College Football Helmet Quiz
Ohio State Fans Spurn ESPN
LT in '08
Elvis returns, dedicates "In The Bunker" to British Open sufferers
Why was Branson Wright fired as Cavs beat reporter?
Bonds or Holliday Hitting Behind Pujols?
Manny Deserves Better
All-Stars of the past present and future
New Lebron/Yao Commercial
Jose Canseco vs. Vai Sikahema fight reenacated using Mike Tyson's punch out
Showing posts with label MLB. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MLB. Show all posts
Friday, July 18, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
Thursday, July 17, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
No Favorite for Claret Jug
Batman’s Rogues Gallery–Done NFL Style
Dog removed from menus for Beijing Olympics
MJ's New Girlfriend
The Real Charles Barkley Question
Round 2 -- Cops Nab "Rampage" Again
Ashley Harkleroad's Playboy Cover
Andy Oliver Adds OSU As A Defendant
More "Foot fetish" Pics of WWE Diva Candice Michelle Discovered
Casting For the Josh Hamilton Story
Interview with Coach/Reliever/Punk Rocker Scott Radinsky
Bud Selig and his bad ideas
Baseball may be flawed, but it's perfect
Why wasn't Joe Morgan at the ASG? Two Words: Ryne Sandberg
Yoooooouuuur 2008 Super Hero All-Stars
Game Time: Flip Cup Guys are coming
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
PREVIEWING THE 2009 CELEBRITY SOFTBALL GAME
by GMoney, The Money Shot
I'm not going to lie to all of the fine Epic Carnival readers out there...I like the Celebrity Softball Game played over the All-Star break. It only takes up an hour of my time, the announcers are having fun, and rich people completely embarrass themselves. This year, other than the former baseball players, we got a heavy dose of New York natives when it came to the celebrity portion of the rosters. Who could ever forget that picturesque double-play executed by former Yankee, Billy Crystal, and Whoopi Goldberg?
But, alas, it's time to turn the page on this year's game (8-7 win by the NL, at least they win something!). Next year, the All-Star game heads to St. Louis for some high-humidity action. It's time to take a look at the potential Missour-a celebs that could be participating in this event in 2009.
Scott Bakula - Major League: Back to the Minors anyone???
Linda Blair - she can mimic Luis Tiant with only her head
Don Cheadle - Hope he keeps that God awful British accent of his at home
Jenna Fischer - I totally want to touch her
John Goodman - have you seen him recently, imagine if Mike Golic was tied to another Mike Golic
Eddie Griffin - All-Star week needs some anti-white humor
Don Johnson - Nash Bridges!
Brad Pitt - if he takes a break from adopting kids/donating sperm
David Koechner - Champ Kind!
Vincent Price - I don't care if he's been dead for 15 years
Burt Bacharach - Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Burt Bacharach
Chuck Berry - just keep an eye on him when he's in the bathroom
Nelly - face band-aid is optional
David Cook - for the kids
Wow, this truly could be a star-studded affair next year. Ah, who am I kidding? The celebrity all-star game peaked in 1994 (with me in attendance) when the great Meat Loaf was PWNING the competition. It will never be the same. Nothing could ever top Bat Out Of Hell destroying Pittsburgh. But I'll still watch and hope that one day Mr. Loaf will once again take the field.
THE AFTER PARTY
Lincecum is a pansy
Pittsburgh Pirates: The Movie III
More Rocket fuel shipped to Clemens's Houston pad
This is the "last season at Yankee Stadium"...since when?!?
Guess who advertises on Reds radio?
AP makes 'Uggly' error after game
Ye of the Slanty-Straight Brim: One of Baseball's Great Mysteries
The Duality of Sweatpants and Bentleys...
Favre is just being selfish
The 10 Hottest Female Athlete Bikini Photoshoot Videos
More Videos from the Dance Off
Roller Derby casting call
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
Billy Packer's new gig
MLB All-Star Starter Wives
Can Someone Muzzle Berman Already?
2008 Mid-Season All-Bum Team
On the Scene at the Captain Morgan's All-Star Pose Off
Brett Favre and the politics of breakup sex
THE NYPD IS HELPFUL
by Sterling Gould, Staff Writer
Last night's home run derby was really good, if you're like me and gave up on audio and put the television on "mute" after hearing Chris Berman's and Joe Morgan's welcoming broadcast. In all seriousness, I'd rather have the audio from the movie "Hostile" being played over and over than hear those two bumblefucks broadcast anything. You already know about Josh Hamilton banging a 1st Round record 28 home runs, only to fall to Justin Morneau in the finals (yet, he hit more homeruns combined... make sense? No, but I won't lose any sleep over this). But it was nice to see MLB players sittin' in the grass with their snot-nosed spoiled little brats, recording every second of the Derby on their expensive camcorders, and getting enough Gatorade to fill a barren Hudson River (we get it, you guys are totally dehydrated). You know, the type of preferential treatment that us normal Joe's get. And speaking of regular Joe's, how 'bout this kid at the 2:42 video mark that was going after a ball and took a no-breather-cleaver from one of New Yorks' finest? Oh, and it's footage from Hamilton's first round... like that matters to you: (Video after the jump)
WELCOME TO LOSERVILLE, CLEVELAND
by Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog
Since ESPN decided to do Titletown, Epic Carnival will be doing their own countdown looking at the worst cities in Sports. The first city we check out is Cleveland Ohio which is home to the Browns, Indians, and the Cavaliers.
The last championship by a Cleveland sports team was in 1964 by the Browns when they defeated the Baltimore Colts 27-0 in the NFL Championship game. The Browns have not made an appearance in the Super Bowl with six division titles but zero conference championships. They even lost the team for three season when Art Moddell packed up the team and moved them to Baltimore. The NFL decided to award the city another franchise which started playing in Cleveland in 1999 at the new stadium that was built where Municipal stadium stood. The Browns since coming back in the league have not appeared in the playoffs barely missing out of the playoffs in 2007 as they lost some tiebreakers. It was the best season for the franchise since 1994.
How about the NBA team which the best player in the league plays on you say? Yea, those Cleveland Cavaliers who have one NBA finals appearance in 2007 and only one division title in 1976 since their inception in 1970. The biggest moment in Cavaliers history is when Michael Jordan hit a jump shot over Craig Ehlo to win Game 5 (deciding game) of the first round playoff series. Now the Cavaliers have local legend Lebron James leading the team but have not been able to get the big prize of an NBA title. There are rumors floating that once James is done with his current contract that he will jump the ship and head to New York to be a part of the Knicks or Nets. This would devastate the Cleveland area as Lebron is from Akron OH.
The final team in the Cleveland market is the most pathetic in the Indians. They were founded in 1901 and have won two titles in 1920 and 1948. They have won the AL Pennant in only three other seasons in 1954, 1995, and 1997. They ended up losing the 1954 World Series to the where they were swept by the New York Giants. In 1995, they made it back to the World Series after a 41 year absence. They lost the series in six games to the Atlanta Braves while in 1997 they made it to the World Series and lost to the Marlins in the seventh game after blowing a lead in the bottom of the 9th. Since then, the Indians have not been able to get back to the World Series including in 2007 where they had a 3 games to 2 lead on the Boston Red Sox but ended up losing in seven games.
Epic Carnival would like to welcome Cleveland to Loserville and maybe someday they can get out of being perennial losers.
SINCE ROY HALLADAY IS SUCH A BILL MURRAY FAN ...
by Neate Sager, Out Of Left Field
Roy Halladay, you might be on B Squad, but you're the B Squad leader.
On Monday, Halladay likened playing for the perennially also-ran Toronto Blue Jays to being "like a little bit of Groundhog Day ...You want to talk about why we're succeeding, what we've done to help us get to the point of where we're at, and we just haven't done that ... It's hard to keep talking about the same thing."
To a diehard Jays fan, that's the equivalent of, in the last two hours, having lost your job, your apartment, your car and your girlfriend. And then depression set in. There's only one way to respond -- with an open letter pieced together from Bill Murray movies. It's the best way to get inside this guy's pelt and crawl around for a few days.
Dear Doc,
So it's true. A commenter on Drunk Jays Fans a while back claimed you'd been overheard wondering over dinner in a Toronto eatery if you were doomed to play your entire career in Toronto and never make the playoffs. It must make your lips numb just to think about it.
If this was coming from someone who isn't the god of ground-ball outs, people would be saying, right about now, his bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and his butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
This is a letdown. In the grand scheme of Blue Jays baseball, a high-dollar hurler betraying any trace of human emotion is really more of an A.J. Burnett thing. You're the Doc. You can chew your way through a concrete wall -- or the New York Yankees lineup, as you did with a two-hit shutout last Friday at Rogers Centre, the world's only 50,000-seat video-rental outlet -- and spit out the other side covered with lime and chalk and look good in doing it.
As a bonus, you usually finish the job in less than two-and-a-half hours.
This can be forgiven. You forgot that your cross to bear is putting up Cy Young-worthy stats while throwing for a team owned by Rogers Communications. Rogers' baseball philosophy: A hundred-dollar shine on a three-dollar pair of shoes. That kind of explains why the Jays have given 205 at-bats this season to Kevin Wench.
You saying you're unhappy and "one thing I really want to accomplish in the rest of my time, is win a World Series," could mean Toronto is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions, real wrath of God type stuff -- human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!
Up until now, the impression was that you were cool with being the best Roy Halladay you could be. That was enough for us, even if it never was with Mats Sundin during the NHL season. You taking the mound every fifth day was one reason not to look at the long winter and see a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope -- but enough about the Toronto Maple Leafs.
What else is there for a baseball geek in Canada, aside from fulminating at the brilliant bits of misinformation that periodically spew forth from GM J.P. Ricciardi? Since you pitch for a team that hasn't been anywhere near the playoffs since both of us were in the eleventh grade, the satisfaction of a job well-done is supposed to be enough to keep you happy.
Who knew? You're always so concerned about your reputation. Einstein did his best stuff when he was working as a patent clerk!
You're not alone in having a weak moment in Jays-land. In the spring, there's always the wild thoughts, imagining a real Cinderella story, came out of nowhere, to lead the pack in the cutthroat AL East. By the team summer heats up, it's usually obvious that even if you guys play so far above your heads that your noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good-looking girls would still cheer for the Red Sox and the Yankees because they've got all the money and for the Tampa Bay Rays because they have more brains, and those teams will go to the playoffs!
It just doesn't matter we win or we lose. It just doesn't matter!
You're needed in Toronto to take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, the Red Sox and Yankees can buy anything -- and the Rays have a much better drafting record than the Jays have under Ricciardi -- but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it.
The pathway to salvation is as narrow and as difficult to walk as a razor's edge -- which more or less sums up your team averaging only 3.8 runs in your starts this season.
That is your burden. If you could pitch in a hair shirt, you would. Having to have a World Series ring to be validated is some screwhead fetish. You're pitching for the doomed, otherwise known as diehard Jays fans. They're lost, they're helpless, they're somebody else's meal, they're like pigs in the wilderness.
They --we -- need a leader every fifth day. An army without leaders is like a foot without a big toe. And you're always gonna be here to be that big toe for us.
Of course, you'd like a little something, you know, for the effort, you know. Oh, uh, there won't be any October glory, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.
So you got that goin' for you, which is nice.
(There are 17 quotes from Bill Murray movies buried in this post. How many can you find before resorting to checking IMDb?)
Monday, July 14, 2008
PREPARE FOR EXCELLENCE DOUBLE-A FANS!
by Sterling Gould, Staff Writer
Good news out of Mississippi for fans of the Atlanta Braves. Or for fans who enjoy blowing wads of cash for a false sense of hope and displeasure (like... transsexual hookers). Atlanta Braves cu...err... heat slinger Mike Hampton will be making his second rehab start for the Mississippi Braves on Wednesday night against the Carolina Whothefuckcares. A wordy mascot name, but "Tuscan Raiders" had been copyrighted by Lucas Arts (Star Wars... motherfuckers). And you all thought there would be no baseball during the "All-Star Break". Ha! I scoff at you.
Mike will be sure to release all of the left-handed power to prove he's still "got the stuff". Like a curve that'll most likely drop him as opposed to the ball and a fastball topping off at a speedy 75 MPH. Anyways, as you could probably tell by my tone, I've got a vendetta against Mr. Hampton. You know, something about throwing $120 million dollars at a strained vaginal muscle can make any fan sour. Or want to beat the shit of your General Manager. But I can't be that upset with John Schuerholz... can I? If this isn't hard hitting journalism, I don't know what is.
THE AFTER PARTY
Taking a dump in the Stanley Cup. (The World of Isaac)
Why is MLB encouraging ballot-box stuffing? (With Malice...)
New voice of Cleveland Indians fans. (TDBR)
Jose Canseco: "I slept with Fannie Mae" (eTrueSports)
The 2008 Home Run Derby drinking game. (Home Run Derby)
Cell phone guys at a baseball game. (NESW Sports)
Jim Tressel's new book is shockingly candid. (The Money Shot)
Why did Shaun Alexander suck so much last year? (NE Patriots Draft)
Kenny Perry is a fraud. (Rumors and Rants)
Sports blogger slump. (The Legend of Cecilio Guante)
WAG-OFF - Day one: USA WAGs vs EUROPEAN WAGs. (on 205th magazine)
Brand Thunder takes browser customizations to aspiring models. (The Sports Agent Blog)
Friday, July 11, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY: DOUBLE ISSUE
Ric Flair Finance goes belly up. (The Savage Science)
Getting Barry a job. (SimonOnSports)
Madonna/A-Rod Skydome video. (Rotohog)
Is it the end of Cheap Sexson Mondays? (Home Run Derby)
Manny's heartbreaking confession: "Meat makes me angry." (eTrueSports)
Tony Soprano: Huge Yankees fan. (Tirico Suave)
Chicago's Mayor Daley in a White Sox commercial. (Docksquad)
Moises Alou is done. (Rumors and Rants)
How to make the home run derby better. (BMDP)
Re-Casting The Big Brother house through the world of sports. (The Money Shot)
Favre takes Aaron Rodgers's hotel room. (Real Clear Sports)
Brett Favre - Just say no. (Waiting For Next Year)
Brett Favre needs to make up his mind already. (The Play in CA)
Why Matt Jones should be a Dallas Cowboy. (Throwing Into Traffic)
A journey through the NFL with some burning questions - Part 2. (Bad News Bloggers)
A thousand bucks?!?! For a picture with Steve Alford?!?! (TMC)
60% of NBA players go broke. (All Balls)
Can Shaun Livingston return? (Intentional Foul)
Pulling a Livingston. (The World of Isaac)
15 reasons it's good to be a Clippers fan. (Next Round)
Paul Allen's $27 million problem. (Five Tool Tool)
ActLetes - Athletes, endorsements, and the entertainment industry. (Sports Agent Blog)
Drunk soccer ref gets helped off the field at kids game. (NESW Sports)
NCAA Football: Where men are made...or arrested. (TLOCG)
French dogs are dumb animals. (PartMule)
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
Have Orioles fans let Aubrey Huff off the hook? (Stet Sports Blog)
Don't look now, but the Mets are coming. (The Sports Lounge)
Barry Zito's Fathead is on clearance. (Home Run Derby)
Mike Lowell, cell phone prankster. (Red Sox Monster)
Braves GM a frequent flyer felon? (eTrueSports)
Giambi mustache goodness. (Tirico Suave)
Will Harden keep the Cubs on top? (I'm Writing Sports)
Game On: Iron Ref Round 3 - Cheap Shot. (Hugging Harold Reynolds)
Sucks to be Baron Davis right about now. (Rumors and Rants)
Gladiator or Zoologist: A game for Cleveland AFL fans. (TDBR)
A journey through the NFL with some burning questions. (Bad News Bloggers)
NFL Mystery File: Peyton Manning. (NE Patriots Draft)
Charles Haley should be in the Hall of Fame. (MoonDog Sports)
I am starting to understand Tony Romo now. (on 205th magazine)
The 20 greatest celebrity-athlete couples of all time. (All Balls)
VARITEK NEEDS TO GO
by Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog
Is Jason Varitek the worst All-Star in the history of Baseball?
I think the answer is an overwhelming YES! He is only hitting .215 on the year with an on base percentage of .297. He had a horrible month of June with a batting average of .122 and a slugging percentage of .176. Are you kidding me? I think the Red Sox could bring up a third level prospect who could put up numbers like that.
Lets go back to the All-Star selection of Varitek who like the pink hat wearing Red Sox fans call him "Tek." The players and managers put Varitek as a reserve catcher in the AL. They said the reasoning behind it is how well he handles the pitching staff of the Boston Red Sox. The BoSox have the eighth best ERA in MLB with the Oakland A's having the best ERA. He has thrown out a grand total of eight runners while allowing 37 stolen bases that comes out to throwing out only 17 percent of runners which is nothing to be proud of.
So why is Kurt Suzuki not in the All-Star game over Jason Varitek since he is the catcher for the Oakland A's who lead the team in ERA? He is hitting .279 on the year while throwing out 21 runners and allowing 37 stolen bases. This comes out to a percentage of 36 which is very good for a MLB catcher. The main reason why Suzuki is not in the All-Star game is the fact that he plays for the Oakland A's and that is not a large market team like Boston.
I am a Red Sox fan but the truth hurts. Varitek needs to go.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
TOP 11 THINGS YOU CAN INFER FROM MILTON BRADLEY'S NEW YORK TIMES ALL-STAR BLOG
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
See it for yourself here...
11. Milton's got a surprisingly effective and discrete ghost writer
10. Now that he's been to the All-Star Game, the umpires are not going to annoy him ever again
9. Since he's playing in the game and Billy Beane isn't, that means he wins
8. Like Jackie Robinson, he is also black, a target of hatred, and a carbon based form of life
7. His Mom is important to him, and in all likelihood, better than yours. Dad, not so much
6. He's down with Jebus, who clearly wanted him to be with his seventh organization at age 30
5. Once again, the nay sayers have taken it on the chin. Oh, you nay sayers. Will you ever learn?
4. His posts will be, shall we say, very lightly edited
3. He's looked and looked, but still hasn't seen Jeff Kent
2. The Ryan Lefebvre incident from just four weeks ago, and the dozens of similar experiences before that, are all bygones, baby
1. The NY Times is hoping, big-time, that there will be An Incident that makes their sports secion relevant
ONE INDIANS FAN'S OPINION ON THIS WHOLE SABATHIA THING
by WCT, The Ship of Fools
I still remember the day I heard that Jim Thome was leaving. I was pissed. Like, really pissed. I felt like I really knew the guy. He wasn't my favorite Indian as a kid (that was Sandy Alomar) but when he broke into the bigs, I was still in junior high, and now he was a veteran and I was out of college. Not to sound sappy, but I sort of grew up with him in that way. So when he took more money to go to the Phillies, After saying that money would not be his deciding factor, I felt betrayed, and I still cheer against him to this day.
I was not as pissed when Manny Ramirez left. Manny was one of the first guys that I remember hearing about when he was drafted, and I remember hearing stories of him tearing up the minor leagues. I still remember the anticipation of his arrival to the big club, and his debut. I still remember how pissed I was when he lost out on the rookie of the year to Bob Hamelin. But by the end of his Indian's tenure, his act (what "red sox nation" now stupidly calls "Manny being Manny!") was starting to wear thin.
This time around, with CC Sabathia not re-signing, and as it turns out, being traded. I almost don't even care. We all knew it was an ominous sign when he cut off negotiations for an extension during spring training. In April, we knew that if the Indians got off to a slow start this year, this was going to be an issue. In June, when the Indians were somewhere between "we're off to a slow start so far" and "we have a piece-of-shit team this year," the reality of his trade became apparent.
It probably seems weird to say that the reigning AL Cy Young winner had an erratic tenure as an Indian, but I think that is the best way to describe it. In the beginning, he was overweight, would get flustered easily, and had no idea where the ball was going after he released it. But over the years he developed into an effective pitcher, and eventually an ace. He even lost some weight! In fact, this year is a perfect microcosm for his Indians career. After his first four starts he had given up 5, 4, 9, and 9 earned runs respectively, and was 0-3 with an ERA approaching 14. But since then he has lowered that ERA to 3.83 and has thrown 2 complete game shutouts. But even in the midst of his current hot streak, he was roughed up a bit (4 ER, 2 HR) in his latest outing. And as great as he was last year, he had to feel a bit sheepish accepting his Cy Young after his disastrous postseason. Yes, he had matured into a team leader last year as the Tribe made its October run in '07, but the fact remains that they handed him the ball, at home, up 3-1 in the ALCS, and he crapped all over himself in the biggest game of his life.
So I can't really say that I am as pissed as I was when Thome left, and I can't really even say I am as disappointed as I was when Man-Ram left. I am resigned to the fact that these things happen. At the same time, You never really knew what you were going to get when Sabathia took the mound, so part of me won't miss his inconsistency. Most of the time, he was great, and a small percentage of the time, he was flat-out awesome. But in a big game (like the 2007 playoffs), or if something is on his mind (like early this year) who knows. I will not bore most of you with my opinion on what this trade means for the big-picture for the Cleveland Indians, but suffice it to say that last year's 96 win season is starting to look very fluky. So when he starts tonight for the Brewers (and for the first time as "CC" rather than "C.C.") I can't say that I will be cheering for or against him. I'm just hoping that Matt LaPorta turns out to be as good as people say he is, so that he can become a stud (and inevitably leave).
TOP 10 WAYS IN WHICH THE BRAVES BETRAYED JEFF FRANCOEUR
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
"After three years, after playing hurt, playing every day, going in every day whether I got a hit and never complaining, I just played because Bobby [Cox] kept putting me in the lineup. But I just felt like a little three-minute thing -- 'Hey, you're going down' -- I feel like after three years, I was owed a little more of an explanation... You almost felt like they had made [their minds] up before the game. That's where I felt frustrated, where I felt a little betrayed." -- Atlanta OF Jeff Francoeur, who was hitting .234 when sent to AA last week, and was recalled less than three days later (rather than the three weeks he was quoted)
10. Cared more about their stupid won-loss record than his needs
9. Hit him seventh in the lineup, even though that made him sad
8. Insisted on comparing his output to other major league outfielders, rather than someone with special emotional needs
7. Insisted on playing tonight's game (a one-hit shutout loss to the Dodgers) without him, rather than delay the start of the game to wait for his arrival
6. Didn't take into account how badly he's feeling for all of the fantasy league owners that he's let down
5. Refused to see the value in his .206 batting average in June
4. Totally dismissed the value of the hundreds of friends, families, and inbred hill people who come to Braves games just to see him
3. Pronounce his last name like it's French or something
2. Don't seem to believe that he can just pray his way out of any slump
1. Kept seeing other outfielders
Monday, July 7, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
Top 11 things A-Rod and Madonna can do together. (eTrueSports)
D-Rod. (Five Tool Tool)
MLB All-Star selection has become a joke. (MoonDog Sports)
C.C. built my hotrod. (The Grand National Championships)
Cleveland reaction to the Sabathia trade. (Waiting For Next Year)
C.C. Sabathia explains why he's moving to Milwaukee. (The Dave Burba Revolution)
CC to Milwaukee: Does anyone win? (I'm Writing Sports)
What does a 33-year-old know about Charley Conerly? (Bluenatic)
Aaron Rodgers on Brett's "itch". (Throwing Into Traffic)
19 days, 19 reasons, 19-0. (NE Patriots Draft)
July 4th - halfway through the sports year! (BK sportszone)
Ana Ivanovic pictures from FHM. (FanIQ)
Maria Kirilenko pictures from Glamour. (on 205th magazine)
1 comment(s):
Post a Comment