by WCT, The Ship of Fools
You know what makes sports great? Besides the actual on-the-field action that we all love to watch, we have subplots. Every so often, an interesting storyline plays out leading up to an event that makes fans like me salivate in anticipation. And in my opinion, the best kind of subplot is one that is created by some good old fashioned coach trash-talk. And even though its only May, some nice coach trash-talkin' can make you long for the brisk Saturday afternoons of September.
Such was the case this week, when Michigan Wolverine fans became apoplectic after Notre Dame Coach Charlie Weis sent a few verbal shots across their collective bow. Weis said that after ND "makes a statement" in their season opener against San Diego State, he an his team will have to "listen to Michigan have all their excuses as they come running in, saying how they have a new coaching staff (under Rich Rodriguez) and those changes." Ending his monologue with a terse "to hell with Michigan!"
I have to say, I for one, am loving this new, no-nonsense, 2008 version of Charlie Weis. Already this off-season he has discussed his refusal to win by "recruiting hoodlums" (some USC fans saw this as a dig at their program), and his disgust for Michigan's "excuses." All while completely shoving San Diego State aside by calling that match-up a "statement" game. Steve Spurrier at his best didn't talk this much smack during the off-season.
In the world of the oversensitive college football fan, these latest statements launched Wolverine fans into a tizzy, and made fans like me (without a dog in this particular fight) eager for September 13, when these two teams finally get it on.
Friday, May 9, 2008
SEPTEMBER 13TH CAN'T GET HERE FAST ENOUGH
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR NOVEMBER 21
Happy Turkey Day, The House Rock Built.
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Friday, November 16, 2007
DEAR CHARLIE LOOSE STAPLES
by Simon, SimonOnSports
Dear Charlie Loose Staples,
When I was a young boy I used to love the swing sets. They were dangerous and exciting and exhilarating. I used to dangle my toes in the trees attempt to flip the swing set and of course jump off. Well back in my day Staples, our swings were made of wood, hard maple wood, hard enough to knock the teeth out of George Foreman with a good swing. And on this one fateful day when I was 13 years old and coming off two of my greatest swing leaps of all time I decided to jump off once again. I landed awkwardly but stood up like everything was fine and then whack that wood swing came around and smacked me in the back of the head. I fell to the ground and screamed fuck. Now I was a good boy, this was the first time I had ever cursed but there was the Nun sitting just two steps in front of me. And that nun didn't take too kindly to the word fuck and she beat me up and down with a ruler. So Charlie no matter what you've done in years past no matter how extraordinary your leaps have been you must always watch your back and know your surroundings so when you mess up you don't experience the ruler.
When I was a young man I used to play football much like your fine team. I used to look up in the stands every game and see my parents wearing the colors of the other team. They used to tell me, Lou if you keep on losing football games or until you win some football games we think it's best if we just cheer for the other team. They said Lou we think that if we root for the other team maybe they will get a false confidence and maybe they won't beat you so bad. Typically this didn't work. But two weeks ago I thought to myself, if Notre Dame can't win a single football game, perhaps it's time that I gave their opponents a Pep Talk. And that's what I did, I gave the Midshipmen a pep talk hoping they would go in overconfident. And well much like my parents it didn't work.
Now Charlie this brings us to today. I would normally give you another long winded story to help motivate you much like the pep talk I gave yesterday. But I'm an old and very tired man. At the beginning of this season I felt youthful, I felt like my old self. I felt like the Fighting Irish would still be a top program. Now I get emails from family members letting me know about websites dedicated to a 1 win vs. 1 win showdown. And worse I've got major gambling debts because I continue to pick the Fighting Irish to win. What I'm saying Charlie is that if you lose this weekend, my bookie is going to kill me, so can you try not to suck.
Thanks,
Coach Holtz
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR OCTOBER 24
Yay, SPORTSbyBROOKS.
If you do or see some great sports photoshopping
in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... a (Borat-accented) HIGH FIVE!
Money can't buy that!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
WHOOPS! EGG ALL OVER YOUR FACE, KID!
by Stamos, Brahsome
So, we, the gents over at Brahsome.com, are a pretty lazy bunch. We appreciate being a part of the Epic Carnival crew, as we get exposed to some funny sh*t, and sometimes get our name out there to new folks. However, with that privilege comes great responsibility. And by great responsibility, I mean writing 2 posts a week between 3 of us. Huge nighthorse, we know. But, since we're lazy and generally uncreative, we find that we work better with some structure around us regarding what we're supposed to write (read: we don't want to come up with some randie post every week because we'll forget and look like a couple of jerk-stores who don't want to pay their dues so we decided to come up with a post idea that can just become something of a staple here at EC). And, that staple is basically going to be a bash-fest on whoever was the biggest loser last week. It'll generally deal with sports (we're certainly not going to write 500 words on how fat Brit looked or how many people should get fired for letting her wear that sequined lingerie in front of 50 million peeps- we've got an in-house celebranter in Boxy Brown.) but every now and again we might decide to call out someone else.
So, now that we've got you all tingly with anticipation, jump on down to see who got egged this week.
Remember back when Notre Dame football was great? Like when Knute Rockne was winning 9 of every 10 games for his 13 year tenure or when Frank Leahy lost only 11 games in as many years? Really, it wasn't long ago that Lou Holtz was winning 3 of every 4 games. Then Davie and Willigham combined for a 56-40 record over their 8 year combined career, which saw them both fired for incompetency. But wait- there's a savior on the horizon. A Notre Dame grad, a Super Bowl winning assistant coach known for creating unstoppable offensesunder the tutilage of Bill Parcells. And, early in his tenure, he didn't disappoint, going to the Fiesta Bowl in his first year. But, as Ty Willingham's players have gradually graduated, and Weis' own players have stepped in, things have gotten slightly less rosy. In 2006, the Irish started off as the pre-season #2 team in the nation. However, after bending over and finding themselves on the business end of a 41-14 pounding from LSU, they finished the season #19. And, this year looks much worse.
So far, Notre Dame is 0-3. Their three losses by a combined 89 points. And this vaunted offensive juggernaut that Weis was to build? Exactly ZERO offensive touchdowns thus far. In fact, they failed to score a TD last weekend against a Michgan team that, just two weeks before, had given up 4 TDs to 1-AA Appalachian State. All-Everything and rumored program savior Jimmy Claussen is completing under 60% of his passes and averaging 4.58 yards per attempt while sporting a healthy 0/2 TD/INT ratio- not quite Heisman material. Their 4-headed running attack of Aldridge, Allen, Jones, and Thomas has combined for 173 yards on 63 carries- a robust 2.74 YPC. And Jones isn't even on the team anymore after Weis, despite going through all of spring and summer practice with him as QB1, removed him before the end of the 1st half in week one. We wish Jones the best at Northern Illinios.
But enough about Notre Dame as a team- let's make fun of Charlie Weis for a few minutes. He's monstrous. He's so fat, he puts mayonnaise on aspirin. He's so fat, when as player he was told to haul ass, he had to make two trips. He's so fat, the only thing attracted to him is gravity. He's so fat, he whistles bass. And, in an effort to shave off a few pounds, he had gastric bypass a few years back. This for a guy who, no question, constantly preaches about nutrition and exercise to 80-some college kids. And, since the surgery didn't really work, he unsuccessfully sued the doctors involved. So much for taking responsibility for your own actions. His full figure has even inspired it's own websites.
But, I digress. There's plenty more I'd like to say about Charlie Weis, but I'm too mad I didn't come up with the Wizard of Oz analogy myself. Charlie Weiss, you've got egg on your face. Please don't eat it all.
[Foul Balls: Is Charlie Weis Just The Wizard Of Oz In A Fat Suit?]
Saturday, September 15, 2007
THE EPITOME OF OVERRATED
by Shorty, Milk Was a Bad Choice
I feel as though I should preface this post with an introduction of some sorts. My name is Shorty. Some of you might recognize me as Derek Jeter's official stunt double, while others of you may have visited my blog, Milk Was a Bad Choice. Regardless, I enjoy long walks on the beach, Ben & Jerry's ice cream and I'm a 28 year old Irish kid who roots for the Ohio State Buckeyes. Which leads me to my point in posting here today. Although I am not a Notre Dame fan, I get no joy in watching the Irishmen get straight molly whopped week after week. As I am typing, Michigan has just gone ahead 31-0 at halftime. Who's to blame? You guessed it, the fat guy pictured to the right of this paragraph.
Charlie Weis is well on his way to joining Bob Davie on the illustrious list of N.D. coaches to begin the season 0-3. He spent the first month of the season basking in the spotlight while his quarterbacks awaited his decision on who would start against Georgia Tech. This toolchest refused to disclose his starter to the media and then watched Jimmy Clausen and company fall flat on their faces. Weis has had two decent seasons with the players Ty Willingham recruited, but got blown out of Bowl games both years. If he wasn't a Belichick protege, he would have been let go already. I've never understood the fascination with Weis. How does he even find time to yell at his players in between the sixteen meals he must eat per day? With everyone caught up in the Fire Lloyd Carr campaign following the 0-2 start in Ann Arbor, I feel like people aren't giving Weis his due as the most overrated coach in America.
Monday, August 27, 2007
The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the (Belichick) Tree
by WCT, Wasting Company Time
Bill Belichick is a dick.
I'm not just saying that because I am a Browns fan and he ruined my childhood by cutting Bernie Kosar. I'm not even saying that because he breaks up marriges. I'm saying that because he is notorious for withholding information, like injury reports, and generally acting like a surly prick to reporters while they are doing their jobs. Whether he wins, or loses.
Recently, we have seen a disturbing trend of the beginnings of this type of dick-ish behavior being displayed by prominent members of the Bill Belichick coaching tree, and I think that we here at EC should do all that we can to nip this in the bud before it gets out of hand.
Perpetrator #1 - Charlie Weis, Notre Dame Head Coach & Former Belichick Offensive Coordinator - Touchdown Charlie has seen all of the candidates for the Notre Dame starting quarterback job. He has analyzed their strengths and weaknesses, and has come to a conclusion as to who his starter will be. Who, you ask, will that quarterback be? Yeah, he's not telling. One would think that this is some sort of genius move to make Georgia Tech prepare for three (or is it four?) different quarterbacks, except for the fact that he hasn't even told the player in question. So the kid who is going to start, as of last weekend at least, didn't even have the week to mentally prepare for what will be his first career collegiate start under center. Thats right, no one knows but Charlie himself. This is classic Belichickian behavior. Charlie, you're better that this! Let your legions of fans, along with the kid himself, know who is starting! Reject your roots as a disciple of Belichick!
Perpetrator #2 - Romeo Crennel, Cleveland Browns Head Coach & Former Belichick Defensive Coordinator - Romeo knows his entire QB depth chart. He knows which of Brady Quinn's soon-to-be-backups, Charlie Frye, Derek Anderson, and Ken Dorsey (yes that Ken Dorsey), is starting on September 9th against the Steelers. He's just not telling. Charlie Frye, when asked by a reporter, said he didn't even know. Not only that, but Crennel - usually an affable, even jolly, man - became snippy with a reporter who pressed the issue. A chip off the Belichick block.
It is clear that Belichick has already brain-washed these two otherwise fine, upstanding men. If either of them starts dressing like a homeless person on the sidelines, or wooing New Jersey housewives, it will be too late.
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