by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
The PGA Tour is staring down the barrel at months of lower ratings in the wake of Tiger Woods' knee rehabilitation. How are they planning to compensate for the expected revenue and ratings loss?
10. Rocco Mediate has to grow a sinister mustache to twirl as he gloats over how he "took out Tiger"
9. DJ Trahan, Kenny Perry and Jeff Quinney have to undergo controversial deep tanning bed treatments
8. 40% of field now required to wear a red shirt on Sundays, in the hopes of tricking casual viewers
7. New nicknames mandated for Lion Mickelson, Cheetah Singh and Screaming Lemur Garcia
6. Exciting new "whip it out" rule for players with shorter drives on the back nine on Sundays
5. The awesome power and majesty that is a Colin Montgomerie Dunk Tank
4. Unnamed scientists from the Bay Area brought in as "swing and nutrition consultants"
3. PGA Tour Commissioner TIm Finchem to give away one million dollars to one lucky viewer every week; Finchem also plans to start hitting slow players with steel chairs
2. Jack Nicklaus forced to come back in a powered exo-skeleton
1. Belitting all tournament winners until one of them snaps
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
TOP 10 PGA TOUR CHANGES AFTER THE LOSS OF TIGER WOODS
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
Was Tiger faking? Retief thinks so. (The World of Isaac)
Today's 10 Hottest Female Golfers. (All Balls)
Kevin Garnett was popping crazy pills at the post-game. (Brahsome)
Congratulations Celtics! (With Malice...)
Congratulations, Kudos and Hats Off to the Boston Celtics. (Empty The Bench)
Taking myself to task for the Celtics title. (SimonOnSports)
Top 10 reasons Kobe is not MJ. (NESW Sports)
Don't worry Kobe: Others have had their ass kicked on title night. (TMC)
Phil Jackson's nap lack blamed for blowout. (eTrueSports)
You've been Ginobli'd. (Docksquad)
What type of sports fan are you? (Waiting For Next Year)
How O.J. Mayo spent his money. (CollegeOTR)
Another French collapse. (Rumors and Rants)
Odds of certain NFL players holding out. (BetVega)
TDBR interviews a guy who served Brady Quinn at Chipolte. (The Dave Burba Revolution)
Roller derby track from Charlie's Angels destroyed. (Steady Burn)
PHOTOSHOP OF THE DAY AWARD: Hugging Harold Reynolds
Monday, June 16, 2008
I TAKE IT ALL BACK!
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
Forget every disparaging word I have ever said about the Mainstream Media's coverage of Tiger Woods during a Golf Tournament.
I don't care if he's first or forty-second - this is the guy to be talking about.
He's a freak of nature and quite possibly the greatest athlete hobbling around the planet today.
Not golfer - athlete.
Could LeBron or Kobe knock down an 18-foot jumper with time winding down, their team down one and only a handful of weeks after having surgery? And they're playing for the fourth consecutive night...
His commercial compadre Roger Federer was in the running, but seeing as he has this thing about not ever being able to beat Nadal in France, he's out.
Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin are huge talents too, but seriously, there is no way they could do what Tiger has been doing these past few days.
The fact that he was even in contention this weekend speaks volumes about his competitive drive, his tenacity and his desire to be the best every single time he picks up a club.
That he dropped that putt on 18 to force today's playoff - where he is currently 2-up through 11 - makes me look like an absolute moron for ever questioning the coverage of a just-off-the-pace Tiger.
Oh, it also lays to rest the "Is he the greatest ever?" debate too.
Answer: Abso-fucking-lutely!
Saturday, June 14, 2008
NOT AGAIN...
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
Dear Mainstream Media,
Didn't you learn anything from The Masters?
* * * * * * * * *
Another Major Tournament is upon us and someone not named Tiger Woods is in the lead. So, as you would expect, all the coverage is of Tiger stalking his prey - how he shot a great round yesterday to get within striking distance of leader Stuart Appleby.
I know they're playing at Torrey Pines this weekend, but it sure does feel a lot like Augusta, Georgia to me, what with all the "never mind the other guy that's in the lead, look at Tiger!"
In fact, this time around it's even better, as Tiger has done nothing of consequence on a golf course since not winning The Masters. Knee surgery will do that to you. Still, it's almost all Tiger, all the time.
But this is golf we're talking about - a sport where if you're not talking about Tiger, you better be talking about Phil because the Mainstream Media is under the impression that golf fans only care about those two guys.
Now, should Tiger fire a similar round today and make it to the top of the Leaderboard heading into the final round, then there is a reason to talk about him until you're blue in the face. But right now, he's had as good a tournament as Rocco Mediate and Robert Karlsson, who have received the square root of zero in terms of media attention over these last two days. I know neither is a marquee name, but they've played just as well as Eldrick has over the first 36 holes...
I normally get excited about watching the majors. There is a ton of great shot-making and you never know what is going to happen, especially at the US Open.
But this weekend, I'm keeping the TV tuned in to something else, because I'm interested in watching golf, not the Tiger Woods Show.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
The Real Sporting World: Pilot episode. (Sport Crack)
Page Three girls show their football skills. (The Spoiler)
The Tiger and Phil banter you wish you could hear. (Next Round)
Nicknames that Chris Berman may or may not use this weekend. (The Money Shot)
Wanderlei Silva interview in Japanese MMA magazine. (The Savage Science)
Wanted: Someone to help Kobe out. (Cuzoogle)
The NBA's all-time ugly team. (PartMule)
Kevin Garnett's trainer getting him ready for Game 4. (NESW Sports)
Doc Rivers is the Homer Simpson of coaching. (We Suck at Sports)
The wind at AT&T park will try to knock over your beer. (Home Run Derby)
Are the Cardinals done now? (I'm Writing Sports)
Funny fishing videos. (The Legend of Cecilio Guante)
Kevin Costner is a Kansas City Chiefs fan? (Arrowhead Addict)
Kansas City Chiefs = NFL equivalent of a test pattern. (Throwing Into Traffic)
Copyright Law: What every blogger should know. (Moondog Sports)
BEST USE OF PHOTOSHOP AWARD: Hugging Harold Reynolds
YOU MAD, MICKELSON?
by Jarrett Carter, Stet Sports Blog
Phil Mickelson is fed up with coming in second place. If it wasn't for Tiger Woods, he'd probably be driving around in fancy Buicks and getting his own brand of Gatorade.
Instead, he's forever linked to Winged Foot-in-throat syndrome, and being the little banana to the Big Kahuna that is Tiger Woods.
But he shouldn't be mad. He should be grateful that someone like Tiger Woods came along to elevate his game and launch him into the discussion of being one of the greatest of all time.
Woods' career has been an exercise in lunacy. It's crazy to think that one mind could be so focused so often, especially in a sport like golf where its you, the club, the hole, and mother nature.
And yet, Phil has been right there every step of the way. For a while, Vijay Singh was the talk of the town, but Mickelson was always in the "who can possibly catch Tiger?" discussion. And if it were not for Tiger, would Mickelson ever have the motivation to be that consistently locked in?
I don't think so.
Phil Mickelson is one of the best ever, and were it not for his playing prime crashing at Woods' intersection of genius and destiny, it would be his name up there with Ben Hogan and Arnold Palmer.
Besides, not everyone drives Buicks and drinks Gatorade.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
Jeremy Shockey BELONGS in the Giants locker room. (Throwing Into Traffic)
NC Central graduates Duke lacrosse accuser. (Brahsome)
And with the first pick, the Chicago Bulls select... (Chicago Bull)
Jim Leyland unleashes F-Bomb tirade. (The World of Isaac)
Ned Yost gets his Bissinger on. (Hugging Harold Reynolds)
The wide world of Champions League soccer. (The Beautiful Game)
Tiger Woods named fittest american. (PartMule)
Floyd Mayweather, Jr. throws uppercut at fake fansite. (TMZ)
Top 10 athlete performances on Saturday Night Live. (All Balls)
Pittsburghers get to know Detroit. (Mondesi's House)
Kraft dating Olsen sister - Spygate video surprises. (eTrueSports)
Gina Carano continues her training, hotness. (on 205th magazine)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
GLORIA JAMES JOINS A SELECT GROUP
by Isaac, The World of Isaac
Gloria James is the talk of the town today. Every mom sitting at home today is wondering how the hell her son got away with swearing at her on National TV.
God knows my mom would have run on the court, took off her shoe and beat me over the head.
Then again, I'd never say anything like that to her, I mean, I am a blogger and I live in her basement afterall.
Anyways, let's look at a couple of more recognizable moms...
Wilma McNabb
Probably one of the most recognizable mom's in the history of Sports. Her Chunky Soup commercials alone make her a celebrity but her complaining on her own personal blog about the fans not treating Donovan right was classic.
Ann Iverson
She will always be remembered for the interview she did after her son supposedly beat up his girlfriend Tawana. Calling out reporters and telling them it was none of their business. On par with AI's "practice rant".
Kutilda Woods
I'm absolutely convinced that if she didn't wear those ridiculous hats, no one would have a clue who she is.
Cécilia Rhode
Maybe not as popular as she was a couple of years ago but her mug was plastered on TV for two straight Marches in a row. I'm not complaining or anything, I mean, she was a Swedish Model and is as hittable a MILF as you can find
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
THE AFTER PARTY
The faces of Tiger at the Masters with inner monologue. (Chicago Bull)
Vitali Klitschko is close to becoming the mayor of Kiev. (Deuce of Davenport)
The real reasons the Sonics are moving. (Next Round)
Chinese testing dope on prisoners? (Steroid Nation)
Any NFL free agents left? (End Zone Buzz)
John Elway scrambles to sell Toyotas! (TMZ)
Jason Giambi is the worst player in baseball. (The Money Shot)
Randy Johnson's mullet is back. (Rumors and Rants)
All hail the Manny mustache. (Red Sox Monster)
A podcast with JT The Brick. (Sports Media Journal)
Five reasons why Sean Avery is a douche. (The World of Isaac)
New! USC Song Girls go for a swim, get wet. (Busted Coverage)
The Nuggets dance team parties it up. (Don Chavez)
Japanese guy dunks from 30 feet away. (on 205th)
NBA nutshot! (Awful Announcing)
Monday, April 14, 2008
I KNOW: WHY NOT TALK ABOUT THE GUY WHO WON THE TOURNAMENT?
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
Trevor Immelman won The Masters. That's him, to the left. Hi Trevor!
There is no spin needed, no caveats about weather and the course and the failure of others to make shots.
If anyone was under pressure yesterday it was the South African third round leader who was in position to don his first green jacket. And at the end of the day, he came through.
Sure, it wasn't always pretty and he dropped three strokes to the field, ending the tournament at 8-under. But 8-under was three shots better than everyone else, including Tiger Woods.
Since being helped into his green jacket early yesterday evening, the coverage of The Masters has been "Immelman won, but Tiger let it slip away" and it's even more ridiculous today than it was yesterday when people were crowning Tiger the champion before anyone had hit a shot.
Tell me this: did Trevor Immelman play on a different course or under different condition than the rest of the field yesterday? That was him marching up and down the fairways along side of Brandt Snedeker, right?
Of course it was. It was also him playing smart golf the entire day. Save for a double bogey on 16, Immelman managed his day and his shots, ensuring that the victory remained his.
Did Tiger have his opportunities and miss them? Of course he did and I was as surprised as anyone by those miscues. But that doesn't change the fact that Trevor Immelman led The Masters wire-to-wire and deserves to be the first, second and third story coming out of Augusta, GA today.
Congratulations Trevor Immelman! You deserved the win and deserve all the recognition!
Sunday, April 13, 2008
GIVE THAT OTHER GUY HIS GREEN JACKET AND LET'S GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT TIGER!
by E. Spencer Kyte, Bugs and Cranks
All these media outlets do know that Tiger is in fifth right?
There is this guy named Trevor Immelman leading at Augusta, has been near the top of the board since day one. He's 11-under heading into today...
Yet all you hear, see and read is how this Tiger's tournament. It's ridiculous.
Let's make sure we're on the same page here first: There is no golfer in the world remotely as good as Tiger Woods. He is the Best Golfer on Planet Earth and could very well end up donning his fifth green jacket by the time all is said and done today.
That being said, how about giving the guys who are in front of Tiger a little respect?
Saying he has a chance is one thing; making him the lead image and pretty much sole story being reported out of Augusta, GA is awful in my opinion.
ESPN's Gene Wojciechowski has pretty much handed Tiger the tournament.
Gary Van Sickle files a very similar Tiger slurping article for CNN/SI/Golf that at least mentions Trevor Immelman as the leader. It's follwed by the words, "but a fifth green jacket is in reach." But at least they mentioned Immelman in the headline.
Why the animosity towards the Tiger Trumpeters?
Q: How many majors has Tiger won from behind on the final day?
A: Zero.
Doesn't mean that he couldn't and won't, but didn't we learn anything from this time last year when everyone was waiting for Zach Johnson to crumble under the weight of Woods?
Remind me who slipped into the Green Jacket last year. Right...
Same goes for the U.S. Open when poor Angel Cabrera would fall to the mighty...
As great as he is - and Greg Norman's collapse in '96 aside - coming back from six down is pretty damn tough. Hypothetically speaking, Tiger needs a 66 and Immelman to shot an even par 72 just to force a playoff.
Yesterday's 68 was Tiger's best round. Immelman hasn't shot above 70 yet this week and that's not taking into consideration the other three guys (Brandt Snedeker, Steve Flesch and Paul Casey) between Tiger and the leader. Does everyone really believe all four of these guys are lambs being led to the Sunday slaughter at Augusta National?
All I'm saying is this:
Why not let the boys go out and swing the sticks before letting Tiger slip into another green jacket? And while we're at it, give the guys who are actually leading this thing a little face time too.
BREAKING NEWS: Tiger Woods just drank a sip of Orange Juice... Tropicana, No Pulp.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
STUPID SPORTS SH!T: BAD GOLF RULES!
by Chris Richardson, Intentional Foul
In honor of the Masters teeing off this afternoon, I thought it would be wise to focus on some of the golfers who will never, ever, ever, ever be making a cut at a PGA event, let alone the Masters.
Why, you ask?
Because it's freaking hilarious, that's why. You see, most of us will never, ever even make a golf shot anywhere near the type of excellence you'll see during this year's Masters and it's important to be reminded that we are mere mortals walking among gods when it comes to golf.
The only way most of us would ever hit a monster 300-plus yard drive is on the Playstation, which makes watching players like Tiger even more awe-inspiring. With that in mind, I found some videos that go a long way in demonstrating just how far the rest of the pack is away from golfing's upper crust, starting with the brilliance of Charles Barkley.
Next up, we have evidence that even the golfing pros can have some memorable gaffes while on the course. Just ask Woody Austin.
This next video is titled, "The World's Worse Golf Shot" and I'm inclined to agree.
Here's another brilliant golf shot taking place around a water hazard. Keep an eye out for the unfortunate soul's facial expression as he's making contact. It's at the 10-second mark.
Good times:
Anyway, I hope those exercises in golfing futility help you appreciate what you will be witnessing this weekend even more. Videos like these go a long way in demonstrating just god damn hard this sport really is.
Speaking of the Masters, who ya got? Tiger or the field?
Before I go, I'll leave you with one of the funnier golf videos I've seen on the Intertubes. What we have is a guy launching shots off of a dock and one of them does something a little unexpected.
Enjoy the golf.
DEAR FIELD
by Simon, SimonOnSports
Hey Guys,
I'm just curious why you guys showed up this week. I thought maybe you would have just taken the weekend off. We all know I'm going to win right. I just got out of the locker room from a jacket fitting session. They had to get me a slightly bigger size than the last time because as you all know my shoulders and biceps are now enormous. I contemplated getting a form fitting jacket like some of my shirts, but I opted to keep the nipples wrapped up and not piercing through my jacket as they sometimes do through my shirts.
Maybe I will let you guys feel including in my victory. How about I set up a little poll on Sunday for deciding what we are going to eat next year for dinner. I'll even include Fried Chicken as an option for Fuzzy. Would that make your trip to Augusta worthwhile? I just don't want everybody in the field to be entirely bitter about wasting 4 days of their life.
Hmm, maybe we can Rick Roll and/or punk Jack. That could get everybody involved. Hmm what could we do. How about if we jack his green jacket and spray paint it pink. So he can wear a pink jacket this weekend? No? Hmm, how about we spray paint Suckeye on his jacket then you know cause he is a Buckeye? Or how about the SEC is better? Any of those ideas good for you guys?
Whatever I'm trying. I just don't want you guys to get depressed when I beat everybody by 5 strokes. Well I do want some people to get depressed like that dickbag Rori Sabbatini. That guy is a douche.
There's Always Second Place,
Tiger Woods
TOP 12 LITTLE KNOWN MASTERS TRADITIONS
by DMtShooter, Five Tool Tool
12. Tiger Woods backs up his stated belief that women should be allowed to be members at Augusta by playing in the tournament and saying nothing further
11. Gary McCord fights that same course official who always comes up to him and says "bikini wax"
10. Hootie Johnson pays a sex worker to look like Martha Burk and do awful, awful things
9. Jack Nicklaus goes to Amen Corner in the middle of the night and pays his annual blood sacrifice
8. Chris Berman tells anyone who will listen why the tournament shouldn't really be a major
7. Fuzzy Zoeller hosts the Champions of Racism dinner with a menu of fried chicken, collard greens, and soul-crushing sadness
6. Course officials lengthen the holes for the pre-tournament Par 3 event
5. Honorary starter given his own vulture and shroud
4. Low amateur is given a big cardboard check for a large sum of cash that, cruelly, has no endorsement signature
3. Golfers who are not Tiger Woods secretly bitch about how green jackets look so gauche
2. Coverage with limited commercial interruption is managed through the use of subliminal advertising that tells the viewer that Exxon-Mobil is not only the best gas for your car, but also knows where you live and can have you killed for no good reason at all
1. Tiger Woods spares the eldest son of his rivals who smear ram's blood on their hotel room doors
Monday, April 7, 2008
THE PROPHET ON TOUGHNESS...PT. 1
by The Prophet, ProphetFighting
The twisted genius that runs the Epic Carnival is a very secretive and private individual. That's why you'll never hear me use his full name, only an alias. So the boss of the EC empire--let's call him "Doug"--asks me if I want to opine on who is the true "baddest man on the planet". This is right up my alley, of course, so I agreed to do it and put it on my list of tasks right beneath my weekly "strip club ministry". BTW, as we discussed last week I am now the Undisputed Triple Crown Champion of Fight Sport Journalism (TM). I want to thank our fearless leader for the beautiful "UTCCFSJ" Championship Belts that arrived by FedEx this past Friday along with a lovely arrangement of daffodils and a really sweet card that played "One Moment in Time" when opened. He obviously spared no expense at having three belts crafted that are exact replicas of the belts that make up the All Japan Pro Wrestling Triple Crown. Here's a picture of the belts...
SI'S TOUGHEST ATHLETES AND HISTORICAL BAD-ASSERY
My first thought was that this is a pretty simple exercise--I have a hard time making a case that anyone other than Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill is the baddest SOB to ever walk the face of the earth. In addition to that whole winning WW II thing he had time to bag a Nobel Prize in Literature. He was also a lover of cigars, scotch and witty one liners like this one:
My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them.Churchill would have been one of the more exceptional men in history had it not been for WWII. That's when we discovered how tough he was. I've quoted his famous speech to the House of Commons before but in this era where great oratory has given way to "talking points" and meaningless prattle it bears repeating:
We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.Surprisingly, the assembled Lords were able to hear Churchill's words over the sound of his balls clanking together. These words weren't idle chatter--it was a rhetorical middle finger extended to the Nazi's that the British Empire could give a flying f*ck if they Germans *did* have the greatest military ever assembled by man. Churchill was saying "if you want England, come and get it motherf*cker".
Seriously, there are guys in sports that I think are bad dudes but no one in history has ever faced this kind of challenge with the wit, courage, and balls that Churchill did.
I thought my work was done but then the EC boss told me my baddest dudes had to be living. I crumbled up my legal pad in disgust and cursed the name of the man I'll call "Doug". Then I remembered the beautiful belts, lovely flowers and touching card he'd sent and felt bad about my outburst.
A lot of talk about who the tough guys in sports are has been motivated by a recent Sports Illustrated article listing their "Top 25 Toughest Athletes". When I heard that Tiger Woods was #1 and that somehow Josh Beckett had made the list I didn't bother reading it. Beckett is a solid enough pitcher, but no baseball player belongs on the list.
As for Tiger, I'm a huge Tiger mark. He's easily the most dedicated, focused and driven athlete I've seen in my life and that includes that #23/#45 guy that used to play shooting guard for the Bulls. For my money, he's the best golfer ever to pick up a club--and that's with a ton of due respect for legends like Ben Hogan, Arnie and "The Golden Bear". He's got a gorgeous wife, a 9 or 10 figure ATM balance and not a worry in the world but he shows up every week and plays like his life and the life of his family depends on it. I can't say a bad thing about Tiger, but "toughest athlete"? Surely you jest. I'm reminded of a great Larry Merchant quote--after George Foreman's improbable win over Michael Moorer to regain the heavyweight title some sports journalist type asked Merchant which was more impressive--Nicklaus winning the Masters at 46 or Foreman regaining the title at 45? To this Merchant responds "No one was hitting Jack Nicklaus".
This was something of a "hell freezes over" moment for me, but the most profound thing I've read about the SI article came from an Internet posting forum. Unlike this website--which I can attest is one of the highest rated among Mensa members nationwide--Internet posting forums are typically parched intellectual deserts bereft of insight and wisdom. I Googled a few terms trying to find reaction to the SI list and came up with a posting forum dedicated to some pro football team in flyover country. Imagine my surprise when I discovered several profound observations. Here's the first:
Excelling at any event that puts you at actual physical risk, I think, deserves a little more leverage when it comes to measuring toughness. That's why most people dont ride bulls, or free climb, or engage in MMA, or even try out (or quit right after the 1st tryout) for their High School football team. It is actually dangerous. It hurts.Golf isn't. Golf doesn't.That's essentially my point, as well as Larry Merchant's, but this actually defines my definition of "toughness" better. Golf doesn't hurt. Baseball doesn't hurt. You can get injured, or have a freak accident that hurts but day-in, day-out the sport doesn't hurt. So immediately I have to eliminate a number of sports.
Still, the most profound observation re: the SI list was offered by a poster with the nom de plume "ColtQC2". The SI list is a sham:
This isn't an article about toughness, it's a cheap trick article where you throw a bunch of unrelated things together to get people riled up and then let them argue.The extended discussion on this completely unrelated forum is one of the more insightful I've read on the topic, so you're encouraged to read more:
If the writer really did pick out what he thought were the 25 toughest athletes, no one would read it.
Surprised he didn't add an animal - maybe one of the sled dogs, or Charismatic, etc.
I think those "athletes" who run down the streets in front of those bulls are pretty tough. If you find one them who is sober he would get my #1 vote
Thread on SI's 25 Toughest Athletes at some discussion board about some flyover country NFL team
THE BIGGEST BADASSES IN THE WORLD--A PRELUDE
First, lets define our terms: I was asked to give my thoughts on who was "the baddest dude walking the face of the earth". So let's first address this literally --my criteria for this is pretty simple: If, for whatever reason, I had to walk down Florence Avenue in scenic Compton, California in blackface and wearing a cocktail dress made of red and blue bandannas with $100 bills pinned all over it who would I want to go with me? This sort of bad-assery is more an ability to command fear and respect than anything else. Top of my head answer? Kimbo Slice--a tough dude who looks pretty damn scary.
For the purpose of this discussion, however, I'm going to stick to the toughest dudes in sports. So lets establish the criteria--we'll start with the flyover country football fan's stipulation that if you're playing a sport where "hurt" isn't part of the day to day routine you've got a huge burden of proof to demonstrate your toughness. For example, though cycling doesn't qualify as a "hurt" sport I'd put Lance Armstrong on a list. I don't care what sport you play, staring down cancer when you're given a coin's flip chance of living, losing one of your balls as well as enduring brain surgery and chemo, making a comeback, dominating your sports biggest event for years, pissing off the entire European continent, raising a ton of money for cancer research and sexing up hotties like Cheryl Crow and fashion designer Tory Burch makes you a major league badass. In other words, just because you're in a sport that doesn't involve day to day pain doesn't mean you can't make the list--it does mean that you've got an uphill climb (no pun in reference to Armstrong's dominance in the mountain stages of the Tour de France intended).
I'll throw in a second criteria: I call it the "bad day at work" standard. Here's how it works--let's say you or the subject in question had the worst day at work ever. What's the worst thing that could come of it? For most normal people, they'd lose a deal, the boss would yell at them, or at the absolute worst they'd get fired. For most EC readers, the Slurpee machine would frost up, you'd run out of Big Gulp cups and the boss would discover that your most recent urine test was negative for drugs, but positive for Frontline Flea Medication and Alpo. At the absolute worst, the owner of that goat you "had a date with" last Saturday will find you.
Now, lets move into the realm of athletics: we'll start with Tiger Woods--if he has a *really* bad day at work he doesn't make the cut, he has to take his LearJet home to his $65 million house and relax in the hot tub with his Swedish model wife. Josh Beckett might get lit up for a bunch of runs, the Red Sox lose, some pissed off chowd throws a beer on him, he has to deny reports that he's been dating Alyssa Milano or a random supermodel and discovers that the Store24 near Fenway is out of Skoal.
At the other extreme, there's race car drivers, bullriders, big wave surfers and professional fighters. If Tony Stewart or Laird Hamilton has a *really* bad day at work, they leave the track or the ocean in a bodybag.
In other words, you get extra credit for playing a sport where the "worst case scenario" involves six of your best friends carrying you by the handles.
So that's the criteria--and tomorrow during my weekly "Tuesday Tapou
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