference. We have our own Network that carries only Big Ten games.
Me: How many people can actually watch those games since Comcast does not carry it?
Delany: We are working on that. Its important to note that we are also a strong academic conference. All 11 of our universities are top 80 academic institutions
Me: Um ok. So let's get this straight. Since becoming Big Ten commissioner in 1989 you have overseen the worst scandal in college athletics, were embarrassed by Maurice Clarett, have only produced 2 National Championships in football and two in basketball, carry a network that less than half the people in the Midwest can see.
Is that correct?
Delany: Yes. But under my administration we also added Penn State which was important for the athletic well-being of our conference.
Me: Ok, thats good but how many Big Ten championships has Penn State had in the two biggest sports?
Delany: Well, two in football and zero in basketball.
Me: Would you consider your reign as commissioner a success?
Delany: Absolutely
Me: Do you believe you are delusional?
Delany: Absolutely
Me: Why do you still have a job
Delany: I have no idea
Me: Yea, neither do I
Picture Credit: Streeter Lecka/Getty Images
Friday, January 4, 2008
CALLING YOU OUT!: RAPID FIRE
by WCT, The Ship of Fools
“Calling You Out!” is a periodic segment where WCT takes people to task for irresponsible journalism, foolhardy activities, or just general douchebaggery. Nothing is sacred, no one is spared, watch your ass mister! You could be next!
There are just too many people to call out only one person today. I haven’t written this column in over two weeks and I’ve got a great big bowl of hate to distribute. Here’s who should grab a spoon:
The University of Kentucky – Remember back when UK had a coaching staff that was winning the SEC seemingly every other year, taking the team to Final Fours and even winning a National Championship? It seems like it was just yesterday…
Close. It was actually just last year, and the coach’s name was Tubby Smith. Smith, after averaging 26 wins a year, taking the Wildcats to 10 NCAA tournaments in 10 years, winning five conference regular season titles, five conference tournament titles and one national title, was forced out in favor of Billy Gillispie. Gillispie so far has led the ‘cats to a 6-6 start, including losses to Gardner Webb, UAB, Houston, and San Diego. I don’t know about you, but I don’t like their chances this Saturday against arch-rival Louisville. Conference play hasn’t even started yet, and Billy has turned UK from a perennial tournament competitor to a team on the bubble.
And don’t even get me started on their football team, for losing me money by not being able to cover the spread against a Florida State team missing 36 PLAYERS! Disgraceful.
The University of Hawaii – That little pregame dance they do is cute and all, but it loses its luster when they get destroyed in the actual football game that follows it.
What an embarrassment. I cannot believe that they tricked me. All year I talked about how much of a joke this team was and how they were getting fat on a gimmicky offense and terrible opponents forced to fly halfway around the world to play them in the middle of the night. Then they beat Boise State and for some reason I became a believer. Well, I’ll never make that same mistake again. What that Georgia defense did to Colt Brennan (who I still think will be a good mid-level NFL draft pick) was criminal.
Bob Stoops – Speaking of making the same mistake again, is there a team that is consistently more unprepared for its bowl game that the Oklahoma Sooners? Holy crap, that was a boat-race in the Fiesta Bowl. I know that defense is optional in the Big 12, but those WVU running backs and wideouts were running past those OU defenders like they were standing still. Mountaineer FB Owen Schmitt is as tough as they come, and can play for my football team any day, but for the love of god, he should not be flying through your secondary for 60 yard TD runs.
How you can lose four straight BCS bowls (two blowouts and two upsets, including the infamous Boise State game) yet are the first name on everyone’s lips whenever a coaching job opens up is beyond me. Laughable.
Big Ten Haters – For the eight millionth time: Ohio State lost to Florida because Florida was better. They did not lose to Florida because Big Ten teams can’t compete with “SEC speed.” Michigan had no trouble with the “SEC speed” as they were flying up and down the field and hanging 41 on Florida in the Capital One Bowl. And if Wisconsin hadn’t mismanaged the end of the…whatever bowl that was they were playing in against Tennessee (As I previously mentioned, I hate bowls, so I do not care to look it up) then the Big Ten would have been 2-0 against the “speedy” SEC. Ohio State might lose Monday. They might lose by 50. But it won’t be because of a lack of speed.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
ANOTHER CORRUPT OFFICIAL
by Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog
The Big Ten is going to have to answer some questions about football official Stephen Parmon. He has recently run into problems with bankruptcy, child abuse, sexual harassment, and sexual assault. The Big Ten does background checks on their officials so how did these four cases get let go by the conference?
The bankruptcy charge is the most glaring in terms of his job. This is an official who ran up a $429,000 worth of liabilities including two casinos before filing for bankruptcy. I know that it was legal gambling that he was involved with but just to be fooling around in a casino as an official is a big red flag. This year his crew was suspended for the final week of the season because Joe Tiller of Purdue filed an official complaint against them after a November 3rd game against Penn State. Before the Big Ten could suspend them, they officiated a highly competitive game on November 10th which saw them make a very poor call on Illinois' first touchdown. The crew was then suspended for the November 17th weekend.
The sad part of this story is that the bankruptcy story is not even the most important thing here. Stephen Parmon was accused of sexual harassment when working with the Chicago Police Department which ended up getting him fired in 1996. He has been accused of sexually abusing his 19-year-old niece and beating his wife at the time in a court hearing during 1994. The worst charge that Parmon has faced is beating three of his girlfriends' kids in 1997 with an electrical cord.
I believe that the Big Ten should be held accountable as these are some serious charges and situations that Mr. Parmon has been involved in. If you are interested in the full story you can click here for a full report from Yahoo Sports.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
BIG TEN LAWYERS CRUSH THE LITTLE GUY
by Vent, Big Ten Tailgate
Last night the urgent call was waiting on my voicemail.
"Give me a call when you get this," says the voice on the other end.
It was Big Ten Tailgate's main sponsor, and several scenarios ran through my head. He's pissed I called him a 'punk,' posted photos of him in front of the Playboy Grotto or that he's pulling the plug on the entire sponsorship deal.
Little did I figure the message would be that copyright lawyers were sending him cease orders on the BTT domain name. Lawyers writing two-page letters is scary, especially when I have barely enough to cover expanded basic cable (no NFL Network or Big Ten Network). Going months without Top Chef and Blonde Bimbos of Orange County hurt.
The Big Ten can have my Honda with 175,000 miles. I'm in the process of hiding my valuables and have made arrangements to bury a family heirloom in an Ohio corn field.
So the huge decision was made late last night to end the BTT revolution. It was painful but not nearly what it would feel like to hand over my burgeoning 401k to Big Ten universities. They could use that money to buyout Dave Revsine and hire some other schmuck who wants to escape ESPN.
This space was supposed to be used to introduce my blog and provide Epic Carnival with a taste of what made BTT tick. Instead, I had to break this horrible news. I promise, soon, you'll be seeing breasts, drunks and football news
BTT was about more than just women, booze, keg stands and football. It became a place to be irresponsible and that free spirit finally sank the ship.
And I won't lose any sleep.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
BEYOND THE ARC: THE BIG TEN IS OFFENSIVELY CHALLENGED
by Noce, Chicago Bull
After watching Illinois fall to Maryland in what pretty much was an exercise in futile offense, I started wondering why Big Ten basketball teams never match up well against the ACC. Is it because they have three new coaches trying to rebuild disheveled programs? That may be part of it, as Iowa, Minnesota and Michigan all lost with first year coaches Todd Lickliter, Tubby Smith and John Beilein, respectively. That can't be the only reason though, because even if they only lost those three games, the Big Ten still could have won the Challenge right? Wrong.
The one glaring difference between Big Ten basketball and ACC basketball is the presence of a go-to scorer who can be counted on the put the ball in the hoop. Besides Indiana's Eric Gordon and Michigan State's Drew Neitzel, there are no other players in the Big Ten who can create their own opportunities to score. What's even worse is that Gordon is a freshman, even though he appears to be head over heels more skilled than anyone on Illinois, Iowa, Northwestern, Minnesota or Michigan.
While all those aforementioned losing teams were busy throwing the ball around the outside and waiting for someone to step up, defenders knew all they had to do was take away the inside game and force the outside shot. From there all it takes is a solid rebounding night on the defensive side and the game was over. The Big Ten has such an awful time scoring baskets that it averaged only 70.7 points per game during the Challenge.
I understand that the conference is based around defense, as they held the ACC to an anemic 77.8 points per game average over the tournament, but only one player from the Big Ten managed to score over 20 points in a game during the tournament and guess who it was? If you said Eric Gordon, you were right.
Gordon had the most points of anyone in a single game during the tournament with 29 against Georgia Tech. Meanwhile, the ACC had three players over 20 points in Boston College's Tyrese Rice (28), Virginia's Mamadi Diane (22) and NC State's J.J. Hickson (21).
The Big Ten had better get it's act together and start recruiting kids who can create opportunities to score, rather than relying on a "system" where players become so enveloped, they fail to realize that each one on the court is capable of taking his man off the dribble. All these kids want to be pro ballers and make it to the NBA, right? They had better learn some moves if that's ever going to happen because the only one with a guaranteed ticket to the "Association" right now is Gordon, and he should be in an Illini jersey not an Indiana jersey. I hate you Kelvin Sampson, you dirty, dirty man.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
IU/GEORGIA TECH GAME RUNNING DIARY
by Andy Kissko, Rivalfish
6:00: Alright, alright. Gametime. Well, pregame time. I just hope that the Big Ten doesn't get humiliated yet again the Big Ten/ACC challenge. If/when The Big Ten loses again I'm afraid they'll have to change the name to "The Big Ten/ACC Shit Show" for legal reasons- since that means the overall series score would be 0-9. I am hoping you are not looking for objectivity in this column by the way.
6:04: I will take this chance to admit that I don't have the Big Ten channel and have not had a chance to see Eric Gordon yet. Beholding him for the first time ought to be like holding your child for the first time. But not quite as good. So like maybe, holding your illegitimate child for the first time by a mother that you're not crazy about.
6:07: Gordon could go on to be the best IU player to wear a t-shirt underneath his jersey since Brian Evans. Maybe Gordon just has shy pit hair.
6:10: IU is in their traditional man-to-man defense and Georgia Tech is in the 2-3 zone. Someone has to say this since the announcers haven't yet. Oh good, IU is now averaging more than a turnover per minute.
6:11: What's the over/under date before Linda Cohn, in a bid to impress Stu Scott calls Eric Gordon "E. Gor."? I'm going with 12/27/07. Sadly I've been rocking that nickname for over a month. Sadlier, I've gone one unnecessary step further and paraphrased Ghostbusters with that nickname to the effect of "E.Gor, your mucus". I've never told anyone that before.
6:12: the shortest whitey on the floor right now is not on IU. That's a Big Ten/ACC Shit Show (BTACCSS) first.
6:17: DJ White is the only guy on the floor wearing red shoes. I was torn between making a Wizard of Oz joke or a Red Shoe Diaries joke. Then I realized neither were remotely funny.
6:19: A dude for GT with the last name Lawal scored. Over/Under for Stu Scott calling him "From the Windows to Lawal"- three weeks ago.
6:20: IU is losing 12-10 at the 13:00 mark. DJ White could only manage 8 of IU's 10 so far. We just learned from the announcer that DJ is from Tuscaloosa, AL. If it weren't for "April 26th, 1992" by Sublime, I'm not sure I would have ever heard of that city. Hoping Eric Gordon starts doing something....
6:23: Oh sweet! The fattest player in the history of IU basketball is now on the floor. He looks like Doughboy from Boyz in da Hood (the version of Doughboy as a kid, not when he grew up to be a wheelchair-bound Ice Cube). I'm intrigued.
6:26: For some reason Kelvin Samson looks like he really enjoys ice cream.
6:27: IU losing to a team that is more athletic than them and plays zone defense? How unforeseeable.
6:29: "Georgia Tech runs it up Indiana's backside once again" - Brad Nessler. With the score 19-13 at the 11 minute mark, I can't object.
6:31: IU getting humiliated in the BTACCSS by a battalion of more athletic bigs in the paint? Just another aspect of the tradition of IU basketball. Such a rich mosaic.
6:33: After a 9-2 IU run and a GT time out we get to hear the IU fight song. If you don't like that fight song you probably hate puppies.
6:40: I have to hand it to ESPN. They've resist their urges to show an IU basketball montage that does not include a white kid with a crew cut shooting baskets from his gravel driveway against a backboard on the side of a barn.
6:43: IU's dabbling with zone defense is paying off as they take the lead finally. E.Gor has stopped playing like mucus and has 9 points with 5:10 left in the first. Make that 11 with 4:09. Announcer Jimmy Dykes has that one kind of midwest accent where he pronounces the word "him" as "eem" a la Phil Simms. He keeps reiterating that "Gordon's streeenth is his streeeenth". In some cultures "streng-" is pronounced "streen-" apparently.
6:47: Lexus has some lame-o commercial where some dude gets a bunch of crappy Christmas presents and he feigns a smile as he opens them. But one of the gifts was nunchucks!!! What guy wouldn't want nunchucks??!! Seriously. I would sleep with them in my bed if I had some. If you see me taking the bus tomorrow, it's because I've boycotted Lexus.
6:50: Jordan Crawford for IU is suspended for "violating team rules" as a result he's in "street clothes" according to Jimmy Dykes- which is a shirt and tie. When was the last time you saw a 6'6'' Division 1 athlete on the street wearing that?
6:52: Doughboy coming back in. Deandre Thomas is his name. This might surprise any readers that know me, but I've met a De'andre before (the one I know had an apostrophe, the one for IU does not, however) no shit.
6:55: What are the odds that IU has two White guys? Historically very good. But they actually have two black guys whose surnames are White. Those odds are not quite as good.
6:58: IU is up 38-34 at the half. Switching to a zone midway through the first half has been the difference. That and the score.
7:14: IU has sold their soul to stupidom and is now one of those teams that takes stools out onto the court for timeout huddles instead of just doing it from the bench. Terrible.
7:16: Kudos to Helzberg Diamonds. They've had the best commercial so far with the toenail-painting commercial. I won't ruin it, but it's got a nice surprise ending. Nice to see some originality and humor from a diamond commercial.
7:19: Northwestern and Minnesota are both losing their BTACCSS games (by 30 points and 8 points, respectively). Thanks for coming out guys. Well, IU is now losing too. By 3.
7:21: Do you think if ESPN switched over to the ESPN Deportes sound feed they'd call The Yellow Jackets the "Jello Yackets"? Anyway, the Jello Yackets are on a 9-0 run.
7:25: I love when the announcers talk about other sports. Dykes and Nessler are talking about college football and the ex-Arkansas, newly-named-Ole Miss. coach Houston Nutt. Isn't that male version of Debbie Does Dallas? If you say his name with a southern accent it sounds like "used to nut". I won't go into any jokes to that end in this column. But god knows I'm going to when I call my friend at the commercial break.
7:30: ESPN's "30 at 30" update isn't really an update. They reported the same thing that they did 30 minutes ago. Sean Taylor is still dead. Apparently I don't know what the word update means.
7:40: At the 10 minute mark IU is down by one but has more momentum. If they're ranked 15th and lose to an unranked team in the BTACCSS I'm gonna cry.
7:46: Doughboy has his warmup jersey on over his game jersey. You never like to see that, but it does make for a more picturesque slow-mo shot of him ripping off his warmup before entering a game. It's a trade-off, really.
7:49: Just saw a commercial for Halo3. When are they going to come out with a video game called "Conditioning Your Obese Kid to be a Murderer"?
7:50: IU's up by four finally. 8 minutes left.
7:51: IU's losing by one
7:51: IU's up by two
7:54: Blocking foul on the Jello Yackets. The referee signal for a blocking foul is by far the best referee signal in American sports. (I specified the nationality because I think the Australian rules football signal for a score is just as good).
8:04: IU has a 10 point lead. Finally.
8:10: Just hung up with another buddy after a solid 6 minutes of Houston Nutt jokes.
8:11: The Big Ten is definitely going to get blown out in the BTACCSS again this year, but at least IU will have won.
8:12: Brad Nessler informed us that Lance Stemler is shooting "a thousand percent" from the foul line. Making one shot per attempt is difficult enough, but making ten shots per attempt takes an awful lot of practice.
8:15: Game Over. To quote Chris Pontius from an episode of The Wild Boyz: "Good game. I win. Let's hit the showers."
THE BEER TENT: 'TIS THE SEASON FOR TROUBLE
by dswinder, Sons of Sam Malone
Here at Epic Carnival, we meet weekly under The Beer Tent to shoot the shit. I, dswinder, will be the ringleader, but you can join in on the discussion every Tuesday at 3ish.
Oh, the Holiday season. There's nothing like it. Why, with smells of mistletoe, gingerbread, Christmas trees, and coaching vacancies wafting by our nostrils, well, it's enough to drive any man into a state of eternal bliss.
Though its still early, we've already been treated to a horn o' plenty of college football head coaching job openings. Even Ole Miss gave their General the boot, and we all know they rarely rotate coaches (five since '93). Now that Orgeron is out, the Rebels are left with a vacancy in the midst of the SEC. Wait. My sources tell me that Ole Miss shall want no longer. It appears they've landed the Nutts.
Yes, as you've surely already had roll through your feed reader, the Ole Miss Rebels have filled the seat left open by departing Ed Orgeron with recent Arkansas resigner, Houston Nutt.
Oh Ole Miss, what ethics you have. Oh, how you fire coaches after you've exhausted the cause for hiring them in the first place (see: David Cutcliffe/Eli Manning graduation). Oh, how you easily forget what it means to have five winning seasons, going 44-29, while bringing the university its first ten win season in three decades. Oh, how quickly you lose all memory of certain text messages when hiring a replacement for Eddy O.
What? You forgot? Surely no one fails to remember that Houston Nutt has a history of being quite textually active with a certain blond media member.
Oh, it's not that the Rebels forgot that they want to put academics first. It's not that the texts slipped their minds. No, I think it's more that teams today are willing to sacrifice ethics for the sake of what they see as winning by way of a trouble maker.
Like Ole Miss, the Indiana Hoosiers enjoy throwing ethos out the door. Yes, IU possesses quite the fondness for recruiting violations. Kelvin Sampson anyone?
Sampson didn't just break official rules while coaching Oklahoma, making hundreds of illegal phone calls to recruits. He also managed to step on the collective toes of the Big Ten, and break the unwritten code of recruiting within the conference. One would think it reasonable enough to expect coaches within your conference to back off players who have already given a verbal commitment elsewhere within the same conference. One would think. But not to ole Kelvin. You see, just in case anyone forgot, Kelvin Sampson thought it perfectly ethical to heavily recruit Eric Gordon, drawing the top recruit away from conference rival, Illinois.
And I won't begin to address Alabama and Nick Satban.
But this complete lack of ethics isn't an epidemic trapped within the confines of college athletics. Lest you forget the Miami Dolphins just recently showed their willingness to give second, third, fourth, and five millionth chances to a player who has an unhealthy obsession with the ganj. Sure the Phins are off to an 0-11 start (0-10 pre-Ricky), but does a running back who's been out of the league for two years really remedy a situation as pitiful as they have going in Miami? Apparently not. After that 6 rushes for 15 yards and coming up injured performance last night, it looks like the Dolphins will find themselves in need of a new trouble maker with which to fix this problem of a team. May I suggest Maurice Clarett?
No, it's definitely not Alzheimer's or any other form of memory loss to blame for these ridiculous hirings. The blame can be laid solely on the backs of a lack of ethical fortitude. Well, that and maybe the scent of mistletoe, gingerbread, and Christmas trees.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
WE'RE ALL EVOLVING, BIG 10 ATHLETICS, EVOLVE WITH US
by Sterling Gould, More Credible
Big 10 athletics sure are boss aren't they? America's Favorite Conference has been taking some shots lately and I'm here to reiterate that it's okay, give them Hell. Last night, Ohio State lost an exhibition game to Division II school Findlay, 70-68. And although it was only exhibition and won't tally Ohio State's record, the fact that they lost to a team with far inferior (or maybe equal?) talent is a tad humorous. It's gigantic news for the Big 10, because it's now their second Division II loss in a week (Michigan State went down to Grand Valley State 85-82 in double overtime). Of course, all of this was stymied by Michigan's historical loss to Appalachian State at the beginning of football season. Not to mention the shellacking this conference's two "powerhouse" teams they had last season (OSU and Michigan in Football, Basketball) at the hands of the Florida Gators and the USC Trojans. The Football National Championship drumming was followed by former OSU Quarterback Kirk Herbstreit saying "this will send the conference back 10 years". And how.
As of right now, the Big 10's scarlett clad Golden Child, Ohio State, stands above the rest according to the BCS, despite playing guys like you and I on the field (the two teams OSU beat this season, aren't ranked today). In Dan Wetzel's normal sob story article, he straight up tells the nation that we're all "doubters" and "not to blame them". Sure Dan, I'll get right on that. Just as soon as you quit being an apologist.
All of that to come back to this. Perhaps the Big 10 is overachieving this century? I remember my Dad once telling me what a "power conference" this once was, but watching it now, I have aspirations of being a college athlete in this conference. Big 10 Commissioner Jim Delany put it best in his rant formal letter to the Nation on the SEC, which basically called the Southeastern Conference "dumb, but fast":
There are appropriate balances when mixing academics and athletics. Winning our way requires some discipline and restraint with the recruitment process. Not every athlete fits athletically, academically or socially at every university. Fortunately, we have been able to balance our athletic and academic mission so that we can compete successfully and keep faith with our academic standards.
Division II must be REALLY dumb, because they're running circles around your "balanced and socially stable" athletes. And it's not fair either. Why subject our balanced players to competing against this dumb, fast ones? It's not right NCAA *shakes index finger towards the sky*. I want to see success amongst these balanced, upstanding citizens. Let's move the Big 10 to Division II where they would be competitive for once, and have them play exclusively amongst Big 10 teams. No longer will they be victim to stupid, agile athletes. They can homer themselves to death and have announcers like Brent Musburger suck off Jim Tressel from the announcing booth. It'll be like a special class at your high school, but throw in a basketball and a volleyball and definitely a bag full of heavy books (for the academics, ya' know). We can create change people, the revolution is coming.
Friday, July 27, 2007
Big Ten = New Big Twelve
by Hank Worrell, Winning the Turnover Battle
The Big Ten has been watching college football the past few years. They've seen the big money rolling into other conferences' coffers. They know how much money a conference championship game brings. Hell, they know how much of a boost a big win in a conference championship game can be for a team's BCS championship hopes.
So this shouldn't come as any big suprise right?
"Big Ten officials will likely discuss expanding to 12 schools to accommodate the new Big Ten Network, commissioner Jim Delany said."
Adding a twelfth team to the Big Ten actually makes a lot of sense.(Except for making the eleven team league's name even dumber) Adding a twelfth team would allow the Big Ten to split into two divisions and stage a conference championship game, which in and of itself would bring a substantial financial windfall. It would also allow the conference to potentially expand into a larger media market, a move that would greatly benefit the launch of the new Big Ten Network.
OK, so it is pretty obvious that adding another team would make financial sense. So now for the nitty gritty; who is it gonna be? The Big Ten has a history of on-field excellence as well as high academic standards for its member institutions, so those two factors must be weighed heavily when considering which team to add. The third major factor would be the previously mentioned addition of a large media market to the Big Ten stable. Given these factors, three schools stand out above the rest; Notre Dame, Navy, and Rutgers.
Notre Dame:
Academics: A
History: A+
Recently: B+
TV Market: A+
Notre Dame is a no-brainer as a target for the Big-Ten. The problem is, it is also a no-brainer for Notre Dame to remain independent. Notre Dame's current affiliation with the Big East in other sports aside, Notre Dame already has a lucrative long-term TV deal in place. That deal would obviously need to be broken in order for Notre Dame to join the Big Ten, and the likelihood of that happening is pretty slim. Which really is a shame, since otherwise Notre Dame would be a perfect fit as team #12. Storied history? Check. Recent success? Check. Strong academics? Check. TV market? Although the Big Ten already has a team in Indiana, Notre Dame's national fanbase would exponentially increase the attractiveness of the Big Ten Network to cable companies across the country.
Rutgers:
Academics: A-
History: D+
Recently: A-
TV Market: A+
Rutgers is a school that has been widely discussed as a twelfth team for the Big Ten. The Scarlet Knights' main appeal would be the addition of the New York/New Jersey media market to the Big Ten stable. Rutgers has more to offer in that regard than any other team. The downside of course, is that Rutgers does not exactly have a tradition of excellence on the football field.(Does winning the 1869 national championship count?) If the Big Ten were to become serious about adding Rutgers they would have to ask themselves this question; was last year a fluke? Rutgers experienced a breakout season last year under Greg Schiano, but if the Scarlet Knights were to falter this season they would become a far less attractive addition. To put it bluntly; the Big Ten already has a perrenial doormat in Indiana, they don't need another one.
Navy:
Academics: A-
History: B
Recently: B
TV Market: A-
Although Navy is a less attractive candidate than both Notre Dame and Rutgers in a number of ways, at the end of the day the Midshipmen make the most sense for the Big Ten. Although Annapolis Md. might not seem like a big boon to TV numbers at first, keep in mind that Navy has a large following in the D.C. area. Navy has also been very consistent on the field in recent years, having gone to bowl games in each of the past four seasons. (And winning two of them) As odd as it may sound Navy also just "feels" like a Big Ten school don't they? Their teams in recent years have exemplified the classic Big Ten smash mouth style. Add in the fact that Navy is an independent, making their addition much simpler than Rutgers, and Navy seems like a perfect fit.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Debunking the Myth of Big East Conference Football; What Your OB-GYN isn't Telling You
I was reading the West Virginia message boards when I came across this lively debate between Eer and Big 10 fans titled "Who has the toughest schedule Michigan or West Virginia?" I thought to myself "holy shit these idiots can't possibly be thinking that they are in the caliber as Michigan and the Big 10". They sure as shit think that they do. They really think that the Big East can compete with the Big Boys on a weekly basis. That is just crazy talk....(HT for the Tip BucknEer)
For sake of argument, here are the Michigan and WVU schedules. Note that the WVU is littered with ESPN telecasts. That nugget of information will be important in a few minutes.
| Date | Opponent | Result/Time | Record/Tickets | TV |
| September 1 | Western Michigan | 3:30 PM ET | Tickets | |
| September 8 | at Marshall | 11:10 AM ET | Tickets |  |
| September 13 | at Maryland | 7:45 PM ET | Tickets | |
| September 22 | East Carolina | TBA | Tickets | |
| September 28 | at South Florida | 8:00 PM ET | Tickets |  |
| October 6 | at Syracuse | TBA | Tickets | |
| October 20 | Mississippi State | TBA | Tickets | |
| October 27 | at Rutgers | TBA | Tickets | |
| November 8 | Louisville | 7:30 PM ET | Tickets | |
| November 17 | at Cincinnati | TBA | Tickets | |
| November 24 | Connecticut | TBA | Tickets | |
| December 1 | Pittsburgh | TBA | Tickets |
Michigan 2007 Football Schedule/Results
| Date | Opponent | Result/Time | Record/Tickets | TV |
| September 1 | Appalachian State | 12:00 PM ET | Tickets | |
| September 8 | Oregon | 3:30 PM ET | Tickets | |
| September 15 | Notre Dame | 3:30 PM ET | Tickets | |
| September 22 | Penn State | TBA | Tickets | |
| September 29 | at Northwestern | TBA | Tickets | |
| October 6 | Eastern Michigan | TBA | Tickets | |
| October 13 | Purdue | 12:00 PM ET | Tickets | |
| October 20 | at Illinois | 8:00 PM ET | Tickets | |
| October 27 | Minnesota | TBA | Tickets | |
| November 3 | at Michigan State | TBA | Tickets | |
| November 10 | at Wisconsin | TBA | Tickets | |
| November 17 | Ohio State | TBA | Tickets |
Michigan has a tough schedule this year, but the toughest games are at home: Oregon, Notre Dame, Penn State and Ohio State all come to Ann Arbor. Wisconsin will be tough road game.
WVU has Louisville at home, and both Rutgers and USF on the road. Since these two aren't known as being tough road environments and WVU should win both. Eer fans really seem to believe that since ESPN is broadcasting some of their games that an ESPN broadcast means that their opponent is tougher. Somehow rationalizing that ESPN broadcasts means that their strength of schedule is increased......Grasping ...at......straws....Eers... Reality is that all of the television broadcasts are just part of the contract between the Big East and ESPN.
Reading on through the message board thread, Eer fans posted super smart comments like "Michigan sucks" and the "Big Ten is mediocre". To be honest, I agree with the Eer comments. I just happen to think that WVU sucks more than Michigan does and that the Big East is overhyped conference because of the ESPN contract. Am I flaming? Yes I am, but I can back it up. Check this data because the numbers don't lie:
2005/2006
Ohio State 22-3 / West Virginia 22-3
Wisconsin 22-4 / Louisville 21-4
Penn State 20-5 / Rutgers 18-7
Michigan 18-7 / South Florida 15-10
82-19 / 76-24
The top four teams in the Big Ten played 35 ranked opponents and went 22-13 while the Big East top four schools played 19 ranked teams and went below .500 at 9-10. Keep in mind that there 11 teams in the Big 10 and only 8 in the Big East. (Stats from Stassen and Sagarin)
Breakdown:
West Virginia 3-2, Louisville 3-2, South Florida 2-4, Rutgers 1-2
Ohio State 9-3, Wisconsin 4-2, Penn State 5-4, Michigan 4-4
Next 4
Iowa 13-12 / Cincinnati 12-12
Minnesota 13-12 / Pitt 11-12
Purdue 13-12 / U Conn 9-14
Northwestern 11-13 / Syracuse 5-18
50-49 / 37-56
Michigan State 9-14
Indiana 9-14
Illinois 4-19
Wow again. The Big East big four are below .500 with a 9-10 record against ranked opponents the last 2 seasons. Hellfire, they only have 8 teams in the conference as compared to 10-12 in the Big Boy conferences. They should be better overall from a mathematical perspective, but they aren't. The moral of this story is that you can only shine the Big East turd so much. And turds don't shine real bright.
What about the Big East claim of "we were 5-0 in bowls"? What about that, hmmm? Let’s review the Big East’s stellar 2006/2007 five and 0 bowl record (HT to Jon Koncak for the data):
- UL beats Wake Forest in the most unattractive BCS bowl games to date. The worst Orange Bowl for as long anyone can remember. When Orange Bowl officials found out who they got for their premier game, a collective, “awww, shiiiaaatttt…” leaked from the board room.
- The cute Rutgers story of the year put them in the Texas Bowl against Big 12 (7-6) powerhouse, Kansas State. Rutgers, the Big East runner-up, wins 37 - 10. Aww. It’s their 1st ever bowl win in 137 seasons played. How cute.
- WVU, the big east #3, sneaks into the Gator Bowl and “destroys” GT 38-35. Ironically, that’s the same score they “destroyed” UGA with. “Destroy” is taught in WV public schools as a term to describe winning by any margin. WVU fans will not say that South Florida “destroyed” the mountaineers 24-19 in Morgantown, but, whatever.
- Now here’s where the big games start. Big East #4, South Florida, faces the juggernaut East Carolina from C-USA. This was a game for the ages with South Florida winning the Papa John’s Bowl 24-7. Papa John’s gave both conferences $100,000 worth of liquid garlic butter and those mini end tables used to keep the pizza box from being brushed into the cheese.
- Cincinnati (8-5), Big East #5, played the scrappy Western Michigan Broncos in Toronto in the International Bowl. I actually watched this whole game. I don’t know why, other than I must have been sick and the batteries on the remote must have been dead. Ironically, this was a good game. Kinda like how you can go to a high school football game and see a good game. Cincinnati came out to a 24-0 lead and eventually won the contest 27-24. Now that’s football.
So, the Big East’s 2006/7 bowl opponents were Wake Forest, Georgia Tech, Kansas State, East Carolina, and Western Michigan. Wake Forest is the only team in the bunch to finish ranked in the top 30 with an 18 in the AP poll and 17 in the Coaches poll.
Why say all of that? I don’t know, really. Big East fans will never agree that their conference is inferior, so not only do I waste time watching Cincinnati in the International Bowl, but I wasted time researching Big East Bowl games.
You know how they have classifications in high school football? A, AA, AAA, AAAA, AAAAA? The Big East is AA. Every year a AA team will beat a AAAA or AAAAA team in football. They cheer and get all happy and say they can compete, but everyone knows they don’t have the depth or the ability to compete with the big boys every week. One game here and there? Sure, but WVU or UL isn’t escaping the SEC schedule with less than 3 losses during their best year.
SEC Wins
2002 Vandy 28-24 Conn.
2002 Tenn 35-14 Rutgers
2001 Tenn 33-9 Syracuse
2002 Auburn 37-34 Syracuse
2003 Tenn 10-6 Miami
Big East Wins
2001 B.C. 20-16 Georgia
2002 V.Tech 26-8 LSU
2000 Miami 37-20 Florida
2002 Miami 26-3 Tenn
2002 Miami 41-16 Florida
2003 Miami 38-33 Florida
2006 W.V. 42-14 Miss. St.
2005 W.V. 38-35 Georgia
2000 W.V. 49-38 Miss.
2001 Syracuse 31-14 Auburn
2004 Rutgers 37-34 Vandy
2005 Louisville 59-28 Kentucky
2006 Louisville 31-24 Kentucky
Yep, they claim Miami, VT and Boston College. Schools that bailed out to the ACC leaving a vacuum for mid majors like Louisville to join a conference and allowing WVU to stop being a Big East bottom feeder. Speaking of bottom feeders, the Big East has worn out Ole Miss, Vandy and Mississippi State. It makes their argument of "we play and beat the SEC" sound really good until you look at who they play....
And finally, Big East fans love to ask "what happened when our champion met the SEC Champion in their home state?"
The Big East Team won. The blame for all of the Big East hype is squarely on the shoulders of UGA, nice going Mark Richt, way to overlook the little guy. Evidently the biggest win ever for the Conference, because they have no other point of reference. That win was similar to the 1980 US Hockey Team win over the USSR; The Cardinals winning the series last year; Boise State beating Oklahoma; South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs beating the University of Louisiana Cougars; A blind squirrel finding the occasional acorn; a broke clock giving the right time twice a day; and Halley's Comet. The point is that it was a blip on the radar, and anomaly. A Big East team can't play an SEC schedule week in and week out.
What will be really interesting is how the Conference will rebound when it's marquee players leave. I think that they only have three that are really pretty good. Who will replace Brohm and the two kids from WVU. Hell I don't even know their names so they can't be that great.I am sure it is hard to recruit to obscure schools with itty bitty stadiums.
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