As anyone with even a passing interest in football knows, Brett Favre is returning to the Packers. (And if you don't know, wait. Someone from NFLN will be at your door shortly.) And, after insisting that the long-suffering Aaron Rodgers was the starter for 2008 and that the offense had been specifically designed for his strengths, the Packers have now announced that they will accommodate Farve (aka Lord Fauntleroy) and allow him to compete for the starting job.
This after years of his Hillbilly Hamlet act where he publicly vacillated about retiring for years, retired, shafted the team by saying he wanted to comeback, changing his mind about coming back and changing his mind about coming back again. Now he gets to make violent love to Rodgers' cornhole, too.
Rodgers could win this competition. The offense has been tailor-made for him and Favre has been sitting on his ass, eating Cheetos and watching movies on Lifetime for the past six months ("The Betty Broderick Story" is his favorite). But if Rodgers wins, the assumption will be that Mike McCarthy simply gave him the job. And that he hates Brett Favre's children, which is true, but saying it aloud is tacky.
If Favre wins, Rodgers' career in Green Bay is almost certainly over. He'll have lost his job to a 38-year-old guy who missed all the OTAs and now maintains the finest Meredith Baxter Birney fansite on the Series of Tubes. Rodgers is a free agent after next season and what could Green Bay possibly offer him after this? A personalized butter churn? Free subscription to the Sausage of the Month Club? A contract clause similar to Kobe Bryant's allowing him free access to the assholes of no fewer than a dozen white women in the community?
Nope, Rodgers is probably gone after 2009. Were I him, I'd put my house on the market today, not only as a message to management but because in this economy it could take 24 months to sell. No sense in losing equity just to make a point.
After falling to 24th in the draft, sitting behind a teammate who publicly said he wouldn't help him develop and waiting around while Favre wobbled like the tits on my favorite stripper (Mercedes, call me), Rodgers must be wondering what past-life sins he's paying for now. But two years isn't that long and he'll still be a young man with little wear on his tires. Detroit will almost certainly need a QB by then, New England could too. Rodgers could be in line for any number of starting jobs in 2010.
But if they offer you that assholes clause, Aaron, you take it. Then get some lube and a phone book and find out whether the Favres have a Green Bay address.
This year's NBA postseason was quite a learning experience for basketball fans. We learned that NBA refs fix games (well, this postseason let us further know that NBA refs fix games), and we learned that Boston has some douche-y sports fans. Hmm, maybe these playoffs didn't teach us that much new stuff after all. In any case, even if we knew most of the ancillary stuff that goes along with the NBA, we did learn a lot of actual basketball information. Lets take a quick recap of the on-the-court stuff we learned since the first-round series tipped off way back in February (it was February right? Or does it only seem like it has been that long?)
We can stop with the whole "Kobe=Michael" nonsense - Kobe deserved the MVP award, because it was a regular season award, and Kobe lifted the play of his teammates during the year in a way that no one thought he could. But if you think that Michael Jordan would ever, ever allow his team to be embarrassed by almost 40 points in a close-out game, you're crazy. If you think that Michael would ever, ever allow his team to blow a 20+ point lead in a pivotal Finals game (at home!) you're nuts. Kobe allowed both to take place. In the same series. These playoffs taught us that Kobe probably doesn't even compare to LeBron James. James, with an equally garbage supporting cast (if not worse) pushed the Celtics to 7 games in a hard-fought series. In fact, in the Cavs-Celts series, it took a missed gimme in the final seconds for the Celtics to win game 1, and an other-worldly performance by Paul Pierce for the Celtics to win game 7. Otherwise, that was a very close series. The Lakers, on the other hand, got their doors blown off in the Finals.
Kobe is a great, great player, and there is no shame in not being as good as Michael Jordan. In fact, it is probably unfair that MJ is the measuring stick for Kobe just because they play the same position, and have won a lot of titles under Phil Jackson. But the fact is, those comparisons should stop.
A lot of people were wrong in picking the winner in this series - The ease with which the Celts disposed of the Lakers was a surprise, but the actual outcome should not be. What should be surprising is the number of people that picked the Lakers before the Finals began. The Celtics were the best team in the NBA record-wise for the entire season, and beat LA in their only regular season meetings. Why is everyone so surprised? Most thought that the Celtics record was inflated due to a weak Eastern Conference, which segues perfectly into the next thing we learned...
The Eastern Conference is AT LEAST as good as the West, if not better - For years, conventional NBA wisdom has been, the West is better, the East is weak. All record and accomplishments in the East should come with a disclaimer, blah blah blah. No more my friends. The Lakers series was by far the easiest series the Celtics had to win this postseason. The goddamn Hawks provided more resistance than the Lakers did.
The eventual champs were pushed to 7 games against Atlanta, 7 games against Cleveland, and the 6 game series with Detroit included three single-digit Celtic wins. The Lakers waltzed through a pathetic Denver team, a very good Utah team, and an old-looking group of San Antonio Spurs. The Finals were never in doubt. The Lakers had a historic collapse in game 4, were very lucky to win games 3 & 5, and were absolutely destroyed in game 6. I'm sorry, you can no longer make the argument that the West is better.
The Lakers are soft - First of all, congratulations to the Celtics. They deserve all of the accolades for winning the championship this year, their 17th in the 62 years of their existence (27% of all championships awarded in that time. Not even the Yankees can claim that kind of dominance) and I do not want this rant to take anything away from them.
That said, the way the Celtics pushed the Lakers around inside was laughable. Pau Gasol's scoring went from 22 points per game against Denver, to 14 against Boston (including 11 in game 6), Vladimir Radmanovic is 6-10 and averaged fewer that 5 rebounds per game, Lamar Odom seemed to disappear in the fourth quarters of games, and the "defense" that Sasha Vujacic played on Ray Allen, in the closing seconds of game 4, when the Lakers absolutely positively needed a stop, was a disgrace. Without so much as a crossover dribble, Allen blew by Vujacic like he was nailed to the floor. The Celtics embarrassed the Lakers for the better part of the entire 6 game series.
For the past 48+ hours, without a word of warning or explanation, Blogger/Google has removed my 16-month old sports site, Five Tool Tool. (No link, because, um, It Doesn't Freaking Work.)
We didn't even use curse words. We rarely showed titty. Hell, we barely even had commenters, though we did have advertisers. But like all little-read sports blogs, we had enemies -- cold-blooded murdering enemies that would kill a blog just to keep us silent. (Will we stay dead? I have no idea. Google/Blogspot's customer service has been positively Isiah-esque so far.)
So who killed us? The list of suspects is after the jump. Plus hey, lots of NSFW videos and NSFBlogger Opinions!
13) Don Nelson.
Our final visitor was from Oakland. They accessed the site for 35 minutes, went through a bunch of pages, then moved on. Soon after that, the site went down.
Could the Warriors head coach have pulled strings with local Googlians to silence a critic who has (a) posted an image of Nellie looking all fat and bloated on wine, (b) pointed out that Nellieball, while entertaining, almost never goes deep in the playoffs?
Clues: He's got nothing else to do, so he's got the means. He also brought back Chris Webber this year, so we've already proven insanity as a pre-existing condition.
Alibis: Old people don't know how to use the Internets. Besides, he's probably too busy threatening to retire, or crank-calling Baron Davis.
Odds: 50 (wins) to 1 against.
12) Isiah Thomas.
Our "Isiah Thomas Is Comedy Gold" tag was one of the most used in the site's history, and there has been many days when Zeke's wacky Baghdad Bob-esque shenanigans filled our wordhole. Now that he's employed by the Knicks to, as far as we can tell, do nothing and have no contact with his players, he's clearly got the free time to wreak a terrible vengeance on his enemies.
Clues: Given the delusional nature of Zeke's pressers this year, there's a good chance that he's not tethered to reality, and might think our blog was the cause of all his problems. Madison Square Garden and the Dolans also seem to like employing thugs.
Alibis: We're pretty sure he doesn't, you know, read. Or use the Internets. Or give a damn about anything.
Odds: 30-1.
11) Bill Belichick.
What, you don't think he's evil enough? I'd say more here, but saying his name out loud just caused the lights to flicker and a chill wind to blow.
Clues: Given that FTT was solely responsible for the Patriots' loss by actively rooting for them during their quest for Perfectriotection, the BeliHate could be all-consuming.
Alibis: Too busy running his draft at the time. Plus, when Bill goes for Evil, it's not a small thing. Unless this is a first stage before a blogosphere-wide purge, it's just not his style.
Odds: 18-1. But it's a big 1.
10) Mark Cuban.
The NBA's leader megalomaniac is well known for his hate of any blog that isn't his. FTT, like all right-thinking Americans, enjoy watching him lose basketball games, dance contests, and his hair.
Clues: The last post at FTT before the site went dark covered the Hornets taking a 3-1 lead on Cuban's Mavericks. As a matter of fact, the last line we published was "Karma's a bitch, Cubes." That had to be too much to resist.
Alibis: No one who isn't being paid by Cuban ever does anything for him. Has spent the last two weeks determining the most humiliating way to fire Avery Johnson.
The Epic Carnival editor is desperate to have all of our link-generating listy goodness. Plus, with FTT out of the picture, EC's traffic will groundrocket. (Skyrocket being, well, kind of an overpromise.)
Clues: Way too casual reaction to the news that FTT was down.
Alibis: We don't write about titty enough for him to care. Plus, um, he doesn't actually know who we are. (To be fair, he's got what, 600 writers on this frickin' site?)
Odds: 12-1 against.
8) Bill Simmons.
The world's leading Masshole was routinely referred on FTT as the Bad Tooth, in that we just couldn't stop checking his column to see how painful it is to read now. Alone among all sports bloggers, we criticized him. (You can congratulate us on our originality and bravery now.)
Clues: If you listen to his podcasts backward, you can clearly hear Simmy Boy say, "I direct my unholy army of mouth-breathing Boston apologists to take Five Tool Tool down."
Alibis: The podcast could also just be a pre-pubescent girl touching herself. I get my files mixed up sometimes, and Simmy's voice is in the same register.
Odds: 10-1 against.
7) Kobe Bryant.
We keep refusing to support Kobe's MVP campaign, by steadfastly refusing to see (a) how any team could need LeBron James more than the Cavs do, and (b) beyond the fact that Kobe's an (alleged) anal rapist and part-time loon who threw his entire team and organization under the bus in the off-season. Obey Your Thirst, Mamba. Obey Your Thirst.
Clues: He totally knows that Allen Iverson is one of our favorite players, and keeps being really, really mean to his teams in the playoffs.
Alibis: He's been occupied for minutes at a time with sweeping the Nugs. Has probably been preoccupied with laughing at Shaq missing enough free throws to get eliminated.
Odds: 8-1.
6) Dick Cheney.
While FTT is a sports blog, one of our last posts before the blog went down showed Big Daddy Dick in his leathers and feathers, as part of a strained analogy to what it's like to watch the Pistons in their inevitable / inexorable playoff run. Besides, you can't ever count the Daddy out, given that he likes to shoot his friends in the face.
Clues: There are many, but they've all been marked classified.
Alibis: Dick Cheney has no need for alibis. He is what he is.
Odds: 8-1 against.
5) Roger Clemens.
The Rocket continues his week of living fabulously with a roid and meth-fueled takedown of a sports blog that's been calling him a fraud since before Suzyn Waldman had a hot flash over his appearance in the Steinbrenner box.
Clues: Sure, instigating a conspiracy against some pissant sports blogger would be a hopeless lapse in judgment. But isn't that his MO now?
Alibis: His choice of attorney shows that competence is not a plus outside of the baseball diamond. Besides, he'd have been better off taking down EC. Damn, I probably just gave him an idea.
Odds: 5 to 1.
4) Barry Bonds.
The Home Roid King can't have liked what we've written about him. Once again, as in the Simmons candidacy, this makes us unique. (It was such a good blog. I miss it terribly.) He also can't have liked being compared to low-rent Japanese monster movies, when he was thinking of going to Japan for the '08 season, since we didn't even give him the full Godzilla treatment. But it does show a very similar body transformation and head enlargement.
Clues: Vengeful, spiteful, bitter, with tons of free time on his hands. (Hey, why doesn't Barry have a blog?)
Alibis: FTT frequently covered non-Bonds subjects, and as his entire existence shows, Barry can't be bothered with non-Bonds subjects.
Odds: 5-2.
3) Blog-On-Blog Violence
You don't write lists every day without generating a lot of hate from other bloggers. We're talkin' Tupac v. Biggie levels, dammit. (Video's lyrics are NSFW.)
Clues: It's nothin' but hate in the sports blogosphere. Thug Blog 'Til We Die!
Alibis: The opposite of hate isn't love. It's indifference. Also, we're old.
Odds: 2 to 1.
2) Anonymous.
All of those mean, hurtful comments. The constant sniping. The fact-checking on our howling mistakes and factual errors. We say it doesn't hurt, but you know what? It does. But our stoic endurance of your slings and arrows has driven you mad, hasn't it? So mad you had to have your revenge. You bastard.
Clues: The fact that no one else on this here blog, or any other, gets slagged by anonymous commenters.
Alibis: Taking down a blog would be the biggest accomplishment of your life, wouldn't it? Hmm.
Odds: 3 to 2.
1) Google.
Not to sound too ungrateful here, but this no warning, no explanation, no response experience? I've had better customer service while getting divorced.
Clues: The, um, site shutdown with no warning, explanation, or response.
Alibis: By writing this, I might make them mad... and then they'd shut down my freaking blog without warning, explanation or response. Don't Be Evil, my ass.
Hey, Sonics fans, I think I'm finally starting to fully understand your situation!
With all due respect to CP3, The Big Ticket and The Black Mamba, this has been the year where King James ruled the NBA and his performance deserves to be acknowledged.
Chances are LeBron's dominant season will go unrewarded, as the voting community seems to be split on the aforementioned three who had equally impressive seasons. The strange thing, however, is that when all the talking heads and vote casters discuss the candidacy of the consensus candidates, they usually make the correct point in asserting LeBron's qualifications. But still they side with someone else.
Cleveland is a 20 win team without LeBron James. Period. End of discussion. The fact that they won 45 games and earned the four seed in the East speaks volumes to the impact of the St. Vincent - St. Marys superstar.
Since I know - and you know - MVP isn't strictly about numbers, spending a lot of time on stats isn't going to happen. All that I will say is that LBJ went for 30/8/7 per this season. You have to figure that if Larry Hughes could have knocked down an open 15 footer or two before getting sent to Chi-town, the line would have read 30/8/8. Still...
The main criteria for MVP is how valuable that player is to their team. No one, myself included, would argue that these four cats aren't all vitally important to the success of their franchises, but take a look at the rosters and tell me how LeBron doesn't trump the competition?
KG had a huge impact on the Celtics, there is no denying that. But that team also has two multi-time All-Star selections as Options B and C in Paul Pierce and Jesus Shuttlesworth.
Kobe gets all the credit for the improbable season the Lakers had, but shouldn't some of that credit go to the bench guys that he so desperately wanted to get away from at the start of the year? And Andrew Bynum's performance pre-injury? And the Pau Gasol theft from Memphis? And The Zen Master?
Chris Paul is on a similar level as LeBron in terms of impact to his team, but even the Hornets managed to play well in the absence of their floor general. David West was an All-Star this season and Tyson Chandler has been a difference maker on the defensive end for a couple seasons now.
In my opinion, LeBron James has been the most valuable player in the NBA this season. He's been more valuable than Kobe Bryant this season. (I hate that I'm forced into qualifying that statement with "In my opinion" but at this point, that's pretty much the difference between the two.)
James scores more points, grabs more rebounds, dishes more assists, and blocks more shots. He is able to score in a variety of ways that resembles transcendence more and more each day. He keeps his wretched micturation of a team in the playoffs, and manages to do all of this while defenses are completely centered on him.
But I say all this in order to preface this.
Kobe Bryant is the most important player in the NBA.
First, take a second and recognize the depth of this statement coming from someone that equates Kobe Bryant the basketball player with influenza, wasps, the second Bush album, and Artificial Intelligence. The world would simply be better without them. However, not even my own undeniable disgust towards Mr. Bean is enough to overcome the truth of the matter.
I've rattled it around my brain what the new look Lakers would look like without Bryant. With Gasol, Fisher, Farmar, Vujacic, Bynum (when healthy) and Odom, that sounds like a pretty damn good team. But it's only in the context of surrounding Kobe. He's so far beyond the concept of the most important player on his team that he embodies the team at this point. Everything good that the Lakers accomplish can be attributed to Bryant once again rising his game to another level, even if it's not in the boxscore but in the clutch or in the huddle. And every time the Lakers fail, it's when Kobe's weaknesses rise to the surface. He'll shoot 30 to 4o shots and press too much. The Lakers live and die by how Kobe Bryant breathes in and out.
No other player carries as much weight as Bryant does. Even more so than LeBron, all eyes are on Kobe when he's in a room or on the court. He's transcendent in the concept of being famous. He's come to embody something that is wholly his own. He's not beloved. He's not despised. He's simultaneously both. He bears such a huge weight in the balance of the NBA. Bryant can single handedly end someone's season, can shift playoff standings, can affect contract negotiations. He has more impact on the league than anyone.
Kobe's not only the most valuable team on the Lakers, not only is he the most important player in the league, he's the most important player to the league. Kobe is must-watch-basketball on a nightly basis especially because he's so divisive. No one is ambivalent towards Kobe. He's either a hero or a demon. He's never the source of apathy. Everyone cares. And that's all the front office cares about. You can despise Kobe with all the passion of a Baptist revival, and it 's fine because that just means you're watching. And as long as you're watching, he's making them money. LeBron may be the most valuable, but he doesn't inspire, doesn't intrigue, doesn't force us to obsess over him the same way. He's an icon in the purest sense. He's not an icon of good, nor of evil. He doesn't represent the best things about the game, nor the worst. He isn't a pillar of grace nor a despicable waste of human space. He's so painfully human he manages to encompass something we all identify with, even as we tend to revolt against the worse parts of the character he chooses to show.
I think what I've learned most about Bryant this season is how human he is. MJ, and now LeBron, have sculpted in this new media age an implacable public force. Every interview, every commercial, every poster dunk is carefully designed to sculpt the global icon their PR crews have designed. Non-controversial. Clean-cut. Friendly. And I think Kobe and his crew would love it if they could market him in this way. But they can't. His arrogance and his insecurity bleeds through the television and into our minds. It's entirely possible that Kobe is a humble, yet politely confident guy in real life. But that's not how he comes off. He comes off as a smug punk that is constantly seeking approval from the very subsect of humanity that vilifies him and doubts him as a rightful heir to the throne of best player on Earth. And that both intrigues and irritates us. And that's what makes him so important. He's this bizarre new age embodiment of the populace. Smug and neurotic, obsessed and dedicated.
Kobe Bryant is the most important player in the NBA.
It's becoming more and more clear that Kobe Bryant is going to win the MVP, whether he deserves it or not. This is not to say that he doesn't deserve it. He very much does. Were he not playing in the same league with one Mr. LeBron James. But even then, I'm willing to consider a compromise to make everyone happy.
James has more rebounds, more assists, more blocks, the same number of steals, and oh yeah, more points. He's performing in all aspects of the game in a way we've never really seen before. He's a monster in the clutch and completely unstoppable once he gets going. He schooled Bryant in a heads-up matchup, draining the game winning jumper. He definitely has a worse supporting cast, and thereby definitely more important to his team. All this while redefining our common conceptions of a superstar. What James' combination of size, speed, and skill achieves is something we've never seen before.
But, no. "Kobe's never won an MVP!" they cry. Like it matters in a regular season award what's happened in the past. "Statistics don't matter!" they protest, unless Kobe were to overtake Bryant in scoring. "Kobe plays better defense!" they beg me to admit, even though James plays in a team-oriented defensive system that doesn't ask him to do the same things Kobe does, and even though he's got the same number of steals and more blocks. These are all supposed to impress upon me the idea that Kobe is superior. The problem is that he's not. He wasn't better than Steve Nash three or two years ago, he wasn't better than Dirk Nowitski last year, he's not better than LeBron James this year. When asked for reasons why he is better than James this year, most people, outside of the brilliant RespectKobe (which puts together a fantastic argument for his MVP candidacy), will stammer and come up with a "Come on. It's Kobe. He's the best player in the world." Ask them to qualify that statement, and you get something along the lines of best case, "shooting percentage, clutch ability (even though the numbers don't support this), killer instinct, and defensive aptitude" to worst (and more often) case: "Because he is!"
I also don't understand the widespread feeling that Bryant has been dismissed in these discussions. If you ask me who the average ESPN, TNT, or SI pundit thinks is the greatest basketball player in the game today, I would tell you Kobe Bryant. The man is adored. The fact that he's so unlikable? That makes him more attractive to pundits, because they all want to look like heroes for the poor, misunderstood superstar. Does LeBron James get the media stroke? Absolutely. But he's still new kid on the block. Kobe Bryant is THE GREATEST BASKETBALL PLAYER ALIVE! If you want to talk about disrespected and overlooked, tell it to Chris Paul or Tim Duncan.
Recently HoopsAddict posted a terrific breakdown of the argument. It was going so well, until...
"In the end, an MVP does what all the legends do best, take the game over with little or no time left to play. An MVP takes their game to another level when their team needs them most. They do whatever is asked of them from tip-off until the final buzzer. An MVP gives their team the swagger that all championship teams seize, probably one of the most valuable assets to have on and off the court. They keep their team going and show leadership in the process, traits all three of these players, albeit at different points in their careers, possess. However, in the end there can only be one MVP and his name is Kobe Bryant."
I have a couple of serious issues with this. If you want to talk about taking their game to another level, it's widely accepted that LeBron's ceiling is remarkably higher than Kobe's. You need a soul killing drive to the basket and a foul because the perimeter defense is stout? LeBron is getting it. With Kobe, you're more than likely looking at that gorgeous fadeaway jumper of his. I'm not saying that it's not going in, because it is. But LeBron's arsenal in the clutch is wider, simply by virtue of his diverse range of physical traits and skills. Also, doing whatever is asked of them from tip-off to final buzzer? Kobe dictates that. Not Jackson, notKupchak, and certainly not Derek Fisher. Kobe does what Kobe wants to do. James is infinitely more likely to get his teammates involved if he needs to (as reflected by the wide gap in assists). Leadership is the one that really bugs me, though. James knew his current squad wasn't going to provide the push to get over the top 2 in the East. So he politely affirmed when asked if he would support a trade for Kidd. Bryant? Demanded a trade before the season because he had such little faith in his teammates. Kobe is a ferocious killer on the court. Off? You think it's just some sort of bizarre conspiracy that he's one of the least liked superstars in the NBA, despite his timid demeanor off court?
But this example illuminates the tragic truth. Kobe Bryant is going to win the MVP. When I argued with my co-author over at Hardwood Paroxysm about this matter, I told him there was no way the voters would be done enough to actually fall for some sort of media contrived push for his candidacy based on his previous failure to finish high. I told him that the voters would recognize how superior his teammates are compared to James'. Then the Gasol trade happened, and seemingly this is what pushed him over the edge. Now I read more and more the same argument.
"While it's true that LeBron is better for X,Y, and Z reasons, Kobe Bryant is the MVP. That's just how it is."
I hear this, and I want to vomit. There are plenty of reasons for Kobe to be named MVP. The only issue is that they are easily rebuked when compared with LeBron's case. However, I've come to accept it. But I do want to make a plea.
Split the vote. In this, the perfect season to document it, split the MVP between the two. This is a season that represents transition from the old to the new. The Lakers and Celtics are new superpowers, as Shaq toils away in an overblown contract, the final nail in the Suns' coffin. The Hornets and Jazz represent the future, along with Portland, while San Antonio looks for it's first ever repeat in what may be it's last solid chance for a while with the age of it's starters increasing (Parker and Ginobili aside). Let this be a season to recognize them both, to reward Bryant for what he's done over the past four years, carrying his team to the playoffs year in and year out and never getting the "credit" he "deserves." And to reward James, for entering into another level of superstardom, and his first season to clearly make his case for the best player in basketball. Think of the ramifications if the two were to meet in the Finals, Mr. Stern. I beg of you! C0-MVP versus co-MVP. It would be epic, the likes of which we haven't seen in two decades.
If we're going to reward Bryant for all the amazing, intangible things he is (and make no mistake, his intangibles are off the charts), let's recognize it in a way that doesn't squander the superior season LeBron has had without a 7' superstar Euro PF/C, one of the best young big men in the league, a wily veteran shooter point guard, and a bench that is arguably the deepest in the NBA. Yes, LeBron will win more. But it doesn't change the fact that he's earned it this season. If you want to do the right thing, let's answer this in a way that's fair. Well, okay, close to fair.
2008 NBA MVP: Kobe Bryant and LeBron James.
PS: If you think I'm a "hater" and want to see what we're doing to celebrate Kobe over HP, click here. Join us, for Kobe Bryant Blog Day.
Here's what you missed over the weekend in the NBA...
That's Your MVP, Folks.: Kobe had 52, the Lakers shot 25 more free throws, and the Mavs still found a way to drive it to overtime. Which, of course, inevitably ended when Dirk Nowitski, after a fantastic fourth quarter and beginning of overtime, AIRBALLED a game-tying three pointer at the buzzer. That's the Mavericks for you. Also, after getting reamed by media for taking Kidd out in the crunch, Avery Johnson left Kidd in. And he managed to make a layup and draw the foul that would tie the game late. And then he missed the free throw. Damned if you do, Avery. Damned if you don't.
We'll Keep What We Got, Thanks: LeBron had 37, including a dunk that will make your balls shrink to the size of raisins, and the Cavs polished off the Bulls on Sunday. The Cavs came back from 8 down in the fourth to pull away late. Tyrus Thomas still did not play a lot. Pack your bags, Boylan. Pack 'em.
You Can't Keep A Doomed-To-Be-Swept-In-The-First-Round-Team Down: The Rockets apparently hate the idea of a better draft pick. Instead of surrendering (like they always tend to do when they actually HAVE a shot at a championship), the Rockets have decided to keep the win streak going, this time a 103-89 win over the Denver Nuggets. First round elimination, here we come (again)!
Pssst! Here's a secret! Don't tell anybody! There's actually a... get this... National Basketball Association. The twisted part? They actually played on Super Bowl Sunday! So here's what went down while you were getting drunk and screaming like a maniac, even though you don't give a shit about the Giants. Here's what happened in the last 24 Hours in the NBA...
Later, He Was Quoted As Saying "Holy Shit, I Get To PLAY With These Guys?": Pau Gasol showed up for the Lakers game against the Wizards, though was unable to play, basically due to all the jumping up and down and dousing himself in champagne when he found out he got traded to LA. Oh, and the masturbating. That probably wore him out, too. Kobe decided to welcome him to the crew by giving him a little blueprint of how things work on Kobe's team. Bryant scored 30, including 19 in the first compared to Washington's 15, and led the rejuvenated Lakers to a 103-91 win over the Wizards. The Wizards got 15 from Caron Butler who returned to the club after a series of maladies, but he and Antawn Jamison's 21 points and 11 rebounds weren't enough to overcome the Lakers, who pretty much killed them from start to finish. Gasol is expected to join the club for their next game on Tuesday, and get some sweet Hollywood tail in the meantime.
Put This In Your Little General And Smoke It:There are days when the Pistons look ordinary. Unenthusiastic, lackluster, bored, really. They look like they work in an office, and process project reports like the rest of us instead of being paid millions of dollars to travel the world, taste the finer things in life, be paid millions of dollars, all for playing basketball. Sunday was not one of those days. Sunday was one of those days when Rasheed Wallace decides he's going to eat your soul, and the rest of the team decides to flex it's defensive muscles. One of those days where they decide to combine defensive intensity with offensive explosiveness. In the case of this particular Sunday, all over the Mavericks' face. Sheed pulled in 21 and 9, along with 4 blocks and led the Pistons to a 90-67 win. It was the lowest offensive output by the Mavericks this season. The Mavs were led by Howard and Nowitski, who each scored 15, and Brandon Bass' 14, the only other double-digit performance by a Maverick. Which should tell you a little bit about how far the Pistons shoved their boot up the Mavericks' ass.
It's Funny, He's Not Getting The Press He Was A Few Days Ago: Damon Stoudamire was officially signed by the San Antonio Spurs, in yet another example of how Los Angeles has a distinctly innate ability to overshadow anything San Antonio does, even if San Antonio is decidedly closer to a championship.
In today's Cavs-Lakers game, the ABC announcers fell over themselves to anoint Kobe as the best player in the Association, probably because the Lake Show has a better won-loss record than the Cavs, and in a tougher conference.
But I'm not ready to give away the MVP to Colorado's Shame (that'd be Chris Paul), or even appoint him as the Best of Each Other... for the following 10 reasons.
10. Age. LeBron's getting better at 23 going on 27, and Kobe's not at 29, going on 35. (We're adding on for the lack of college years for both, and the extra seasons of playoff games for Kobe.)
9. Sanity. Um, is it OK to remember that just three months ago, the Mamba was starting the season under a cloud of on-again off-again trade demands, right? LeBron's never done that. Kobe's a long-term injury to Andrew Bynum away from putting back on the Trade Me warpaint.
8. Making teammates better. LeBron actually makes Boobie Gibson and Larry Hughes look like NBA players from time to time. Kobe just freezes out the special needs players on the Lake Show.
7. Keeping it in his pants. From Colorado to the train wreck marriage, Kobe's a tribute to himself. LeBron's biggest mash note so far is to SportsCenter ads and Nike. Significantly less messy, really.
6. Size. If the 6'-6", 220 pound Kobe blows out a knee, he loses a ton of effectiveness and is on a fast track to irrelevance. LeBron, at 6'-8" and 240, could always bulk up and be a reasonable forward. Besides, the size already lets King James get two more boards a game, and nearly twice the number of blocked shots.
5. Coach support. Kobe has knifed one of the best in NBA history without blinking an eye. LeBron has toiled for Mike Brown, who eats paste, without complaint.
4. Percentages. Bron shoots 48% from the floor this year, and 46.5% for his career. Kobe's at 44.8% for the year, and 45.2% for the career. Considering the number of shots taken here, that's a sizable difference. (Kobe does, to be fair, kill LeBron at the line, so this is close to, but not quite, a toss-up.)
3. Value. Kobe's contract is for $19.5 million a year, while LeBron is at $13.0. With the extra cash, the Cavs were able to shoot themselves in the ankles with Larry Hughes!
2. Team intangibles. Kobe ran off Shaq. LeBron made Ilgauskas look alive. Kobe buried Head Case Radmanovic. LeBron cultivated Sideshow Anderson Varaejo. Oh, and there's also the whole Game 7 in Phoenix screw job, too. Let's face it, folks -- Kobe's not exactly a nice guy. The worst thing LeBron's ever done is sleep through a bunch of games last year.
1. Hometown. LeBron's a god in Ohio. Kobe's a pariah everywhere outside of the Staples Center, and especially in the Philadelphia area.
Oh, and the bonus... Kobe's 0-2 in playoff series sans Shaq. LeBron is 4-2 so far.
So, if you please, ABC... stop Obeying Your Thirst with Mamba mouth jobs. The better player is James. (Oh, and his team won the game, on the road, with James outperforming Bryant.)
They're probably the most overrated team in the league right now. At the very least, the AFC. After getting manhandled by the Jaguars in their own backyard last week they were once again far less than superb defensively last night. They allowed a Rams team that couldn't even score 11 points against the Bengals (The BENGALS!) to rack up 24 points and still have a shot to win the game in the fourth quarter. The Steelers, it appears, are only getting worse as the weeks progress. The Steel City crew is indeed overrated. Not quite 6-2 Lions overrated, but overrated nonetheless.
They appear to have all but officially locked up the AFC North with last night win, but at the same time I wouldn't be shocked to see them lose in Baltimore next week. Especially given Baltimore's particularly strong run defense now that Pittsburgh won't have the services of Willie Parker. Davenport was solid last night, but Doc Brown could surpass the 100-yard mark against the Rams.
Anyhow, they don't deserve that home game they're likely getting, but as we've already seen the Jaguars have no problem mauling the Steelers in the cold.
Pistons Still The Eastern Kings?
Obviously they're not going to be giving up their throne easily, but can they hold off the Celtics for four games in the spring?
It's certainly tough not to think so after watching Wednesday's game. The Pistons executed almost flawlessly down the stretch while both the stars and scrubs struggled for Boston. If not for a few big shots from Ray Allen this one would have ended without the drama.
For me the Pistons are still the best team in the East and as long as they have such an advantage at the point I'm not sure the Celtics will be able to pass them up. That is, unless Mr. Big Shot is having an off night.
Why?
Why is it everyone makes such a big deal about Kobe v. LeBron? It's just another game. If superstar match ups were such an event I'd expect this kind of hoopla for T-Mac v. Wade and Melo v. Agent Zero. But of course not, because that would be absurd as these guys face off night in and night out. Let me know when LeBron and Kobe are playing for legitimate title contenders and then I'll buy the hype.
This after years of his Hillbilly Hamlet act where he publicly vacillated about retiring for years, retired, shafted the team by saying he wanted to comeback, changing his mind about coming back and changing his mind about coming back again. Now he gets to make violent love to Rodgers' cornhole, too.
Rodgers could win this competition. The offense has been tailor-made for him and Favre has been sitting on his ass, eating Cheetos and watching movies on Lifetime for the past six months ("The Betty Broderick Story" is his favorite). But if Rodgers wins, the assumption will be that Mike McCarthy simply gave him the job. And that he hates Brett Favre's children, which is true, but saying it aloud is tacky.
If Favre wins, Rodgers' career in Green Bay is almost certainly over. He'll have lost his job to a 38-year-old guy who missed all the OTAs and now maintains the finest Meredith Baxter Birney fansite on the Series of Tubes. Rodgers is a free agent after next season and what could Green Bay possibly offer him after this? A personalized butter churn? Free subscription to the Sausage of the Month Club? A contract clause similar to Kobe Bryant's allowing him free access to the assholes of no fewer than a dozen white women in the community?
After falling to 24th in the draft, sitting behind a teammate who publicly said he wouldn't help him develop and waiting around while Favre wobbled like the tits on my favorite stripper (Mercedes, call me), Rodgers must be wondering what past-life sins he's paying for now. But two years isn't that long and he'll still be a young man with little wear on his tires. Detroit will almost certainly need a QB by then, New England could too. Rodgers could be in line for any number of starting jobs in 2010.
1 comment(s):
Post a Comment