by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
12. Having unnamed Cowboys officials subconsciously channel Dennis Green by saying "He is who he is"
11. Hearing the Cowboys try to excuse brawling in a private restroom as being not at all like brawling in, you know, public
10. Thanks to injuries to Roy Williams and Terence Newman, the Cowboys have no other option but to play him, leading to the three-hour sham-a-thon in the upcoming national telecast
9. Jones found a way to get in trouble without violating his contract, which really does shows real creativity
8. The pure joy that is Tank Johnson saying it's not that big of a deal
7. The knowledge that this will all add to his long-awaited return to pro wrestling
6. Honestly, gave The Wide World Lemur's people more wood than a Viagra overdose
5. Showed the world just how cool Wade Philips is in a crisis... which is to say, not at all
4. Brought a grateful nation bathroom scandal closure from all of those unfortunate Senator Craig visualizations
3. Gives NFL commissioner Roger Goodell something to do
2. When combined with the recent TO nonsense, tells you all you really need to know about how this Cowboys' season -- and the Phillips era -- is going to end
1. Blogfrica has gotten back our favorite player
Friday, October 10, 2008
Top 12 truly wonderful things about Adam "Mister" Jones' latest incident
Thursday, June 26, 2008
TOP 10 UNANSWERED QUESTIONS IN THE JAVON WALKER CASE
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
10. Shouldn't a Real Raider perpetrate the gruesome act of violence, rather than be the victim of it?
9. If he was still with the Broncos when this happened, would they have given him the full Darrant Williams?
8. Did any of the perpetrators look like Brett Favre, who, let's face it, has a lot of spare time on his hands?
7. Isn't what happens in Vegas supposed to stay in Vegas?
6. After the Adam "Mister" Jones incident, shouldn't NFL players know to avoid Vegas, really?
5. What are the odds of a Florida State player having off the field issues?
4. Was it a revenge spraying?
3. Does this ensure that the scouting report on Walker will always be that he doesn't deal well with bump and run?
2. Is his next endorsement deal with a heavy duty laundry detergent?
1. Can he possibly be an even worse Raider signing than DeAngelo Hall, Todd Marinovich, Sebastian Janokowski, Kerry Collins, Norv Turner, Art Shell... uh, forget it, making a list of bad Raider signings would use up the whole Internet
Monday, April 14, 2008
TOP 10 SUGGESTIONS FOR THE NEW OKLAHOMA CITY SONICS FANS
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
Tonight in Seattle, the Sonics played what might have been the last game in their 41-year history, overcoming a late deficit to beat Dallas for their 19th win against 62 losses. On the very real chance that the team has played their last game ever in the Pacific Northwest, here's 10 suggestions for their vibrant and exciting future in America's heartland.
10. Don't win or contend for a championship. Clearly, it didn't do enough for Seattle, who won in the late '70s and had one of the better teams that lost to the Jordan Bulls. That kind of competence just increases the expectations for ownership.
9. Whore yourselves out for a new crib every 10 to 15 years. So what if the local economy might be failing, businesses aren't interested in ponying up for luxury boxes, the product on the court is terrible and the decision to continually upgrade facilities is prima facie absurd? Without a Major League franchise in the Big 3 Sports, your community will be deigned (horrors!) Minor League. You know, like how Jacksonville and Green Bay are more important than Los Angeles and the 5 Boroughs of New York City. (And no, New Jersey is not a borough.)
8. Go to every game, but don't get too attached. After all, Europe has no teams yet, and neither does Vegas. Also, it's not like your town is a gateway to the Pacific Rim, with all of those talented tall Chinese players and strong investment capital. Boy, it's a shame that the NBA doesn't have a team in Seattle, don't you think?
7. Make Clay Bennett feel very, very welcome. He's the man that brought you stolen basketball, Kevin Durant, and the lasting hatred of any number of passing-through NBA players, who are just thrilled as pie to give up time in a beautiful city for your podunk town. It's all good. Besides, you people like gunplay, don't you?
6. Personalize those new jerseys. Let's face it, any free agent that's worth anything is going to want to go ply their trade for an owner that doesn't throw his fans under the bus, and a team that doesn't play in a one-team town without world-class trim or nightlife. So don't get your hopes up with jersey purchases that will always be obsolete in 1 to 3 years. Put your own name on the back and save time and anguish!
5. Study up on how being the middle city in a 3-city or more franchise feels. Track down some Kansas City A's fans, or Milwaukee Brave boosters, or anyone who has ever rooted for a Larry Brown coached team. It will help prepare you for that next stage of fandom!
4. Suck up to David Stern. He's stuck his neck out for you, and as there are increasing signs that he's losing his faculties along with his PR skills, you really don't want to get in on his bad side. Why, look what he's done to the people who used to root for the Sonics!
3. Strengthen those rationalization muscles. Why limit yourself to rooting for some other city's franchise, when there is a whole wide world of stuff to horn in on? Maybe it's time to sleep with your neighbor's wife, knock over a liquor store, or defraud an orphanage. Just remember these magic words: "If we didn't do it, someone else would have!"
2. Accept losing. Up to 41 times a year, you'll get to see a professional basketball team from the world's best hoops league in your little town. Plus, whatever the home team trots out there. It's just like being a Knicks fan!
1. Kill yourselves. You do realize you live in Oklahoma, you've just been given someone else's franchise, and you're going to be played like a fat girl who puts out in 5 to 10 years, right? Take the McVeigh Way out, Okies. (And while you are exiting stage right, any chance of one of who more heavily armed types taking out Bennett or Stern with you?)
Thursday, April 3, 2008
TOP 10 REASONS WHY CHRIS HENRY'S CONDUCT COULD "NO LONGER BE TOLERATED" BY THE BENGALS
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
10. Five arrests in the last three years is a big difference from four arrests in the last three years
9. He won't be very useful on the field when NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has him assassinated
8. Rest of the team was feeling inadequate from not being able to keep up with his arrest pace
7. 7 fewer touchdowns in 2007 means that bail is no longer a defensible purchase
6. Keeps boring his teammates with the same Pacman Jones stories from when they both were at West Virginia
5. Teammates really hated the taste of his shoe weed
4. By being arrested in his jersey, made the other Bengal convicts look like they weren't team players
3. Some of the minors that he provided liquor to were total scags
2. Continues to let the team down on defense
1. Considering that Henry claims that the latest incident was a case of mistaken identity, the Bengals are desperate to avoid His Evil Twin
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
THE WORLD IS JUST NOT SAFE FOR ATHLETES ANYMORE
by DCScrap, Editor
It's been quite a month or so for athletes and the criminal element. First, we had the tragic death of Sean Taylor, then Jamaal Tinsley getting shot at, then Shelden Williams carjacked at gunpoint, and now the sixth ranked women's tennis player in the world has been tied up and held hostage while her attackers stole hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of her property.
Russian tennis star Anna Chakvetadze was tied up by masked robbers who broke into her home Tuesday and stole money and goods worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, her father said.
Six assailants approached the home outside Moscow before dawn, tied up a maid in another building and forced her to hand over a remote control enabling them to enter the house through the garage, Dzhamal Chakvetadze told NTV television.
"They started to beat me, and I resisted. They hit me over the head with, I think, a pistol butt. It was dark," he said, taking off his cap to show his bruised scalp. "They took out a pistol and told me my child was at home -- reminded me -- and they told me to hand everything over. I did."
Are we getting to the point where athletes are going to have to have armed guards walking their property and packing heat anytime they deign to go out in public? Is there a sport left where its athletes are not going to have to be constantly looking over their shoulders? What is going on, people?
I'd love to make some joke about how I'd like to tie up Ms. Chakvetadze for a little eh-eh eh-eh, but after careful consideration, this whole string of criminal events has me wondering what the future looks like for today's athletes. Will fans access to autographs and photographs slowly stop happening? Are fans at some point just simply not going to be allowed any personal contact with stars of sport? Why are athletes suddenly being targeted more often by ne'r do wells. The face of sports is always changing and quite often its not positive, but is this recent trend simply a reflection of our society or is something more sinister taking place?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
FROM THE GREAT WHITE NORTH: ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
Due to a miscommunication and some stupidity on my part this post was published prematurely earlier today. It was still a work in progress at the time. What you see below is the complete version. Please give it a new look and accept my apologies for the error. -- The Editor
When in the hell are these athletes going to figure out that they are targets and running around until all hours of the morning is only going to bring adverse attention and problems?
I woke up Sunday morning to read on ESPN about Indiana Pacers Point Guard Jamaal Tinsley's cars getting shot up after leaving a club in the wee hours of the morning. No one was seriously injured and there was no indication that anything took place to provoke this attack. Tinsley was a victim.
That being said, what the hell is Jamaal Tinsley doing out at the club at 3:40 AM? The Pacers announced Monday that Tinsley will suffer no punishments from the team, but if I'm Larry Bird, I might suggest to Coach Jim O'Brien that he "rest" Jamaal for the next three games or so and see if he gets the message.
Think that's harsh and uncalled for? Hardly; this is a player who is set to appear in court any time soon on charges stemming from a previous nightclub altercation and his third such incident in the span of 14 months. Add to that that one of the members of Tinsley's group this past weekend was arrested for outstanding warrants and you see why a little "time to think on the bench" wouldn't be such a bad idea.
Jamaal Tinsley isn't the sole athlete in need of a slap upside his head. There are many others, not to mention the likes of Michael Vick and Pacman Jones who needed such a slap years ago apparently.
The Staal Brothers - Eric, Mark and Jordan - of NHL fame also need a good smack, as their antics this past summer at Eric's Bachelor Party landed them in the tank overnight with fines to pay the next morning. I'm sure I've done the same, if not worse things in any number of establishments without Police Incident. The difference is that I'm a nobody and people aren't overly jealous of my success...
If you're an athlete, just like if you're a movie star or rock star, people know who you are, what you're worth and some are inherently jealous. Jealously can make people do horrible things. It's time for our athletes to wise up and put themselves in better situations.
But here is where it becomes an even bigger issue to me. This is also where I might get myself into a little trouble, so I'll let it be known that the views expressed in this piece do not reflect those of Epic Carnival and it's operators in any way.
At the time of Sean Taylor's tragic shooting, many criticized the media types who were quick to jump to conclusions about Taylor's previous lifestyle "catching up with him" and failing to fully acknowledge he was a victim. While those media types owe Taylor and his family a massive apology, incidents such as this show where the cynicism comes from.
SLAM Magazine recently ran an article about ex-Pacer Stephen Jackson, where they detailed the life he has led and more or less say he's not the bad guy he is portrayed to be. I don't know Jackson from Adam and we have come from very different circumstances in life, but regardless of what SLAM Magazine tries to tell me, I have a hard time accepting someone who (a) went into the crowd at The Palace and fought fans (b) carries a loaded handgun in his car everywhere he goes and (c) has a tattoo of praying hands clutching a handgun on his abdomen as wholly misunderstood because of a couple transgressions.
That applies to Tinsley, Pacman, Rafer Alston and anyone else who has been in a series of violent altercations that grown men should know better than to be involved in, especially rich grown men. Money brings attention, often times negative attention, especially when people know who you are.
As such, the cynicism I spoke to earlier forms in some, myself included, whenever we hear or read of a situation like this, which I will say is unfortunate. More unfortunate is that in too many cases the cynicism is validated.
I'm not, nor should anyone be saying that Jamal Tinsley got what he deserved or was at fault for getting shot at. What I am saying is that Tinsley put himself in a situation that didn't need to happen in the first place and it happens all too often with athletes these days. What possible good can come from being out on the town at 3:40 AM?
At The Starting Five, commenter Imhotep stated:If someone had shot at Steve Nash under similar circumstances, we would be talking about how many criminals are running lose, and that there is no respect for the law. And how a decent person like Nash cannot go out and enjoy himself. Let’s extend the same courtesy to Tinsley.
I agree completely that we would be talking about different things if this incident was to have involved Steve Nash. The reason that is, in my view, is that Steve Nash doesn't have a history of violent incidents late at night coming out of the bar, while Tinsley does.
Tinsley, and all athletes for that matter, should look at the fact that their peers like Eddy Curry, Antoine Walker and Philip Buchanon were all assaulted and robbed in their own homes simply because they are millionaires, not to mention that we are barely two weeks removed from the tragic shooting that resulted in the death of Sean Taylor in his own home during a robbery. Couple that with Tinsley's prior incidents - one of which he will be going to trial for January 14 - and to me that should be enough to make Jamal Tinsley think twice about being out around Indianapolis during the early morning hours. Tinsley acknowledged this himself Monday.
Let me throw this analogy out there:
When I was growing up in Southern Ontario, I was a huge Red Wings fan (still am) and Bob Probert had a series of incidents involving bars, booze and cocaine. As such, if Bob Probert was to be involved in an incident leaving a bar at, say, 3:40 AM where he was completely free of blame, I would still ask the question "Why the hell was Bob Probert in a bar at 3:40 AM? He should know better than that." So too should Jamaal Tinsley.
Here is the other thing that I can't get out of my head: sadly, incidents like this seem to more often than not involve Black athletes. I'm not saying that as an "Us white folks don't get into shit like this" statement, but as a "Why the hell do these things keep happening to young, black athletes?"
My thoughts:
Some of these athletes try to maintain an impossible dichotomy - being true to the 'hood and still one of the boys from the block when they are 180 degrees away from that lifestyle. They are now the haves and more often than not, the have-nots don't look fondly on them, no matter where they are from.
Extending that further, yes, the life they lived and the circumstances they came from may have been varying degrees of adverse, but again, that is not the case now. They aren't broke, struggling and living in the ghetto; they are millionaires, getting paid copious amounts of money to play a game and live in luxury.
This brings to mind observations Alonzo Mourning of the Miami Heat made following the incident. Paraphrasing, it was something along the lines of why pull out a big roll of hundreds when you can pay with a credit card just as easily? And why go out with a $150K necklace dangling around your neck?
Sadly, the answer is to show off how rich they are and no one likes a show off. I learned that in Kindergarten.
These are my thoughts and they are far from the final word on this topic. In fact, I hope they aren't as this is a topic I think needs to be discussed. As such, I look forward to your comments.
THE NICKELODEON: BEST OF THE NFL... IN MUGSHOT FORM
In celebration(?) of Mike Vick getting 23 months in the hoosegow, let's take a look back at some of the brightest of the NFL as seen through the lenses of many a police force camera. Frankly, we are surprised this video isn't longer. Like three or four hours longer.
The Bengals are still the cream of the crop ... after the jump.
(Credit FanIQ Sports Blog for the find.)
Monday, December 10, 2007
THROWING KNIVES: ISN'T IT IRONIC?
by BD, Staff Writer
Don'tcha think?
Today Michael Vick received his sentence after accepting a plea deal in the dog fighting case that's ripped Atlanta in half ever since the story broke. And tonight his former team will take the field with Chris Redman running the show and you'll be able to hear ESPN's executives crying from Seattle. The game, which features last season's darlings, the Saints, against the Falcons is virtually meaningless after the Saints fell to Tampa Bay last week. Thus, it's pretty reasonable to assume the majority of the second half will be littered with discussion of the Vick sentence by the often unlistenable trio in the booth. So maybe we're lucky the game is unwatchable and the majority of us will skip it anyway.
Vick probably deserved the high end of the (reportedly) recommended 12-18 months, but it baffles me just how many people contend that Vick is a victim in this situation. A thought that rings of such ignorance it's sad. Pathetic even. It seems as if many have chosen Vick's defense with the contention that they're just dogs and it's not as if he killed a human being. Arguments so trite and ill-conceived I almost feel sorry for those that utter (or type) the words.
Even worse, this argument has become (for the most part) divided along racial lines. Which to me is as much an indicator of how far this nation has to go as anything. You see, we're all American for the most part, it's about time we stopped sticking up for our race and started sticking up for each other, no matter the color, as fellow Americans.
(If you're wondering where this came from, it was something I'd wanted to discuss before, but the Americans rooting for Hatton on Saturday pretty much broke the camel's back. I felt like it was another sad indicator of the state of the race issue.)
NOTE: As I was finishing this Vick was sentenced to 23 months in prison. Seems about right given the 18 and 21 months his co-defendants were given.
BREAKING NEWS: VICK SENTENCED TO 23 MONTHS (POLL)
by DCScrap, Editor
The sentence for Michael Vick has been handed down and it's bigger than many of us expected... 23 months in the slam.
The sentence, handed down by U.S. District Court Judge Henry E. Hudson, ended an eight-month legal odyssey for Vick that saw him go from NFL star and the face of the Atlanta Falcons franchise to a prison inmate. The sentence on federal felony charges means Vick, suspended indefinitely by the NFL, won't play again until at least 2010. He still faces the league suspension. He has also been indicted in Virginia on state dogfighting charges and faces lawsuits from several banks. The Falcons are awaiting an arbitration ruling in an attempt to recoup $20 million in bonus money paid to Vick.
Vick reported to prison last month in order to speed up the time in which he could be released. Two of his co-defendants were sentenced last week, receiving 18 months and 21 months in prison.
AJC
Thursday, December 6, 2007
THINGS THAT MAKE ME ANGRY: LEGAL EDITION
by T, The Angry T
1. Current Laws – In my America, if you commit a crime that I deem victimless, like this fantastic crime, in which Florida football players were arrested for hitting someone with a sandwich, you get off. If you were the restaurant worker in this situation and you got hit with a sandwich, how could you not at least crack a smile? How could anyone be prosecuted for something that hilarious? If I was in that restaurant there is no doubt I would be dying on the floor. Tell you what, if that restaurant worker didn’t at all laugh when he was hit with the sandwich, then he can prosecute the football players. There simply isn’t enough leeway in the law for hilarious crimes like this one. If that restaurant workers gets legitimately hurt, fine, go ahead and prosecute, but no one in the history of time has every been injured by a thrown sandwich? Not one. Let those Gators go.
2. Current Legal System – What is the idea of a plea agreement? I always thought that you got a plea agreement if you were a first time offender and the judge or prosecutor wanted to cut you a break. Well, apparently I am completely wrong because Pacman Jones is going to receive a plea agreement from a Las Vegas judge in conjunction with that whole, stripper shooting thing. Why the hell should this guy be given a break? He is a known douche and criminal, why would the judge is willing to cut him a little slack? Plus, the judge is fairly sure that this guy is guilty in the first place, so just prosecute the asshole. But oh no, that would take up too much time and taxpayer money. I will chip in 10 dollars to put this guy in jail and I am sure I could find at least 50,000 people that would do the same.
Here’s a plea agreement doucheface, go to jail, go directly to jail, and take a few years to think about the fact that you are pissing away the millions that your God-given talent got you just so you can throw hundreds at strippers. Don’t let Pacman go.
3. People who think Kobe is better LeBron – The Cleveland Cavaliers made it to the NBA finals last year. That is important to note, because of the “tear” that they are on right now (Nov. 28 on) without LeBron James. A team might win five games in an NBA season without LeBron.
Bron Bron carried the Cavs in a way that very few players (ever) could have. Throw Kobe on that Cavs team and they win 32 games in a weak East, but LeBron takes them to the playoffs and all the way to the finals. This year, he goes out for four games, the Cavaliers look like an average college basketball team. Look at those stats of a 22 years old! Beyond the stats, he makes the players around him look good, something that Kobe still hasn’t figured out how to do on a consistent basis at 29.
Monday, December 3, 2007
TAYLOR'S KILLERS ARE SCARED... AND THEY SHOULD BE
by Kristine, This Suit Is Not Black
Four kids, ages 17, 18, 19 and 20, have been charged in the unpremeditated death of 24-year-old Redskins safety Sean Taylor. They were also charged this weekend with home invasion with a firearm or other deadly weapon and armed burglary. ESPN reports that two of the four have confessed to what they’ve done, but police are saying little more than that the event was a simple burglary gone terribly wrong.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I know a lot about being a lawyer - lawyering, if you will. But based on what Hollywood has taught me, a good defense lawyer should try to paint his or her client as a humane and repentant victim to gain sympathy from the media, the public and, eventually, the jury. The defense lawyers on this case are wasting no time.
“These are young boys who are absolutely terrified about the position in which they find themselves,” said Sawyer Smith, who represents two of the defendants. I’m sure they are terrified. Unfortunately though, my attention sits with Taylor’s fiancee and how terrified she must have felt as she cowered under the sheets holding her baby daughter as men broke into her home. And how that fear turned into panic when she heard her bedroom door get kicked in and her future husband get shot. And the panic that turned to pain when she lost him last Monday morning.
Another lawyer representing one of the youths painted his client as a scared child. “My client has not, I don't think, come to terms with what is being alleged. He's in a position, dressed in the orange jumpsuit over there in the county jail, thinking about his life and thinking about his future. You can only imagine the things going through his mind now."
Yes. Imagine that.
Don’t get me wrong, Taylor was not a saint - he’d had his own run-ins with the law - but for all intents and purposes, the people around him have led us to believe that he was taking a turn for the better. That he was growing into a man, into a husband and into a caring father. These kids, if the confessions are to be believed, shot and killed Taylor, robbing him of his most valuable possession.
So don’t call upon our heartstrings to think about the inner workings of your client’s mind as he ponders his future, especially since helped rob a 24-year-old young man of that very luxury. Your client, sir, should be happy he has one to worry about in the first place.
Maybe this whole thing will help him choose his next venture more carefully.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
THE NFL ALL-JAIL TIME TEAM
by T, The Angry T
As you probably know by now, Michael Vick has surrendered to police. This was absolutely shocking, because Vick has spent his entire career getting away from trouble, only to give up in his toughest spot to date. Why not hole up in your house and shoot your way out? Maybe build an intricate network of subterranean tunnels and hide underground until the feds just give up (It worked for me and my cat fighting charges) Maybe strap on a fake dynamite vest made of road flairs and attempt to save your father’s company and your towns only source of income? That one definitely worked in Tommy Boy.
In any event, Michael is the latest NFL player in a long line of footballers to don the orange jumpsuit and do some hard time. While baseball gets killed for steroids, no one seems to mind that NFL players are getting arrested and going to jail at alarming rates. (Different story for a different time) Instead of focusing on all the negatives with Vick, I have decided to enshrine him, in an updated version of the NFL All-Criminal Team. For every position possible, I have tried my best to include a player that has actually spent some time in jail, but as you will see it didn’t work at each position. I did make sure that each of these mean was at least convicted of something. Enjoy, if that is possible to do with any list involving Rae Carruth:
Offense
QB – Ronald Michael Mexico Vick – Barely beats out Robo QB Todd Marinovich for this spot.
RB – Lawrence Phillips – By now most of the world knows that Larry tried to run down a group of teenagers with his car after a loss in a pick-up football game. Larry is currently in jail awaiting sentencing and could receive up to 20 years in jail for hitting those teenagers. I am calling bullshit on this one mostly because no NFL Europe MVP should be subject to the laws of normal people.
RB – Dave Meggett – Jamal Lewis can thank Dave for his exclusion from this team. Dave was late on child support, sexually assaulted a woman in Toronto during his playing career, and allegedly raped his girlfriend. I say allegedly because according to the commenters on this article, and I always trust blog commenters, the woman may have been lying. In any event, Dave beats Jamal because everyone knows that drugs are a victimless crime (except to the users and their families) while rape is a victim filled crime.
WR – Rae Carruth – This is one sick individual. I wouldn’t mind seeing Rae and O.J. in a tag team match against a vile of bubonic plague and a live bear.
WR – Chris Henry – Any list of criminals, football related or otherwise would not be complete without Chris Henry. Chris spent two days in jail for a grab bag of offenses including give alcohol to minor and bear baiting.
TE – Jerramy Stevens – Jerramy narrowly edged out an aquitted Mark Chmura on the strength of 12 days in jail following a DUI and marijuana possession arrest. Picking Jerramy also allowed me to use the saddest mug shot ever.
OL – Justin Strzelczyk – Justin led police on a 40 mile chase that ended in a fiery crash with a tanker carrying corrosive acid. During the chase, Justin could be seen flipping off police and even threw a beer bottle at one of the police cars.
OL – Nate Newton – The jolly green giant was caught with nearly 400 pounds of the chronic in two separate traffic stops. Nate was sentenced to 32 months in prison. Never one to lose his sense of humor, Nate reflected on his time in the dope game by saying, “It was all the fun the law would allow…and then some.”
OL - Gerald Perry – Perry was Chris Henry before there was a Chris Henry. He was arrested five times from fall 1988 to spring 1990 for everything from assault and battery to solicitation to sexual assault. For the record, I am not sure that he is not Chris Henry’s father.
OL – Barret Robbins – Not only did he miss the Super Bowl while playing for the Raiders in 2003, Barrett attacked police officers, absorbed two gunshots and just kept coming. Robbins has been haunted by Bipolar disease throughout this playing career, so unlike the vast majority of people on this list his actions can be in some ways explained.
OL – Carlton Haserling – Former Steeler Carlton Haserling was suspended by the NFL three times for a string of substance abuse violations. DUI’s were his forte and Carlton secures his spot on his list after being sentenced to a year in jail for riding a motorcycle while intoxicated with his helmet on backwards.
Defense
DL – Dexter Manley – Manley was banned from the NFL for repeated violations of the substance abuse policy due to cocaine use. More recently Manley served in jail for two counts of crack cocaine possession. Even more recently, Manley underwent 10 ½ hours of brain surgery to remove a cyst in his brain. He discovered this cyst 20 years earlier when he collapsed in a department store after an all-night drug bender.
DL – Alonzo Spellman – Spellman is another player that struggled with mental disease throughout his playing career. His most famous criminal act was terrorizing passengers on an airplane and forcing an emergency landing. He also holed himself up in the house of his publicity and forced a SWAT team led standoff with police. Mike Singletary had to be brought in to end this dangerous situation.
DL – Tank Johnson – Tank served four months in jail for probation violations stemming from a police raid where 10 unlicensed guns where found at Tank’s home. Don’t worry Cowboys fans, Tank was sure to keep himself in fantastic shape while in prison. Summer sausage is a natural anti-oxidant.
DL – Jim Dunaway – Jim was charged with murdering his ex-wife after his wife has won a large divorce judgment. Dunaway was acquitted of murder charges but later lost a civil suit to his children, which sounds eerily similar to the another Buffalo Bill with whom he played three seasons.
LB – Ray Lewis – Show me a person who wouldn’t conceal a murder for one of their good friends, spend a little time in jail, and pay out money to the family of the victims that he did not kill, and I’ll show you a bad friend.
LB – Lawrence Taylor – While his first love was football, love 1A for Lawrence was definitely crack/cocaine. He was involved in a ridiculous number of legal situations in including, but not limited to, tax evasion, child support payment issues and ties to organized crime.
LB – Bill Romanowski – Steroid problems and racist issues aside, I will reiterate, I as I have done several times on this website, that Bill should be put in jail for his role as a gay trucker in the movie Weiners, starring Kenan, for Kenan and Kel.
CB – Pacman Jones – Unless you are a real person living in real life, a triple shooting at a club followed by another assault incident in another bar within six months always leads to no jail time and a wrestling career.
CB – Fred Smoot – There is nothing I love more than a good sex party and I’ll be damned if Fred Smoot doesn’t know how to host one Fred was allegedly the organizer of the event on lake Minnetonka and flew in prostitutes from around the country to take part in the festivities. Smoot was charged with community service and 30 days in jail, which he has yet to serve.
FS – Sean Taylor – In one of the greatest plea agreements in the history of plea agreements, Taylor avoided jail time after assaulting and pulling a gun on another man. Taylor reached an agreement on charges that could have put him in prison for a maximum 46 years by paying court costs and agreeing to speak at 10 Miami areas schools on the importance of education. In case you were wondering, Taylor did not graduate from the University of Miami.
SS – Terrence Kiel- Surprise surprise Terrence avoided jail time by pleading guilty to drug trafficking charges. Terrence shipped a codeine based cough syrup combined with cola to create a drug called “lean,” or “purple drank.” It should also be noted that after getting caught for shipping drugs, Terrence got caught peeing in public, which the judge said “made him think twice” about agreeing to a plea deal. Thank god for the American justice system and our football fan judges.
God Bless American football.
(Originally published 10/21)
Sunday, November 18, 2007
EVIDENCE, SCHMEVIDENCE
by Sooze, Babes Love Baseball
Barry Bonds' legal team may have what they need to cast a shadow of doubt on evidence that the controversial slugger lied under oath about documents detailing a positive steroids test conducted on a player named Barry B.
Bonds' attorney, Michael Rains, says the player answered questions as best and as truthfully as he could. Whatever that means.
"Whether you like him or dislike him, the way the federal government has proceeded in this case is going to be a very, very sad commentary on the enormous power of the government to ruin people's lives and to scar their reputation for no good reason," Rains said.
Federal prosecutors have declined to comment of course, but convicted steroids pusher Victor Conte shed some light on the situation.
In 2000, the year before Bonds shattered Mark McGuire's single-season home run record, Conte claims Bonds visited the BALCO lab every Saturday after regular business hours, accompanied by his trainer, Greg Anderson, and his personal physician, Dr. Arthur Ting.
Bonds' urine was put through a "quick and dirty" analysis at the request of Conte, avoiding technicalities such as a licensed lab technician to watch him pee in a cup, have the sample sealed, dated and signed, or apply any other formal process generally used to conduct urine tests.
The majority of you good, honest folks who want Hank Aaron's record back shouldn't hold your breath. Just one piece of mishandled evidence could throw the government's case right out the window, which is what Rains is hoping will happen if this does, by some slim margin, make it to trial.
Too bad Jack McCoy isn't on the case.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
BARRY BONDS INDICTED ON FEDERAL CHARGES: A JOURNALIST'S SACRIFICE
by The Prophet, ProphetFighting
As most of you know I'm the EC boxing/MMA correspondent. I've also been called "the future of fightsport journalism", a phrase that I will be trademarking. Above all else, however, I'm a journalist. I was enjoying a Fuente Opus X --very similar to the beautiful sticks in the photo accompanying this article--in my local cigar store when my Blackberry buzzed. It was the owner of the Epic Carnival and he sounded agitated and anxious "Dammit Jim" he blustered "a story is breaking and I'm headed out the door. You'll need to take it".
I hesitated slightly and Doug answered my unasked question: "I know you're the future of fight sport journalism (TM) and this isn't your beat but you're our only hope. Every other wr
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