by Rupert, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes
Royal O'Reilly Tenenbaum (1932-2001) Died Tragically Rescuing His Family From The Remains Of A Destroyed Sinking Battleship
Have you heard? The Kansas City Royals suck. Coming off a hot streak of 4 one hundred or more loss seasons in 6 years, Kansas City Royals’ fans are ready to stick a fork in this dead carcass and grill that shit up. If there’s one thing Kansas City knows it the barbecue. Unfortunately, the tailgates are growing thinner and fewer die-hard fans can stand to hang around to watch this team die. Will the Royals continue the stampede and make it another 100+ loss season or will we see a glimmer of hope in 2008? Well, we figured we’d take an inside look with one of our wildly creative approaches: the Kansas City Royals 2008 previews Royal Tenenbaums-style.
Wait a second. Listen. I'm not dying. But I need some time. A month. Maybe two.
OK, maybe it’s not quite time to declare it all a loss just yet. The Royals have been loading up on top draft picks for years (given their perpetually lousy record) and made a few decent moves in recent years. The problem with the Royals is that that don’t really have the payroll to make full-scale big moves, so they make just pretty big deals for shitty players. For example, is Jose Guillen really worth $36 million cajones over three years in right field? Maybe you should add a twelve million dollar per annum starting pitcher? In all seriousness, Guillen brings some much needed power to the lineup, so despite the crazy price tag, he is a great addition.
Other pickups include RHP Yasuhiko Yabuta, C Miguel Olivo, and RHP Brett Tomko. I wouldn’t hold my breath for any big payoffs from any of these guys. The only hope is that youngsters like Alex Gordon (3B), minor league player of the year in 2006 and Billy Butler (OF) start playing big dividends in a hurry. The Royals have some pockets of young talent; they just need some rapid developments to save this franchise from another abysmal season.
I'm very sorry for your loss. Your mother was a terribly attractive woman.
The losses in the offseason are nothing to really cry about. Reggie Sanders is older than Obi Wan Kenobe, but was a good feisty vet with leadership qualities worth his weight in dentures. A couple losses in the pitching staff will hurt, but not terribly: RHP David Riske and LHP Odalis Perez won’t really be missed too much even though they put in 70 and 130 innings respectively. Riske’s middle relief hole presents the biggest issues. Other than that, the only other losses were DH Mike Sweeney and OF Emil Brown. The addition of Guillen is an upgrade in the outfield, so they came out fine in net terms. All in all, the team looks better on paper than it did a year ago.
Why would a reviewer make the point of saying someone's *not* a genius? Do you especially think I'm *not* a genius? You didn't even have to think about it, did you?
Can Trey Hillman live up to the hype of being a baseball mastermind capable of squeezing all the life out of his lineups like the Juice Man? Hillman has never coached a Major League Baseball team, but exhibited great success in Japan and in the minor leagues for years. Joke as you may, but the Nippon Ham Fighters are a powerhouse in Japanese baseball, which is really saying a lot. He is known to be a fan of fundamentals whereby he emphatically aims to up the team’s on base percentage and make the absolute out of his baserunners.
True blue baseball fans will love watching the Royals this season, as bunts, stolen based, hit and runs, bunt and runs, and walks are all expected to be implemented graciously. This could potentially be the perfect solution to the Royals’ woes, because they can’t compete with the American League big dogs on building the best lineup, so this scrappy approach is the next best thing. Trey Hillman also released a killer Christmas album exhibiting his prowess on guitar.
I know but dammit, I want this family to love me. How much money you got?
Considering the Royals are nowhere to be seen in the high stakes plays at top free agents like Johann Santana, the pitching staff should be decent enough to keep the Royals in most games. Gil Meche showed that he is capable of a handle a lion’s sized workload, pitching over 200 innings in 2007 and finishing out the season with a 3.67 ERA. The 9-13 record leaves a little room for questioning his worth as a #1, but don’t forget this is the Royals and two of those losses came in the last two games of the season where the Royals got shelled and added nearly a point the his ERA. Plus, a 3.67 ERA is good for 15 wins on a lot of AL teams these days.
Bannister actually finished ’07 with a winning record at 12-9 with a 3.87 ERA. Bannister has nice breaking pitches, but doesn’t have a ton of mustard. He’s also a big sabremetrics fan and knows he is lucky to have good results based on his under whelming heat. Greinke is the intimidator of the pitching staff with great power and could be a great starter in the league with a little more run support. The bullpen will be solid, particularly since they were actually decent last year. Tomko and De La Rosa have to prove they are capable of some consistency, but both have a decent pitch repertoire. The 5 spot is still up for the taking as Mike Moroth and reliever John Bale have a shot at winning the job. Joakim Soria, nabbed from the Padres in the Rule 5 draft, is a trusty closer and a definite strong point for the Royals.
The crickets and the rust-beetles scuttled among the nettles of the sage thicket. "Vámonos, amigos," he whispered, and threw the busted leather flintcraw over the loose weave of the saddlecock. And they rode on in the friscalating dusklight.
What, that quote isn’t an obvious lead in to talk about the infield? Kansas City’s inflield is chock full of potential, but that’s it at this point. Alex Gordon improved exponentially in 2007, so we could be hitting the sweet spot of his career in 2008. Mark Grudzielanek at second is a trusty average-hitting veteran, .302 hitter over the past five years, who gives the Royals some experience in the infield. Tony Pena at shortstop came over from Atlanta in March and should provide little to nothing at the plate. Last season he had an OBP of .284, hit 2 home runs, and drove in 47. Apparently, he never broke out of the slump, but look out in 2008. At first, the platoon of Ryan Shealy and Ross Gload don’t have much power for first base, but Billy Butler at DH should help add some firepower to the lineup.
Let's shag ass.
When it comes to the flyball-shaggers in the outfield, everything is riding on the big Guillen gamble. Guillen is expected to be the savior to bring some firepower into the lineup given that he has hit at least 23 home runs in his last four full seasons. Joining Guillen in the grass will likely be centerfielder David DeJesus and leftfielder Mark Teahen. These are two more players who have the tools, but haven’t fully developed as of yet. DeJesus is expected to reap the benefits of Hillman’s scrappy offense as he is a speedy make-the-most-of-a-wimpy-bat leadoff kinda guy. Teahan is a crappy slugger who strikes out a lot; a Royals trademark. The outfield could use an upgrade.
I don't know, Jim. There's obviously something wrong with him. He's taken off his shoes and one of his socks and... actually, I think he's crying.
The fact of the matter remains that without a breakthrough turnaround like the Tigers pulled off two seasons ago, the Royals’ fans are gonna lose it. This level of terrible is not tolerable. I think in my days as a Detroit fan, I have renounced my fanhood on at least three occasions. I can only imagine life as a Royals fan. They haven’t had a winning season since 2003 and prior to that, we’re going back to the mid 90s. Somebody call Brett Saberhagen, get these guys some pine tar, something… It’s a matter of sanity at this point.
That's the last time you put a knife in me! Y'hear me?
If I was a betting man, which I am, I would look for Kansas City to improve, maybe winning 75 games and sneaking into a 4 place finish in the AL Central. The young prospects and Trey Hillman are the wildcards that will determine what we see in Kansas City in 2008, but don’t expect Rome. Nevertheless, they will be a better baseball team that causes some trouble for the Tigers and Indians from time to time. I would be lying if I said I don’t plan on hitting some high yielding money lines with the Royals in 2008.
Read More...
Summary only...
HE GOOD
0 comment(s):
Post a Comment