by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
In his most recent article, SI NCAA scribe Luke Winn discusses the ridiculous situation of OJ Mayo, the USC Trojans and an "advisor" who received some serious coin for he and Mayo to live off.
Everything he says on Mayo & Co. is legit. In fact, I would even go a step further in punishing USC than Winn suggests. Never mind voiding their 2007-2008 season - void the whole damn program, SMU style! It'll never happen, but this same crap will continue until one program gets annihilated by the NCAA for "being unaware" of situations like this.
Where Winn and I differ, however, is on his contention that the NBA Age Limit is partially to blame for these events.
In theory? Sure - no age limit means Mayo goes prep-to-pros and gets paid with no problems for USC.
Realistically? Sorry Luke. This is an OJ Mayo problem, not an NBA Age Limit problem.
Mayo has been believing his own hype since it inexplicably started when he was three. Okay, maybe not that soon, but you get the point. Remember his finale last season as a high schooler? The self-alley-toss-the-ball-into-the-stands manuever? The NBA Age Limit didn't make OJ Mayo an egotistical punk who thinks rules and a code of conduct and ethics don't apply to him.
Instead of axing the age limit entirely, as Winn suggests, why not up it to two years like The Commish has hinted at over the last couple years? It may not solve the problem of the Rodney Guillorys and OJ Mayos of the world, but it takes care of a bunch of the other complaints people have with the one-and-done exodus from college campuses across the country.
K-State would have gotten two years of Michael Beasley.
Coach Cal would have The Future #1 Pick back for another season.
Guys like DeAndre Jordan who shouldn't be declaring but do in fear their stock may never be better are forced to spend another year getting better, forced being a very relative term.
Dropping the limit might limit the number of OJ Mayo situations in the NCAA, but it would only lead to even more Gerald Green situations in the NBA. Actually, to be 100% correct with that, it should read "Gerald Green situations while he sits at his Mama's house in Houston, unemployed at age 22 after going straight to the NBA after high school."
Then there is the little thing about what the rest of us go to school for - education. You can't blame the NBA for these kids going to college and coasting through courses as student-athletes in name only.
The onus there rests on the shoulders of the player, the institution and the NCAA. But we all know that very few coaches are going to put their careers on the line for a kid skipping Basket Weaving 101 and even fewer schools are going to risk the money that comes from success in major college athletics because their star combo guard has a 1.6 GPA and has only been seen in a classroom during Film Study Sessions and even that is a rarity.
Luke Winn's heart is in the right place. He is a fan of the NCAA, makes his living covering it for Sports Illustrated and wants to see the icky scum left on it by OJ Mayo and Rodney Guillory removed.
The only problem is that removing a rule that encourages kids to embrace the opportunity they are given and get a free education before gettin' paid isn't solution.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
SPORTS ILLUSTRATED IS WRONG... AGAIN!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
GIVE THAT OTHER GUY HIS GREEN JACKET AND LET'S GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT TIGER!
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
All these media outlets do know that Tiger is in fifth right?
There is this guy named Trevor Immelman leading at Augusta, has been near the top of the board since day one. He's 11-under heading into today...
Yet all you hear, see and read is how this Tiger's tournament. It's ridiculous.
Let's make sure we're on the same page here first: There is no golfer in the world remotely as good as Tiger Woods. He is the Best Golfer on Planet Earth and could very well end up donning his fifth green jacket by the time all is said and done today.
That being said, how about giving the guys who are in front of Tiger a little respect?
Saying he has a chance is one thing; making him the lead image and pretty much sole story being reported out of Augusta, GA is awful in my opinion.
ESPN's Gene Wojciechowski has pretty much handed Tiger the tournament.
Gary Van Sickle files a very similar Tiger slurping article for CNN/SI/Golf that at least mentions Trevor Immelman as the leader. It's follwed by the words, "but a fifth green jacket is in reach." But at least they mentioned Immelman in the headline.
Why the animosity towards the Tiger Trumpeters?
Q: How many majors has Tiger won from behind on the final day?
A: Zero.
Doesn't mean that he couldn't and won't, but didn't we learn anything from this time last year when everyone was waiting for Zach Johnson to crumble under the weight of Woods?
Remind me who slipped into the Green Jacket last year. Right...
Same goes for the U.S. Open when poor Angel Cabrera would fall to the mighty...
As great as he is - and Greg Norman's collapse in '96 aside - coming back from six down is pretty damn tough. Hypothetically speaking, Tiger needs a 66 and Immelman to shot an even par 72 just to force a playoff.
Yesterday's 68 was Tiger's best round. Immelman hasn't shot above 70 yet this week and that's not taking into consideration the other three guys (Brandt Snedeker, Steve Flesch and Paul Casey) between Tiger and the leader. Does everyone really believe all four of these guys are lambs being led to the Sunday slaughter at Augusta National?
All I'm saying is this:
Why not let the boys go out and swing the sticks before letting Tiger slip into another green jacket? And while we're at it, give the guys who are actually leading this thing a little face time too.
BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Woods just drank a sip of Orange Juice... Tropicana, No Pulp.
Monday, April 7, 2008
THE PROPHET ON TOUGHNESS...PT. 1
by The Prophet, ProphetFighting
The twisted genius that runs the Epic Carnival is a very secretive and private individual. That's why you'll never hear me use his full name, only an alias. So the boss of the EC empire--let's call him "Doug"--asks me if I want to opine on who is the true "baddest man on the planet". This is right up my alley, of course, so I agreed to do it and put it on my list of tasks right beneath my weekly "strip club ministry". BTW, as we discussed last week I am now the Undisputed Triple Crown Champion of Fight Sport Journalism (TM). I want to thank our fearless leader for the beautiful "UTCCFSJ" Championship Belts that arrived by FedEx this past Friday along with a lovely arrangement of daffodils and a really sweet card that played "One Moment in Time" when opened. He obviously spared no expense at having three belts crafted that are exact replicas of the belts that make up the All Japan Pro Wrestling Triple Crown. Here's a picture of the belts...
SI'S TOUGHEST ATHLETES AND HISTORICAL BAD-ASSERY
My first thought was that this is a pretty simple exercise--I have a hard time making a case that anyone other than Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill is the baddest SOB to ever walk the face of the earth. In addition to that whole winning WW II thing he had time to bag a Nobel Prize in Literature. He was also a lover of cigars, scotch and witty one liners like this one:
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.Churchill would have been one of the more exceptional men in history had it not been for WWII. That's when we discovered how tough he was. I've quoted his famous speech to the House of Commons before but in this era where great oratory has given way to "talking points" and meaningless prattle it bears repeating:
We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.Surprisingly, the assembled Lords were able to hear Churchill's words over the sound of his balls clanking together. These words weren't idle chatter--it was a rhetorical middle finger extended to the Nazi's that the British Empire could give a flying f*ck if they Germans *did* have the greatest military ever assembled by man. Churchill was saying "if you want England, come and get it motherf*cker".
Seriously, there are guys in sports that I think are bad dudes but no one in history has ever faced this kind of challenge with the wit, courage, and balls that Churchill did.
I thought my work was done but then the EC boss told me my baddest dudes had to be living. I crumbled up my legal pad in disgust and cursed the name of the man I'll call "Doug". Then I remembered the beautiful belts, lovely flowers and touching card he'd sent and felt bad about my outburst.
A lot of talk about who the tough guys in sports are has been motivated by a recent Sports Illustrated article listing their "Top 25 Toughest Athletes". When I heard that Tiger Woods was #1 and that somehow Josh Beckett had made the list I didn't bother reading it. Beckett is a solid enough pitcher, but no baseball player belongs on the list.
As for Tiger, I'm a huge Tiger mark. He's easily the most dedicated, focused and driven athlete I've seen in my life and that includes that #23/#45 guy that used to play shooting guard for the Bulls. For my money, he's the best golfer ever to pick up a club--and that's with a ton of due respect for legends like Ben Hogan, Arnie and "The Golden Bear". He's got a gorgeous wife, a 9 or 10 figure ATM balance and not a worry in the world but he shows up every week and plays like his life and the life of his family depends on it. I can't say a bad thing about Tiger, but "toughest athlete"? Surely you jest. I'm reminded of a great Larry Merchant quote--after George Foreman's improbable win over Michael Moorer to regain the heavyweight title some sports journalist type asked Merchant which was more impressive--Nicklaus winning the Masters at 46 or Foreman regaining the title at 45? To this Merchant responds "No one was hitting Jack Nicklaus".
This was something of a "hell freezes over" moment for me, but the most profound thing I've read about the SI article came from an Internet posting forum. Unlike this website--which I can attest is one of the highest rated among Mensa members nationwide--Internet posting forums are typically parched intellectual deserts bereft of insight and wisdom. I Googled a few terms trying to find reaction to the SI list and came up with a posting forum dedicated to some pro football team in flyover country. Imagine my surprise when I discovered several profound observations. Here's the first:
Excelling at any event that puts you at actual physical risk, I think, deserves a little more leverage when it comes to measuring toughness. That's why most people dont ride bulls, or free climb, or engage in MMA, or even try out (or quit right after the 1st tryout) for their High School football team. It is actually dangerous. It hurts.Golf isn't. Golf doesn't.That's essentially my point, as well as Larry Merchant's, but this actually defines my definition of "toughness" better. Golf doesn't hurt. Baseball doesn't hurt. You can get injured, or have a freak accident that hurts but day-in, day-out the sport doesn't hurt. So immediately I have to eliminate a number of sports.
Still, the most profound observation re: the SI list was offered by a poster with the nom de plume "ColtQC2". The SI list is a sham:
This isn't an article about toughness, it's a cheap trick article where you throw a bunch of unrelated things together to get people riled up and then let them argue.The extended discussion on this completely unrelated forum is one of the more insightful I've read on the topic, so you're encouraged to read more:
If the writer really did pick out what he thought were the 25 toughest athletes, no one would read it.
Surprised he didn't add an animal - maybe one of the sled dogs, or Charismatic, etc.
I think those "athletes" who run down the streets in front of those bulls are pretty tough. If you find one them who is sober he would get my #1 vote
Thread on SI's 25 Toughest Athletes at some discussion board about some flyover country NFL team
THE BIGGEST BADASSES IN THE WORLD--A PRELUDE
First, lets define our terms: I was asked to give my thoughts on who was "the baddest dude walking the face of the earth". So let's first address this literally --my criteria for this is pretty simple: If, for whatever reason, I had to walk down Florence Avenue in scenic Compton, California in blackface and wearing a cocktail dress made of red and blue bandannas with $100 bills pinned all over it who would I want to go with me? This sort of bad-assery is more an ability to command fear and respect than anything else. Top of my head answer? Kimbo Slice--a tough dude who looks pretty damn scary.
For the purpose of this discussion, however, I'm going to stick to the toughest dudes in sports. So lets establish the criteria--we'll start with the flyover country football fan's stipulation that if you're playing a sport where "hurt" isn't part of the day to day routine you've got a huge burden of proof to demonstrate your toughness. For example, though cycling doesn't qualify as a "hurt" sport I'd put Lance Armstrong on a list. I don't care what sport you play, staring down cancer when you're given a coin's flip chance of living, losing one of your balls as well as enduring brain surgery and chemo, making a comeback, dominating your sports biggest event for years, pissing off the entire European continent, raising a ton of money for cancer research and sexing up hotties like Cheryl Crow and fashion designer Tory Burch makes you a major league badass. In other words, just because you're in a sport that doesn't involve day to day pain doesn't mean you can't make the list--it does mean that you've got an uphill climb (no pun in reference to Armstrong's dominance in the mountain stages of the Tour de France intended).
I'll throw in a second criteria: I call it the "bad day at work" standard. Here's how it works--let's say you or the subject in question had the worst day at work ever. What's the worst thing that could come of it? For most normal people, they'd lose a deal, the boss would yell at them, or at the absolute worst they'd get fired. For most EC readers, the Slurpee machine would frost up, you'd run out of Big Gulp cups and the boss would discover that your most recent urine test was negative for drugs, but positive for Frontline Flea Medication and Alpo. At the absolute worst, the owner of that goat you "had a date with" last Saturday will find you.
Now, lets move into the realm of athletics: we'll start with Tiger Woods--if he has a *really* bad day at work he doesn't make the cut, he has to take his LearJet home to his $65 million house and relax in the hot tub with his Swedish model wife. Josh Beckett might get lit up for a bunch of runs, the Red Sox lose, some pissed off chowd throws a beer on him, he has to deny reports that he's been dating Alyssa Milano or a random supermodel and discovers that the Store24 near Fenway is out of Skoal.
At the other extreme, there's race car drivers, bullriders, big wave surfers and professional fighters. If Tony Stewart or Laird Hamilton has a *really* bad day at work, they leave the track or the ocean in a bodybag.
In other words, you get extra credit for playing a sport where the "worst case scenario" involves six of your best friends carrying you by the handles.
So that's the criteria--and tomorrow during my weekly "Tuesday Tapout" I'll give you my list. These won't be in any particular order nor will it be exhaustive--I'll just come up with a list of dudes that belong on any "toughest athlete" list. Tune in tomorrow, same Bat Time, same Bat Channel...
Friday, February 15, 2008
CHEERLEADER FRIDAY: SWIMSUIT EDITION
by DCScrap, on 205th - Editor
As we all know, the SI Swimsuit edition hit the newsstands and mailboxes this week. And this year they decided to do the right thing and put some cheerleaders in it. So it makes perfect sense that we take a look at these sweethearts of spirit and give them their props this week.
We'll start out with a representative of the Atlanta Falcons. Her name is Jessica Trainham and she is a 21-year-old bartender/student from Jacksonville, Florida. I am visiting that bar when I go to J-Ville.
Next up, representing the hottest cheerleading squad in sports, the Philadelphia Eagles, is Janipher Choi. Janipher is a 22-year-old student from Voorhees, New Jersey. There is a town in Jersey named after a fictional serial killer?
Sticking with the NFC East, representing the Washington Redskins, is Anabel Dela Cerna. Anabel is a 25-year-old data analyst from Baltimore. I got some data for you to analyze, Anabel.
Now let's head out west and meet the Chargers representative, Marlina Moreno. Marlina is 23 and hails from Vista, California. It is quite a view.
And finally, the youngin of the group, representing the Jacksonville Jaguars, is Erin Carlisle. Erin is just a baby at 19-years-old, is a student and lives in Jacksonville. Hook up with me at that bar, Erin!
We hope you enjoyed this week's look at some of this country's finest athletes and entertainers. Be sure to check back next week when we profile yet another one of America's sweethearts of the sidelines.
SI
Thursday, February 14, 2008
WE'RE PORNO DIRECTORS BABY
by Rupert, Ghosts of Wayne Fontes
We might be a group mid-twenty to mid-thirty year-old blogging losers, but we're so down with the new technology. And believe us when we tell you, there is no way in hell we're passing up an opportunity to direct our own porno. Here's our first crack in the realm of boner films. OK, it's really just the little mash-up toy that SI put out for the new swimsuit issue in an effort to attract young boners, but still, tell me those effects aren't tastefully included and the transitions aren't seamless. Also, I think this is definitely a breakout performance for Julie Henderson. We're officially obsessed with her.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD FOR FEBRUARY 12
Well done, Hugging Harold Reynolds.
If you do or see some great photoshopping in the future, send it to us and you might win ...
... some Meth in your ATM machine!
Monday, December 10, 2007
IS SI MAKING FUN OF A PLAYER'S NAME?
by DCScrap, Editor
While we know "Caracter" is usually spelled "Character", it is the man's name, Derrick Caracter... no need to rub it in by misspelling another word in the headline about the man... Damn, I mean, he did just get suspended and all...
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
BRETT FAVRE ROCKS MY GREEN AND GOLD SOCKS
by Sooze, Babes Love Baseball
Did you know... Brett Favre is awesome? Well, if this is the first you've heard of this wonderful news in the world of football and Men I'd Do, then pick up a copy of the Dec 10 Sports Illustrated.
Favre's all-encompassing badassery has earned him the 2007 SI Sportsman of the Year Award.
His rocket arm has led the blossoming, playoff-bound Green Bay Packers to an impressive 10-2 record with the NFC North division title in clear sight. As of Week 13, Favre is on pace to surpass his career marks in completion percentage, yards passing and fewest interceptions per attempts, completing 67.4% of his passes for 3,412 yards with 22 TDs and 10 picks. It's turning out to be one of the sweetest seasons of his 17-year career.
It's been a record year for the 38-year-old legend, as well. Having started a quarterback-best 249 consecutive games -- no doubt he'll suit up this Sunday against Oakland, too -- he's passed Dan Marino on the career touchdown passes and pass attempts list and is 450 yards away from breaking Marino's career mark of 61,361 yards.
Favre joins Terry Bradshaw (1979), Joe Montana (1990) and Tom Brady (2005) as the only quarterbacks to be honored in the 53-year history of the award, given to an athlete who symbolizes the ideals of sportsmanship.
But to the good folks of Wisconsin, Favre is more than just a QB. Donald Driver, who's caught bullets from the Gunslinger for nine seasons now, summed it up quite nicely.
"He means everything to these people. He's not only our leader -- he's the symbol of the franchise, of the whole town. There's a generation of fans in Green Bay who don't know this team ever existed without Brett."
If that's not enough Favre-fellatio for you, share in this joyous union until you vomit and then refer to the next NBC Sports NFL broadcast. Also, be sure to buy your copy of the Dec. 10 Sports Illustrated asap, frame it, and mount it somewhere that you'll be able to gaze at it as often as possible, like above your toilet or on your wife's back.
Friday, November 30, 2007
FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: MOVE OVER SI, A NEW CURSE IS IN TOWN
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
Generations past believed in the Sports Illustrated Cover Jinx and with good reason. For a time in it's heyday, SI derailed the hopes and dreams of many and placed a hex on countless talented athletes.
In 1982, the undefeated Washington Redskins dropped a game to the Dallas Cowboys following an SI cover appearance. A week after Howard Cosell graced the cover, he made his infamous "Little Monkey" call in reference to Alvin Garrett and Steffi Graff suffered her first loss of the 1989 tennis season after being on the cover.
The '90 yielded some similar disastrous results: Todd Marijuana-vich and the USC Trojans graced the cover before falling out of Rose Bowl contention early on in 1990 and Matt Williams broke his foot shortly after appearing on the cover in 1995, cutting short an outstanding campaign that saw him leading the National League in the Triple Crown categories at the time. Oh yeah, they had Ryan Leaf on the cover once too. Yes, I'm blaming SI for Ryan Leaf...
But times change and just as Sports Illustrated has lost it's stranglehold on being the quintessential sports magazine, so too has the Sports Illustrated Cover Jinx lost it's place as the most feared curse in the sportsworld.
That title now belongs to EA Sports.
The Madden series of cover athletes have suffered the most, but the curse extends to the other EA Sports franchises as well, with NHL coverboys and NBA Live athletes feeling the effects of the cover curse as well.
Major League Baseball should be glad that EA no longer has the option of putting out MVP Baseball with big league talent, as somehow that seems to be the only one of the four major franchises that has escaped any real jinx.
But where the MVP series was lacking, Madden more than picks up the slack. Dating back to 1999, no fewer than six cover athletes have had horrific seasons during or following their appearance on the cover of the greatest sports game franchise ever.
Don't believe me? Since 1999, Madden cover athletes played in 39 combined Pro Bowls prior to gracing the cover. Post-Madden? FOUR...
2000 - Barry Sanders was on the cover. Barry Sanders retired just before the season started.
2001 - Eddie George has his worst statistical season to date
2003 - Marshall Faulk misses five games
2004- Mike Vick breaks his fibula in the pre-season and only plays five games
2006 - Donovan McNabb... Sports Hernia, 6-10 Eagles
2007 - Shaun Alexander isn't anything close to an MVP...
2004 was probably the worst year overall for the entire EA Sports lineup. In addition to Vick's pre-season injury, NBA Live featured Vince Carter during his "I Want Out of Toronto So I'm Not Going To Try" phase. But nothing tops NHL 04 in terms of cover curses.
Originally slated for the cover was then Boston Bruins captain Joe Thornton, but an off-season assault charge made EA reconsider and they chose up and coming Atlanta Thrashers sniper Dany Heatley.
Just before the season began, Heatley and teammate Dan Snyder were in a horrific single car accident in Atlanta which led to Snyder's death and Heatley missing nearly the entire season. While EA scurried to regroup and eventually re-issued NHL 04 with Joe Sakic on the cover, numerous copies of the Dany Heatley version made it to shelves and furthered the belief of the EA Curse.
And now Agent Zero has been stuck down. Two weeks into the NBA season - BAM! - knee surgery, out for three months. Tell me the cover had nothing to do with it...
Three months of no "HIBACHI!" Three months of no last second three pointers. Three months of no tossing his game jersey into the stands. Three months of boring blogs about rehab and not games and life on the road.
Thanks a lot EA Sports.
Suggestions for the 2009 Covers
Madden: Tavaris Jackson - he's going to hurt himself anyways...
NHL 09: Kari Lehtonen - he's sure to pull a hammy or a groin at some point
NBA Live: Greg Oden - because they had to have something to do with his injury this year, no?
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
THE MIDWAY: SI, A MISSION FROM GOD & PRAYERS FOR SD
Writers are bailing out of Sports Illustrated faster than those in the engine room of the Titanic. (It's a Fly World)
If the Rockies are truly on a mission from God... what do you think Dan Akroyd and John Belushi have to say about that? (Red Sox Monster)
Thoughts and prayers for everyone in San Diego. (Rumors and Rants)
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