by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
There is no point in denying that any of this is going to happen. Everything is lining up just right.
While they staved off elimination for one more game with a victory over San Antonio yesterday, the Phoenix Suns aren't going win four straight and advance in the playoffs. Not happening, regardless of how much I love Steve Nash.
Meanwhile, Toronto has lost 11 straight road playoff games heading into Orlando tonight. I have a greater chance of dating one of the Bundchen's (and I don't care which one!) than Toronto does of making it out of the first round.
And then, the fun will begin.
Phoenix owner Robert Sarver and GM Steve Kerr didn't put D'Antoni in the position he currently occupies roaming the Suns sidelines.
Kerr made a move that pretty much kicked D'Antoni's 7 Seconds or Less offense in the junk by bringing in The Big Cactus while sending The Matrix to Miami.
Add a first round exit to the list and that'll be three strikes for the one-time Coach of the Year.
But his stay on the unemployment line won't be long. The man who put him on the NBA sidelines in the first place is sure to call. He's been doing his Phoenix thing north of the border the last couple years and there is potential there.
First, Toronto will have to fire Sam Mitchell. That may happen whether D'Antoni becomes available or not, as Mitchell showed this season that last season was more about a weak East and a bunch of guys having solid years than his coaching acumen.
Should all of this happen - and I believe 100% that it will - Toronto could be a real interesting team next season, recast as Phoenix North. Think about it:
No real center to speak of - check.
Freakishly athletic dude who needs to just use those talents to be pretty damn good - check.
Assist machine with a knack for knocking down the three ball - check.
A couple random big bodies to collect fouls and the occasional rebound - check.
Some assets than can be shipped out without anyone knowing or caring - check.
Phoenix Architect Bryan Colangelo at the helm - check.
Bosh plays the Amare centerpiece position, with Jose Calderon doing his best Steve Nash, Jamario Moon being a strange cross between Shawn Marion and Raja Bell and there is 3/5 of a starting line up.
It took Disco Dirk a couple years to find his footing in the Association, so I'll predict year three is when we see the blossoming of "Charmin Ultra Soft" Andrea Bargnani. Not that Dirk has anything to do with Phoenix, but still.
Mix in Rasho, a returning Jorge Garbajosa, Hump, AP doing his best Grant Hill impersonation and whoever they get for TJ Ford when they trade him this summer and you're set.
Phoenix North. Run and gun in the ACC.
You heard it all here.
Monday, April 28, 2008
WELCOME TO PHOENIX NORTH, UM... I MEAN TORONTO
Sunday, April 27, 2008
TOP 10 THINGS WE DID NOT KNOW BEFORE WATCHING THE NBA PLAYOFFS THIS WEEKEND
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
10. George Karl will return to pretend to coach the Nuggets again next year
9. The Spurs really didn't want to clinch at home
8. Atlanta Hawk fans do exist
7. The Wizards' fans are just as stupid as the Wizards' players
6. Detroit is so good, they can only beat themselves (just ask them)
5. There are week-old kittens that are less soft than Andrea Bargnani
4. When Josh Howard talks about smoking marijuana, it keeps Mark Cuban off the TV
3. Tracy McGrady will never, ever win a playoff series, because unlike (alleged) rapist Kobe Bryant, he is morally deficient
2. TBS Comedy Series are, despite all evidence to the contrary, Very Funny
1. Every team is now required to have a Designated Flopper
Thursday, March 27, 2008
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR MARCH 27
Nicely done, Cuzoogle.
If you do or see some great photoshopping in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... snake vodka!
Thursday, March 20, 2008
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR MARCH 20
Well done, Cuzoogle.
If you do or see some great photoshopping in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... extra money at the ATM!
Friday, February 15, 2008
FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: INTRODUCING THE ROCKET SURGEONS
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
Rocket Surgeon (noun): someone who from all outside appearance looks like they are incredibly gifted in their chosen field but in actuality is a complete and utter moron.
As sports fans, we're fortunate enough to be witness to countless Rocket Surgeons. Here are some recent noteworthy examples...
Kelvin Sampson, Head Coach, Indiana University Men's Basketball Team (for now)
You're the head man of one of the biggest, most storied basketball programs in the country. An entire state lives and dies with the success of your team. You have a clause in your contract that specifies that if you commit the same recruiting violations which you have already been fined an exorbitant amount of money for in the past you're going to get fired. What do you do? Genius... pure genius.
Ed Wade, General Manager, Houston Astros
Even people who don't follow baseball knew Miguel Tejada's name was going to show up in the Mitchell Report. So what do you do? You ship a decent outfielder (Luke Scott), a couple of pitching prospects (Troy Patton, Matt Albers) and two more players to Baltimore for him THE DAY BEFORE THE MITCHELL REPORT COMES OUT!
Did you have plans the next day or something? As a GM, chances are you were waiting to hear the results of the Mitchell Investigation, were you not? I mean jesus! It's not that hard is it?
Chris Wallace, General Manager, Memphis Grizzlies
The Gasol Trade was awful. AWFUL. You already had two point guards (Conley and Lowry), so you didn't need Crittendon and telling everyone Marc Gasol is one of the best big men in Spain doesn't matter to anyone. Freddie Weis was one of the best big men in Europe when the Knicks drafted him and we all know what happened to him. (Side Note: I still hate Vince Carter for quitting on the Raptors... but this is the sickest dunk of all-time!)
Picking up Michael Jordan's Rocket Science Moment (Kwame Brown) is okay because it gives you cap room after the season and the picks are nice, except that some of us remember the last time you had a handful of first round picks. Boston, 2001 Draft. Kedrick Brown before Richard Jefferson, Troy Murphy, Zach Randolph and Brendan Haywood. Joe Forte before Gerald Wallace, Samuel Dalembert, Jamaal Tinsley, Tony Parker, Agent Zero and Memo Okur.
Have fun rebuilding Memphis. Wait until you see what he gets you for Kyle Lowry or Mike Miller! Hope you like Canned Ham...
Mats Sundin, Center, Toronto Maple Leafs
Really? You can pretty much pick the Stanley Cup contender you want to play for over the next couple of months, potentially collect and ring and still return to Toronto in the off season when your contract is up and you don't want to waive your no trade clause?
That's really sweet and noble of you Mats, but it's a lot like the band on the Titanic continuing to play after the whole iceberg incident. "Nothing to panic about folks. Who wants to hear some more swing music? Hit it boys!"
Rob Babcock, Former General Manager, Toronto Raptors
2004 NBA Draft, 8th Pick: Rafael Araujo.
Notable Selections following Araujo: AI2, Andris Biedrins, Al Jefferson, Josh Smith, hell even JR Smith. Do I need to keep going?
2005 NBA Draft, 16th Pick: Joey Graham
Notable Selections following Graham: how about Danny Granger at 17? Right now, I would take any of Jarrett Jack, Francisco Garcia, Jason Maxiell, David Lee, Monta Ellis, Andrey Blatche or Ryan Gomes over Joey G.
Oh yeah, if you're still wondering why Minnesota got so little in the Kevin Garnett deal, it's not just because Kevin McHale wanted to help out his buddy Danny Ainge. Babcock is the team's Assistant General Manager.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR FEBRUARY 7
Big ups to Cuzoogle.
If you do or see some great photoshopping in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... a seatbelt for your beer!
Monday, January 7, 2008
PRESS COVERAGE: CHARLIE VILLANUEVA
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
Kids can be cruel, we all know that. They'll find anything imaginable to make fun of you about, from the clothes you wear to how frequently you pick your nose. They even take you to task about your first name, which you don't use, just because no one thinks Edgar is a cool name.
Imagine what it would be like to grow up as a kid without hair. Not a kid who shaves his head mind you, but who has an autoimmune disorder that results in hair loss on the scalp and/or other parts of the body.
Charlie Villanueva knows that life.
Villanueva, the Milwaukee Bucks forward, falls into the 1.7% of the population who suffers from Alopecea Areata. Onset of the disease usually occurs in childhood, which means besides dealing with all the awkwardness of puberty, cliques at school and general disinterest in your parents, you can have anything from a small, smooth bald spot to complete and total hair loss as Villanueva does.
On the court, questions and stares have been a part of Villanueva's life for some time too. That's what happens when you're an All-American forward in high school, teaming with Luol Deng at Blair Academy and declaring for the 2003 NBA Draft.
In an untraditional move, Villanueva actually decided not to go straight to the NBA from high school, opting instead to take his talents to Storrs, Connecticut to learn under Hall of Fame Coach Jim Calhoun and team with Emeka Okafer, Ben Gordon en route to winning the 2004 NCAA Men's National Basketball Championship.
After a sophomore season in which Villanueva led the Huskies in scoring and rebounding, he declared for the 2005 NBA Draft. When draft day arrived, the talking heads had a lot to say about the Toronto Raptors spending the 7th Overall choice on the 6'11" Villanueva.
Stephen A. Smith was the most vocal, blasting then-Raptors GM Rob Babcock for the decision. Instead of crumbling under the weight of great expectations and media scrutiny, Villanueva responded by finishing second in rookie scoring and rebounding, earning a spot on the All-Rookie Team and finishing as the runner-up to Chris Paul for the Rookie of the Year Award.
I know hindsight is a wonderful thing, but serious, Stephen A., who was Toronto supposed to draft? Channing Frye, Ike Diogu, Fran Vazqueez? Maybe Yaroslav Korolev, Sean May or Hakim Warrick? Only two players picked post-Villanueva (Andrew Bynum and Danny Granger) could be logical arguments now. Sadly, the Raptors passed on Granger twice...
Villanueva's abilities on the court have given him the opportunity to make a difference off the court. He is the Spokesperson for the National Alopecea Areata Foundation and uses his own foundation to provide financial and emotional support to adolescents growing up with Alopecea.
The February 2006 recipient of the NBA Community Assist Award has made a life of overcoming obstacles. Having pundits challenge your selection to your profession is nothing when you've grown up being the kid with no hair. And just like I could look at Edgar Martinez as proof that my name wasn't as stupid as Jeff Arthur said it was, Charlie Villanueva provides an outstanding role model for people everywhere suffering with Alopecea.
This is what we need to report on. These are the stories that need to be told and the lives that need to be looked at. This is worthy of Press Coverage...
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
FROM GOODWATER TO GLORY: THE HEROIC RISE OF JAMARIO MOON
by Jordi Scrubbings, The Serious Tip
It was a dark time for the National Basketball Association. With the fall of Agent Zero, the league beckoned for a new hero. A man who would seize the moment and capture the hearts of fans everywhere. A man who could excite the passions and the fervor reserved only for the legends of the game. Fortunately, the league did not have to wait long for its new savior to rise from the ashes.
Hailing from Goodwater, Alabama (pop. 1,633), Toronto Raptors forward Jamario Moon has eclipsed the Celtics juggernaut and the Knicks debacle to become this season's biggest NBA story. His arrival comes not as many others' have, with tales of glory and acclaim, but as the result of an international quest to achieve the impossible, to turn the improbable into reality.
As with most tales, the legend of Jamario Moon begins at the beginning. According to Henry Abbott, after an interesting excursion in the machine that is high-stakes high school basketball, Moon settled at Coosa Central High School in Rockford, Alabama, earning Second Team Class 4A All-State honors from The Birmingham News.
After the close of his high school career, Moon attempted to play ball for Mississippi State. Unfortunately, fate was not on his side and he was forced to take the court for Meridian Community College, where he again excelled, averaging 20 points and 8 rebounds a game.
After withdrawing from Meridian Community after one year, Moon declared for the 2001 NBA Draft. In an obviously regrettable lapse of judgment by those responsible, no team selected Moon despite nearly 60 selection opportunities. Undeterred, Moon set off on an incredible voyage that would send him to Rome (Ga.) and back, from Albany to Kentucky, from Mexico to Gary, Indiana. He even moonlighted with the Harlem Globetrotters. In five short years, Moon became a basketball vagabond, a nomad, a wanderer, an untold story of a basketball dream gone unfulfilled.
But on July 10, 2007, a day that will be forever celebrated, Jamario Moon signed a two-year contract with the Toronto Raptors. By merit of his performance during the Raptors' free agent camp, the organization deemed him worthy of a shot at the NBA. The long arduous quest was over. The 27-year old Jamario Moon was headed to the world's highest level of basketball competition.
Since establishing himself in the Raptors' starting lineup, Moon has averaged over 8 points, 6 rebounds, 1 assist, and acquired a reputation for his energetic play. By taking a chance on a well-traveled basketball journeyman, the Toronto Raptors found a new starting forward and the NBA found its new hero.
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