by WCT, The Ship of Fools
Friday we put together a handy guide for what to expect on Super Sunday, complete with predictions on everything from the pregame show, to the commercials. Now that the game is over, lets take a look at how we did:
Prediction:The pregame coverage will be interminable
Verdict: Correct
This was an easy one. Once I saw Ryan Seacrest asking John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson for their predictions and pregame analysis, I knew it was worthless programming. To be honest, I spent more time watching the puppy bowl than I did watching the Fox pregame show.
Prediction: The announcers will talk way too much about Tom Brady's ankle
Verdict: Incorrect
To be honest, I did not hear Joe Buck mention the ankle, or "boot-gate" (part of me just died after typing that) at all. It was refreshing to not have the game announcers rehashing a tired and over-blown non-story as the other talking heads had for two weeks. Brady was not affected by his "injured" ankle at all on Sunday, and this faux-injury was, surprisingly, not a topic of conversation.
Prediction: The commercials are going to be disappointing.
Verdict: Wrong
I was totally wrong about this one. The commercials were much better than I expected them to be. I thought the car ad that referenced the famous horse head-in-bed scene from The Godfather was clever, the first Budweiser ad with the guy breathing fire was funny, and the Clydesdales "Rocky" commercial was hilarious. All in all, some pretty good commercials that should have us talking (and not working, more on this in a minute) around the office water coolers.
Prediction: The halftime show is going to be awkward
Verdict: Push
Yes, the obviously-paid 20-somethings were there, dancing and singing songs from an artist decades past his prime, but to be honest, I didn't mind the halftime show. I thought Tom Petty was okay. First of all, he played a pretty short set, so the show did not seem to drag on. And he also played some decent songs, and they sounded pretty good on stage. To quote the movie Major League, not bad for a has-been and a bunch of never-will-be's.
Predicton: It will be a good game
Verdict: Correct
To call it a "good game" would be a tremendous understatement. Simply put, that was one of the 2 or 3 best Super Bowls of all time. The game was not as sloppy as games have been in the past, there were very few penalties and turnovers, and the ending sequence has to rank among the best endings to a championship game in all of sports. It was tremendous. Because of this outcome, we must now re-think our analysis of Eli Manning, the conventional wisdom that the AFC is vastly superior to the NFC, the Patriots place in football history, and the tired line that "if you give Bill Belichick 2 weeks to prepare he can beat anybody."
Prediction:Monday is going to SUCK!
Verdict: What do you think?
Raise your hand if you are happy to be at work today.
Jeez this is terrible. I am, like I imagine many of you are, hung over, tired and hating life. At least I'm not a Patriots fan.
So there you have it. Another football season come and gone. I must admit, it was nice to see a Boston team actually lose, wasn't it? Since the baseball playoffs, the Red Sox, Celtics, and Patriots haven't lost many games, and it has made Boston sports fans insufferable even more insufferable than usual.
The bad news is, now we have to hear from the classless douchebags on the'72 Dolphins for another 12 months.
pic:AP
Monday, February 4, 2008
SUPER SUNDAY RECAP
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
GISELE BUNDCHEN SPORTING WALK BOOT
by Sterling Gould, More Credible
NEW YORK, NEW YORK (AP) - Apparently, Tom Brady isn't the only one showing some love for the medical walk boot. Honey Bunny Gisele Bundchen was seen last night in a Victoria Secret's underground Runway show with the medical booty as well. "It's the latest crave in fashion", the Brazilian supermodel admits. "Tommy was doing it because I had requested him to do so, I had no idea it would be such a fiasco!".
The fiasco those talking luscious legs are referring to are the reports of Patriots Quarterback wearing a medical boot Monday in New York City while visiting his girlfriend. Some have visual evidence, and some deny the claim that he was, Brady does not.
"Yeah, it was a medical boot. What's your f--king point?," the quarterback steamed. "I could unload baby batter all over the Liberty Bell if I felt like it. Why you gotta' front?" This reporter won't deny that Brady probably could do something like that, without penalty. In part because it would be the most beautiful thing to grace our nation since the birth of "freedom fries". The Liberty Bell and freedom fries were not available for comment by the time this article was to be published.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
NFC CHAMPIONSHIP LIVE BLOG
by Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog
Welcome to the Live Blog of the NFC Championship game. This live blog will be run by The College Baseball Blog after having a successful run during the College Bowl season. Here are the rules:
Green Bay score: Picture of Wisconsin hottie
NY score: Pictures of some NYC booty
Pregame: This game will decide who will be the victim of the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl. The temperature at kickoff should be around 0 degrees Fahrenheit and expected to drop.
I think it is funny to see Jimmy Johnson wearing a headband missing up his GREAT hair.
Why would anyone want to live in Wisconsin when this is typical weather out there?
Bradshaw was the only one to pick the Giants to win. I have the Giants winning this game 17-14 with Favre throwing 3 INTs.
Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are your commentators today. We know Brett Favre and Joe Buck are in love with each other.
Green Bay won the toss and will receive the coin toss.
Why is Al Harris got no longsleeves on? Does anyone wear longsleeves in Green Bay?
First Quarter
15:00- The Packers will start on the 25 yard line. First play goes for 12 yards on a dump off pass. Second play is Franks on a bootleg pass going for 11 yards.
Favre throws a ball up for grabs nearly intercepted by Wilson.
around 13:00 mark-The Packers sputter around the 50 and punt the ball to the Giants. They will start on the 17 yard line.
Jacobs take the first play for the Giants off the right side where he runs over Charles Woodson for a gain around 4 yards.
10:30- Burress gets inside position on Al Harris for a 15 yard gain to pick up a first down to put the Giants around midfield.
7:30- Burress gets a first down. The Giants are moving the ball down the field right now to the 25.
6:20- Boss makes a catch over the middle. First down Giants around the 10.
4:57- Big 3rd and 10 at the 11. Throws it right into Cullen Jenkins chest but he dropped the ball. Giants lining up for a Field Goal.
Giants 3 Packers 0 with about 4:45 to go in first quarter.
4:00- Strahan and Tuck meet in the backfield to stop a shovel pass attempt to set up a 3rd and 12. Koren Robinson on the next play tries to get a few yards but is stopped so the Packers will punt again.
1:00- Giants go three and out with Toomer dropped a first down pass.
FYI: BUY YOUR NFC CHAMPIONSHIP T-SHIRT FOR THE PACKERS HERE AND THE GIANTS HERE
END OF FIRST QUARTER: Giants 3 Packers 0
15:00-3rd and 5 for the Packer at the 35....Jones never catches the ball and the Packers go three and out again.
14:55- Giants start around their own 40.
14:38- Jacobs take the ball 12 yards off the left side of the line.
14:10- Looks like the Giants are going to work on Al Harris as Burress makes an 7-8 yard catch.
13:25- Burress catches a ball for 25 yards and fumbles the ball out of bounds...First down Giants at the 17 yard line. Eli is looking good.
11:52- Manning takes a timeout on a 3rd and 12 at the 19 yard line.
11:41- Tynes put another through the uprights. Giants 6 Packers 0
10:00- First down Giants on a Burress catch for 10 yards
8:00- Packers start on their own 25 yard line after a Giants punt. Franks picks up 15 yards on the first play.
6:32- Packers to punt the ball back to the Giants. They get the ball at the 8 yard line.
4:35- Giants go three and out...No real action here.
3:35- Tough call on the Giants on a 3rd and ten for illegal contact. Didn't look like it to me. Automatic first down Packers.
1:58- Two minute warning...Packers are around the 25 yard line of the Giants.
1:45- Antonio Pierce makes a great play to get through two blocks and keep the Packers from getting a first down. FG attempt coming soon.
1:30- Crosby hits a FG to put the Packers up 10-6.
Packers 10 Giants 6
:55- Burress catches a 35 yard pass to get down to around the 40 yard line.
:05- Giants turn it over on downs after Burress dropped a ball at the 2 or 3 yard line. Likely end of the quarter.
END OF SECOND QUARTER
PACKERS 10 GIANTS 6
BREAK TIME FOR ME!!!
WE ARE BACK!
Start of Third quarter
15:00- Giants get the ball on the kickoff
11:00- Giants get two first downs on an Illegal contact call on Harris and a roughing the passer penalty.
10:21- Burress gets another catch on Al Harris. They are working on him!!
9:15- Jacobs brings the ball down to the 1.5 yard line...3rd and a few inches.
8:45- Boss recovers a fumble by Jacobs as they get a first down at the 1 yard line.
7:56- Jacobs scores a touchdown on a one yard plunge. GIANTS TOUCHDOWN...Giants 13-Packers 10
GIANTS 13 PACKERS 10
5:00- Lee catches a TD pass from Favre to make it 17-13.
4:52- Hickson returns it to his own 45 yard line for a decent return.
3:30- Giants have picked up two first downs. This game is boring.
2:54- Toomer catches a great pass from Manning to get down near the ten yard line. McCarthy is challenging the call and it will likely stand as he got two feet in.
2:30- Toomer catches the ball down near the 5...setting up a 2nd and 2.
2:12- Bradshaw Touchdown...Giants 20 Green Bay 17
2:12- Touchback on the kickoff
END OF THIRD QUARTER
GIANTS 20 PACKERS 17
START OF FOURTH QUARTER
15:00-Big 3rd and 10 here for GB....Driver catches the ball for 20 yards to get the first down.
14:00- Giants pick off Favre but the cornerback fumbles the ball on the return and the Packers recover the ball. Unreal!!!
12:25- Packers lining up for a FG to tie the game...The field goal is GOOD and WE HAVE A TIED GAME AT 20!
PACKERS 20 GIANTS 20
10:33- Burress makes another great catch to get another first down on a 3rd and 5.
8:59- Giants get called for an Offensive Pass Interference...Sets up 3rd and 15...Bradshaw gets 10 yards back...Setting up a fourth down.
8:04- Steve Smith catches a pass short of the marker but there is a pass interference on the defense for the automatic first down.
6:53- 45 yard FG attempt by Tynes...NO GOOD
6:30- Packers going to punt back to the Giants as they go three and out.
4:12- Giants pick up a first down...Next one to score is going to win IMHO
3:00- GB gets the ball back at the 15 yard line.
2:39- 3rd and 15 for the Packers back at their own 10 yard line...Giants are going to get the ball back with great field position.
TIMEOUT GIANTS to stop the clock. We are looking at Joe Buck and Troy Aikman's breath as they describe the game.
2:20- Giants fumble the punt but recover it on GB 48.
2:05- Bradshaw breaks one for a touchdown but it is brought back on a Tom Coughlin's son-in-law's hold. to set up a 1st and 20.
1:59- Giants ball at midfield with 2nd and about 12.
1:50- Giants have a 3rd and 1 at the 37 yard line after a great catch by Steve Smith. WAIT IT IS A FIRST DOWN! WAIT....THEY REVIEW IT AND NOW IT IS 3rd and 1
:4-Giants are at the GB 21. FG coming up.
0:00- NO GOOD!!! HIGH SNAP and TYNES PULLS IT....OFF TO OT!!!!!
OVERTIME
Packers win the toss and will receive the kickoff.
15:00- Marginal return...Packers start around the 30.
14:04: Second play FAVRE THROWS AN INT TO WEBSTER....GIANTS BALL AT THE 35!!!!
12:34: GIANTS TRYING A FG FOR THE WIN
IT IS GOOOOOOOOODDDDD!!!!!
GIANTS 23 GREEN BAY 20
FINAL SCORE
GIANTS VS PATRIOTS IN THE SUPER BOWL!!!!
THANKS FOR THE COMPANY AND IT WAS A GREAT FOURTH QUARTER
HOPEFULLY WE CAN DO THIS AGAIN!!
AFC CHAMPIONSHIP LIVE BLOG
by J. Koot, Busted Coverage
***NFC Championship Live-Blog here.***
Welcome to yet another live blog provided by the great folks at Busted Coverage. By now you know the rules:
Patriots score: Hot piece of Bostonian tail
Chargers score: SoCal hottie gets her photo posted
Stay tuned we'll get rolling very soon....
- So we've encountered our first two problems of the day: Jim Nantz is going to verbally blow Tom Brady all day long and Blogger photo upload isn't working. This could be a huge issue for this live blogging gig.
- This was the chick who was going to greet our live blog readers. Sorry, guys. * Update* We're in business!
- No Bonnie Bernstein? This is going to be a long day.
- Here we go. Nantz gets to verbally gurgle on Brady and the great Patriots offense.
- Just wondering what Steve Tasker can bring to the sideline reporting that Bonnie wasn't capable of?
- Gates had an equipment issue alright, it's called he had to drop a triple curler.
- Please debate amongst yourselves: How many times a week would you give it to Gisele? Personally, between blogging and a full-time job I'd probably only have time for 5-6 per.
- Michael Turner is 15-1 to score the first TD. LT is 6-1.
- No TD scored in game is 95-1.
- The only excuse for Tom Brady's performance was sex with Gisele last night. Our initial reaction is that he's exhausted from romping until about 1:30 a.m. These women won't stay away from our beloved football players before huge games. So selfish.
- What the hell was that? Lorenzo Neal in the flat?
- We're finally in business thanks to Nate Kaeding. 3-0 S.D.!
San Diego chicks, I swear- NE first to score TD: Moss 3/1, Welker 6/1, Brady 18/1
- San Diego is 3 quarters from going to the Super Bowl! 3-0 Bolts.
- Maroney pays 6-1 and NE on its way to domination. Wait, it's only the 2nd quarter. 7-3 NE!
She's hot and a Patriots cheerleader. Imagine that!- What did we learn from Phil Simms today? He nearly injured Philip Rivers again by leaving a briefcase laying around an interview room.
- Thanks to Nate Kaeding we get a Chargers Girl. 7-6 NE in a slugfest!
- I've never seen a celebratory dance for saving a touchback. Kudos, bitch.
- Chris Chambers really didn't want to catch that ball. He has money on the Rivers Over 1.5 INTs.
- And the route is on, folks. Gaffney is in and Brady prepares for Super Bowl sex from Gisele. 14-6 Pats!
- Look up desperation on Wikipedia and the first thing you'll see is a photo of Philip Rivers. ZZZZZZZZ! LT, whatcha got for us? Screw the knee, you may never get back to this game.
- Was that LT running? I had to step away for another beer.
- What would you say to your father if he wore that awful headband like Belichick wears?
- Nate Kaeding just made some gamblers some serious cash with his 3rd FG. 14-9 NE!
- End of 2nd Quarter. Here's what we learned. Brady is decent, NE offensive line is legendary, Rivers throws and acts like Bernie Kosar, Norv doesn't think LT can help him and San Diego is in U.S. Top 5 for poon.
- Off to make some food and drink some beer. Meet me here for the 3rd.
- LT being out is not "too big of a blow", according to Simms.
- At least this week when Belechick says "we need to work on some things," it'll be true. Brady suddenly looks like a 6th round draft pick with a supermodel girlfriend.
- Philip Kosar refuses to listen to what Bill Cowher says. If this guy beats Indy and NE in the playoffs it'll go down as possibly the greatest playoff performance ever. Half credit to Billy Volek.
- Holy shit! Nate Kaeding in running for AFC Championship MVP award. 14-12 NE!
Far left chick...take a close look, just for Nate Kaeding- Get an exclusive, sneak peak at the Patriots Super Bowl song just released by three morons from Worcester.
- Scrap poses a great question about Deanna Favre: Hot or Not?
- Maroney Total Rushing Yards +/- 85.5
- Unf@cking Real! I was preparing to post the Gisele takes the meat photo.
- Who would have thought Nate Kaeding could possibly single-handedly win the AFC Championship? It's possible as we head to the 4th.
- So much for Kaeding doing it all himself. Welker in for the score, 21-12 Pats!
I can't keep my eyes off the redhead- Here is an interesting dilemma for those wishing to get Super Bowl tickets. Imagine a New England-Green Bay matchup. The ticket prices will be insane. The cheapest seats on StubHub are just under $3,200 each.
- Maroney officially cash money over 85.5 total rushing yards.
- At least ESPN has something worthwhile to watch (World's Strongest Man) in between commercials.
- And there you have it, folks. Game over. Patriots one win from greatest season in professional sports history.
- Thanks for hanging. We're out.
***NFC Championship Live-Blog here.***
Friday, January 18, 2008
HOW TO ROOT IN THE PLAYOFFS: CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIPS
by wwtb?, Pacifist Viking
When I don't know who to root for in the NFL playoffs, I look to the suffering of the fanbases, and hope those who have suffered can be assuaged. I've already tabbed the San Diego as the most long-suffering sports city in the playoffs. But let's look closer.
San Diego v. New England
The San Diego Chargers have existed since 1960. They had early success, playing in five of the first six AFL championship games and winning the AFL in 1963 (and those AFL titles should still be recognized and respected). But before this season, they had won a grand total of seven playoff games. Seven. They're now up to nine, so that's good.
Put this in perspective. So far, from 2001 to 2007, the New England Patriots have won 13 playoff games. That includes three Super Bowls.
There's only one thing, just one thing, that could make you root for the Patriots this weekend: Prick Rivers. There's not a less likable quarterback in the league than this guy. When Prick Rivers walks down the sidewalk, he probably trash-talks it. Just picture him pulling leftover pizza out of the refrigerator: "Hey pizza, you suck! I'm going to eat you HARD, because I'M BETTER THAN YOU! GOT THAT, PIZZA! I'm Philip freaking Rivers. I'm better than everybody. And you suck. SUCKER!" If Billy freaking Volek gets into the game, it will become 1,010% easier to root for the Chargers (1,010% is also the rate of assurance a woman on Maury has that this guy is the father. They're 1,010% sure. Always).
When you're watching on Sunday, just ask yourself one question. Do I want to root for Boston sports fans, who have seen five championships this decade, to see their team in another Super Bowl, or do I want to see some fans who haven't seen a championship in 44 years get some pleasure?
New York v. Green Bay
The Green Bay Packers last won a Super Bowl in the 1996 season, and the New York Giants last won a Super Bowl in the 1990 season. For fans of teams like the Vikings, Bills, Browns, Eagles, etc., that sure doesn't seem like a long time to wait between championships. For Packer and Giant fans, it probably seems a bit longer. But any long championship drought is easier to stomach if you at least have championship history to remember. These two franchises have won a combined 18 championships, including five Super Bowls in seven appearances.
Really, you're just going to have to pick which team you could stomach in the Super Bowl less. Some of you may be rooting for Brett Favre to go out a champion. Some of you may hate Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers because you're provincial and small-minded (I kid, I kid, of course. I hate the Packers too). Some of you may be rooting for the Giants to get to the Super Bowl in their first post-Tiki season. Some of you may not want yet another Manning to lap up all sorts of attention and screen time.
This is a pick 'em. I don't think either Giant fans or Packer fans really know long-term sports fan depression, so root for whomever you want. I'll root for the Giants.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
BOLTS/PATS TO BE FULL OF HUGS, CANDY, AND RAINBOWS
by Sterling Gould, More Credible
FOXBORO, MASSACHUSETTS (AP) - For the AFC Championship game, expect a lot of cheers and nice, thoughtful signs when the San Diego Chargers take to the field this weekend against the Patriots. "We totally love those guys," said Patriots safety Rodney Harrison with a sincere smile. "I'd go out with Shawn Merriman any time or day. We could discuss our shared interests like uhh... needles... and juice... and football! Yay!". No questions about it, the Patriots and the Chargers get along. Ever since their playoff victory in last season's divisional round, the Patriots always look forward to seeing the Bolts, and the feeling is mutual.
"Tom Brady is my boy," spoke Chargers Linebacker Shawn Merriman in a press conference on Tuesday. "After our victory against the Colts last Sunday, he was the first person to call me up and wish me congrats. My mom isn't even on the ball like he is."
Fans and media outlets of these two franchises have the atmosphere of this game confused. Confrontation? Hatred? Arrogance? Those feelings/words will not describe what will happen on the field when these two teams meet. Need more proof? Just hear what Robert Kraft (Patriots Owner) has planned for the Chargers when they come to town.
"Each player will be greeted by one of Boston's very own 'clean' prostitutes, and before the game, each Charger starter will be announced and will ride in on a stallion-powered chariot as they enter from the locker room. My marketing officer also had an idea to paint the Chargers and Patriots logo midfield surround by a large red heart. Why red? Because we'll be painting the field vagina pink, of course. Don't want two colors to clash!" Kraft finished coyly.
Chargers Coach Norv Turner is relatively new to these customs since becoming the head coach earlier in the off-season. "They've got a lot of love to share between these guys. It's almost uncomfortable, especially since I'm a lesbian".
Regardless of the outcome following the game, the two teams plan to "swap saliva" midfield, and DVDs can be purchased via www.patriots.com shortly afterwards.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
STUPID SPORTS SH!T: PLAYOFF FOOTBALL EDITION
by Chris Richardson, Intentional Foul
Apparently, the freaks come out when playoff football is afoot. Be it overzealous fans (is there such a thing when a trip to the Super Bowl is on the line?) or players that don't know when to shut-up, there's always something that catches the eye... in a stupid shit sort of way.
And wouldn't you know it, we have a lot of fodder for today's post. From silly Boston-based New England fans to beating someone to death because of an argument that took place during the Packers/Seahawks game, we've got something for everyone.
But first, since I mentioned something about freaks coming out, I figured I'd let Whodini get you in the mood:
Are we ready?
Will You Please Shut The F**k Up
First up on today's list is San Diego Charger Igor Olshansky and his loud mouth. As you all know, the Bolts play the Patriots on Sunday in the AFC Championship Game and to celebrate the significance, Olshansky, a defensive end for the Chargers, decided to get the party started early by mouthing off about the undefeated Pats:
Quoting the Guinness guys again here when I say, "Brilliant!!!!" Did we not learn from the Anthony Smith and his Pittsburgh Steelers? Is it so wrong to let sleeping dogs lie and let your play on the field do all the talking for you? Apparently so. Way to go, Igor. I wonder if San Diego fans will throw you under the bus like they did Norv Turner when the season didn't start the way they expected.
Hat-tip to YB and j00fek for the find.
Patriots Fans Have Lots of Jerseys
The guys at Awful Announcing pointed this out after watching the Pats/Jags in the city of Boston. It's goes without saying that Bostonians are quite passionate for their sports teams and considering just how much this region has dominated the sports world as of late, it's easy to see why.
Here are some of the things the AA guys learned:2. Every single Pats player has a jersey: It's beyond description how many different player names I saw out in the city. Here's the list as I can remember......Brady, Maroney, Moss, Welker, Matt Light, Vince Wilfork, Rodney Harrison, Bruschi, Vrabel, Kevin Faulk, Adalius Thomas, Colvin, Randall Gay, Ben Watson, and Ellis Hobbs
I find myself wanting a Kevin Faulk jersey and I'm not even a Patriots fan... Meaning somebody's gotta put a stop to this. Igor, are you down?
3. The Pats have a ton of Women Fans: I think this is more than likely due to Tom Brady, but every single girl in the city had some sort of Pats' garb on. My personal favorite was a blonde 20-something in a throwback Ted Johnson jersey.
4. Pats Fans cheer for everything: And when I say everything....I mean EVERYTHING. A negative four yard screen to Wes Welker.....WHOOOO! A four yard run on first down by Fred Taylor.....OH YEAH!
T.O. Gets Emotional Over Coors Light
As soon as the Cowboys/Giants game ended on Sunday, you just knew Philly fans everywhere were going to have fun with it and needless to say, The700Level did not disappoint. What we have here is a nifty little ditty of T.O.'s tearful post-game press conference, edited to look like a Coors Light commercial:
Do you think Donovan McNabb feels badly for Owens?
OK, I'm running low on time so I'll leave you one more link related to today's topic. Apparently, it's hazardous to your health to argue about match-ups between the Green Bay Packers and Seattle Seahawks. Apparently, some top-shelf youths (youts?) decided they didn't like it when an older bartender starts telling them what's what... especially about NFL Football.
After reading the article and looking at the accompanying images, I started to weep for our future.
OK folks, that's it for me today. I hope this post is a good primer for this weekend's games. I also hope the games provide some more fodder for this section... just not in the homicide category. Take care folks and I'll see you next week.
Monday, January 14, 2008
CALLING YOU OUT! - THE SAN DIEGO CHARGERS
by WCT, The Ship of Fools
“Calling You Out!” is a periodic segment where WCT takes people to task for irresponsible journalism, foolhardy activities, or just general douchebaggery. Nothing is sacred, no one is spared, watch your ass mister! You could be next!
In this edition - The San Diego Chargers win and screw it up for the rest of us!
Immediately following the University of Arizona's upset win over Oregon last November, Pac-10 football fans everywhere directed their ire towards the Wildcats. Thanks, they said, for winning that game and killing the conference's chances of sending a representative to the BCS Championship Game. At the time, Oregon was a dominant team, carrying the flag for the entire conference, and giving them a chance to take home a BCS title for the first time since Leinart and Bush took out Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl. Then the November 15 upset happened, and all those hopes were dashed.
That win meant so little to the 5-7 'Cats, they weren't going anywhere and had no conceivable chance of winning anything, but the loss that meant so much to the Ducks, as it completely derailed their title hopes. Now I, and Patriots haters everywhere know how they felt.
Thanks Chargers. Thanks a lot for beating the only team that had any, remote, outside chance of going into Foxboro and beating the Patriots. Thanks guys. Thanks to Darren Sproles, for being so goddamn fast, and running through the Indianapolis defense like crap through a goose. Thanks to Norv Turner, he of the nearly 20 games under .500 coaching record, who was suddenly able to beat one of the great coaches of our era. And thanks to Billy Volek for engineering a fourth quarter go-ahead touchdown drive as if he were Joe F-ing Montana.
The Chargers, or whatever is left of them after their second-stringers just knocked off the Colts, have absolutely no chance to beat the Patriots, and whomever comes out of the NFC might have even less of a chance to do so. So thanks to San Diego, the next three weeks are completely meaningless and will simply serve as a coronation for the Pats as they take their place on the throne atop the football world.
So you might as well get mentally prepared, because in 20 days, Bill Belichick will once again hoist the Lombardi Trophy, Tom Brady will give a smug, self-congratulatory postgame presser, Randy Moss will hurl passive-aggressive barbs at the media for questioning his character, Junior Seau will retire (again), NFL analysts will gush over this team, and millions of obnoxious New Englanders will revel in another professional sports championship. (Incidentally, once the Celtics win it all this summer, they will hold all three major sports championships. Those fans were insufferable when their teams sucked, whats life going to be like then??)
In the words of Mike Gundy, it makes me wanna puke.
TOP 11 NFL STORYLINES THAT WILL BE BEATEN INTO THE GROUND THIS WEEK
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
11. No one is giving these road teams a chance, and they are feeding off this Extreme Disrespect
10. Eli Manning must be better than Peyton Manning now, because he can inspire his team to play defense
9. Brett Favre is emotional, fun, old and beloved, and anyone who doesn't think that is someone you don't want to know
8. The Chargers have a history of Hurt Feelings and Sad Memories about the Patriots
7. Terrell Owens is a mighty fine teammate now, yes he is, because he got all emotional and stuff after losing
6. The Seahawks are cheesed about the officiating and Shawn Alexander's rickets, and no one outside Seattle cares
5. Tony Romo and Wade Philips are now a combined 0-5 in the playoffs, and Philips is wondering if Rob Johnson is available to come in and compete for the starting QB job
4. The Giants must be tougher than steel, leather and government cheese for being 9-1 on the road
3. Norv Turner no longer eats paste
2. Non Stop (Dungy? Holmgren? Philips?) Coaching Speculation, because nothing is more exciting than that
1. This just in: The Patriots haven't lost a game yet
Friday, January 11, 2008
HOW TO ROOT IN THE PLAYOFFS: DIVISIONAL ROUND
by wwtb?, Pacifist Viking
Last week, I told you how to root for the NFL playoffs if your team isn't playing: root for the most long-suffering fanbase. We'll apply the same approach to the divisional rounds. If you miss rooting for your favorite team and want the feeling of rooting for somebody, then feel good about yourself and join with some fans who could really use a championship.
Seahawks v. Packers
The argument for rooting for long-suffering Seattle sports fans is easy. They've never seen their Mariners win a championship. They haven't seen their Sonics win a championship since 1979 (AND the Sonics are likely moving out of Seattle soon). And they've never seen their Seahawks win a championship. This is a fanbase that has dealt with around 30 years of emptiness, and they deserve your support.
The national media often portrays Packer fans very glowingly: they're the small-town heroes, a fun-loving bunch that's loyal to their community owned team no matter what. As a Viking fan, I see Packer fans a little like you probably see Yankee fans: obnoxious bullies that always get what they want. The Packers have won 12 championships, most recently in the 1996 season. So your typical Packer fan roots for a team with more pro football championships than anybody else, and has seen his or her favorite team win a championship. As as a Viking fans who has listened to many Packer fans taunt the Vikings' championship failings, I see no reason at all to root for the Packers (though the people on TV will do their best to get you to do so).
Jaguars v. Patriots
The Jaguars have existed since 1995 and haven't won a championship, but they also haven't given their fans a long bout of suffering, either. But let's just explore what Boston sports fans have:
They root for the Celtics, who won a record 16 NBA championships, and who now have Kevin Garnett leading them to the best record in the NBA.
They root for the Red Sox, who won two of the last four World Series.
They root for the Patriots, who won three Super Bowls this decade and just went 16-0.
If you're not a Patriot fan but you're rooting for New England, you probably also celebrated when oil went over $100 a barrel.
Chargers v. Colts
Before last season, Indianapolis fans rooting for the Pacers and the Colts watched their favorite teams play very well and get very close without winning a championship (the Colts never in Indianapolis, the Pacers three ABA championships, the last in 1975). But then the Colts rewarded their long-suffering fans with a Super Bowl win last season. They're now at a 0 on the long-suffering list.
What about San Diego fans? The Padres have never won a championship, and the Chargers won an AFL championship in 1963. They had the San Diego Clippers for a few years, but they sucked then moved to L.A. to suck some more. So San Diego sports fans haven't seen a championship since in 45 years. Cleveland last saw a title when the Browns won an NFL championship in 1964. The Buffalo Bills won an AFL championship in 1965. Everybody recognizes these fans as long-suffering, but Charger fans have certainly had just as much emptiness.
You should jump on the Charger bad-rocket (it's 2008--we don't need not stinking wagon!).
Giants v. Cowboys
You should despise each team. However, the Giants last won a Super Bowl in the 1986 season, and the Cowboys won a Super Bowl in the 1995 season. So you should despise the Giants a little less.
Monday, January 7, 2008
4TH ESTATE GRAFFITTI: PETE ROCK GOES GANGSTA
by Ren McCormack and Fat Willard, Hugging Harold Reynolds
Ray Jay and Biggie?
Ren and Fat Willard try not to whiff as bad as Peter King's Wildcard picks.
chief doesn't realize that just because the Pats have a bye, doesn't mean fans do, as he headed to Mississippi for the US Jell-O Molding competition.
Click the image for a version larger than the pile of excuses Steelers fans are belching out.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
TOP 10 QUESTIONS THAT COULD GET AN NFL PLAYOFF TEAM'S FAN TO THROW DOWN
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
10. Is Albert Haynesworth always so stupid as to give the opposition gift fifteen yard penalties?
9. Do you blame Sean Taylor's ghost for losing by 21 points, the same way you credited him for winning by that many?
8. Did the change to the Steely McBeam mascot cause the Steelers to become such an, um, "finesse" team?
7. How does it feel to be a fan of the first team to lose a playoff game to Fredo Manning, let alone a home game?
6. Did Phillip Rivers look like he was on the rag to you, too?
5. Does Jack del Rio always use his replay challenges like a drunken idiot?
4. Do you find it telling that the Giants can only win when they play far away from Giants fans?
3. Does having Norv Turner as your coach feel like you're always about to soil yourself, or is more of a lose your lunch feeling?
2. Did Washington's loss mean that Jesus really doesn't like Joe Gibbs after all, or is it Daniel Snyder and his special friend Tom Cruise, or is it all Redskin fans?
1. Seriously, you do know that any team that plays on wild Card Weekend is more or less meat on a stick against the better teams that had a bye, right?
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