by Neate Sager, Out Of Left Field Penguins 4 Senators 0 (Pittsburgh leads 1-0): This was the kind of game that is best summed up by what Ottawa-based friends had on their Facebook pages. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. One game never proves anything, right, but Ottawa had the look of losers, in between failing to even get one good shot on a pair of 5-on-3s and their best defenceman, Wade Redden, getting thrashed in a one-sided fight by Pittsburgh's Ryan Malone. Pittsburgh didn't look like it will lose more than one game in this series -- and Sidney Crosby had a quiet tonight.
First things first: It says so, so much about where the NHL is going that it has Lauren Conrad typing a blog for nhl.com, even though she has so, so little to say.
The Hills hottie (all together now, "not sexy!") used to live in Orange County, where the Anaheim Ducks play. She switched to the L.A. Kings. That is all.
Seriously. This is the NHL's big strategy to regain traction in the States? Look, pseudo-celebrities watch our sport! The ironic part is that any guy who oozes such desperation would never get anywhere with a princess such as Ms. Conrad.
Baseball tried this about a decade ago when it was in the dumper after the 1994-95 strike and Fox got involved in national broadcasts. Look, there's Brian Austin Green watching a baseball game! You should watch baseball too.
Meantime, there were games last night, after the jump.
Meantime, there's all sorts of crazy rumours (scroll down to the sixth comment) about why the Senators have fallen off a cliff.
Rangers 4 Devils 1 (New York leads 1-0): It could end up being a really early spring for the Devils. C'est la vie.
Avalanche 3 Wild 2, overtime (Colorado leads 1-0): It figures the most nondescript matchup would offer the best game on Day 1; the third period was both riveting and frustrating, since the Wild opened up the throttle for a change. The Avalanche have some snow on the roof, but fire in the furnace, with 39-year-old Joe Sakic scoring the overtime winner. This should be a good, long series.
Flames 3, Sharks 2 (Calgary leads 1-0): The Joe Thornton haters have plenty of ammo this morning. The Sharks captain missed a breakaway chance that would have pulled San Jose within a goal early in the third period. Patrick Marleau, who's also been accused of spitting the bit in the playoffs, also missed a beauty chance. (The Sharks trailed 3-1 until Ryane Clowe scored with 56.1 seconds left; a push for the tying goal came up just short.)
Calgary probably got the bounces -- the first goal was a tip-in. The third goal, from Jarome Iginla, was a spectacular effort, with the captain bulling in from the blueline and jamming the puck past Evgeni Nabokov. Expect San Jose to even up the series on Friday.
Send your thoughts to neatesager@yahoo.ca.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
PLAYOFF BEARD: SENATORS FANS HEAD FOR THE HILLS
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
THE PLAYOFF BEARD MANIFESTO
by Ray, Flyers Fieldhouse
So your team made it to the playoffs. Congratulations. It now comes down to a game of inches. One bad hop can radically change the course of a series. One dinged foul pole can send an entire region into euphoria, and simultaneously drive millions of others to drink themselves into illiteracy. There's no in between in playoff baseball. No gray area. This is do or die.
And your playoff beard could be the difference. Follow these steps -- nay, commandments! -- for maintaining your face jacket to ensure you have a joyous October.
1. Thou shalt keep thy playoff beard until elimination.
Hopefully you've been preparing for the possibility of making the playoffs by preemptively growing out your beard. As each day goes on, your beard will carry more cosmic force. If you are just now beginning your playoff beard, don't fret. You may be a bit behind the early bloomers, but your dedication to your craft is the most important aspect of this playoff season. You mustn't submit to the inevitable itch or condescending looks from the office as your ugly patchy beard is filling out. Tough it out through the early stages and you and your beard will be well on your way to October glory.
2. Thou shalt properly maintain thy beard.
While I just said not to shave, I was more concerned with meaty portions of your beard. You must trim the fat. If your beard tends to coat your entire neck all the way down to your collar, have some common decency and shave up to where the underside of your chin meets your neck. Keep your beard as even as possible without compromising overall quality. Remember: An uneven beard is an unhappy beard. If you don't take care of your beard, your beard will not take care you or your team.
3. Thou shalt name thy beard.
I named mine Patricia. She is a classy lady.
4. Thou shalt rip on those with sub par facial hair. I know two great indicators of faux machismo. One hardened fact is that your deigned manliness is inversely proportional to the speed of your windshield wipers. Unless you are stuck in a monsoon, never run them at full speed, you wuss. The other indicator is the speed and density with which you can grow facial hair. If one of your friends can go nothing more than a wispy Larry Bird 'stache, he deserves to be chided. While the intent is there, and even if he is a comrade in the fight to put your team over the top, this is one of easiest and soul-crushing way to rip on a friend. Best case scenario, your friend takes it in stride and laughs it off, as he has knows he can't help it. It's genetic. Worst case scenario, you fight to death. Sometimes a well-placed insult has such consequences. Dems da breaks.
5. Upon completion, thou shalt temporarily shave thy beard into a mustache or a Fu Manchu.
Because that's just funny.
6. Thou shalt properly nourish thy beard.
I do NOT mean you should leave chunks of food in your beard. You may be eschewing aesthetic sensibilities for the next few weeks, but for Christ's sake, you're not a damn farmer. I'm saying get your beard adequate sunlight. Take it for a walk. Keep your beard healthy and fit. Run some St. Ive's through that bad boy so it's kept clean. The cause is lost is your beard's self-esteem is low. Your beard can't fight for your team if it can't even believe in itself.
7. Lastly, thou shalt get rid of that nasty shizz off your face as soon as your team is eliminated.
Seriously, that is foul. By the time you've reached the end of your hairy journey, you'll probably be breaking out like a middle schooler. Just know that you probably won't be getting laid until you fully recover from what essentially amounted to a black hole of dirt being placed on your face for several weeks. Also know it was totally worth it.
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