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Showing posts with label Roger Clemens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Roger Clemens. Show all posts
Friday, June 20, 2008
ANOTHER ENTRY FOR OUR $50 MLB.COM GIFT CARD CONTEST
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Sunday, June 15, 2008
ANOTHER ENTRY FOR OUR $50 MLB.COM GIFT CARD CONTEST
Our second entry from Cuzoogle...
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Friday, May 2, 2008
DEAR NY DAILY NEWS
by Simon, SimonOnSports
Dear Chief Editor of the New York Daily News,
Over the past week I have come across your many articles regarding Roger Clemens questionable past. His potential relationships with Mindy McCready, John Daly's wife and others. I am here to tell you that despite these flaws Roger is a good man, a great man in fact, a caring man with a soft touch.
In 1990 when I was a 15 and an aspiring singer I was losing hope. I was a pretty boy but I had yet to find myself. That is when fate hit my life for the better, in of all things a Karaoke bar. I went up to the stage and told the man I wanted to sing Macho Man, by the Village People. I belted it out with passion (it's arguably my favorite song ever) and looking out into the audience I felt connected with a pair of green eyes. I couldn't stop gazing into them and I felt them gazing at me. So after the song I went over and introduced myself to the man with the Green Eyes, a man named Roger Clemens. From that moment forth my life was about to change.
That night we left and he took me to his favorite Florida Night Club and then to his hotel room where we embarked on the most passionate sex one could ever imagine. Roger caressed my body, and my youthful body parts and made me feel like a full grown man. Over the next few years we had our passionate moments but we eventually grew apart. But his influence was always with me and he was always on my mind.
If you take a look at my wikipedia article you will come across this paragraph:
In June of 2007, Iglesias performed the track during his set at London gay club G-A-Y. Traditionally, Iglesias serenades a member of the audience when he performs the song, and this show was no different. However, in this case, a gay male fan was plucked from the audience, illustrating how Iglesias fully embraces his gay fan base in a way unlike many mainstream male pop stars
This is Roger's influence on me. Never has a man been so gentle with me. Never has a man embraced me so, he taught me that love between two men can be a beautiful thing and despite me ravaging Anna for the past year, no person has been more sensual with me than Roger.
In 2001 I finished my second successful record in the US and had a hit single with Hero. I've never told anybody this before but the lyrics for the song were based on a passionate letter I received from Roger over 10 years prior. Roger will always be my hero and will always take my breath away.
Enrique Miguel Iglesias Preysler
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
THE 'ROID MIDWEEK REPORT
by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation
Much going on the the world of steroids and doping to follow. Is there a larger dope than Roger Clemens? Clemens, currently fighting ex-trainer Brian McNamee's charges of anabolic steroid and HGH use, appears to be quite the suave operator...that is if you consider hustling up on 15 year-old's suave. Needing all the integrity he can muster, he stories about Clemens's affair with singer Mindy McCready, starting when she was 15, do not lend credibility to the Rocket's word. Today, more revelations came out about the Rocket's virile red glare spreading to a bevy of beauties. Must be the nandrolone.
Why does MLB seem to leak out all the steroid stories? Is the NFL immune? Not anymore. Recent stories say that NFL agents teach their potential draft prospects all about doping while preparing for the NFL combine. Ex-Cowboy and current Saint Matt Lehr learned his lessons well. Reports indicate Matt Lehr helped out steroids and dope-dealing buddy David Jenkins while in Dallas (pictured). This may break big as the NFL's BALCO scandal. Very interesting too, that Lehr reportedly used an NFL prescribed drug as a masking agent for the steroids.
Speaking of BALCO, track coach Trevor Graham gears up for a big trial in San Francisco. Graham is charged with perjury during the BALCO investigation. The trial will see the testimony of steroids-dealer Angel (Memo) Heredia who threatened to blow the lid off the track world -- during an Olympic year. One of Graham's former charges, Marion Jones is in the news too. Her teammates want to raise money for a legal action to retain their tainted relay gold medals, stripped when Jones admitted to dope-cheating.
In the crowd for the Graham trial will certainly be IRS superstar agent Jeff Novitzky. However Novitzky was traded to the FDA for an undisclosed draft pick. The FDA did not pick up an option for ex-Giant Barry Bonds, one of Novitzky's friends.
Like Miguel Tejada we hope to stay young, younger than out birth certificate says...growing young with HGH. That may be bull, but authorizes in Spain are seeing red over Bulls taking steroids.
See you all, this weekend with more juice from the sports world.
TOP 13 SUSPECTS IN THE MURDER OF MY SPORTS BLOG
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
For the past 48+ hours, without a word of warning or explanation, Blogger/Google has removed my 16-month old sports site, Five Tool Tool. (No link, because, um, It Doesn't Freaking Work.)
We didn't even use curse words. We rarely showed titty. Hell, we barely even had commenters, though we did have advertisers. But like all little-read sports blogs, we had enemies -- cold-blooded murdering enemies that would kill a blog just to keep us silent. (Will we stay dead? I have no idea. Google/Blogspot's customer service has been positively Isiah-esque so far.)
So who killed us? The list of suspects is after the jump. Plus hey, lots of NSFW videos and NSFBlogger Opinions!
13) Don Nelson.
Our final visitor was from Oakland. They accessed the site for 35 minutes, went through a bunch of pages, then moved on. Soon after that, the site went down.
Could the Warriors head coach have pulled strings with local Googlians to silence a critic who has (a) posted an image of Nellie looking all fat and bloated on wine, (b) pointed out that Nellieball, while entertaining, almost never goes deep in the playoffs?
Clues: He's got nothing else to do, so he's got the means. He also brought back Chris Webber this year, so we've already proven insanity as a pre-existing condition.
Alibis: Old people don't know how to use the Internets. Besides, he's probably too busy threatening to retire, or crank-calling Baron Davis.
Odds: 50 (wins) to 1 against.
12) Isiah Thomas.
Our "Isiah Thomas Is Comedy Gold" tag was one of the most used in the site's history, and there has been many days when Zeke's wacky Baghdad Bob-esque shenanigans filled our wordhole. Now that he's employed by the Knicks to, as far as we can tell, do nothing and have no contact with his players, he's clearly got the free time to wreak a terrible vengeance on his enemies.
Clues: Given the delusional nature of Zeke's pressers this year, there's a good chance that he's not tethered to reality, and might think our blog was the cause of all his problems. Madison Square Garden and the Dolans also seem to like employing thugs.
Alibis: We're pretty sure he doesn't, you know, read. Or use the Internets. Or give a damn about anything.
Odds: 30-1.
11) Bill Belichick.
What, you don't think he's evil enough? I'd say more here, but saying his name out loud just caused the lights to flicker and a chill wind to blow.
Clues: Given that FTT was solely responsible for the Patriots' loss by actively rooting for them during their quest for Perfectriotection, the BeliHate could be all-consuming.
Alibis: Too busy running his draft at the time. Plus, when Bill goes for Evil, it's not a small thing. Unless this is a first stage before a blogosphere-wide purge, it's just not his style.
Odds: 18-1. But it's a big 1.
10) Mark Cuban.
The NBA's leader megalomaniac is well known for his hate of any blog that isn't his. FTT, like all right-thinking Americans, enjoy watching him lose basketball games, dance contests, and his hair.
Clues: The last post at FTT before the site went dark covered the Hornets taking a 3-1 lead on Cuban's Mavericks. As a matter of fact, the last line we published was "Karma's a bitch, Cubes." That had to be too much to resist.
Alibis: No one who isn't being paid by Cuban ever does anything for him. Has spent the last two weeks determining the most humiliating way to fire Avery Johnson.
Odds: 13-1.
9) Epic Carnival's Editor, Scrap.
The Epic Carnival editor is desperate to have all of our link-generating listy goodness. Plus, with FTT out of the picture, EC's traffic will groundrocket. (Skyrocket being, well, kind of an overpromise.)
Clues: Way too casual reaction to the news that FTT was down.
Alibis: We don't write about titty enough for him to care. Plus, um, he doesn't actually know who we are. (To be fair, he's got what, 600 writers on this frickin' site?)
Odds: 12-1 against.
8) Bill Simmons.
The world's leading Masshole was routinely referred on FTT as the Bad Tooth, in that we just couldn't stop checking his column to see how painful it is to read now. Alone among all sports bloggers, we criticized him. (You can congratulate us on our originality and bravery now.)
Clues: If you listen to his podcasts backward, you can clearly hear Simmy Boy say, "I direct my unholy army of mouth-breathing Boston apologists to take Five Tool Tool down."
Alibis: The podcast could also just be a pre-pubescent girl touching herself. I get my files mixed up sometimes, and Simmy's voice is in the same register.
Odds: 10-1 against.
7) Kobe Bryant.
We keep refusing to support Kobe's MVP campaign, by steadfastly refusing to see (a) how any team could need LeBron James more than the Cavs do, and (b) beyond the fact that Kobe's an (alleged) anal rapist and part-time loon who threw his entire team and organization under the bus in the off-season. Obey Your Thirst, Mamba. Obey Your Thirst.
Clues: He totally knows that Allen Iverson is one of our favorite players, and keeps being really, really mean to his teams in the playoffs.
Alibis: He's been occupied for minutes at a time with sweeping the Nugs. Has probably been preoccupied with laughing at Shaq missing enough free throws to get eliminated.
Odds: 8-1.
6) Dick Cheney.
While FTT is a sports blog, one of our last posts before the blog went down showed Big Daddy Dick in his leathers and feathers, as part of a strained analogy to what it's like to watch the Pistons in their inevitable / inexorable playoff run. Besides, you can't ever count the Daddy out, given that he likes to shoot his friends in the face.
Clues: There are many, but they've all been marked classified.
Alibis: Dick Cheney has no need for alibis. He is what he is.
Odds: 8-1 against.
5) Roger Clemens.
The Rocket continues his week of living fabulously with a roid and meth-fueled takedown of a sports blog that's been calling him a fraud since before Suzyn Waldman had a hot flash over his appearance in the Steinbrenner box.
Clues: Sure, instigating a conspiracy against some pissant sports blogger would be a hopeless lapse in judgment. But isn't that his MO now?
Alibis: His choice of attorney shows that competence is not a plus outside of the baseball diamond. Besides, he'd have been better off taking down EC. Damn, I probably just gave him an idea.
Odds: 5 to 1.
4) Barry Bonds.
The Home Roid King can't have liked what we've written about him. Once again, as in the Simmons candidacy, this makes us unique. (It was such a good blog. I miss it terribly.) He also can't have liked being compared to low-rent Japanese monster movies, when he was thinking of going to Japan for the '08 season, since we didn't even give him the full Godzilla treatment. But it does show a very similar body transformation and head enlargement.
Clues: Vengeful, spiteful, bitter, with tons of free time on his hands. (Hey, why doesn't Barry have a blog?)
Alibis: FTT frequently covered non-Bonds subjects, and as his entire existence shows, Barry can't be bothered with non-Bonds subjects.
Odds: 5-2.
3) Blog-On-Blog Violence
You don't write lists every day without generating a lot of hate from other bloggers. We're talkin' Tupac v. Biggie levels, dammit. (Video's lyrics are NSFW.)
Clues: It's nothin' but hate in the sports blogosphere. Thug Blog 'Til We Die!
Alibis: The opposite of hate isn't love. It's indifference. Also, we're old.
Odds: 2 to 1.
2) Anonymous.
All of those mean, hurtful comments. The constant sniping. The fact-checking on our howling mistakes and factual errors. We say it doesn't hurt, but you know what? It does. But our stoic endurance of your slings and arrows has driven you mad, hasn't it? So mad you had to have your revenge. You bastard.
Clues: The fact that no one else on this here blog, or any other, gets slagged by anonymous commenters.
Alibis: Taking down a blog would be the biggest accomplishment of your life, wouldn't it? Hmm.
Odds: 3 to 2.
1) Google.
Not to sound too ungrateful here, but this no warning, no explanation, no response experience? I've had better customer service while getting divorced.
Clues: The, um, site shutdown with no warning, explanation, or response.
Alibis: By writing this, I might make them mad... and then they'd shut down my freaking blog without warning, explanation or response. Don't Be Evil, my ass.
Hey, Sonics fans, I think I'm finally starting to fully understand your situation!
Odds: Damn near certain.
So, um... (NSFW lyrics)
Can you stop, you know, doing this? Please?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
TOP 10 ALLEGATIONS ABOUT ROGER CLEMENS THAT YOU WON'T BELIEVE (YET)
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
After allegations of the Rocket (heh heh) and his 28-on-15 sexual relationship with a country singer surfaced yesterday, my immediate reaction was (a) say what you will, but 15-year-old meth users are always hawt, (b) seriously, he couldn't get better trim than that, and (c) Clemens has officially entered the Britney Zone, where you can believe anything you read about him.
Or can you?
10. Fueled his post-Boston career not with steroids and HGH, but by consuming the dried remains of Hall of Fame pitchers
9. Speeded the decline and fall of Mo Vaughn by injecting the slugger with Twinkies in his sleep
8. His real name is actually Mark Twain
7. Had Calvin Schiraldi and Bob Stanley kidnapped and replaced by drifters; the real teammates were murdered, chopped up into cutlets, and served to his dogs
6. Imports a half dozen Guatemalan refugees every spring for horrific experiments, and insists that they all be called Duquette
5. Got Michael Vick interested in dog fighting
4. Perpetrated false allegations of Iraq having weapons of mass destruction prior to Gulf War II
3. After engaging in scat, water sports and other forms of ritualistic humiliation with Andy Pettie, never cuddles
2. As a child, never clapped for Tinkerbell; as an adult, never paid her
1. Soils hmself at the mere sight of Dave Stewart
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
THE 'ROID REPORT FOR THE WEEK OF MARCH 2
by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation
We apologize for the late report on last week's steroid circus. We got caught with our collective pants down.
A story from the Wizard of Odds gave us something to chew on. Marketing material from a maker of a mouth guard claims that a small electrical signal from the device and the neuromuscular alignment corrections produced from correct jaw alignment result in anabolic effects equal to steroids or HGH. We find that hard to swallow.
Speaking of HGH, we lauded Iowa Senator Charles Grassley (and New York Senator Charles Schumer for introducing a bill that would regulate HGH as a controlled substance. Although HGH is currently a prescribed drug (that really stops abuse doesn't it) and is treated like a controlled substance by the DEA, it is logical to make the deal official.
Speaking of Congress, New York Congressman Anthony Weiner threw out his opinion that Congressional steroid hearings and forensic steroid probes are a waste of time; we suggest listening to Congressmen Weiner is a waste of time. We gave a few million reasons why steroid and PED abuse constitutes a sleazy gazillion-dollar business for organized crime. Seems to us that Congress and government should focus more on drug abuse and organized crime than focusing on other things like prostitutes, male interns, lobbying groups etc. Steroids are not pork, Congressman.
Of course there is a medical use for steroids. Ex-Yankee great and current YES broadcaster Bobby Murcer reminds of that fact. Murcer admitted he takes prescribed steroids following treatment for a brain tumor. Hang in there and good luck, man.
Roger Clemens seems to have drawn quite a bit of attention to himself. Congress, the Department of Justice, the FBI, and the IRS are all hanging with Roger in Texas, investigating his PED use, and his 'roided up Congressional testimony. Reports say BALCO superstar investigator Jeff Novitzky now cruises Houston, and not just to take in the local culture. A local gym owner and ne'er-do-well Shaun Kelley has been drawing quite a bit of attention. This dude appears to run a very interesting gym that could be the center of PED distribution; no word if any Rocket fuel was found at the gym.
Marion Jones sprinted into federal prison in Fort Worth Texas last week. Jones, arguably the most prominent female athlete of the past decade, begins serving a prison sentence for lying to federal investigators about her steroid and PED use. Jones now takes her place by disgraced Olympic athletes like Canada's Ben Johnson, who also won tainted and doped gold medals.
Lastly, we spied a report on how steroid use induced a UK man to text message his girlfriend 12,00 times in one month. Could steroids have induced Kelvin Sampson's text-messaging mania? Stay tuned for other unanswerable and tongue-in-cheek questions next week.
Monday, March 3, 2008
THE 'ROID REPORT FOR THE WEEK OF FEB. 24
by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation
Not a good week for Roger Clemens. Guess you can say March came in like a lion about to pounce on the Rocket. It appears 3 governmental units will be investigating Clemens: Department of Justice, the FBI and the IRS. Why not throw in the JAGs too?
Henry Waxman's congressional committee is remanding Clemens to the Justice Dept for investigation of perjury, although the FBI admitted that it started looking into the Rocket Juice too.
The first order of business would be to ascertain the photo of Clemens at Canseco's party snapped by a dad who says his kid is in the photo with Clemens. That might be proof of Clemens attending this party where 'roids were on the menu like barbecue.
The best proof came abreast of the news: word surfaced that Debbie Clemens and Jessica Canseco compared breast augmentation jobs at the party. If that doesn't increase everyone's testosterone, then they do need injections of something -- like B12 and lidocaine.
So Clemens may get busted by breast augmentation. Not to mention he has BALCO investigator Jeff Novitzky to deal with; Novitzky is interviewing Canseco about the party. We hope Novitzky is discussing Clemens, not breast augmentation.
Congress invited the heads of the professional leagues to pow wow on steroid and PED use. There is talk of new congressional laws concerning professional anti-doping laws. One 'entertainment' bigwig didn't show, however: the WWE's Vince McMahon flipped off the congressional hearings. Just because one of McMahon's stars killed his wife, his child, and himself doesn't mean the WWE and pro wrestling has a steroids problem...does it?
Last week we learned cheerleader use the juice. This week, a new book discusses gay use of 'roids. Appearance enhancement.
We also learned this week that the players in the Negro League did not use PEDs. No juice for Josh Gibson.
Lastly it is interesting that the government prosecutors who drafted the Barry Bonds indictment for perjury were told to stay after school, and draft a new indictment. Apparently didn't spell check it well enough. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays don't care about spelling, but might care about Bonds in their lineup.
However, we learned that in 2001, Bonds set a new record for testosterone level. A normal MLB level is 0-61; Bonds's T came in at 73. Interesting...
Monday, February 25, 2008
THE 'ROID REPORT FOR THE WEEK OF FEB. 17
by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation
Baseball, hockey, soccer, bobsledding, cheer-leading, and ethics. Oh yeah, and brothels. Common connection? Steroids and PEDs.
Last week, we ended the 'Roid Report with the question "Did Roger Clemens attend the 1998 Jose Canseco party". We expected that question would stagnate as a rhetorical quandary. Then, someone allegedly discovered a youngster who snapped a photo at the Canseco party placing the Rocket in the Canseco pad. How long before the US Justice Dept. subpoenas come crawling out like a reliever from the bullpen for a Clemens perjury indictment? One Minnesota writer thinks Clemens will be a legal pinata if that happens.
The Rocket's friend Andy Pettitte also had some 'splaining to do, when media reports linked some of his HGH use to his father. Pettitte's father apparently procured HGH to self-treat a serious cardiac condition, from a gym owner down around Houston. This brought the Houston area gym -- "1 on 1 Elite Personal Fitness" -- under the press microscope. The owner -- a Kelly Blair -- appears to be involved big time with 'roids, perhaps even supplied by bodybuilder Craig Titus, currently awaiting trial for a gruesome murder of his female assistant. MLB players including Richard Hidalgo trained at Blair's gym; the same Hidalgo who produced a blow-out stat year in 2000 while with the 'Stros.
Spring training began in earnest for MLB, even as the repercussions of the winter's Mitchell Report continued to be felt around the league. Apparently oblivious to Mitchell's work, the St. Louis Cardinals invited old juicer Juan Gone Gonzalez to Redbird spring training, as if Mark McGwire and Rich Ankiel weren't PED legacy enough under the Arch. As Juan Gone worked out, Barry Bonds -- awaiting a perjury trial -- wished he could. Milwaukee's Greg Zahn says he was never artificially enhanced; someone else forged that check to Metboy steroid distributor Kirk Radomski. And Hank Steinbrenner wonders why the press is so fascinated football.
Speaking of football, soccer superstar Renaldo suffered a third serious knee injury, one that may be career-ending. A Brazilian physician voiced an opinion that Ronaldo's European clubs juiced his muscles up with PEDs, thus overdeveloping his muscles leading to tendon and ligament damage as his career unfolded.
Last week we also found out that cheerleaders juice up to enhance their cartwheels. A former cheerleader from Texas came forward to 'bring it on' about her high school 'roid use. It appears that teenage steroid use is alive and sick.
Things appear to be heading drastically downhill as a Canadian bobsleigh pilot will be sitting out a winter or two after he tested positive for nandrolone, breakfast of champions. An icy reception will also be expected when Congress looks at PED use in the NHL; Dick Pound accused the NHL of skating on thin doping ice a long time ago.
Lastly, as an Indian paper revealed that young girls take steroids to enhance maturity in brothels, Dave Krieger asked the question: 'When did the ethics die'? Indeed, when did winning become primary over fair-play? That complex question may take a bit longer than it takes to snap a photo of Roger Clemens's attending a Jose Canseco fiesta.
Friday, February 22, 2008
FACING CLEMENS
by Guest Columnist, Jonathan Mayo, MLB.com
Jonathan Mayo covers the minor leagues and the draft as a senior writer for MLB.com. Mayo also has a book coming out that has some interesting timing. It is a look at what it is like to face Roger Clemens and is appropriately titled Facing Clemens. The book was written prior to the release of the Mitchell Report and is now available for purchase.
Well, the dust has settled…for the moment. While everyone will wait for the next step … an indictment, a guest spot on “The Moment of Truth,” whatever it is, I can finally take a breath and try to figure out what all this Roger Clemens stuff means to me.
Why am I different than anyone else? I’m not really, other than the fact I recently completed my first book and boy, do I have interesting timing. It’s called “Facing Clemens: Hitters on Confronting Baseball’s Most Intimidating Pitcher.” I kid you not. It was written, needless to say, before the Mitchell Report was released and there’s nary a word about steroids, HGH, Vitamin B12 or eight-year old gauze.
It is, in pretty much every sense of the term, a pure baseball book. OK, so maybe pure isn’t the best word to use, but you get the idea. I talked to some of the greats of the game over the last generation, from Cal Ripken Jr. to Ken Griffey Jr., from Gary Carter to Torii Hunter about the challenges of trying to hit Clemens over the course of his quarter-century career. Seemed like a nice, simple first foray into the book-writing world. Boy, was I unprepared for what was to come.
Since all the news has broken, I’m constantly peppered with questions from friends and family about whether it will help or hurt sales (I’m leaning toward helping), if I’m going to write an epilogue about all this stuff (sorry, no time for it) and, of course, who I believe (not really relevant right now). I’ve become a kind of pseudo-Clemens expert, though I never talked to the man for the book (I did do a chapter with his son, Koby, and he wrote the foreword).
In the end, I feel the book still stands on its own merits. Whether you think Clemens is guilty (Andy Pettitte’s sworn testimony makes it hard not to, doesn’t it?) or whether you think his vehement denials are sincere, the challenge of facing Clemens as a hitter hasn’t changed. Maybe the respect the players I interviewed for the book had for Clemens has dissipated, but they still had to figure out how to hit him when he was a young fireballer and then figure out how to avoid seeing that splitter later on. Even if there had been public knowledge that Clemens was taking something he shouldn’t have been, it’s not like Torii Hunter would have refused to get in the box against him, seeking his first hit against the Rocket (he went 0-for-28).
Now maybe I’m being naïve and maybe I just want to sell a few more books. Both could be true. I still think that the insights the hitters gave into trying to make a living off arguably the elite right-hander of his era (Again, whether he cheated is beside the point. He was thought of in that echelon before all of this went down) makes for a pretty compelling book. I hope you agree with me.
As for where I stand on all of this, I’d love to stay impartial. But I also know that would be a weak stance to take. For the longest time, I really wanted to believe in Roger Clemens’ innocence. I’ve been covering baseball long enough not to be shocked by anyone’s indiscrections, but for once I wanted one person, especially an icon of this nature, to be wrongfully accused, for his denials to be 100 percent sincere. Alas, it has become increasingly difficult to do so and I’ve seen the faint hope of redemption pretty much extinguished by the testimony of Andy Pettitte. Who knows, maybe I’ll be wrong and the Rocket will prevail. I’ll still hope so because that would be good for the game of baseball. But I won’t hold my breath.
Monday, February 18, 2008
TOP 10 REASONS WHY ANDY PETTITTE CHOSE TO PLAY IN 2008
With Yankees teammates Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada in attendance, along with two of his lawyers, Pettitte acknowledged he had considered not playing because of the ongoing situation.10. Misremembers liking Roger Clemens in the first place
"That wouldn't be the thing to do as a man. I felt like I needed to come out and face you guys and whatever circumstances that come I'll take it, I'll take it like a man and I'll try to do my job," he said. -- Associated Press
9. Going to be awfully difficult to get the 99 wins he needs to 300 by, um, not pitching
8. After being excused from humiliating and degrading Congressional testimony by snitching, seemed a shame to not compound the awkwardness by going out there every fifth day
7. Already scheduled to pitch Game 3 of the ALDS, as per league and network requirement
6. Really interested in finally working with a manager that's a proven winner
5. Knows that with just a few quality starts, he'll be sure to have the New York fans behind him all year
4. Needs something to do before being dragged into that incredibly awkward Clemens v. McNamee civil suit
3. By coming clean now, should completely fool the media into not checking into his use of pineal glands from endangered monkeys
2. His "death glare stare" just doesn't seem to intimidate people who aren't wearing baseball uniforms
1. Um, he's got sixteen million reasons before taxes
Sunday, February 17, 2008
THE 'ROID REPORT FOR THE WEEK OF FEB. 10
by Gary Gaffney, MD, Steroid Nation
"Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself." --Mark Twain
This was the week that Roger Clemens finally testified to a US Congressional committee -- settling exactly nothing. Although Clemens and his defense team monopolized the news since the Mitchell Report, it appears clear that following the huge earthquake Mitchell delivered in December will be many MLB aftershocks.
First to the Clemens hearing itself. Clemens lobbied to a star-struck Congress prior to his committee performance. One wondered if US Congressman readied Ebay ads to sell Clemens memorabilia. One Congressman in particular appeared to be star struck by Clemens -- Congressman Dan Burton from Indiana. Although Burton himself is neither a paragon of integrity nor a scholar of logical thought, he dove to new depths of unbelievable partisanship when he assaulted Clemens ex-trainer Brain McNamee time and time again for lying to newspapers. The bellicose Burton diatribe against McNamee appeared surreal when Clemens, sworn in under oath offered alibi after alibi for his actions, many of which appear diametrically opposed to reality as seen through everyone else's eyes.
Burton even called Clemens a Titan. Interesting that the Titans were deposed by the Olympic gods. Zeus drugged, then dragged Titan Cronus to imprisonment in a cave. Roger Clemens, meanwhile, seemed to have constructed his own prison composed of incredulous stories, bully threats, and surreal alibis. Along the way Clemens dissed McNamee, threw his wife under the bus, said Andy Pettitte was confused, and appeared to influence a witness -- his former nanny. Even though a congressman asked Clemens which uniform he will wear to the Hall of Fame, if the Feds indict Clemens for perjury he could well be wearing a different sort of uniform. Andy Pettitte's testimony appeared particularly damning to Clemens.
The aftershocks from the Mitchell Report and the congressional hearing continued on: Two Colorado Rockies players -- Glenallen Hill, and Matt Herges -- admitted to PED use. Another player in the Mitchell Report -- Blue Jay catcher Gregg Zaun -- denied PED use.
However, Andy Pettitte suffered multiple aftershocks from the hearing. Pettitte admitted to more frequent HGH use than previously reported. Furthermore in breaking news, stories emerged that Pettitte received HGH from his father Tom, who acquired HGH from a local gym rat-dealer. Pettitte's father sufferers form severe cardiac disease; ironically HGH can cause heart disease in some patients. The New York Yankee brass seems none too happy with Pettitte; not only did the Yanks give a sore-elbowed, HGH-using pitcher a 16 million dollar contract, but they passed up going after Twins ace pitcher Johan Santana.
Earlier in the week, loose atomic canon John Rocker hinted that an MLB doctor gave away secrets on steroid use to Raffy Palmeiro, Alex Rodriguez, Ivan Rodriguez, and himself while on the Ranger's in the early 2000s. A-Rod? Steroids? What?
In other news, the Brits were outraged that their athletic council named admitted BALCO-doper Dwain Chambers to the World Cup track team. Following a serious (?career-ending) knee injury to soccer star Ronaldo, a prominent Brazilian physician blamed the star's early program of steroids at a European pro soccer club for over-developing his muscles thus leading to the ligament and tendon injuries.
As the week ended, we are left with the most nagging question - did Roger Clemens attend Jose Canseco's 1998 party or not?
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