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Showing posts with label Mark Cuban. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mark Cuban. Show all posts
Saturday, June 14, 2008
ANOTHER ENTRY FOR OUR $50 MLB.COM GIFT CARD CONTEST
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
TOP 13 SUSPECTS IN THE MURDER OF MY SPORTS BLOG
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
For the past 48+ hours, without a word of warning or explanation, Blogger/Google has removed my 16-month old sports site, Five Tool Tool. (No link, because, um, It Doesn't Freaking Work.)
We didn't even use curse words. We rarely showed titty. Hell, we barely even had commenters, though we did have advertisers. But like all little-read sports blogs, we had enemies -- cold-blooded murdering enemies that would kill a blog just to keep us silent. (Will we stay dead? I have no idea. Google/Blogspot's customer service has been positively Isiah-esque so far.)
So who killed us? The list of suspects is after the jump. Plus hey, lots of NSFW videos and NSFBlogger Opinions!
13) Don Nelson.
Our final visitor was from Oakland. They accessed the site for 35 minutes, went through a bunch of pages, then moved on. Soon after that, the site went down.
Could the Warriors head coach have pulled strings with local Googlians to silence a critic who has (a) posted an image of Nellie looking all fat and bloated on wine, (b) pointed out that Nellieball, while entertaining, almost never goes deep in the playoffs?
Clues: He's got nothing else to do, so he's got the means. He also brought back Chris Webber this year, so we've already proven insanity as a pre-existing condition.
Alibis: Old people don't know how to use the Internets. Besides, he's probably too busy threatening to retire, or crank-calling Baron Davis.
Odds: 50 (wins) to 1 against.
12) Isiah Thomas.
Our "Isiah Thomas Is Comedy Gold" tag was one of the most used in the site's history, and there has been many days when Zeke's wacky Baghdad Bob-esque shenanigans filled our wordhole. Now that he's employed by the Knicks to, as far as we can tell, do nothing and have no contact with his players, he's clearly got the free time to wreak a terrible vengeance on his enemies.
Clues: Given the delusional nature of Zeke's pressers this year, there's a good chance that he's not tethered to reality, and might think our blog was the cause of all his problems. Madison Square Garden and the Dolans also seem to like employing thugs.
Alibis: We're pretty sure he doesn't, you know, read. Or use the Internets. Or give a damn about anything.
Odds: 30-1.
11) Bill Belichick.
What, you don't think he's evil enough? I'd say more here, but saying his name out loud just caused the lights to flicker and a chill wind to blow.
Clues: Given that FTT was solely responsible for the Patriots' loss by actively rooting for them during their quest for Perfectriotection, the BeliHate could be all-consuming.
Alibis: Too busy running his draft at the time. Plus, when Bill goes for Evil, it's not a small thing. Unless this is a first stage before a blogosphere-wide purge, it's just not his style.
Odds: 18-1. But it's a big 1.
10) Mark Cuban.
The NBA's leader megalomaniac is well known for his hate of any blog that isn't his. FTT, like all right-thinking Americans, enjoy watching him lose basketball games, dance contests, and his hair.
Clues: The last post at FTT before the site went dark covered the Hornets taking a 3-1 lead on Cuban's Mavericks. As a matter of fact, the last line we published was "Karma's a bitch, Cubes." That had to be too much to resist.
Alibis: No one who isn't being paid by Cuban ever does anything for him. Has spent the last two weeks determining the most humiliating way to fire Avery Johnson.
Odds: 13-1.
9) Epic Carnival's Editor, Scrap.
The Epic Carnival editor is desperate to have all of our link-generating listy goodness. Plus, with FTT out of the picture, EC's traffic will groundrocket. (Skyrocket being, well, kind of an overpromise.)
Clues: Way too casual reaction to the news that FTT was down.
Alibis: We don't write about titty enough for him to care. Plus, um, he doesn't actually know who we are. (To be fair, he's got what, 600 writers on this frickin' site?)
Odds: 12-1 against.
8) Bill Simmons.
The world's leading Masshole was routinely referred on FTT as the Bad Tooth, in that we just couldn't stop checking his column to see how painful it is to read now. Alone among all sports bloggers, we criticized him. (You can congratulate us on our originality and bravery now.)
Clues: If you listen to his podcasts backward, you can clearly hear Simmy Boy say, "I direct my unholy army of mouth-breathing Boston apologists to take Five Tool Tool down."
Alibis: The podcast could also just be a pre-pubescent girl touching herself. I get my files mixed up sometimes, and Simmy's voice is in the same register.
Odds: 10-1 against.
7) Kobe Bryant.
We keep refusing to support Kobe's MVP campaign, by steadfastly refusing to see (a) how any team could need LeBron James more than the Cavs do, and (b) beyond the fact that Kobe's an (alleged) anal rapist and part-time loon who threw his entire team and organization under the bus in the off-season. Obey Your Thirst, Mamba. Obey Your Thirst.
Clues: He totally knows that Allen Iverson is one of our favorite players, and keeps being really, really mean to his teams in the playoffs.
Alibis: He's been occupied for minutes at a time with sweeping the Nugs. Has probably been preoccupied with laughing at Shaq missing enough free throws to get eliminated.
Odds: 8-1.
6) Dick Cheney.
While FTT is a sports blog, one of our last posts before the blog went down showed Big Daddy Dick in his leathers and feathers, as part of a strained analogy to what it's like to watch the Pistons in their inevitable / inexorable playoff run. Besides, you can't ever count the Daddy out, given that he likes to shoot his friends in the face.
Clues: There are many, but they've all been marked classified.
Alibis: Dick Cheney has no need for alibis. He is what he is.
Odds: 8-1 against.
5) Roger Clemens.
The Rocket continues his week of living fabulously with a roid and meth-fueled takedown of a sports blog that's been calling him a fraud since before Suzyn Waldman had a hot flash over his appearance in the Steinbrenner box.
Clues: Sure, instigating a conspiracy against some pissant sports blogger would be a hopeless lapse in judgment. But isn't that his MO now?
Alibis: His choice of attorney shows that competence is not a plus outside of the baseball diamond. Besides, he'd have been better off taking down EC. Damn, I probably just gave him an idea.
Odds: 5 to 1.
4) Barry Bonds.
The Home Roid King can't have liked what we've written about him. Once again, as in the Simmons candidacy, this makes us unique. (It was such a good blog. I miss it terribly.) He also can't have liked being compared to low-rent Japanese monster movies, when he was thinking of going to Japan for the '08 season, since we didn't even give him the full Godzilla treatment. But it does show a very similar body transformation and head enlargement.
Clues: Vengeful, spiteful, bitter, with tons of free time on his hands. (Hey, why doesn't Barry have a blog?)
Alibis: FTT frequently covered non-Bonds subjects, and as his entire existence shows, Barry can't be bothered with non-Bonds subjects.
Odds: 5-2.
3) Blog-On-Blog Violence
You don't write lists every day without generating a lot of hate from other bloggers. We're talkin' Tupac v. Biggie levels, dammit. (Video's lyrics are NSFW.)
Clues: It's nothin' but hate in the sports blogosphere. Thug Blog 'Til We Die!
Alibis: The opposite of hate isn't love. It's indifference. Also, we're old.
Odds: 2 to 1.
2) Anonymous.
All of those mean, hurtful comments. The constant sniping. The fact-checking on our howling mistakes and factual errors. We say it doesn't hurt, but you know what? It does. But our stoic endurance of your slings and arrows has driven you mad, hasn't it? So mad you had to have your revenge. You bastard.
Clues: The fact that no one else on this here blog, or any other, gets slagged by anonymous commenters.
Alibis: Taking down a blog would be the biggest accomplishment of your life, wouldn't it? Hmm.
Odds: 3 to 2.
1) Google.
Not to sound too ungrateful here, but this no warning, no explanation, no response experience? I've had better customer service while getting divorced.
Clues: The, um, site shutdown with no warning, explanation, or response.
Alibis: By writing this, I might make them mad... and then they'd shut down my freaking blog without warning, explanation or response. Don't Be Evil, my ass.
Hey, Sonics fans, I think I'm finally starting to fully understand your situation!
Odds: Damn near certain.
So, um... (NSFW lyrics)
Can you stop, you know, doing this? Please?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
TOP 10 TRULY SHOCKING DEVELOPMENTS FROM THE NBA PLAYOFFS
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
(Why a double shot of listy goodness? Because I love you all that much.)
10. A team led by Kevin Garnett is having difficulty
9. George Karl and his 3-16 career Nugget playoff record is still employed
8. Grant Hill, Tracy McGrady and Carmelo Anthony are still not going to get out of the first round
7. Washington doesn't seem to have much of an idea on how to guard LeBron James
6. Watching the same commercials over and over again will make you want to go on a 3-state killing spree
5. As a further proof that God hates us, a Spurs-Pistons final is looking all too possible
4. The series that the networks all ducked (in this case, Raptors-Magic) stunk
3. Mark Cuban doesn't seem very happy
2. At least five times per game, you wonder if the refs are in the bag
1. The Finals will seem like an anticlimax, because there will be a team from the East in it
Monday, March 24, 2008
TOP 10 SIGNS THAT MARK CUBAN'S STARTING TO LOSE IT
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
10. Wearing a t-shirt with "Avery's Team" on it, and underwear that says "Nellie's Property"
9. Calling Toni Braxton for advice on how to motivate Jason Kidd
8. Already writing a furious post on his blog about this blog
7. Watching the footage of Dirk Nowitzki getting hurt on a continuous loop while weeping
6. Starting to redact final scores from recent Mavs games
5. Wants Ross Perot to buy the team back
4. So upset, he's not even able to say something to get fined
3. Launching a new "Dancing With the Cube" show for his HD channel, only this time, he's really going to femme it up
2. Believes that he is John Galt
1. Still totally behind Michael Bloomburg for President
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR FEBRUARY 20
Props to Hugging Harold Reynolds (again).
If you do or see some great photoshopping in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... extra credit!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
CUBAN LOVES BLONDES
by Mac G, Mac G's World
Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban spent his MLK holiday watching his team get walloped by the Wizards in Washington, DC.
The outcome of the game might not have been the only thing giving him a nightmarish headache as Cuban was spotted partying it up on Sunday night at the "Guards" in Georgetown.
“He stayed for a couple hours. The crowd loved him.”
I know locating stories in the blogosphere of Cuban boozing with locals is as common as discovering racy Lucy Pinder cleavage shots on the Internet.
However, it appears this was a return trip for Cuban to the Georgetown nightlife as he visited the Bush daughters infamous hangout "Smith Point" on the last Mavs road game at DC.
“He loves the preppy bars and the young blondes.”
I searched Cuban's Blog for any mention of pink shirts, popped collars or hot blonde's. No Dice. I just hope Cuban is not a closet member of the elitist Gtown social group, Late Night Shots.
Monday, November 5, 2007
THE NICKELODEON: DANA WHITE'S NEXT MOVE?
I'm not sure if this is what Mark Cuban has in mind once he fully gets himself involved in mixed martial arts, but I can speak for myself when I say that if he does decide to follow this business model, I will be one of the first in line for their initial pay-per-view.
Not your daddy's UFC ... after the jump. (perhaps a little NSFW)
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
THE MIDWAY: MARK CUBAN & STEVE NASH
More of Mark Cuban on Dancing with the Stars People No One Knows. He has really got his O-face working now. (The Sports Hernia)
You know you're famous when your likeness is carved into a cornfield and that's exactly what happened to Steve Nash. (100% Injury Rate)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
THE MIDWAY: CUBAN GETS DOWN & IS BIGGIO GOOD ENOUGH?
Mark Cuban's debut on Dancing with the Stars Tuesday night left many thirsting for more as he sang along to the song he danced to while flashing devastating moves and the more than occasional flash-of-the-tongue. (The Sports Hernia)
When talking about the great players of this era, Craig Biggio's not a name that enters the discussion. He's not flashy, nor has he put up any super numbers; he's gotten where he is by being boringly consistent. He just doesn't pass the Hall of Famer "smell test." (The Hall of Very Good)
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Fedor Emelianenko Free Agent Soap Opera Gets Even Stranger...
by The Prophet, ProphetFighting
When we last talked about the soap opera surrounding the consensus best MMA fighter on the planet, Fedor Emelianenko, and the efforts of several promotions to sign the most sought after free agent in the sport we thought the saga was near a conclusion. Every indication was that Emelianenko would sign with the Japanese K-1/Heroes promotion for a ton of money and the acceptance of a bunch of non-financial stipulations. In an orderly universe it would have ended there, but apparently (with apologies to the late Karen Carpenter) "we've only just begun".
Late last week Fedor's camp led by his straight out of central casting Cold War era James Bond villain manager Vadim Finkelstein traveled to Las Vegas to meet with a group of UFC bigwigs including company president and reigning "King of the F-Bomb" Dana White. Early indications were that a spirit of compromise was in the air, the two parties would meet each other halfway, the UFC would back up the Brinks truck and Fedor would be fighting inside the octagon for the near future.
After the negotiations ended, however, nothing had changed. Fedor's people talked about the intransigence of the UFC's position. Dana White called Fedor's people a bunch of "(f-bomb) crazy Russians". Fedor's camp tried to spin it that there were still a bunch of organizations negotiating for his services but it was clear to anyone but the extremely gullible that he was on his way to fight in Japan.
The plot has thickened again, however, with the appearance of a new suitor for Fedor's services who not only has deep pockets but an impressive track record working with all sorts of crazy foreigners. On Sunday, it was confirmed that "Dancing With the Stars" contestant and Dallas Maverick owner Mark Cuban was in negotiations with Fedor's people. Seems that Cuban was impressed with the ratings that MMA was drawing on his HDNet TV network and he's now interested in becoming a serious player in the MMA world. As Sherdog.com put it in their report on Cuban's involvement, Fedor would be "the Dirk Nowitski" of a new MMA promotion.
Personally, I'd love to see Mark Cuban get into the MMA game. The UFC is vulnerable but none of the second tier organizations have enough of a clue to mount a legitimate challenge to their market dominance. Furthermore, based on Cuban's comments I'm thinking he'll be promoting the sport as a serious athletic endeavor not the sort of "EXTREME CAGE COMBAT WARFARE" hype employed by some of the also rans in the MMA game. From that standpoint alone, it could be the best thing that could happen to the sport.
Of course the real reason I want to see Cuban involved in MMA should be obvious. I can't even fathom how entertaining the inevitable Mark Cuban v. Dana White feud would be. Neither guy is ever at a loss for words, and both guys love their media coverage. The Cuban v. White war of words could potentially be more entertaining than anything either guy could promote in a ring/octagon.
It should be entertaining at the very least and you can stay up to date at ProphetFighting.com.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Throwing Knives: I've Returned
by BD, Sports Show On Mute
It's Tuesday, and I hope none of you missed me yesterday as I had a few things to take care of after work before sleeping. Then, I got up early to watch the Tigers absolutely embarrass the Yankees in person before heading back to work. A long, but fantastic day overall. Despite the Indians loss, at least the Mariners were shut down on the left coast by my preseason AL Cy Young pick John Lackey. So, today I've got the weekend box office for you. As well as the Entourage recap and all the usual stuff you'd expect. Californication's episode review will be coming tomorrow. Just in case your wondering why it's not here today, its still waiting to be watched on my DVR. Anyhow, enjoy Jessica Alba in all her hotness at, what I'm guessing is a Carnival, fitting I'd say.
Vick Pleas..."Apologizes" blah blah blah...
Wow, I'm growing increasingly tired of this whole situation every single day. It could be the "over-coverage" on ESPN, among other places, or maybe I'm just annoyed with his defenders. I've heard numerous thoughts on his "apology" on the radio over the last 6-7 hours. Many of them citing the fact that he wasn't reading a prepared statement. Thus, it must be "from the heart". Alright, come on, really? The only reason Vick regrets his days as the head of a dog fighting ring is because he got caught. The fact that he had the audacity to mention "the kids" in his little speech made me laugh. If he ever really cared about "the kids" he'd have kept that middle finger of his down, tossed his water bottle in the trash, and never under any circumstances gotten involved in dog fighting.
Also, please give it a rest on all of this: "he grew up around it" bullshit. That's not an excuse, and if Vick were working some everyday job like the rest of us, NO ONE would be defending him. He is was an athlete. So what? He means nothing to me, and he shouldn't mean anything to those who've rallied behind him. Yet, they've rallied nonetheless. What do you think that says about our society?
Lance Briggs Leaves The Scene....
...of a single car accident in which he crashed his Lamborghini. Interestingly, his coach Lovie Smith was outraged at the suggestion that Lance fled the scene because he had been drinking. Why else would he flee Lovie? Ridiculous stuff. Briggs had undoubtedly been drinking. Though we'll never know exactly how much, of course. Just another irresponsible adult/athlete making the rest of us/them look bad.
Phil Garner And His GM are Unemployed
This is pretty interesting to me when you consider Garner took a decent at best team to the World Series two years ago. Yes, I know they had Clemens, Pettite, and Oswalt. But, their offense couldn't possibly have been worse. I'm sure you remember watching the White Sox end their season with a sweep. Since reaching the World Series the Astros have certainly regressed. Losing Clemens and Pettite will do that to a team. Not that the former is doing much in New York anyway. The offense is arguably improved with Carlos Lee, but Berkman has disappeared this season and Adam Everett broke his leg. I'm fine the firing of Tim Purpura but Garner? Not so much.
Mark Cuban Will Dance
That's right people, Cuban will be taking part in ABC's Dancing With The Stars this fall. Count me among those glad they don't watch the show.
Moody To Gators
USC's loss is Florida gain. Emanuel Moody obviously wants to stay at a school he thinks has a chance to compete for the title while he's there. Per the division one transfer rule he'll sit out this season.
Weekend Box Office Top 5
1. SuperBad
2. The Bourne Ultimatum
3. Rush Hour 3
4. Mr. Beans Holiday
5. War
If you still haven't seen SuperBad, what's wrong with you? Funniest movie in years. Though, to be fair, Knocked UP is right there with it. Rush Hour 3, as I've said, made me want that two hours back. Just shows you how much "stars" matter. I will not be seeing the new Mr. Bean movie and I cannot believe they even made another one. I'll see War eventually, just probably not anytime soon.
Television
Entourage put together another solid episode this Sunday as Eric juggled both his true feeling and what Vince wanted for his new movie. Despite firing Eric, I'm still hoping Anna Faris makes an appearance in what I believe is the season finale next week. Drama and Turtle provided solid humor during a "code red" terrorist threat the airport. And, of course, Billy provided plenty of quality entertainment. With the exception of the whole "I'm a team player" bit, that is. The guys will be in Cannes for the Medellin premiere next week and I expect plenty of fireworks. As we all remember how Eric felt about Medellin in the first place, not to mention his disdain for Billy, that seems to grow with each episode.
Rating: 8/10
Scoreboard - August 27th - 2007
NFL Preseason
Atlanta 24, Cincinnati 19
MLB
National League
Atlanta 13, Florida 2
Philadelphia 9, New York 2
San Diego 3, Arizona 1
Los Angeles 5, Washington 4
San Francisco 4, Colorado 1
American League
Chicago 5, Tampa Bay 4
Detroit 16, New York 0
Cleveland 8, Minnesota 3
Los Angeles 6, Seattle 0
Toronto 6, Oakland 2 F/12
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