by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
10. Aaron Rodgers is better than Brett Favre
9. The fact that a WNBA team has hired a 50-year-old player does not say good things about the competitive level of the league
8. If some employer offered you ridiculous money to go to Europe, you'd go too
7. Unless a minor league team is having a brawl, manager meltdown, or topical publicity gag, no one gives a damn about anything they do
6. Mark Cuban has never won anything of consequence, whines like a spoiled child over any loss, and would in no way be perfect for the Cubs
5. Many people in the United States would be happier if Team USA lost in basketball, because they just hate the NBA and/or black people
4. The Baseball Hall of Fame's posthumous induction of Buck O'Neill just underscores how much the Hall of Fame sucks
3. If Barry Bonds ever plays baseball again, he won't be very good
2. 99% of the people who are watching footage of people running with the bulls are rooting for the bulls to crush as many people as possible
1. New stadium projects are almost always unnecessary at best, and rank corporate theft at worst... and they are aided and abetted by coddling the media in swankier rooms
Friday, July 25, 2008
TOP 10 SPORTS OPINIONS THAT YOU WILL NOT HEAR ON TELEVISION
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
ARE YOU KIDDING?
by Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog
I sit down to watch the midday Channel 7 News in Boston on Tuesday and the top story on the newscast was David Ortiz's torn sheath in his wrist. Are you kidding me?
The news media in the Boston market has become more interested in a sports star's health then telling their viewers about real news like the double murder that took place in the middle of the city on the prior night. Are sports more important then delivering the real news? Shouldn't we be caring more about cancer research or dealing with the war in Iraq where our young men and women are getting killed every day?
I tend to think that sports is just another avenue of entertainment just like the movies or a play but the main difference is the outcome is not decided until the game is over. Do you view sports as an entertainment entity or something else? Tell me in the comments below.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
THE PROPHET'S THURSDAY TAPOUT: WHY I HATE THE MEDIA EDITION
by The Prophet, The Savage Science
When my last CD was out, you wasn't bumpin meI'll be back on a regular schedule with my Thursday Tapouts before long. Like my man Dr. Dre I've "been in the lab wit a pen and a pad trying to get this damn label off" or more specifically in front of my computer trying to get the MMA Deathstar known as THE SAVAGE SCIENCE up to its full potency. In some ways I envy Darth Vader, the bossman of the original DeathStar. Not so much for when Luke took his helmet off and there he was lookin' like Uncle Fester from "The Adams Family". I'm talking about in the first movie where he's trying to find Princess Leia and he chokes out that Rebel captain. He does it later to one of his own supplicants who dares to question his authority. That's what I envy, but we'll get back to this in just a moment. Since much of this week's column focuses on the Japanese MMA scene we'll go with a picture of one of that country's best imports...
But now that I got this little company
Everybody wanna come to me like it was some disease
But you won't get a crumb from me
Cause I'm from the streets of (Compton, Compton)
I told em all - all them little gangstas
Who you think helped mold 'em all?
Now you wanna run around talkin bout guns like I ain't got none
What you think I sold 'em all?
Cause I stay well off
Now all I get is hate mail all day sayin Dre fell off
What cause I been in the lab wit a pen and a pad tryin to get this damn label off?
Anyway, back to the Darth Vader thing--the biggest pain in the ass is trying to get everyone to do what they're supposed to do. I don't ask for much--I just want my supplicants to produce and produce on schedule. I've tried being nice, I've tried being harsh and its still a bitch getting anything done. I'm huge in the fightsport journalism community--to make a comparison to something all of you people know about (no, not the competitive tractor pull circuit) I'm like Jay-Z or Frank Sinatra in the fightsport journalism community. Still, I'm not above the law and I just can't run around choking out supplicants that disappoint me. I wish I could roll like my man Darth Vader.....here he is takin' care of business in the first Star Wars movie. Geeks, I know its *really* 'Episode IV' but it was the first one to come out way back in the day before George Lucas became batshit crazy:
That's the way to manage employees. Still, Vader wasn't a guy to rest on his laurels. He would later develop his choke out skills to an even greater extent as this footage demonstrates:
Now THAT is badass...he's not in the same room with the dude, not even in the same area code most likely and he chokes the mofo out with his psychic bad-assedry. It's like he has a GPS on it or something as there's not any hesitation whatsoever, like there would be if he had to figure out where the dude was--he just takes unruly control of the situation. That's the kind of power that I need.
Making matters worse, the mainstream sports media is really chapping my ass at the moment....we'll talk about that in our next section:
THE MAINSTREAM SPORTS MEDIA IS REALLY CHAPPING MY ASS:
Actually, that's not really true--I'm not *mad* at them or anything, I'm more incredulous at their sanctimonious stupidity. Every time something like this happens I'm reminded of Bob Costas' "You bloggers suck" tirade awhile back. If you don't remember this there's definitely something about it on the site. Basically, Costas went on a Biggie-on-Tupac type dis-fest, calling bloggers weak ass G's who couldn't carry his jock. He went on to brag about all of the bitches he's turned out and all of the paper he's holdin'. In other words, Bobby C impugned the credibility of the sports blogging community relative to his compatriots in what I nominally call "mainstream" sports media.
That notion of "credibility" is at the forefront of my current gripe. This does require a bit of backstory. As most of you are probably aware by now, the EliteXC MMA promotion signed a deal with CBS a while back. This was significant in that they were the first fight sport promotion of any type with a regularly scheduled major network prime time TV deal since "The Gillette Cavalcade of Sports". They're airing the first EliteXC show on 5/31 featuring YouTube street fighter turned MMA rock star Kimbo Slice and the comely Gina Carano (whom I understand has recently become engaged to the proprietor of this website) and its received a lot of coverage not only in the fight sports media but in mainstream advertising and broadcasting type outlets.
While the deal was put together by CBS President and CEO Les Moonves, it didn't make Executive Chairman Sumner Redstone very happy. I'm not at all buying that Redstone has ever seen *mixed martial arts* any more than he's seen an erection since the Eisenhower Administration. That didn't stop the Montgomery Burns-like Redstone from taking Moonves to task for bringing MMA to CBS. That's neither here nor there, but my gripe began when the President of Fox Sports removed his lips from Redstone's backside long enough to utter the following:
But Ed Goren, president of Fox Sports, was more direct, telling an audience of 200 that he didn’t pursue a relationship with ultimate fighting because, “We don’t need money that badly.”
For the network that brought us "Cops" and "When Animals Attack" to suggest that they've got "standards" is bad enough. If ut pulled ratings numbers and advertisers they'd be airing live donkey shows from Tiujana. But here's where my problem begins--Fox Sports has aired a *ton* of MMA over the past few years. The FoxSportsNet (FSN) network has aired PRIDE highlight shows hosted by Jay Glazer for a number of years. They've also aired the IFL and, in fact, they've got an IFL show on FSN today (at least here in the Pacific Northwest). I still stand by my original speculation that none of the big MMA groups are returning Fox's phone calls at the moment, but regardless of what you think or don't think about MMA for Goren to suggest that Fox is taking the moral high ground is completely disingenuous and sanctimonious. This statement is as absurd as Hugh Hefner sanctimoniously suggesting that his magazine doesn't publish nude women. My guess is that he was trying to butt smack the powerful Redstone and was willing to say anything to curry favor.
In addition, Fox Sports website has a *ton* of MMA coverage much the same way that virtually every other mainstream sports site has tried to hop on the bandwagon. What really pisses me off is what a bad job they do with it. Here's the latest example--at the first of the week the Japanese MMA promotion DREAM announced that Nick Diaz would be fighting on their May 11th show. The following day, EliteXC president Gary Shaw--who holds Diaz's US contract--put the kibosh on the fight. This had become well known throughout the MMA world, but on Wednesday FoxSports posted a story about Diaz fighting on the DREAM card. In other words, they posted a story that had already become outdated as by that point Diaz had been *off* of the Japanese show for over a day. 24 hours later--or 3 days after Diaz had been pulled from the show--they finally reported this fact. That story was accurate for a few hours, since late yesterday DREAM and EliteXC worked out a deal to allow Diaz to fight. So Diaz is now back *ON* the DREAM.3 show and has been for over 24 hours now, yet Fox Sports is still reporting that he's off the event.
Granted, this is a sport I know a lot about and stay on top of breaking news in. What disturbs me is that if they do such shoddy work about MMA who's to say that they don't do equally shoddy work for every other sport with a lower profile than the MLB? I don't blame Fox Sports or anyone else for jumping on the bandwagon--that's what TV networks do whether its with poker, reality shows or in this case MMA. But if they are going to cover the sport they need to at least take it seriously. Actually, I don't care if they take it seriously since they clearly don't but at least get your facts straight.
I've got extensive coverage of this over at The Savage Science if you want to check it out:
Fox Sports bigwig's sanctimonious statement @ THE SAVAGE SCIENCE
DREAM.3 LIVE COVERAGE THIS SUNDAY MORNING/LATE SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE SAVAGE SCIENCE:
We'll have live coverage of DREAM.3 direct from Tokyo this Sunday morning...actually, its more like late late Saturday night since those Japanese apparently have a different time zone and everything. Don't miss the best live fight narrative in the business--we'll get underway at 3 AM Eastern Time and 12 Midnight Pacific. Click the link below or the banner below to check it out:
DREAM.3 LIVE COVERAGE AT THE SAVAGE SCIENCE
THANKS FOR READING, VISIT THE SAVAGE SCIENCE NOW DAMMIT:
Thanks as always for reading the Tapout, and don't forget to visit us over at THE SAVAGE SCIENCE:
MMA, MAYHEM AND MORE AT THE SAVAGE SCIENCE
and check out our boxing counterparts at THE SWEET SCIENCE
THE BEST BOXING NEWS AND COMMENTARY AT THE SWEET SCIENCE
Until next time--remember the best way to avoid trouble is to NOT try to retrieve sports memorabilia at gunpoint...
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
TOP 20 TELEVISON SPORTS PET PEEVES
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
20. Super Cool and Nifty Coach Access.
We get it, the coaches talk to you before the game, and they divulge INCREDIBLE SECRETS that only you, cherished media person, could know. Because none of the rest of us could possibly have guessed that the team was going to have patient at bats today, or that they were going to test the rookie cornerback. What a scoop!
19. Documentation of tailgating.
Gosh, people eat in parking lots at games. How long has this been going on? Dammit, I demand more video footage and coverage of men with grills!
18. Painted fat guys.
Nip slips just don't have the same zest when they're accompanied by hair, day-glow paint, and 30 years of bad diet and exercise. Honestly, we've seen enough.
17. L'il Feller's Plumb Tuckered Out.
As a father, I'm prepared to let you all in on this incredible secret: small children fall asleep more than adults. Sometimes, even in the middle of games! Now that we've got that settled, can we, um... go back to showing the game? Please?
16. No Music From This Century.
I realize it's important to make people who are going to die while playing the same music that they've been listening to for the past 30+ years as comfortable as possible, but the audience is more than these aging non-hipsters. Honestly, you can play new music for them sometimes. They're old enough to think that White Stripes lick is Aerosmith.
15. Area file footage.
I grew up in Philadelphia, which, through the magic of television sports, exists only of the Liberty Bell, a cheese steak joint, and the Rocky Statue. Millions of people live in the city and its surrounding suburbs, and you should see us all, queued up like some nightmarish Soviet era rationing state, just hoping to get our cheese steak for the month, or to look at a 230-year old bell. Is it any wonder why we're bitter?
I suppose I need to count my blessings, though. I could live in Seattle, where the only thing people are allowed to do is drink coffee and throw fish around. Those people must be incredibly hungry, and rank.
14. Urban Legends.
Being from Philadelphia, I have not only thrown snowballs at Santa and Jimmy Johnson, I have also fired flare guns at the stadium, delighted in the apparent death of Michael Irvin, booed the national anthem of any country that was not my own, and savaged my own team's athletes without reason or sense.
What you don't know is that (a) Santa was drunk, (b) any sports fan with the ability to throw a snowball at Jimmy Johnson who passes on the opportunity lives a life of profound regret, (c) um, you're allowed to boo, at least for now, before there's legislation against it.
Similarly, I suspect, most people at a Cubs game don't much care about goats.
13. Pointless Telestrations.
If your bloated old color analyst can no longer operate a stylus, please don't demonstrate his failing physical capabilities. It's depressing.
12. Non-Game Game Breaks.
Hey, it's the playoffs and no other game is on -- but we're contractually obligated by our unrelenting oral service to Advertiser X to have a Game Break! Quick, show the exact same footage we've shown for the past 3 hours, because sports fans like it when you waste their time...
11. Nausea Cams.
It's not art, people. It's a game. If your robot camera that costs a small fortune can't, you know, show me something that adds to my understanding of the game, I don't care how sharp the picture is, or that it can do loops. As a matter of fact, I'm probably cringing at it, since my media-inspired tailgate involved budget meat.
10. The in-game interview with screen takeover.
When I'm watching a game, I know intellectually that the early minutes of the second quarter aren't crunch time; that's why the bench guys are in there. But believe it or not, their points count the same as the ones in the fourth.
So, um, I really don't need to view what they are doing on a small portion of my screen as your sideline reporter feeds straight lines to some celebrity or league official. Because, well, YOU CAN DO THAT BEFORE OR AFTER THE DAMNED GAME. Honest!
9. Pre-Ordained Storyline.
Player X, who used to be on Opposing Team, is sure to have his revenge in this game! What an astute signing! Let's all talk about how much he means to the team, regardless of his actual production in this game, because life is but a walking chain of events that can be seen by omniscient media people who, in no way, are trying to avoid actual reporting and on-the-fly thinking...
8. The broadcast booth pop-in, especially with marketing synergy tie-in.
Gosh, look who happened to be at the game today -- it's a Celebrity with a Movie to plug! How can we shamelessly promote your product, preferably with remarkably stilted allusions to how big of a fan you are? (Seriously, has this ever worked, with the possible and exceptionally limited exception of Charles Barkley?)
7. The wacky fan search.
Lookie at the monkeys! They're watching a game in cold weather without shirts! Some of them come in costume, or do funny dances! And if we didn't show them, perhaps they'd stop doing it, and the rest of us could, you know, not have to be near them for the rest of the game as they try to get the attention of your cameraman?
6. The timeout after kickoff.
Touchdown! Fantastic play. I'm totally pumped up about this game right now. Which is why I need about 10 minutes before the next meaningful play happens -- because you're going to give me replays, the point after, commercials, more replays, a strong likelihood of an uneventful kickoff, commercials, then more talk about the player who scored or the coaches.
Football games are 60 minutes on the clock, and 3.5 hours from all of our lives. And that last half hour is entirely composed of arbitrary and abusive stoppages for networks that could easily make the same money in less time. Let's all have them killed.
5. The spouse and/or snatch cut-away.
Gosh, she's pretty and concerned! Let's get a tighter shot on her, so we can see if she's had work done, or if the athlete has recently hit her. You know, I think games like this one are tougher on the spouses, since they, you know, have to come to the game, sit in great seats, be married to a guy who makes more in a year than most of the audience will make in their lifetime, and talk to the athlete after the game.
Oh, did we miss a play while focusing on the spouse? No matter. Look, she's got the kids with her, too! Let's send the sideline reporter to go talk to her, or maybe have her pop into the booth to discuss her charity work. It's not like we've got anything better to do right now.
4. The Recitation of Woe.
Hey, you know what's even better than rooting for a team with a long period of time since their last playoff success? Hearing about how long it's been, because sports fans have no long-term memory or taste for collecting slights and screw jobs. Quick, let's deepen the agony by showing the same file footage of the last champion from that area, and tack on a God, You Are Old And Dying And Your Team Is Doomed list of facts about how much the world has changed since the last time you felt real happiness.
Can we just cut to the chase and have television people come to our homes to attach nipple clamps and leeches directly? I'm tired of the middlemen here.
3. The Character Assessment.
Player who just failed is actually a wonderful, wonderful man who is good to his spouse cut-away and kids, and while he's sad now, this won't be the last time you'll see him on this stage, because I, Omniscient Media Person who has spent a career fellating people for access, just *know* these things. Now, let's talk some more about his Work In The Community.
2. The Anal Minute.
(I wanted to call this one The McCarver, but then I started punching myself.) You know, ordinary fans miss the small points that I, Media Person and Probable Insufferable Ex Jock With An Unbelievably Bloated Sense of My Own Importance, do not. Let me demonstrate to you how the entire last play came down to this small and almost certainly insignificant detail, which I will now elaborate further on with a pointless telestration...
1. Altering Reality for Commerce.
Today, it's rotating commercial panels to advertise upcoming network shows. Tomorrow, it's the very outcome of games being altered to benefit large market teams. We're through the looking glass here, people...
Friday, February 1, 2008
FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: REAL-LIFE CUSH LASH
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
Remember in Jerry Maguire when, the night before draft, prized prospect and first overall lock Frank Cushman responded to his little brother pointing out yet picture of Cush on the big screen in Times Square that he was suffering from "Cush-lash" and all he wanted to do was play football? You remember that right? Cush was The Fat Kid from Stand By Me? The lucky prick who is now somehow married to Rebecca Romijn?
Well, it's just shy of 60 hours until kickoff and I'm here to tell you I've got Cush Lash courtesy of Tom Brady. I suppose the more correct statement is that I have Brady-lash courtesy of the media, but either way, you must know what I mean.
Everywhere I turn, they're talking Tommy Boy. In fact, they've been talking Tommy Boy all season long, but that was fine, as there were a bunch of other stories besides Tom Brady. Now that we're down to the last two teams and Tommy Boy is the poster child for the favourites (if not the whole league), it's Non-Stop Tom Tom and I think I'm going to be sick.
I'm convinced that in the next couple of days leading up to kickoff, at one point I'll be sitting watching something on TSN and it'll be interrupted for a Special Report that tells me Tom Brady has a 1/8 inch hangnail on the pinky finger of his non-throwing hand. Then, 47 talking head will begin to dissect what this means for the Patriots and their chances on Sunday.
It's like this past summer when a shot of Brady was snapped with him sporting a Yankees cap. The whole of the Greater New England Area went absolutely batshit crazy that their beloved Tommy would wear anything but a Sox hat...
And if All Tom, All The Time hasn't been a crappy enough display by the MSM, don't forget about the furor raised when Plaxico Burress stated that he thought his team would win. Imagine, a guy believing in himself and his teammates. The real story would have been if someone asked Plaxico what he thought the final score would be and he said "47-24 Patriots."
Thankfully, I live in the frozen white northern wasteland known as Canada, which means that my sports channels have hockey to obsess over right now, so my Tom-lash has a good chance of easing a little bit over the next couple of days. Sure, it'll flare up on Sunday, but after that, I've got a solid six months to kick back and only hear about him once every couple of weeks, like the next time he knocks up one mega-hottie but decides to leave her for an uber-hottie instead...
Thursday, January 31, 2008
REPORTING ISSUES??
by Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog
What is the point of the media? Is it to report the truth or to speculate?
I recently wrote a brief post on The College Baseball Blog about a Wofford baseball player who has been charged with Assault and Battery of a High and Aggravated Nature. Someone commented that the media in the South Carolina area has been handling the case inappropriately by committing the student-athlete before the case even goes to court. This is not the first time that some major media outlets have been quick to jump on an athlete for being CHARGED with committing a felony.
We can even look at a more high profile cases with the UConn basketball players and Randy Moss having a restraining order put up against him. The UConn players were charged with a DUI and driving with a suspended license. This is a typical decision that some college students make in getting a DUI after a long night drinking. I know it is not right to be driving drunk but who hasn't in college made a decision to regret? The Moss case is a little bit different with him being charged with a restraining order from an ex-girlfriend. This is a pretty common with a jilted lover trying to get back on their boyfriend/girlfriend by filing a restraining order.
The media tends to blame the BLOGS for the media hype of issues in sports today when the old fashioned media is just as bad. They need to recognize that anything in a Blog setup could be biased reporting or factual depending on the source of the material. Let's all be better at focusing that these are just charges and not a conviction for causing trouble.
Friday, November 2, 2007
THE 4TH ESTATE GRAFFITTI
by The Chief, Hugging Harold Reynolds
Like our NFL Power Rankings?
Don't worry, there is plenty more where that came from.
Hugging Harold Reynolds presents the first of many installments of The 4th Estate Graffiti: A Jackson Pollack of Sarcasm.
Rankings, shmankings.
The Chief breaks down SI's Media Rankings.
Click the images to enjoy the full-size versions. Or squint really hard.
Either way works.
There's so much entertainment goodness, we had to split it into two images. Double the fun!
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