by Simon, SimonOnSports
Dear Mr. Denton,
I have recently come across the knowledge that your Senior Editor the well respected Will Leitch has decided to hand over the reigns of Deadspin the a new editor of your choice. I would like you to know that I am the man for the job.
Answer Some of These Questions for Yourself
1. Who has been the most chronicled sportsman during the time Deadspin has run?
2. Who is the Deadspin Audience constantly interested in?
3. Would You Rather have someone with Access or Without Access?
4. Do you want someone with first hand experience of how to deal with Sexual Harassment suits should they arise?
5. Do you want someone with premium tested management skills?
6. Do you want someone with an eye for talent?
7. Do you want someone who can optimize payroll?
8. Can You Find Someone Who Can Offer You Every One of these Questions?
Now Let Me Answer These Questions For You
1. Isiah Thomas.
2. Isiah Thomas, people are keenly interested in him.
3. Yes, stories about athletes having sex with their intern in a Hummer always sell copy.
4. Yes, it comes in handy.
5. Of Course. With a load of new writers for Deadspin you need someone who can lead and turn Deadspin from a winner to a champion.
6. Of Course. If you can't bring in talent you won't have good material.
7. Of Course, you don't want to spend more money than you have to.
8. Yes. That man is me, Isiah Thomas. I am the man for the job. People are interested in me. I have some access to professional athletes, but given my current situation being locked in a basement not to much access. I have proven experience as a manager of leagues and franchises. And I find talent. I brought Eddy Curry to New York, I brought Zach Randolph to New York. These guys have talent. I know how to work with payroll. That's why the Knicks are so set up for the Salary Cap over the next few years. And mostly I know how to turn things from Winners to Champions. Just look at the success of the CBA.
I'm your man. I am the perfect Deadspin Editor.
Future Pulitzer Prize Winning Blogger,
Isiah Thomas
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
DEAR MR. DENTON
Friday, June 6, 2008
TOP 10 REASONS WHY WILL LEITCH IS LEAVING DEADSPIN
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
Deadspin editor and Bob Costas / Buzz Bissinger punching bag Will Leitch announced his departure, after three years in the position, yesterday. Here, as always, we've researched the real reasons why he's moving on...
10. Wants to spend more time with his family, all of whom communicate entirely in snarky, one-line comments
9. Has not been able to sleep for fear that an angry clown that looks like Bissinger will eat him
8. Can no longer sate his desire to stalk Rick Ankiel 24/7/365
7. Three years of blogging is like 21 years of watching the Arizona Cardinals
6. Desperate to escape the hundreds of link requests every single day from transparently obvious bloggers who have absolutely nothing in common with yours truly
5. Can't wait to leave the dead-end world of electronic media for the New Yorker's cutting-edge magazine technology
4. Gives him the time he needs to work out a fitting revenge for Jimmy Kimmel's utter douchebag turn on his appearance on "Win Ben Stein's Money"
3. After you admit in public to a sports blogosphere public that you are choosing to vacation in France, it's pretty clear that you are no longer interested in the gig
2. Doesn't want to spend the rest of his life ducking Barbaro fans
1. Refuses to live as a blogger in a world without Isiah Thomas
(And seriously... good luck to a good writer who has helped a lot of bloggers, myself included. Golf clap.)
Thursday, April 3, 2008
LIVE AT THE HOSERDOME, APR. 3: ONE NATION UNDER THE PUCK
by Neate Sager, Out Of Left Field With a broken nose and fractured cheek, Andrew Parker has learned a painful lesson about what can happen if you mouth off to strangers after a few beers. That's right up there with, "She's shouldn't have been wearing that dress." It's good to know that this where my country's sense of right or wrong is headed -- red-blooded hockey lovers have free reign to act like hooligans, since hockey is all mom, hot dogs and apple pie. PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS? There will be 16 teams gearing up for the playoffs come Monday and that will mean publishing Volume II of The Hoser's Guide To Hockey Hatred. CAPITAL GAG For about two months, the Ottawa Senators have basically gotten along like Oliver and Barbara Rose. CROSBY STILL TEETH-GNASHING The love-hate relationship with Sidney Crosby continues. It's great to throw stones at Sid the Kid's iconography, but it's fun to shame all the bitter little people who hate on such a brilliant player.
Puckheads have immunity, so if you you get hammered, you can't sue; sinister Swedish conspiracies; the most exciting playoff race since, well, last year; the 2007 Mets have nothing on the tanking Sens Army; and in case you needed reminding, "CROSBY ... DOESN'T ... STOP!"
It's good to know that Canadian journalists are taking up the cause of arguing that puckheads don't have to follow the rules and laws that keep the rest of us from acting like retarded gangbangers.
You probably heard that Jonathan Roy, son of Montreal Canadiens legend Patrick Roy, lost his mind during a Quebec junior league game two weeks ago. Roy Jr., whose dad is his coach with the Quebec Remparts, skated down the ice and laid a beatdown on the opposing goalie, Bobby Nadeau, who since his team was winning 7-1 at the time, thought better of fighting back.
It was messed up, but not as messed up as the national hockey writer who, after the Roys got their pee-pees slapped with lengthy suspensions, resorted to homophobic name-calling to slag Nadeau. Pierre LeBrun, of The Canadian Press and sportsnet.ca, instead of saying what the Roys did has no place in the sport, used the term "Nancy Boy" to criticize a 20-year-old goaltender who decided he'd rather play goal than fight:When did the tree huggers take over this bloody country? When did we all become such bleeding hearts that a junior hockey brawl shocked our collective senses so badly we became outraged?
Clearly, what happened to Nadeau was all his fault. I've always felt the same way about people who get run over by drunk drivers. How dare they assume they can just walk down the street? In the space of the same week, a reporter implied that an Edmonton Oilers sweater-wearing fan who was jumped by five guys in Calgary after a game last Saturday brought it on himself.
Cripes, if anyone should be criticized it should be Chicoutimi goalie Bobby Nadeau for standing there like a Nancy Boy and not trying to defend himself when Roy came after him. (Italics mine.)
The Oilers fan ended up with a broken nose after being unable to defend against the 5-on-1 assault. The article went to great pains (pun intended) to apologize for Calgary and cast the assaultee as the A-hole for tweaking the other guys by calling out, "How about those Flames?" after Edmonton's 2-1 win. The guys who ganged up on him -- 5-on-1, that's effed-up -- are just regular Joes.
... Parker was not targeted simply for wearing an Oilers jersey. The Oilers jersey got him noticed, but Parker's mouth got him into trouble.
Goalies who would rather play goal than fight needlessly should have their sexuality questioned. Oilers fans in Calgary deserve to have their face busted. (Much obliged to Jes Golbez and The Tao of Stieb.) 
The best way for dealing with the final two weeks of the regular season in The Wonderful World of Gary Bettman is hide under some coats and hope that somehow everything will work out.
Who's playing who in the first round of the playoffs in a week's time? Who's in and who'll be blowing the dust off the golf clubs? Damned if I know.
It should be great, gripping drama. The NHL's whole set-up is more clusterphooey than the presidential primaries, but it ensures that some of the seedings will be up in the air right up until Sunday afternoon, the final day of the regular season. There's no way of knowing if the 16 best teams are really going to the playoffs. The charity point (hat tip to Greg Wyshinski) teams get in the standings for losing in overtime or a shootout, plus playing each team in your division eight times takes away all the clarity.
The 2007 Mets have nothing on the Sennies, who would commit the greatest late-season collapse in NHL history if they don't win one of their final two games and make the playoffs. Ottawa got out of the gate 15-2-0 and some of the cheerleaders in the press box started drawing comparisons with the legendary 1976-77 Canadiens.
There's a great exchange in The War of the Roses when Michael Douglas' character moves back into the house. Kathleen Turner berates him, "This is the stupidest thing you've ever done!" and he shoots back, "Second stupidest."
Ottawa GM-coach Bryan Murray has more than enough candidates to fill out the third, fourth and fifth spots.
The Senators play in Toronto tonight vs. the hated Leafs, who are long out of it. Toronto doesn't have Mats Sundin or Nik Antropov. Ottawa's looking at ignominy even if they lose this one and back into the playoffs, or get in by virtue of beating an also-ran team missing its two best forwards.
CRAZY SWEDES
When Peter Forsberg came out of hiatus to rejoin the Colorado Avalanche, there was a joke going around, "Well, guess he wants to make sure he's in good shape for the World Championships."
Forsberg came back around the same time that Mats Sundin refused to waive his no-trade clause so the Toronto Maple Leafs could trade him to a playoff club. The joke going around was that Sundin want to stay with the going-nowhere-fast Leafs so he could have his spring off to play in the World Championship. This would be the equivalent of a college basketball team turning down a NCAA Tournament bid in order to play in the NIT.
It was a natural. Sundin and Forsberg reunited, playing for Sweden in the Worlds in Quebec City, where they both played for the late and lamented Nordiques. Forsberg's team is in the playoffs. However, Sweden should be fine -- Sundin will be free, and if the Ottawa Senators complete their choke job, their captain, Daniel Alfredsson, will also be able to rock a Tre Kroner sweater come the end of April.
Vancouver's playoff hopes also took hit on Tuesday. Their captain, Markus Naslund? He's Swedish. You knew that already.
(For the record, I decided cheering for Sweden in hockey was more fun than cheering for Canada two years before Will Leitch's argument that it's American to root against the U.S. in the Olympics was published.)
It seems like Crosby is becoming that Derek Jeter or Peyton Manning kind of athlete. There must be constant reminders that He Works Harder At His Job Than You Do. Wait, you mean famous athletes have to work their bodies hard to stay at a level that 99% of the population would be physically unable to reach? That's a hot lead.
Crosby's sports drink commercials kind of sum up what can be so off-putting about him. It's gone from light and playful, the Kid joining in a neighbourhood game of road hockey ...
... to the sturm und drang of his latest commercial. It's Hockey Night in Nuremberg, for Pete's sake.
I couldn't find the latest one that's running in Canada, but it consists of Crosby on a stationary bike and the announcer telling you over and over again the Crosby works out. A lot. "Crosby... doesn't... stop." Of course he doesn't. For $8.7 million a year plus whatever he pulls down in endorsements and other fringe benefits, I wouldn't stop either.
It gets a little annoying right in the middle of partaking of that neglected fifth food group -- chips 'n' dip.
Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca
Monday, January 7, 2008
THE BLOGBUDSMAN: HOW TO BECOME A "KNOWN" SPORTS BLOG
by BOHChris, Blog of Hilarity
The Blogbudsman is your weekly take on the blogosphere, written as objectively and honestly as possible. Questions, comments, and suggestions should go to roomtonecsATblogofhilarityDOTcom
After taking a couple of weeks off here on Epic Carnival to celebrate the birth of Santa Claus and the annual celebration of me passing out under a sofa to ring in the new year, I'm back with another bit of wisdom for you in The Blogbudsman. Rejoice.
This is an issue that others have addressed before in humor, but hey, I'm here to help you avoid the pratfalls of becoming a generic nuisance. There are literally millions upon millions of blogs out there. So how can you, a regular Joe with a dash of creativity and the desire to have your voice heard, make a wave within the blogosphere? While the sports blog world was once relatively up in the air, leaving people to fight for readers entirely on their own, there's now an infrastructure in place where you can go from a Blogspot blog with no readers to a decently trafficked Web site filled with sometimes thousands of your own readers.
Let's take a look at the various means to that end this week. After the jump, of course.
WELCOME TO THE BIG SHOW
More than anything, to become a known blogger with a dedicated audience you need two things: Patience and a willingness to stand out. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. First, you're going to need the basics.
Sports blogging is a world of niches. You have your NBA bloggers. You have your guys who cover the media side of things. You have your NFL guys. You have chicks who likes sports. Don't like to be overly classified and forced into doing a blog that solely covers white slot receivers? That doesn't necessarily preclude you from being a sports blogger or gaining an audience with the sports bloggers. Hell, I barely write about sports on my home site any more.
But you can draw from the well with interesting content, be it clever Photoshops, well-done parody, finding small news items that others missed, or figuring out a niche that others haven't. Maybe a sports-celebrity blog? The world is your oyster.
Next, you'll need a name. Maybe for your sports-celebrity blog, you can call yourself Walk of Shame. Or The Sportslut. Keep it simple.
But back to the original point: Uniqueness. Does that mean being contrarian for the sake of it? No, you're not looking to become an ESPN personality. But it means going in with the understanding that your opinion on why Roger Clemens is a douchebag won't exactly shake the very fibers of the blogosphere to its core. Understand this now: You're not a special little snowflake.
With hundreds of bloggers discussing the same issues every day, many of whom better known than you are at the start, you need to think outside the box. That may mean coming up with silly nicknames for athletes that catch on. It may mean actually, you know, doing research. But offer people something fresh that they can't get a million other places.
For example, look at a site like Lion in Oil. With a well-thought out or researched singular daily update, they've become a highly trafficked blog in their own right. Don't think that you need to cover every story right away. It's far more practical in the world of sports blogging to come up with one hidden gem rather than a hundred cliched stories.
So now that you've got your never-before-heard story that's timely and interesting, what do you do? Welcome to the seedy underworld of sports blogging: The tip email.
You know those ten or twenty sports blogs you check religiously each day? And you know how they have little emails like "tips@deadspin.com" or contact forms? Well now's your time to blast your little story out to all those folks. Collect those email addresses, put them in the "BCC" portion of your email (not CC, lest you be mocked by all of your hopefully new peers) and put together an interesting subject, quick sentence on what your post is about, link to the post, and maybe paste your post into the email to save your favorite bloggers from actually having to visit your site. Now they know what you wrote, know who you are, and, if you've done good work, may offer you a link in a link-dump post or even a news item on their site. Hoorah.
PROTIP: Many prominent sports bloggers write their linkdumps very early in the morning or very late at night. Try to get your tip emails in later in the evening. Good blogs to start with in your personal publicity campaign include The Big Lead, Awful Announcing, Deadspin, With Leather, AOL Fanhouse, SportsbyBROOKS, 100% Injury Rate, and of course, Epic Carnival.
PROTIP2: Don't bombard people with EVERY post you do. Just like you're not that special as a blogger, every individual post isn't worthy of attention. Save that for the special stuff so that it'll actually have some meaning when people see an email from you. And they won't curse your first born.
Oh but there are even more ways to publicize your site. Consider SI.com a "personal friend" of the blogosphere. By submitting your link to SI's Hot Clicks or Campus Clicks (contact forms at the bottom of the page), if used, you may be opening yourself up to thousands of new visitors who are just jonesing to see your post on how well-endowed Brandon Jacobs may or may not be.
Rounding out your promotional efforts are the Digg-like services, including the sports-focused Ballhype and Yardbarker sites. By submitting your story on those sites, readers can read your work and decide if they think it's worth also sharing with their friends. In the interest of full-disclosure from my personal experience and anecdotes from some of our peers, I don't think Ballhype is giving many people "traffic" per se (though Yardbarker seems to), but it's important from a visibility standpoint. You're a part of the "community" now. Congratulations. You'll be surprised to learn that you will receive no medals or accolades. Other than people commenting on your site and calling you a fag. So that's really its own reward.
Now, our second major theme: Patience. You really have to stick with this. Updating three times one day then not updating for a week alienates people who may have become regular readers of yours. You also need to understand it may take a couple of "special" posts before people realize you're someone worth visiting on their own. Don't get discouraged when, after a link from Deadspin, your hits go from 5000/day to 30/day. The key is using those links to build your own audience, rather than rely forever on suckling on someone else's teat.
There are many other important parts to becoming a "known" sports blogger, like advertising, audience participation, and cheap ways to get people to pay attention to your site [DON'TDOTHISPROTIP: Bloggers love reading about themselves], but you're using these powers for good, not evil.
I swear to God if I see anyone using this tutorial then running a contest about "Which blogger is the most LOL" I will end your fucking world.
OVERHYPED AND UNDERHYPED
Overhyped: Isiah Thomas thinks the Knicks will win the NBA title. Is it really a shock that he's delusional in addition to being incompetent? Isiah Thomas is, without question, the Britney Spears of the sports blogosphere...just make fun of him whenever there's nothing else to talk about.
Underhyped: USC is worthy of consideration for the National Championship of college football. I know everyone who's not an alum of the school (which I am, as many of you know) is sick of hearing of USC, hated the "greatest team of all time" hype leading up to the Rose Bowl defeat at the hands of Vince Young and Texas, and isn't convinced that USC would do to LSU what it did to Illinois. But civil unrest on behalf of a dominant USC team combined with a BCS title win for a 2-loss LSU squad is the only possible end to this Bowl Championship nonsense. You know it somewhere inside you.
WORD
Another week, another piece. I'm always appreciative of feedback over email or in the comments, so leave some there or email me at roomtonecsATblogofhilarityDOTcom with some feedback. Anything good gets published anonymously (or credited, if you prefer) next week.
See you then, sunshines.
Monday, December 10, 2007
THE BLOGBUDSMAN: THE FUTURE OF BLOGGING?
by BOHChris, Blog of HilarityThe Blogbudsman is your weekly take on the blogosphere, written as objectively and honestly as possible. Questions, comments, and suggestions should go to roomtonecsATblogofhilarityDOTcom
After allowing the readers to decide what direction this column will take last week, the results are in. By a substantial margin, you've selected "An entirely honest critique of the work done on Epic Carnival and the blogosphere." So thanks guys for giving me the most challenging theme to work with.
This week: What is the future of sports blogging?, and this week's Overhyped/Underhyped. All this and more...after the jump, of course.
THE FUTURE OF SPORTS BLOGGING
When one of the biggest and most influential blogs around announces that it's seeking a paradigm shift from snarky commentary to legitimate reporting to compete with traditional media, what does that mean for the rest of the blog world? It's obviously premature to speculate if this is a revolution for what blogging can or will become. But as the well of YouTube videos and silly athlete MySpace pages runs dry and every blog is oversaturated with a similar sounding opinion, what differentiates sports blogging from your local sports columnist?
Much like Gawker's new mission seems to be, in order to truly be defined as "legitimate media" rather than a diversion, one needs to be able to report and break news. Many previous attempts at breaking news, even by the most influential and credible bloggers, have been inconsequential at best and embarrassing at worst.
Even reporters that double as bloggers with great success, such as Dan Steinberg over at the DC Sports Bog or Michael Rand at Randball, or Matt Mosley at ESPN's Hashmarks hardly ever break news that other bloggers would be unable to. Think about it. Of the "top" sports blogs (insomuchas in terms of visibility and traffic rather than something subjective like quality), how many are legitimate newsmakers of any consequence?
Deadspin, With Leather, and AOL's Fanhouse are all incredibly competent as diversions and in quickly covering top stories as well as unearthing interesting items that may fall under your radar. Those three blogs excel at the absurdity of sports, offering a valuable contrarian take for the "ironic generation." But as a competitor to the traditional media, their offerings are no different than getting your news from VH1's Best Week Ever.
This isn't to say that blogs need to be able to make news in order to be of value. There's interesting discussion across the blogosphere, depending upon where you look. Sites like Awful Announcing and The Big Lead are practically the equivalent of a sports media "trade magazine," covering issues as key to the industry as an Advertising Age does for marketers or a Broadcasting & Cable does for broadcasters. TrueHoop is a site that offers just as much as any NBA news site. But beyond those, how many sites can you say that you would trust their reporting?
In every other genre of blogging, bloggers are capable of finding stories. TMZ and Perez Hilton break more news than any legitimate celebrity media source. The Daily Kos and the Huffington Post are as adept as any mainstream political competitor at snooping out stories as any reporter. However until a sports blog can truly establish itself as a viable resource for journalists and readers to get fact rather than brief bites of humor, reporters and news personalities will always have an argument as to the failings of the Blogger.
Right now, sports blogs as a whole are just a distraction; a sidedish, rather than the main course.
OVERHYPED AND UNDERHYPED
So in this spot every week, I'm going to link to the most overhyped and underhyped story, blog, or general bullshit of the week.
Overhyped: The story of Jason Kidd going "on strike". An athlete unhappy in their situation, due to team performance or a lack of a contract extension? No way! I've never heard anything like this before! What's next? An athlete making a hip hop album? That'll be the day.
Second place: This SPORTSbyBROOKS girl. I'd probably rather rub myself on a cactus to get off rather than touch her.
Underhyped: I'm going with a blog this week because, frankly, it sickens me that they don't get more attention. The kids over at Hugging Harold Reynolds are doing the Lord's work, both there and here on EC. Their Weekly Power Rankings are one of the funniest weekly features in the blogosphere. If you're not checking them out, you're only cheating yourself.
WORD
So that's it for this week. Given the focus of this column, emails with your tips or gripes about the blogosphere are welcome and encouraged. Send them to roomtonecsATblogofhilarityDOTcom. Everything's anonymous, of course.
And of course, since this is all about opening up a discussion about the issues addressed here, hopefully there'll be some worthwhile comments below. Beyond telling me I should get AIDS. Because believe me, I'm well aware.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
BLOGS VS. THE SPORTS GUY
by Jacob, Vegas Watch
For years, the Sports Guy has been a very polarizing figure among the blogging world. More recently, however, it seems that there has been less mention of TSG, other than his occasional cat fights. And even then, the attention has been focused on anything but his writing.
To find out if anyone in the blogging world is even bothering to read Simmons anymore, I asked a series of questions to some writers here at EC, as well as blogger/media critic extraordinaire Awful Announcing.
Compared to two years ago, how often do you read TSG?
Slightly less: 50%, A lot less: 38%, The same: 12%
How much of an effect have sports blogs had on this? How much has been a progression of your own personal tastes?
Blogs; Huge: 50%, Slight: 38%, None: 12%
Personal tastes; Huge factor: 63%, Slight factor: 37%
Do you think the quality of TSG columns has declined over this period?
Yes, slightly: 65%, Yes, significantly: 21%, No: 14%
Jack Cobra: "He's a 'homer' writing a MSM blog...that he can't keep up daily."
DMt Shooter: “The worst thing to ever happen to Simmons was that New England teams won championships, combined with his growing popularity. Instead of keeping a voice that ordinary fans of other teams could identify with, these wins enabled his sense of entitlement and self-satisfaction, making his writing weaker, flabbier, formulaic."
KSK: "...while assf**k Patriot fans like Bill Simmons whine why no one likes them. My dislike of that man and his kind has no become completely irrational."
AA: “I think there was a period there when Bill Simmons lost touch of what his readers enjoyed and why his fans love him so much in the first place. I think the new site (with the Red Sox stuff separated out) is a huge step in the right direction. He's got links and YouTube clips up now, so I think he's embracing that he's a niche writer just like the rest of us bloggers.”
I'm doubt TSG's readership is down much, if at all - eight sports bloggers isn't exactly a random sampling. But among the people surveyed, readership was down pretty unanimously. So beyond the fact that they have their own sites, what do these people have in common? Well, they're all aware of sports blogs.
On Monday, Deadspin had 25 posts. With Leather had 10, TBL had 12, AA had 8 plus a live blog, and this site had 15. The Sports Guy's "blog" had one- about the Patriots, of course.
I've recently asked a couple friends if they know of Deadspin, and they hadn't heard of it. These are people who are huge sports fans, and they thoroughly enjoyed the Deadspin stuff that I showed them. Deadspin gets 250K hits a day, but it's just not in the mainstream consciousness the way ESPN is (obviously).
Point being, I really don't see how, all things equal, one would read TSG but not the blogs previously mentioned. I still think Simmons is an excellent writer, but is he really better than Will Leitch or Matt Ufford? To justify his popularity he would have to be much more talented than bloggers who write so much more than him every week, and I just have a hard time believing that to be true.
I've gotten completely off track here (not that there really was a track to begin with), but this survey confirmed exactly what I would have guessed, that people who have discovered the world of sports blogs don't read the Sports Guy nearly as much as they used to. And as sports blogs get bigger and bigger (which I would expect them to), it seems that both TSG and ESPN will continue to lose readers to blogs, as they will continue to offer both superior quality, and quantity.
Image: Slate
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
How To Hook Up With A Deadspin Commenter
by SportsGirl365, Strike Zones and End Zones
In a world of eHarmony, Match.com, and JDate, internet hook-ups are becoming a socially accepted norm. There is, however, a much overlooked forum for match-making that has thrived underground – the Deadspin comments section. I offer you a few tips for successfully hooking up with a Deadspin commenter.
DO use the last post of the day as a chat room after midnight.
DON'T use the term "Deadspinning" as a euphemism for commenter sex.
DO attend a Pants Party. Apparently cheap seats and overpriced beer drives the commenting masses to a sexual frenzy.
DON'T introduce yourself in person to a potential hookup by your commenter name, however.
DO use your commenter names when calling out during sex. Nothing's hotter than hearing "Give it to me Phony Gwynn!" mid-thrust.
DON'T underestimate the power of being the Combudsman. A promise of a commenter invite will turn any girl into a panty dropper.
DO feel free to give your hook-up a +1 after a particularly good sack session.
DON'T forget, non-stop Anchorman quotes in the comments: usually funny. Non-stop Anchorman quotes in bed: never funny.
DO remember that body tagging online and body tagging in real life are not the same thing. You should, however, close your tag in both cases.
DON'T offer to "threadjack" Will. He's way out of your league. Plus, his parent's basement is kinda small.
DO remember there is a sliding scale of attractiveness for commenter hook-ups. A commenter "9" is a real life "5". Set your expectation levels accordingly.
DON'T think that having a blog you update once a month moves you up on the attractiveness scale. You're not fooling anybody.
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