by Scott Sargent, Waiting For Next Year
Football is the only sport that forces you to list your players' respective health issues days in advance of the coin toss. Thursday afternoon rolls around, and you can just hear the stream of reports coming out of the practice field of each NFL team. Running back knees, quarterback fingers; you name it, it's on there.
But in baseball, you can option. You can recall. Heck, you can just play your guys every day even though they're experiencing some sort of nagging injury. But will you win? Not likely.
No team is more known for deceiving injury reports than the New England Patriots. Listing half of a roster as "probable" is not out of the question. Tom Brady, "questionable?" Then he'll come out and toss 400 yards and five touchdowns.
Enter Eric Wedge.
Today, the catcher for the Cleveland Indians, Victor Martinez, was added to the Tribe's 15-day disabled list with an inflamed elbow that occurred during an at-bat in Wednesday's game. Or did it? Per the team's official site:After the game, manager Eric Wedge revealed that the elbow had flared up on
Wait. All season? You mean that could be why a clean-up hitter has zero home runs through mid-June? Who would've thought...
Martinez during the at-bat and that the catcher has been battling the elbow
problem all season.
How about Joe Borowski? The team's closer comes out of spring training topping out in the mid-80s. He can't locate, and when he does, he gets raked all over the yard. He winds up with an ERA near 15, but he's fine. At least until he gives up a loss to the Red Sox. Then he heads to the DL for several weeks with what was called a "nagging triceps injury."
Travis Hafner? The power-hitting DH? He struggled all season long, yet we were told he was perfectly healthy. Then out of nowhere comes a shoulder injury severe enough to land him on the disabled list. So bad that he was supposed to start rehab a week ago and still has not hit a live pitch.
It's one thing for Belichick to be deceptive as he does not want the other team to be able to expect the total package. But it's another for Wedge to be deceptive to the team's fans and the local media. A backlash was starting to bubble up around two weeks ago when we found out that Martinez had still not recovered from the hamstring injury that occurred during opening day. Yet he was trotted out there each game, crouching behind the plate and doing next to nothing when standing next to it with a bat in his hand.
Credibility obviously isn't something that Wedge is oozing these days. Belichick gets respected for his actions because, as Eric Cartman told us, he wins games. Perhaps if the Indians were above .500, Tribe fans would think differently.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
IS ERIC WEDGE MLB'S BILL BELICHICK?
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
TOP 13 SUSPECTS IN THE MURDER OF MY SPORTS BLOG
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
For the past 48+ hours, without a word of warning or explanation, Blogger/Google has removed my 16-month old sports site, Five Tool Tool. (No link, because, um, It Doesn't Freaking Work.)
We didn't even use curse words. We rarely showed titty. Hell, we barely even had commenters, though we did have advertisers. But like all little-read sports blogs, we had enemies -- cold-blooded murdering enemies that would kill a blog just to keep us silent. (Will we stay dead? I have no idea. Google/Blogspot's customer service has been positively Isiah-esque so far.)
So who killed us? The list of suspects is after the jump. Plus hey, lots of NSFW videos and NSFBlogger Opinions!
13) Don Nelson.
Our final visitor was from Oakland. They accessed the site for 35 minutes, went through a bunch of pages, then moved on. Soon after that, the site went down.
Could the Warriors head coach have pulled strings with local Googlians to silence a critic who has (a) posted an image of Nellie looking all fat and bloated on wine, (b) pointed out that Nellieball, while entertaining, almost never goes deep in the playoffs?
Clues: He's got nothing else to do, so he's got the means. He also brought back Chris Webber this year, so we've already proven insanity as a pre-existing condition.
Alibis: Old people don't know how to use the Internets. Besides, he's probably too busy threatening to retire, or crank-calling Baron Davis.
Odds: 50 (wins) to 1 against.
12) Isiah Thomas.
Our "Isiah Thomas Is Comedy Gold" tag was one of the most used in the site's history, and there has been many days when Zeke's wacky Baghdad Bob-esque shenanigans filled our wordhole. Now that he's employed by the Knicks to, as far as we can tell, do nothing and have no contact with his players, he's clearly got the free time to wreak a terrible vengeance on his enemies.
Clues: Given the delusional nature of Zeke's pressers this year, there's a good chance that he's not tethered to reality, and might think our blog was the cause of all his problems. Madison Square Garden and the Dolans also seem to like employing thugs.
Alibis: We're pretty sure he doesn't, you know, read. Or use the Internets. Or give a damn about anything.
Odds: 30-1.
11) Bill Belichick.
What, you don't think he's evil enough? I'd say more here, but saying his name out loud just caused the lights to flicker and a chill wind to blow.
Clues: Given that FTT was solely responsible for the Patriots' loss by actively rooting for them during their quest for Perfectriotection, the BeliHate could be all-consuming.
Alibis: Too busy running his draft at the time. Plus, when Bill goes for Evil, it's not a small thing. Unless this is a first stage before a blogosphere-wide purge, it's just not his style.
Odds: 18-1. But it's a big 1.
10) Mark Cuban.
The NBA's leader megalomaniac is well known for his hate of any blog that isn't his. FTT, like all right-thinking Americans, enjoy watching him lose basketball games, dance contests, and his hair.
Clues: The last post at FTT before the site went dark covered the Hornets taking a 3-1 lead on Cuban's Mavericks. As a matter of fact, the last line we published was "Karma's a bitch, Cubes." That had to be too much to resist.
Alibis: No one who isn't being paid by Cuban ever does anything for him. Has spent the last two weeks determining the most humiliating way to fire Avery Johnson.
Odds: 13-1.
9) Epic Carnival's Editor, Scrap.
The Epic Carnival editor is desperate to have all of our link-generating listy goodness. Plus, with FTT out of the picture, EC's traffic will groundrocket. (Skyrocket being, well, kind of an overpromise.)
Clues: Way too casual reaction to the news that FTT was down.
Alibis: We don't write about titty enough for him to care. Plus, um, he doesn't actually know who we are. (To be fair, he's got what, 600 writers on this frickin' site?)
Odds: 12-1 against.
8) Bill Simmons.
The world's leading Masshole was routinely referred on FTT as the Bad Tooth, in that we just couldn't stop checking his column to see how painful it is to read now. Alone among all sports bloggers, we criticized him. (You can congratulate us on our originality and bravery now.)
Clues: If you listen to his podcasts backward, you can clearly hear Simmy Boy say, "I direct my unholy army of mouth-breathing Boston apologists to take Five Tool Tool down."
Alibis: The podcast could also just be a pre-pubescent girl touching herself. I get my files mixed up sometimes, and Simmy's voice is in the same register.
Odds: 10-1 against.
7) Kobe Bryant.
We keep refusing to support Kobe's MVP campaign, by steadfastly refusing to see (a) how any team could need LeBron James more than the Cavs do, and (b) beyond the fact that Kobe's an (alleged) anal rapist and part-time loon who threw his entire team and organization under the bus in the off-season. Obey Your Thirst, Mamba. Obey Your Thirst.
Clues: He totally knows that Allen Iverson is one of our favorite players, and keeps being really, really mean to his teams in the playoffs.
Alibis: He's been occupied for minutes at a time with sweeping the Nugs. Has probably been preoccupied with laughing at Shaq missing enough free throws to get eliminated.
Odds: 8-1.
6) Dick Cheney.
While FTT is a sports blog, one of our last posts before the blog went down showed Big Daddy Dick in his leathers and feathers, as part of a strained analogy to what it's like to watch the Pistons in their inevitable / inexorable playoff run. Besides, you can't ever count the Daddy out, given that he likes to shoot his friends in the face.
Clues: There are many, but they've all been marked classified.
Alibis: Dick Cheney has no need for alibis. He is what he is.
Odds: 8-1 against.
5) Roger Clemens.
The Rocket continues his week of living fabulously with a roid and meth-fueled takedown of a sports blog that's been calling him a fraud since before Suzyn Waldman had a hot flash over his appearance in the Steinbrenner box.
Clues: Sure, instigating a conspiracy against some pissant sports blogger would be a hopeless lapse in judgment. But isn't that his MO now?
Alibis: His choice of attorney shows that competence is not a plus outside of the baseball diamond. Besides, he'd have been better off taking down EC. Damn, I probably just gave him an idea.
Odds: 5 to 1.
4) Barry Bonds.
The Home Roid King can't have liked what we've written about him. Once again, as in the Simmons candidacy, this makes us unique. (It was such a good blog. I miss it terribly.) He also can't have liked being compared to low-rent Japanese monster movies, when he was thinking of going to Japan for the '08 season, since we didn't even give him the full Godzilla treatment. But it does show a very similar body transformation and head enlargement.
Clues: Vengeful, spiteful, bitter, with tons of free time on his hands. (Hey, why doesn't Barry have a blog?)
Alibis: FTT frequently covered non-Bonds subjects, and as his entire existence shows, Barry can't be bothered with non-Bonds subjects.
Odds: 5-2.
3) Blog-On-Blog Violence
You don't write lists every day without generating a lot of hate from other bloggers. We're talkin' Tupac v. Biggie levels, dammit. (Video's lyrics are NSFW.)
Clues: It's nothin' but hate in the sports blogosphere. Thug Blog 'Til We Die!
Alibis: The opposite of hate isn't love. It's indifference. Also, we're old.
Odds: 2 to 1.
2) Anonymous.
All of those mean, hurtful comments. The constant sniping. The fact-checking on our howling mistakes and factual errors. We say it doesn't hurt, but you know what? It does. But our stoic endurance of your slings and arrows has driven you mad, hasn't it? So mad you had to have your revenge. You bastard.
Clues: The fact that no one else on this here blog, or any other, gets slagged by anonymous commenters.
Alibis: Taking down a blog would be the biggest accomplishment of your life, wouldn't it? Hmm.
Odds: 3 to 2.
1) Google.
Not to sound too ungrateful here, but this no warning, no explanation, no response experience? I've had better customer service while getting divorced.
Clues: The, um, site shutdown with no warning, explanation, or response.
Alibis: By writing this, I might make them mad... and then they'd shut down my freaking blog without warning, explanation or response. Don't Be Evil, my ass.
Hey, Sonics fans, I think I'm finally starting to fully understand your situation!
Odds: Damn near certain.
So, um... (NSFW lyrics)
Can you stop, you know, doing this? Please?
Friday, February 8, 2008
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR FEBRUARY 8
Bravo, flatusyahu ... again.
If you do or see some great photoshopping in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... some yummy hot chocolate!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
SPYGATE: THE SEQUEL
by Sooze, Babes Love Baseball
After spankin' new allegations Saturday made public by the Boston Herald (citing an anonymous source) that a member of the New England Patriots' video staff recorded the St. Louis Rams' last walkthrough prior to the 2002 Super Bowl -- you know, the one the Pats won despite heavy favoritism for a Rams victory -- we all may rest assured as the team has issued a formal denial.
The anonymous source, who claimed to be close to the team that season, said that after the Patriots took a pre-game photo, a ninja-like member of their video department lurked in the shadows of the Superdome, hanging around long enough to tape the Rams' session. This camera guy then allegedly showed it to the Pats coaching staff in an attempt to give them a much-needed edge for the win.
Of course, the NFL "looked into it" and came to the conclusion that since there is no proof of any kind of video-related shenanigans, it never happened. Commissioner Roger Goodell, or just "Rog" as I like to call him, says there was "no indication that it benefited [New England] in any of the Super Bowl victories." A Patriots spokesperson released this persuasive statement:
"The suggestion that the New England Patriots recorded the St. Louis Rams' walkthrough on the day before Super Bowl XXXVI is absolutely false. Any suggestion to the contrary is untrue."
Well, there you have it. No one was spying on anyone. The end.
Now enjoy this sweet tune in celebration of Groundhog Day.
Friday, January 18, 2008
FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: MY NAME IS IGOR OLSHANSKY AND I'M A MORON
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
I know I'm a little late on this one because the mammoth Ukrainian let the stupid fly after their win Sunday, but I keep seeing it pop up on TV as this weekend's game gets closer and every time I do, I think to myself, "What the hell was this kid thinking?"
Who? New England? Seriously, I mean, they're more worried than we are, I promise you. Believe me. They know what's up.My best bet at the reaction from within the Patriots Organization:
- Igor Olshanksy, San Diego Defensive End and Victim of Verbal Diarrhea
He said what? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dumb bastard...
Seriously, let's all take a second to look at the situation here. Igor, feel free to join us.One team is 17-0 and beat the living daylights out of the other earlier in the year. Oh yeah, they're in pretty near perfect health too.
The team that isn't 17-0, while they may be playing pretty decent football as of right now, ISN'T 17-0 and has the potential to step onto the field lacking their three best offensive players come Sunday.
Honestly Igor, even with LT, Rivers and Gates, beating New England in their backyard is one huge task. Doing it with Michael Turner, Billy Volek and Brandon Comeoniwannaleiyou is another thing. Not to mention the fact that last year, when you and your healthy teammates were the favourites and had the better record, New England came to your house and beat you there too.
As if there needed to be further proof that you just don't go pissing off the Patriots this season, all Olshansky needed to do was place a couple of phone calls. Give Eric Mangini a ring. Get a hold of Anthony Smith. See what they have to say about getting on the Patriots bad side.
Mangini set this whole Spy-Gate thing in motion and unleashed the fury that the rest of the league had to deal with all season long. For his troubles, he also got handed a 20-10 defeat in Week 15, also known as Consecutive Win #14.
Anthony Smith was even better. He guaranteed Pittsburgh was going to win. They didn't and Smith got absolutely lit up by The Brady Bunch. He was personally burned for two big touchdowns, as if Tom Brady and Co. was saying, "Here you go. Make a play Big Mouth." Smith came up waaaay short.
Now, anything is possible. LT and Rivers could be a go for Sunday's game and once you step on the field there is no telling what could happen. San Diego could shock everyone and walk out of New England with a win.
They could also get their asses handed to them.
Which do you think is more likely?
Me too.
Friday, January 4, 2008
FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: I HATE BOSTON!
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
I hate the Red Sox. I hate the Celtics. I hate the Patriots. I hate the whole damn area!
As things stand right now, on this fourth day of 2008, the Boston Red Sox are the World Series Champions, the New England Patriots just went 16-0 and should win the Super Bowl and the Boston Celtics are the best team in the NBA, at least as far as records go. On the whole, that blows! No area should be afforded that much success ever, yet alone in the span of one sports year...
For comparison sake, Canada hasn't won anything since 1993 when the Toronto Blue Jays captured the World Series and the Montreal Canadians won the Stanley Cup. Since the Stanley Cup doesn't really count in the US anyway, even though it has resided there ever since, that means the Jays are all I have to hang my hat on and that's for an entire country, not just a region. We're talking about a geographical area in New England that isn't even the size of Newfoundland. This is just brutal!
Here are five reasons why this really sucks:
1. The Patriots Have Been Awesome For A Decade
Remember when the Patriots upset "The Greatest Show on Turf" Rams for their first Super Bowl and were the darlings of the football world? That was nice. Now, now that they are the step on your throat, kick you while you're down, beat you, pick you up and beat you some more Patriots who just went 16-0, I hate them. Special thanks goes out to the other teams in the NFL who insist on trading insanely talented players to the Patriots for 35 cents on the dollar. Thank you Miami (Wes Welker) and Oakland (Randy Moss). And, just to add insult to injury, Tom Brady is bangin' Giselle. Go to Hell Tom Brady, You Greedy Bastard!
2. The Red Sox Aren't Idiots Anymore
Much like their football brethren, the original incarnation of the championship Sox was lovable. They were the underdog before Jason Lee, with a band of characters like Pedro, Cowboy Kevin Millar and ManRam, plus they did something that had never been done before in coming back from 3-0 down to win a series. They even gained extra points for doing it against the goddamn Yankees too! Now, no more idiots, except for Paps. Manny being Manny isn't entertaining anymore, Josh Beckett is too damn good and Theo Epstein is a freakin' genius even if he signed JD Drew to a long-term deal.
3. The Celtics Are Making Danny Ainge & Doc Rivers Look Great
Let me remind you that prior to this season, both of these men should have rightfully been fired. They had accomplished the square root of fuckall and had turned the once proud Celtics into a total laughing stock. They pretty much tanked on purpose last year to try and land Oden or Durant and then even failed to do that. But then Kevin McHale bailed out his old team by shipping KG to town and The Big Ticket has transformed the laughable Celts into legit contenders, despite what Wilbon and Kornheiser might say on PTI. As such, Ainge and Doc look great right now as the GM and Coach of the team with the best record in the NBA, when we all know that they have nothing to do with the success of the Celtics.
4. It's Going to be Like This For A While
The Patriots will remain dominant so long as Tom Brady keeps taking less money to remain in New England and Hobo Bill patrols the sidelines. The Sox are The New Evil Empire, like it or not Bostonians, and will stop at nothing to remain neck and neck with the only team they care about competing with and since the Celtics have Allen locked up until 2010, Pierce through 2011 and KG through 2012, chances are that they have a nice little five year run ready to go starting this season.
5. Eventually, the Bruins Might Catch On
And if that happens, it's a sure sign of The Apocalypse.
As such, here are my hopes for 2008 in regards to the sports franchises residing in the New England area:
The Patriots run into Jacksonville, who beats them up physically. They might not beat them on the scoreboard, but spending an entire game having that line and those backs pounding on you is hard. That way, when Indy comes to town a week later, Peyton, Reggie Wayne and the fresh and ready to go Marvin Harrison can pull an upset, with ex-Pat Adam Vinatieri kicking the winning field goal.
The Red Sox trade for Johan Santana, giving up Jon Lester, Jacoby Ellsbury and a couple others and ink him to a long-term deal. Santana promptly goes out and tears a ligament in his pitcher arm, misses almost two years and the guys they traded away develop into the All-Stars everyone is pretty sure they will be. Sadly, even without Santana and the guys they traded, Boston still makes the playoffs.
Detroit walks into Boston and beats the Celtics on a pair of late free throws by Chauncey Billups, who got to the line by pump faking Tony Allen into the air just like Doc Rivers told him he would. Wait? That already happened? Alright. Forget about the Celtics then...
Thursday, December 27, 2007
WHAT KEPT THE BLOGOSPHERE BUZZING IN 2007?
by Ed Valentine, Valentine's Views On Sports
Here is a look back at some of the events that shaped the sports blogosphere in 2007.
- Pretty much any 'Who Would You Do?' contest. Various sites have held those in regards to sideline reporters, tennis stars, golf stars, and wives or girlfriends of athletes. A site run by women even did a Hot Sports Bloggers contest. Yuck! At this point, these are entertaining, but old hat.
- The Allison Stokke uproar. The blogosphere was on fire after With Leather turned 18-year-old high school pole vaulter Allison Stokke into an Internet sensation with a sexy picture and some lewd remarks. Six months later I still get a smattering of hits to my personal site, Valentine's Views, looking for Stokke stories.
- Colin Cow
dungherd vs. The Big Lead. Cowherd directed his listeners to attack The Big Lead and try to crash its servers, which they did, following some commentary Cowdungherd didn't like. Cowdungherd has become the sports blogosphere's favorite whipping boy. At least he's good for something!
- Steroids in baseball. Arguments abound everywhere on the Internet about Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens and everyone else connected to the performance-enhancing drug scandal in baseball. This topic will give bloggers fodder to write and argue about for years to come.
- Alex Rodriguez stories. Anyone who writes consistently knows that some days you just have nothing new, nothing fresh. Thank God for A-Rod on those days. Whether he was hitting home runs, hitting on women who weren't his wife, wishing he could hit his agent or hitting up the Yankees for insane wads of cash, there was always something to write about this ever-so sensitive superstar.
- The New York Knicks. The Knicks desperately need to fire coach/GM Isiah Thomas and get rid of the very strange Stephon Marbury. If you blog heavily about New York sports, though, as I do, you hope James Dolan keeps these guys forever. Like A-Rod, there is pretty much something to write about one or both of these idiots every day.
- Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots. Love 'em or hate 'em, the Patriots always give you something to talk about. Whether it was Spygate, songs immortalizing their coach as 'Belicheat,' questions about running up the score on undermanned opponents or just admiration for how good they are the Patriots have been a hot topic all year. Oh, and it doesn't hurt that Tom Brady is impregnating supermodels at an alarming rate.
- Michael Vick and PacMan Jones. Law-breaking superstars will always get the blogosphere fired up, and these were the two favorite targets during the past year.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
ERIC MANGINI LOVES MIKE NUGENT
by Mac G, Mac G's World
While watching football every weekend, I came up with a mantra, "How much will Pats' coach Bill Belichick and his players act like poor sports in victory?"
Actually, my litmus test phrase for certain coaching decisions is "WWBBD? What Would Bill Belichick Do?
Whether it is Joe Paterno's affinity with punting inside his opponents 40 or Herm Edwards constantly calling draw plays on 3rd and long, this theory can be applied to a coach at any level.
Say what you want to say about Belichick's personality (I could elaborate for eight paragraphs on his abrasive pompous behavior towards opposing teams, fans and the media), his aggressive style is one of the top coaching models in football right now. He always goes for it on makeable 4th down situations, unwilling to fall into the trap of using the outdated field position game formula.
Belichick's clock management skills are superb and his decisions are hardly second guessed. His teams rarely burn unwanted timeouts and he uses his challenges wisely. These are some of the reasons that he is the best coach in the NFL.
One of Belichick's scorned disciples, Jets head coach Eric Mangini, must really be trying to act out against his former teacher.
On Sunday, Mangini's Jets scored a late TD, missed the two-point conversation and were trailing the Browns 17-12 with three minutes to play. The Jets decided to go for the onside kick and they recovered it. Considering the Jets momentum, the surprise element of the kick and the driving rain, it was a worthwhile gamble that paid off.
The Jets moved the ball to the Browns 20 and were facing a 4th & 10 with 1:50 to play. Being down five points, it is a no-brainer that the Jets were going for it right? Wrong.
Mangini sends out kicker Mike Nugent and his FG makes it a two-point game. The Jets still did have all three timeouts so it would make sense to kick it deep and try to hold the Browns to a three and out? Wrong again.
The Jets try another onside kick, which the Browns recover. On 3rd down, Browns RB Jamal Lewis breaks free and runs all the way for a 31-yard TD score. The score now stands at 24-15 Browns.
On the ensuing Jets drive, they move the ball to the Browns 17 and have first down with 37 seconds left. Mangini decides to kick another FG! This decision cements my belief that one of Mangini's relatives either has the "Nuge" as his fantasy kicker or money on the over or both.
The Jets are down two scores with no timeouts and this Madden-type of move is questionable, but understandable. They need a miracle either way you slice it. After the "Nuge" drills another FG to make the score 24-18 Browns, the Jets line up for another onside kick.
This time the "Nuge" tries to pooch kick it and the ball goes at least 20-30 yard before going out of bounds. Another puzzling decision on forgoing the normal onside and an even more laughable execution.
Luckily for the Jets, a Browns' player lined up offside and they were able try the onside kick again. This time they tried the regular 10-yard variety and the Browns recovered. Ballgame.
Other thoughts on this very strange ending.
THE BELICHICK INTERNATIONAL SPY AGENCY
by Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog
Who is Anthony Smith? Two weeks ago everyone on the planet would have said that they do not know of anyone by that name, but Anthony Smith of the Steelers decided to guarantee a victory over the undefeated Patriots. Of course, the Patriots walked away with a 34-13 victory where they burned Smith on three occasions for the touchdowns. Smith was also seen headbutting Tom Brady after Mr. Gisele Bundchen threw a first quarter touchdown.
The media entered the Pittsburgh locker room to get some quotes from Anthony Smith. Guess what? He states that the Steelers will see the Patriots again in the playoffs. Smith needs to focus on making plays on the field which will lead the team to victory instead of running his mouth. What would Bill Cowher have done to him if he pulled the same stunt on him? Rip his head off? Head coach Mike Tomlin needs to get his team back on the winning track and focusing on the next game instead of having to deal with a media firestorm after one of his weakest defensive players runs his stupid mouth.
Bill Belichick who usually says nothing in his press conferences that gets people riled up at all made some comments about Smith. When asked about many of the plays which took advantage of Anthony Smith, he stated that, "The safety play at that position was pretty inviting." Rodney Harrison and Randy Moss called out Smith saying that the team used the comments as motivation heading into the game.
The Pats have some motivation this weekend as they take on Eric Mangenius and the New York Jets. The Jets turned in the New England Patriots this season after getting a videotape confiscated from the Pats sideline during the first quarter of their week one match-up. As everyone knows, it was found out that the Patriots were filming the defensive coaches of the Jets so they could look at the signals thus knowing what the Jets were calling during the game. The Patriots were found guilty of the charges and lost their 1st round pick.
As we enter this Week 15 match-up the teams are heading in very different directions with the Patriots having a solid (ok, outstanding) 13-0 record while the Jets are only 3-10 with two of the wins coming against the hapless Dolphins. The Patriots started the week off as 27 point favorites as it is expected that Belichick will run up the score on the Jets for costing them a first round pick. According to some national reports, Mangenius was trying to steal Patriots assistant coaches on the way back from a playoff game which irked Belichick. The two coaches had a great relationship until Mangenius starting to try to cause problems with the Patriots staff. The Pats also filed tampering charges after the Jets were talking to a Patriots wide receiver who was not in camp about moving over to the Jets camp.
We will see what will happen this weekend and how many points Patriots will put up on the Jets, but I would say that the score will be closer then the 27 point spread as a blizzard is expected in the New England area starting on Sunday.
AS I WAS TYPING THIS POST UP, I HEARD ESPN REPORTING THAT THE JETS WERE CAUGHT VIDEOTAPING LAST SEASON AT GILETTE STADIUM. TAKE AWAY THE NUMBER 1 PICK OF THE JETS!
Thursday, December 6, 2007
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR DECEMBER 6
Props to truthaboutit.
If you do or see some great photoshopping in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... much respect among your peeps.
Money can't buy that!
Sunday, November 18, 2007
BELICHICK DEMANDS ASTERISK ADDED TO SHULA'S WEIGHT LOSS TOTAL
by Fat Willard, Hugging Harold Reynolds
In an interesting turn of events today, Coach Bill Belichick ask FDA regulators to look into claims by former Dolphin head coach Don Shula that he lost more than 32 lbs. using the Nutrisystem weight loss plan.
“I don’t think he did it honestly,” commented Belichick “and frankly I’d like an asterisk added to his total.”
“I’d seen Shula at a few of the NFL events in the off-season” Belichick remarked, “and I could tell he’d done things to ‘aid’ his weight loss. I think I saw the outline of a girdle under his Dolphins polo shirt. At the summer league meetings I saw him go to the buffet table at least 2 – 3 times.”
Belichick offered video proof of the Coach Shula from last year’s HOF ceremonies, but then remembered they were confiscated by NFL officials. Coach Shula was finger painting and then going to join the rest of his friends at the assisted living facility for a nice prune and date smoothie and could not be reached for comment.
HHR has obtained a copy of the new ad and compared it to the campaign Nutrisystem is currently running (after the jump).
(Originally published 11/15)
Friday, November 16, 2007
THE FREAK SHOW: BEST PRO COACHES IN THE GAME TODAY
by DCScrap, Editor
freak definition
n.
1. A thing or occurrence that is markedly unusual or irregular: A freak of nature produced the midsummer snow.
So why is this called "The Freak Show" you may be asking yourself? The reason is that every so often the authors of Epic Carnival will be asked to pick five people or things that are or were so awesome, strange, or cool, that those people or things were just plain freaks. (Plus this is a Carnival themed site, so deal with it.)
This week the question that was posed was, "Who are the top five coaches in any professional sport today?"
Rank) Coach, Points (1st Place Votes)
1) Bill Belichick, 32 (5)
111-81 Reg. Season; 13-3 Post-season; 3 Super Bowl wins
-- A foul, cold, mean son of a bitch. He's the Mr. Grinch of coaches:
"You're a mean one, Mr. Belichick. You really are a heel. You're as cuddly as a cactus, You're as charming as an eel. Mr. Belichick." He's also a hell of a coach. (Kyle Smith)
-- The guy might be the biggest tool in all of sports but he gets it done with anything you give him. (Dr. C)
-- Best in the NFL, but not by as much as people claim. (Thermocaster)
-- Arguably the best coach in all of athletics. (BD)
-- A totally focused coach who's prepared to do whatever it takes to get the win. Irregardless of the rules that may or may not be broken in the process. I don't like him, but there's no denying his effectiveness. (Don)
2) Gregg Popovich, 23 (2)
583-278 Reg. Season, 92-51 Post-Season, 4 NBA Championships
-- Far, far ahead of anyone else in his league, particularly on defense. (Thermocaster)
-- The best in his sport by far. Maybe the best in all of sports. (BD)
-- How can you argue with the success Pop's had? Has the respect of not only anyone who is involved in his franchise, but his peers, NBA players, and fans the world round. (Don)
-- Lots of teams can win with less talent; but the Spurs go one better: they dominate with less talent. Manages to take career scrubs like Jacques Vaughn, Bruce Bowen and Francisco Oberto and turn them into useful players, and has also gotten more out of the last moments in Bob Horry's days than any coach could have. Sure, you can just chalk this up to his luck at having the best power forward /
teammate ever in Duncan, but the supporting cast has changed a ton, and yet the Spurs are always the same. I don't just think he's the best NBA coach right now, I think he might be the best ever. (DMtShooter)
3) Phil Jackson, 12
923-396 Reg. Season; 179-77 Post-season; 9 NBA Championships
-- Only by status of his rings, which was a product of Jordan, Kobe and Shaq. (Dr. C)
-- Squeezes about as much as possible out of a roster that features one great player and bunch of mediocre ones. (BD)
4) Jeff Fisher, 9 (1)
105-93 Reg. Season; 5-4 Post-season; 1 AFC Championship
-- Squeezing seven wins out of last year's team was Herculean. Squeezing a winning record out of this year's team would be miraculous. (Thermocaster)
-- His team lost 2,500 yards of offense this year by losing it's top two wide receivers and #1 back and replaced them with Eric Moulds and LenDale White. The man is a stinkin' genius. (DCScrap)
5) Tony Dungy, 7
121-63 Reg. Season; 9-8 Post-season; 1 Super Bowl win
-- I've never heard anyone of his players say anything negative about him. (Dr. C)
-- His style is the antithesis of "traditional NFL coach". He may be the only one who can pull it off. (Thermocaster)
T6) Bobby Cox, 6
4,022-2,255 Reg. Season; 5 NL Championships, 1 World Series win
-- He'll go out and fight for you even if you're completely wrong. (Dr. C)
-- Consistently competitive, no matter what happens to his roster. (BD)
T6) Terry Francona, 6
648-375 Reg. Season; 2 World Series wins
-- Has worn Joe Torre like a cheap coat for years now, and is perfectly suited for the Boston circus. A lesser coach would have strangled Manny Ramirez with his bare hands by now, with no jury convicting him -- and that lesser coach wouldn't have two World Series championships on his resume. Also, his skills at fellating Curt Schilling should not be dismissed. (DMtShooter)
T8) Tony LaRussa, 4
4,448-2,375 Reg. Season; 5 League Championships; 2 World Series wins
-- The architect of the modern bullpen, he is a polarizing figure, but there is no denying his success. (Kyle Smith)
T8) Jerry Sloan, 4
1,042-691 Reg. Season; 87-88 Post-season; 2 Western Conference Championships
-- The most amazing thing about his ridiculously long tenure as the head coach of the Jazz is that players tend to tune out coaches after a few years. He's been there for 20 years, yet his players play harder than any other team's. He's also made the playoffs 15 of his previous 19 seasons. (Adam Best)
-- An utter throwback hard-ass that somehow gets people playing hard in Utah, and someone who is never outprepared or outcoached, despite advancing years. Has done more with less than any great coach in NFL history, and that includes Larry Brown. (DMtShooter)
T10) Robbie Deans, 3 (rugby)
-- Sought after by not only the All Blacks (New Zealand), but the Wallabies (Australia) too. Has really established a winning culture at the Canterbury Crusaders club in the Super 14 competition (rugby competition involving 14 teams from New Zealand, Australia & South Africa), and will make a fantastic national team coach. For my money, he ends up at the All Blacks camp. (Don)
T10) Mike Scioscia, 3
1,296-703 Reg. Season; 1 World Series win
-- As an A's fan, I hate him, which means he must be doing something right. Manages to mix in players from a productive but overrated farm system with the best that the Los Angeles Angels of The Greater Rivertucky Basin has to offer from free agency, and always has his team in the mix. Ate the overr
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