by Andrew, The Grand National Championships
Ah, the Patriots. So many reasons to hate on them. A coach who cheats to win, runs up the score, and has a rumored sex tape. A quarterback who regularly has sex with supermodels. A wide receiver tag team of the inspiration for the life Brian Kendrick's living right now. A lineman who draws the ire of Carmelo Anthony on a regular basis. Rodney Harrison.
And I didn't even go to the chestnut of the stereotypical Boston fan, right? I just did? Ooh, sorry.
But you know what? In sports as well as entertainment? You need a strong stable of heels. Commando would have sucked without the bad guys. So to would have WCW from 1986-1999.
If the Patriots weren't dominant last year? The Super Bowl would have been known for what it really was. 58 minutes of boredom, 2 minutes of awesome.
But we've gone through 2007. What about 2008?
Offensively? More of the same. The limousine driving, jet flying, kiss stealing, wheeling, dealing son of a bitch has a floor of 35 TD Passes. Most of them will go to Moss. "The" Wes Welker will live on the 8 yard slant. And the plan is that Chad Jackson will supplant Jabar Gaffney as the #2. Ben Watson and David Thomas will fight among the scraps. And if you want a good running back fantasy deep sleeper play? LaMont Jordan is a more talented version of Sammy Morris. He is your vulture.
Defensively? Let me be the first to coin the new safety duo. They shall now and forever be known as the Brain Busters. Rodney Harrison is the guy who'll headhunt your grandma for 50 cents, and John Lynch is Tully Blanchard, the Born Again Christian who will headhunt your grandma for a dollar. The Front Seven? They're fine. But the Back Seven? Remember that joke from that one ESPN Commercial about Jimmy Key?
No? Fuck. See, they're old, and we should be shocked that they're still playing effectively.
Bill Belichick mumbled something about the hoody needing the booty when I asked how he was going to gameplan this season.
Final analysis? Their division sucks, they'll get tripped up in a close game and lose an inexplicable game.
But the Chargers still have Norv as head coach.
14-2. Your AFC Super Bowl Representative.
Friday, August 22, 2008
NFL SEASON PREVIEWS... THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
USAIN BOLT=INSANE
by Brian P. Foley, The College Baseball Blog
Unless you've been living in a hut in Kenya, much like Barack Obama's brother, you know that Usain Bolt obliterated the world records in the 100 and 200 m dashes, with times of 9.69 and 19.32 respectively. I was no math major at UNH, but let's put these numbers in perspective:
Doing a little metric conversion, we find that 1 mile is equal to 1609 meters. That means if Bolt kept the same pace over a full mile, he would finish it in just under 2 minutes and 36 seconds. Since that mean's it takes him 156 seconds to run one mile, we just figured out how many miles he could do in an hour at the same rate. For his 100m time of 9.69, this averages out to 23.07 MPH. Seriously, this is absolutely insane that a human being can average 23.07 MPH for 100 meters. As he was crossing the finish line, Bolt decided to look for his competitors which were left in the dust.
Just for your knowledge Bolt ran the 200 meter race at a faster clip then the 100 meter race. He ended up averaging a MPH of 23.15 MPH in the 200 meter race according to my calculations. Not too shabby.
Do you see these numbers Scott Pioli? I think Tom Brady needs a new Wide Receiver to play the other flanker position and Mr. Bolt is a great option. He even has a great wingspan which was seen as he was crossing the finish line. The next project for me will be to measure Bolt's wingspan.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
TOP 10 THINGS THAT GOD VALUES IN TOM BRADY
"Look at the attention I get: It's because I throw a football. But that's what society values. That's not what God values. He didn't invent the game. We did. I have some eye-hand coordination, and I can throw the ball. I don't think that matters to God." -- Patriots QB Tom Brady in this month's Esquire10. Brady's ability to work with sinners like his coach, his wideout, his safety and his (extremely racist and puling) fan base
9. The willingness to be fruitful and multiply with beings that are pleasing to His eye
8. His role in fulfilling the fervent prayers of so very many football fans in last year's Super Bowl
7. The way he looks in a Stetson (hey, God isn't all-seeing just for the ability to look at *ugly* things)
6. His ability in this off-season to not call down thunderbolts of karmic vengeance, unlike that Favre schmuck
5. The humility he showed when he was backing up future punchlines Brian Griese and Drew Bledsoe
4. Fumbling in a manner that made Al Davis finally realize, once and for all, that things aren't going to go well for him after death
3. Not getting all freaked out when the stigmata appear
2. The tender pity screws that he gives to Andrea Kremer, Bridget Moynahan and Peter King
1. His charming inability to realize the epic screw job that the Almighty gave him last February makes future jerking around even more fun
Monday, July 21, 2008
HAIKUS FOR THE PATRIOTS CHEERLEADER TRYOUT
by Isaac, The World of Isaac
I despise Boston
I Love Women in Tight Clothes
Thank You Patriots
I think I'm in love
Wish my Girlfriend moved like that
Is this perverted?
Sports Bras are the best
Bob Kraft probably hit that
Oops! Got a boner
This girl is a pro
Saw the same move at a club
Girl on Girl Action?
A caption perhaps?
"Tom Brady bent me this way
Screw Gisele Bundchen"
Thursday, June 12, 2008
IS ERIC WEDGE MLB'S BILL BELICHICK?
by Scott Sargent, Waiting For Next Year
Football is the only sport that forces you to list your players' respective health issues days in advance of the coin toss. Thursday afternoon rolls around, and you can just hear the stream of reports coming out of the practice field of each NFL team. Running back knees, quarterback fingers; you name it, it's on there.
But in baseball, you can option. You can recall. Heck, you can just play your guys every day even though they're experiencing some sort of nagging injury. But will you win? Not likely.
No team is more known for deceiving injury reports than the New England Patriots. Listing half of a roster as "probable" is not out of the question. Tom Brady, "questionable?" Then he'll come out and toss 400 yards and five touchdowns.
Enter Eric Wedge.
Today, the catcher for the Cleveland Indians, Victor Martinez, was added to the Tribe's 15-day disabled list with an inflamed elbow that occurred during an at-bat in Wednesday's game. Or did it? Per the team's official site:After the game, manager Eric Wedge revealed that the elbow had flared up on
Wait. All season? You mean that could be why a clean-up hitter has zero home runs through mid-June? Who would've thought...
Martinez during the at-bat and that the catcher has been battling the elbow
problem all season.
How about Joe Borowski? The team's closer comes out of spring training topping out in the mid-80s. He can't locate, and when he does, he gets raked all over the yard. He winds up with an ERA near 15, but he's fine. At least until he gives up a loss to the Red Sox. Then he heads to the DL for several weeks with what was called a "nagging triceps injury."
Travis Hafner? The power-hitting DH? He struggled all season long, yet we were told he was perfectly healthy. Then out of nowhere comes a shoulder injury severe enough to land him on the disabled list. So bad that he was supposed to start rehab a week ago and still has not hit a live pitch.
It's one thing for Belichick to be deceptive as he does not want the other team to be able to expect the total package. But it's another for Wedge to be deceptive to the team's fans and the local media. A backlash was starting to bubble up around two weeks ago when we found out that Martinez had still not recovered from the hamstring injury that occurred during opening day. Yet he was trotted out there each game, crouching behind the plate and doing next to nothing when standing next to it with a bat in his hand.
Credibility obviously isn't something that Wedge is oozing these days. Belichick gets respected for his actions because, as Eric Cartman told us, he wins games. Perhaps if the Indians were above .500, Tribe fans would think differently.
Friday, May 16, 2008
TOP 10 REASONS WHY SEN. ARLEN SPECTER WON'T LET SPYGATE DIE
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
10. Since the War in Iraq is going so swimmingly, needs to do something to occupy his time
9. Wants to promote a "magic bullet" theory that explains every Patriot victory
8. Specter's cancer is making the paranoia centers of his brain go into overdrive
7. Coincidentally, Anita Hill is a Patriots fan
6. Compensating for his childhood spent playing the clarinet and caving into religious nutbags
5. Hoping to increase his PR image among the country's right-wing non-Patriots fans
4. When he subpoenas Putt-Putt competitors just doesn't get the same amount of press
3. Considers every day that he isn't discussed on WIP Sports Radio to be a day wasted
2. Promised TO's ring by Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie if he can somehow get the result of the Eagles Super Bowl overturned
1. Being blackmailed by Gregg Easterbrook, who has photos of him with a live boy and a dead girl
Thursday, May 15, 2008
TOM, PLEASE RELAX
by WCT, The Ship of Fools
The only thing worse than someone on their high horse, is a guilty person on their high horse.
As I'm sure you know by now, NFL Commish Goodell finally met with New England Patriots' former, um, video employee (?) Matt Walsh this week. With the revelations that the Walsh's tapes (I refuse to use that word that begins with "S" and ends with "gate") did not contain any video of the St. Louis Rams walk-through before they faced the Patriots in the Super Bowl, Tom Brady went on the offensive, indignantly ripping the media for using this sensationalizing the scandal to sell newspapers and fill airtime.
Granted, the reporter from the Boston Herald who originally reported the existence of the Rams walk-through tape was wrong to write that without any substantiation, everyone knows that. But for Brady to act smug about the lack of a Rams tape is a little like a guy being accused of killing five people, having it proved that he killed three, and then saying "well well well, somebody owes somebody an apology!" when the other two are found to still be alive. Tom, you still cheated. We just can't prove that you cheated in that particular game (not yet anyway). There is still proof that you cheated in several other games, including an AFC Championship game for crying out loud. So Tom, if you want to get pissed at someone, get pissed at your cheating coaching staff. Don't act high and mighty as if the media owes your team an apology.
Monday, April 28, 2008
OPTIMIST/PESSIMIST - THE AFC EAST DRAFT CLASS
by Zac, Throwing Into Traffic
OPTMIST/PESSIMIST will take a look at the NFL through both sides of the glass: The one that is pleasantly half full and the one that is bitterly empty. Today, we look at the AFC East Draft class.
Buffalo Bills:
OPTIMIST:
Alright Bills fans, you might want to be sitting down for this: Your team had one of the best first days of any team in the draft. With everyone creaming themselves over workout wonder Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie or soon-to-be High Times Athlete of the Year for 2009 Aqib Talib, the Bills stuck to their guns and took the most stable and proven corner in the draft in Leodis McKelvin, who will impact the return game as well as adding another versatile piece to a scary looking secondary. Then, with equally flashy, equally untrustworthy DeSean Jackson on the board, the Bills recognized need over highlight fodder and took 6’6” target James Hardy, forcing teams to lay off of blanketing Lee Evans and leaving the opposite side of the field open. That’s an intelligent, well thought out draft if I’ve ever seen one.
PESSIMIST:
Oh yeah, Bills, it’s a much better idea to take Leodis McKelvin instead of the corner who’s much better at the position or the one who’s much more athletic. Best to stick with that mediocrity formula that’s got you staring down the barrel of a decade long playoff drought. Also, kudos to you guys for thinking it’s a good idea to take a player with known personality problems and stick him in one of the most depressing, God-forsaken cities on Earth. You just know he’s going to get found with dead bodies in his car when he inevitably snaps midseason.
Miami Dolphins:
OPTIMIST:
When people are comparing your number one draft pick to Joe Thomas, only potentially MORE intelligent at the position, you know you did something right. Furthermore, there’s something to be said for a front office keeping its wits about them and taking SIX linemen with nine picks. Parcells has been around the block long enough to know that bad teams become better by winning in the trenches, and steals like Shawn Murphy and Phillip Merling will go a long way toward winning at the line on both sides of the ball.
PESSIMIST:
It’s too bad that lineman don’t catch touchdown passes, because I doubt Ted Ginn Jr. will be doing much when teams routinely throw three guys on him because there’s nobody else to cover. No worries though, because I doubt that Josh McCown (whom failure has made look like he has a drinking problem), Chad Henne (was it me, or did get fatter every time ESPN cut to him on draft day), or John Beck (nothing like being told you’re not performing as well as Cleo Lemon was to build a kid’s confidence) will be doing much damage through the air anyway.
New York Jets:
OPTIMIST:
I’m a total homer, but even if I wasn’t, I’d still think that Vernon Gholston has the ability to revolutionize a team’s pass defense on his own. Fine, he took plays off in college; when you can bench press the guy lining up across from you, it can be hard to stay motivated sometimes. The key here is that the team finally picked up a player who will fit perfectly into their 3-4 scheme, especially given an offseason devoted to adding solid role players to support him.
PESSIMIST:
And if the draft was only one round long, the Jets would be the big winners. Unfortunately, you still need to stick around for the remaining six rounds, and I’m not sure the team made a single good decision after Gholston (which was kind of like getting credit for spelling your name right on an exam). Trading up to make sure you can get Dustin Keller is dumb; doing so when every single quality WR prospect is still available is even dumber; doing so when you already have two TEs and are forcing Laveranues Coles and Jericho Cotchery into ill-fitting #1 and #2 receiver roles, respectively, is the height of stupidity. Uness Marcus Henry is the steal of the draft (Optimist’s note; And he might be…) the Jets are setting themselves up for another season of snoozefest offensive football. Oh, and way to take a quarterback that everyone says has a noodle-arm. It’s not like you guys already have one of those, or anything.
New England Patriots:
OPTIMIST:
Seriously, f*ck this team and their prudent, well-reasoned, financially responsible drafting. Jerod Mayo steps into a linebacking corps that will be able to show him the ropes early. If he can add that kind of knowledge to what many people believe to be the best physicality of any LB prospect, this defense may have just gotten irritating all over again. Also, Kevin O’Connell is going to be a stud. The kid throws a pretty deep ball, has serious wheels, and can throw on the move. If he doesn’t have to step into the signal calling role too soon (and let’s face it, he probably won’t see significant PT for at least three or four years), he’s got time to hone his unique physical gifts and emerge as the sleeper QB of this draft class.
PESSIMIST:
Could someone explain to me how it makes any damn sense to take a quarterback in the third round with plenty of corners on the board and a defense that has us all heralding the arrival of Eli Manning as an elite QB? Other than that…dammit…they actually did a decent job of bolstering special teams and not reaching…dammit I hate this team.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
ITS A GREAT TIME TO BE A HATER
by WCT, The Ship of Fools
Have you ever had this conversation with a buddy of yours?
Your buddy - "I hate such-and-such-team!"
You - "Why?"
Your buddy - "I don't know, I just do."
Because I know I have.
That person is what we call a "Hater."
Now, the true definition of a hater is actually quite complicated. Just the act of hating alone does not necessarily make you a hater. Of course, if you went to Michigan and you hate Ohio State, that doesn't make you a hater. If you are a lifelong Dodgers fan and you hate the Giants, you're safe. A hater isn't someone who hates the arch-rival of their team. A hater is someone who hates, A) because a team is "too good," B) because it has become fashionable to bash a team, or C) "just because."
That being said, these miserable schadenfreude fiends have had a glorious time recently, because the most hated teams in sports have all fallen on hard times. As a result, haters, and the inner-hater in all of us, have had reason to smile. Chances are, if you read blogs like this one regularly, you were able to take great glee in the demise of at least one of the following:
The Duke Blue Devils - The freshest in our minds. Many have tried to downplay the apparent fall of Duke in recent tournaments, but consider this: their last four tournament games are, a loss to LSU in the '06 Sweet 16, a loss to Virginia Commonwealth in the '07 first round, a win (by the skin of their teeth) over Belmont in the '08 first round, and a decisive loss to West Virginia this past Saturday. Duke was the higher seed in each of those games and could have easily lost all of them (yes, the fourth would never have occurred if they lost the third, but you get my point). They keep fielding teams full of McDonald's All-American swingmen, with no inside presence, very little toughness, and the propensity for shrinking late in the season and in March.
Notre Dame Football - No college football team is more hated in this country than the Fighting Irish, and perhaps no team had a more disappointing season than the '07 ND team. Notre Dame started out the year 0-5 before struggling to finish 3-9. I don't think I have ever seen a sports bar erupt like the one I was at on November 3rd, when ND's triple-OT two-point conversion was stopped, and Navy defeated the Irish for the first time in 43 years. This was not a Navy bar mind you, just a bar full of haters.
The New York Yankees - I was listening to sports radio here in NYC the other day, and I heard the host say, presumably with a straight face, that "there may be a young 10-year-old boy or girl out there who is too young to remember what its like to experience a Yankees World Championship. That pretty much sums up the mentality of Yankees fans, and the reason the team is so hated. Well, not only have they not won the Series since 2000, but they were eliminated in the first round for the third consecutive year this past October. Not only that, but they had to suffer the indignity of making the postseason as the wild card team in '07! I hope someone covered the eyes of that poor, deprived, 10-year-old child.
The New England Patriots - The newest members of the club, but the smugness of their quarterback, coupled with the dickishness of their head coach, topped off by number of douchebags that make up their fanbase has made them climb the ranks of the hated very fast. I recognize that it is difficult to say that a team that went 18-1 suffered this past year, but when you consider the humongous difference between 19-0 and 18-1 (when the one loss occurs in the Super Bowl), and you take into account the manner in which they lost the Super Bowl, and the fact that Patriots fans had to be just insufferably arrogant when Randy Moss scored to give New England a 4th quarter lead, you realized that this season turned out to be heartbreaking for the Pats and their fans.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
OFFSEASON MOVES YOU MISSED: STALLWORTH’S OPTION NOT PICKED UP
by Zac, Throwing Into Traffic
Offseason Moves You Missed is a feature that will highlight the NFL offseason action that didn’t receive as much attention as it deserved.
Donte’ Stallworth has an alien in his head. At least, that’s what he told reporters. The Patriots, for what it’s worth, couldn’t care less; by all accounts, they’ll be choosing not to pick up Stallworth’s option for next year. It’s the right move, too, because while Stallworth may or may not have an alien living inside of him, that Randy Moss guy who lines up on the opposite side of the field DEFINITELY has a huge asshole living inside of him, and it will be coming out if New England fails to come up with boatloads of new contract cash. As a result, sacrifices need to be made, and Stallworth’s $6 million dollars due had the team exercised his option will be one of them.
Of course, in the machine that was the New England pass attack last season, Stallworth was the odd man out, making this process look deceptively simple. If we look again, however, I’m not so sure that the Pats would be as comfortable letting him go as reports indicate. Quick question: How does undersized, average speed white guy Wes Welker become the most popular receiver in the New England area on a team with Randy Moss? Answer: A long history of subtle, behind closed doors racism. Also answer: He led the league in receptions by beating linebackers on his routes all day, every day, and in case you’re wondering, his hands and his “great work ethic” (read: Pollyanna whiteness) aren't what’s getting him those matchups. Stallworth, a legitimate vertical threat, faced off with the cornerbacks that Welker would have had a much harder time against, and was entrusted with keeping them well downfield and away from Randy Moss. Remember, Stallworth was a year removed from getting to the playoffs with the Eagles as their number one receiver. Call me crazy, but I’m not sure I see Jabar Gaffney getting that kind of respect from defenses. As such, you can bank on New England hustling frantically to put something together that will keep Nicco the alien on their team (as if they needed another similarity to the bad guys from Independence Day).
For Stallworth, however, this move presents an even more interesting question. Unlike other Patriots receivers who have moved on from the team, Stallworth is neither too old to contribute (Troy Brown) or simply a guy who got plugged into a favorable system (Doug Gabriel, Reche Caldwell, and Deion Branch). This is a player who’s used to being a number one guy that has the wheels to immediately get an offense going vertical. Furthermore, having “2007 Patriots” on his resume certainly isn’t going to hurt when it comes to fielding offers from teams in need of a deep threat. Think Steve Smith didn’t see what Randy Moss did when he had someone else downfield to draw some attention (at least, when he wasn’t too busy choking the hell out of Dwayne Jarrett)? Even as a second option, there are teams willing to throw more money at Stallworth than he’s likely to see on the Pats, meaning that he’ll be faced with an interesting choice between taking the money or buying into the cult of New England that has made disciples of so many players up to this point (though, notably, it is harshest to wide receivers once it’s finished with them). With at least five teams besides Carolina looking to add downfield options (Oakland, New York Jets, Miami, Chicago, Minnesota), I’d be surprised if someone didn’t take notice of the fact that there’s a player who has shown an ability to immediately impact a passing game floating around, meaning Donte’ is in for a few close encounters of the cash kind.
Friday, February 8, 2008
THE TEAMS THAT WEREN'T EMBARRASSED TO BE 18-1
by wwtb?, Pacifist Viking
"18-1" is of course a mocking insult to the 2007 Patriots.
But two other teams have gone 18-1; they just had the good sense to lose their one game sometime during the regular season.
The 1984 San Francisco 49ers went 18-1. In the regular season, they were #2 in points scored, #1 in points allowed, and they outscored their opponents by an average of 15.5 points per game. Their one loss was by three points. They outscored their three playoff opponents 82-26.
The 1985 Chicago Bears went 18-1. In the regular season, they were #2 in points scored, #1 in points allowed, and they outscored their opponents by an average of 16.1 points per game. Their one loss was by 14 points. They outscored their playoff opponents 91-10.
The '84 49ers and '85 Bears are two of the greatest football teams ever. They played superb football all season long, but peaked at the end, winning convincingly in the playoffs and dominating the Super Bowl. The Patriots matched their win totals, but for the Patriots, "18-1" is a disappointing insult.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
PAM OLIVER'S BANANA SLEUTHING
by Mac G, Mac G's World
During the start of the 2nd half of the Super Bowl Fox sideline "reporter" Pam Oliver breaks out this doozy one liner, "I saw someone rush in a box of bananas."
The Giants had bananas on the sideline for consumption in order to prevent cramps. Fox then showed a close up of a box of bananas.
Immediately, all of my friends looked right each other and uttered in unison "did they really just show bananas on the sideline?" We then proceeded to make banana jokes the rest of the game.
After the the Giants historic upset victory, I wanted Plaxico to be asked this question, "Hey Plax, were you able to score the game winning TD because of the bolt of potassium from eating bananas? "
My inquisitive fruit dreams were never fulfilled. I did some searching around the series of tubes to locate other reactions towards Oliver's break through banana reporting moment.
8:57 FOX's Oliver reports that the Giants have been rushed a box of bananas because the players are cramping up in the Arizona heat and need potassium. Oddly, the bananas do not look very fresh. (National Post)
Here is my favorite take on the fruit:
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
TOP 10 FAN BASES THAT ARE DELIGHTING IN NEW ENGLAND FAN'S MISERY
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
Besides the Giants, of course.
10. The Carolina Panthers. Assuming they have fans (have you ever met one in person?), the Patriots ended their Cinderella story, and their only trip to the Super Bowl, thus continuing to doom the Carolina area to NASCAR fandom. That's got to be hard to take.
9. The Oakland Athletics. Fans of this team got to see Derek Lowe crotch-grab his way to a Game 5 ALDS save while over 10,000 Boston road fans cheered and mocked the hometown fans. As a bonus, they then got to see Boston win a World Series with huge contributions from ex-A's Johnny Damon and Keith Foulke; the latter on the mound for the final out. (Note: this is also how this writer came to his Masshate. But it is mitigated to some small degree by Jeremy Freaking Giambi not sliding, and Eric Byrnes and Miguel Tejada failing to touch home plate. I need to now take a few minutes to visit my tool shed and hurt myself very badly.)
The Patriots losing isn't quite as good as the Red Sox going down to the Green and Gold, but since the A's no longer play in MLB, we take what we can.
8. The St. Louis Rams. What was once a feel-good franchise with a rags-to-riches QB story got to be the fall guys in the first Patriots championship. The Rams haven't been the same since -- and Spygate also makes fans of that franchise wonder if they lost on more than the field.
7. The Oakland Raiders. The most talented team of the Gruden Era wasn't the SB team that lost to the Buccaneers, it was the group that had the game in Charles Woodson's hands in the snow. Old Patriots fans claim this is all retribution for the '70s playoff screw job, but for fans who aren't 35 years old and up, that doesn't cut much ice. Randy Moss dogging it for years, then getting traded for squat, was just the turd icing on a turd cake. They're all Giants fans now, for a little while at least.
6. The Philadelphia Eagles. Two chances at the Super Bowl in 42 years leaves a lot of bitterness, and Spygate tore open the wound afresh. There's always the possibility, of course, that a Super Bowl ring might have kept Terrell Owens in his shoes, too. Finally, there is decades of hate in this area from Sixer fans with the Celtics, so hating a Boston team seems only natural. The only thing that keeps this fan base from being higher on the list is that they had to root for the Giants, and now they have to hear from Giants fans how Eli is better than McNabb, because he's got a ring. (And, of course, an utterly dominant defensive line. But that won't stop meatheads on talk radio.)
5. The Miami Dolphins. Snarl all you want at Mercury Morris and his douchebag ways, but the franchise is justifiably proud of being alone in the record books as unblemished. In a year when their team became the first, and one would seriously hope last, team to finish 15 games behind in their division, the Patriots taking it in the end was the one light of hope.
4. The San Diego Chargers. Back to back season-ending playoff defeats will take a lot out of a team, especially when you do their dance and stomp on their helmet and rape their cheerleaders. (What, that story hasn't made the newspapers yet? Randy Moss has been a busy, and very naughty, boy.)
3. The state of Minnesota. From David Ortiz carrying the Red Sox after the Twins let him walk away, to Doug Mientkiewicz holding the ball to the final out of the 2004 World Series, to the final and most glaring moment of seeing one-time franchise savior Randy Moss playing to his full capabilities (at least until the playoffs started), and the Kevin Garnett rape trade... this is a fan base that has acted as the de facto farm system for Boston fans for most of the decade. This doesn't make up for Johan Santana getting traded for spit and bubble gum, but it does keep the gun in the locker.
2. The New York Jets. From last year's playoff loss to the internecine Mangenius war, with a ton of history behind it, this is the team that the Patriots love to hate, and vice versa. Seeing them go down to the Giants, who have never really had the crosstown rivalry that you see with, say, the Mets and Yankees, was a complete plus.
1. The New York Yankees. So what if they aren't in the same sport? Yankee Fan has just been given the gift of the century -- a new chant to replace 1918, and one that really never, ever, has to go away. It's like 2004 never happened!
Monday, February 4, 2008
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR FEBRUARY 4
Props, SimonOnSports.
If you do or see some great photoshopping in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... free tickets to clown church!
And since there were several others worthy of the award today, here are a couple more...
The Sports Hernia
flatusyahu
They only get a gas-pumping robot.
SO WHERE WAS THIS GAME ON THE ALL-TIME LIST?
by Thermocaster, The Meaningful Collateral
It's always dangerous to do too much projection and/or pontification regarding sporting events in the days that immediately follow. We get in a rush to place ourselves on one side or the other of an event, and we end up making foolish, foolish statements.
However, there have been a bunch of really wild proclamations on the greatness of last night's game floating around since the it ended. Several ESPN commentators have proclaimed it the greatest Super Bowl upset ever, as did the folks at ProFootballTalk. Some dude named Paolo Bandini who writes for the Guardian says it was among the greatest Super Bowls ever.
Plus, the Nielsens show that it was the second-most-watched broadcast in TELEVISION history.
So at this point, we might as well take a look at the historical hierarchy of Super Bowls. Where exactly was last night's game on the list of "best-evers"? Some arbitrary criteria and the rankings, after the jump.
Before we begin, here's some criteria and general notes:
- Everybody's list of "greatest-ever" games is going to be based almost solely on the perspective of the writer. In the interests of full disclosure, I will tell you that I grew up a Denver Broncos fan, but am suffering a crisis of faith with that team due to my not having gotten over the Brian Griese and Jake Plummer eras. I also enjoy the Colts (due to my Indiana roots). I have no other rooting interests.
- What did I include in the criteria for "best games"? The closeness of the game, obviously --- blowouts aren't going to be considered. The weight of the game --- were there external factors that were notable? Also, how many great plays did the game feature?
- I can only give a fair evaluation of Super Bowls that I've seen. Therefore, I'm not including any game prior to Super Bowl XX. While this does leave out some games that I've heard were excellent (e.g., Super Bowls III, V, VII, X), I don't feel like I can fairly evaluate them without having seen them.
- This isn't a ranking of "best upsets", it's a ranking of "best games". Personally, I think the whole "upset" angle for this game was dreadfully overplayed --- these teams played to within three points of one another just 5 weeks ago.
Anyway, enough preambling. Let's get to the ratings, starting with...
5. Super Bowl XXXIV - St. Louis 23, Tennessee 16: I was really torn on whether to put this game or the Rams-Patriots showcase from Super Bowl XXXVI in the fifth spot. After deliberating on it a bit, I'm going with Titans-Rams. While the Rams-Patriots game was an exciting and close contest, the collision of storylines and game action from this contest were overwhelming. Remember, there was the whole grocery-store-to-riches story of Kurt Warner, the Dick Vermeil factor, the emergence of Steve McNair as a top-flite QB, the bizarrity that was Georgia Frontiere finally on display in a national setting, and the curiosity of a Super Bowl featuring two teams that nobody expected to be there. The game itself was truly remarkable, with Rams scoring on a long bomb as the game wound down, and the Titans coming up inches short on Kevin Dyson's stretch.
4. Super Bowl XXV - New York 20, Buffalo 19: There was a lot of interesting backdrop for this game. It took place in the shadow of the first Gulf War, which would end up starting a couple of weeks later - in fact, I believe this was the only Super Bowl where they didn't televise the halftime show, instead deciding to show news updates of the war. The game featured an AFC team that looked to have a decent shot of ending the still-nascent NFC dominance of the Super Bowl (which would end up lasting another 7 years, obviously). The game was an even, back-and-forth affair, with the now-famous missed field goal by Scott Norwood capping an excellent football contest. This game's reputation was further enhanced in future years, since it was more or less surrounded by a string of Super Bowl blowouts.
3. Super Bowl XXIII - San Francisco 20, Cincinnati 16: Significant in that this game crystallized Joe Montana's status as the most popular QB of all time - a status embodied by the legendary last drive that culminated in the touchdown pass to John Taylor for the winning margin. This game was similar in many ways to Super Bowl XXV - a balanced affair between two teams that had gameplanned extremely well.
2. Super Bowl XLII - New York 17, New England 14: This was perhaps the best defensive game ever played in the Super Bowl. The lack of scoring was probably a turn-off to casual fans (and might serve to damage this game's credentials in future years), but serious football fans had to admire the defensive tenacity and gameplan from both teams. Obviously, the implications of the Patriots potentially going 19-0 also raised the stakes of this game. And the two drives that closed the game - Brady's remarkable marshalling of the Patriots for a lead-taking touchdown, followed by Eli Manning morphing into Montana for the game-winning score - might have been the best 1-2 closing punch in Super Bowl history.
1. Super Bowl XXXII - Denver 31, Green Bay 24: You can call me a homer if you want, but I don't care - this Super Bowl just edges out the Pats-Giants game by a bit. While neither team was undefeated, the Packers were the defending champs, and were riding a wave of 13 straight NFC Super Bowl titles, and 15 of 16. Plus, there was the overriding storyline of John Elway getting another shot at a title after an eight-year drought. The game itself was truly remarkable - just as tense as any game on this list, but with some exemplary offensive performances, swarming defenses, and even the running storyline of Denver's best offensive player basically going blind during the game due to migraine headaches. That mix of great offense and defense is what gives this game a sligh
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